inks1231 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 About 3 months ago, my girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me because she said that her feelings for me weren't the same anymore because we were arguing a lot. The first half of the relationship everything was great, but after her trip to Mexico she was a different person, she would get mad about little things, she would check my phone and emails when i wasn't looking,she was cold and distant, and I was always the one who had to apologize for everything. Also I think that I became too available for her. Anyways Since the breakup we tried to stay friends but she still acted as if she was my girlfriend in may occasions. We talked on the phone everyday, went to the movies, even made out a couple of times, and we still had a couple of arguments that she started about stupid things. Last week she got mad at me because I forgot to do something she asked me. She called me and was very rude on the phone. I got mad and hangup because Im always doing her favors and I don't think I deserve her talking to me that way. She has not call me since last Thursday and I don't want to call her because my friends told me that if I disappear from her life she will miss me and come back ( I want her back) or that at least I will move on. The problem is that after a week Im feeling weak and I want to know whats up with her. I really care about this girl and I want to know if she is doing OK, but I don't know if a should call her. Also, her friends told me that she may still have some feelings for me. SHould I call her? any tips to stay strong? Link to post Share on other sites
mimiminx Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Your friends are right: if you disappear from her life, which is what a break up is, she will either miss you and come back or you will move on. Tips for staying strong? Any time you feel the urge to contact her, post here. Writing really helps me. What I do sometimes is shut my phone off and the computer too. Dive into work, get a new hobby. Learn something new that requires your attention and focus. Spend as much time as possible with friends, and when you are alone, do something productive that will distract your thoughts. You'd be surprised, the time passes quickly when you're staying busy to pass the time. Before you know it, weeks will have gone by. Hope this helps! Link to post Share on other sites
rayellis1127 Posted September 18, 2009 Share Posted September 18, 2009 Checking your things & invading your privacy is NOT a matter of her being insecure. It's her attempt to control you. You don't want that back, it's bad news. If she does have "feelings" for you, they are probably her suffering from being controlled, or having her controlled issues put in check by healthy people who don't go for it. So what she might characterized as "feelings" for you, is her just missing being able to express her control issues. I'm not in a position to give you much advice. But I hope you keep up no contact until you see that you're not weak at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inks1231 Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 Thank you for the tips..they are really helpful... I know that it sounds crazy that I want her back but I love her so much that I dont want her to get hurt by some other guy. Her last boyfriend treated her really bad and I dont want her to find another guy thats treats her like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Lynx331 Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Thank you for the tips..they are really helpful... I know that it sounds crazy that I want her back but I love her so much that I dont want her to get hurt by some other guy. Her last boyfriend treated her really bad and I dont want her to find another guy thats treats her like that. I know exactly how you feel.. I am in a similiar situation.. Not exact of course but similiar.. People on this board taught me this.. It may be hard.. But who cares what she's doing.. Who cares what kind of man she finds.. If she wants to let a jerk in.. That's heR fault.. Not yours.. I totally understand you don't wantto see her with a jerk, but hey, if you soend your whole life protecting her.. Your going to wakeup one day and have missed alot in your OWN life.. Focus on you! Link to post Share on other sites
jaybird1043 Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I know how you feel, going through a breakup too, about a month and half w/ no contact. Evertime i get a text or call, I hope it is her, it never is though... went out tonight with a group of friends since we broke up, sat next to couple who I just met, his wife's name was the same as my ex gf and she was from Poland like her too...I almost puked and broke down in tears several times throughout dinner. I cried my eyes out all the way home!!! I would do anything to get over her... I had to leave my cell on the car because I want to call her in the worst way!!! Its weird I feel so alone, like no one else is going through what I am but yet here we all are. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Don't contact her, your friends are right. It sounds as if she would treat you badly and you would end up apologizing- that's not a recipe for a healthy relationship. That is why you shouldn't break the silence. DO the opposite of what she expects. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inks1231 Posted September 19, 2009 Author Share Posted September 19, 2009 I know how you feel, going through a breakup too, about a month and half w/ no contact. Evertime i get a text or call, I hope it is her, it never is though... went out tonight with a group of friends since we broke up, sat next to couple who I just met, his wife's name was the same as my ex gf and she was from Poland like her too...I almost puked and broke down in tears several times throughout dinner. I cried my eyes out all the way home!!! I would do anything to get over her... I had to leave my cell on the car because I want to call her in the worst way!!! Its weird I feel so alone, like no one else is going through what I am but yet here we all are. Man that sucks....I hope u r doing better Yesterday I went out to a club and on my way there I stoped at a friends house to say hi and my ex was there. I did not say word to her but now, after seeing her I feel really bad, I wanted to hug her and talk to her but I didnt. Ive been thinking about her all day and I feel like calling her!!!!!!!!!!! She didint look too happy and i wasnt eaither , but inforny of her I acted as if I was having a good time, and her friend even complimented me on how I looked. Did I do the right thing by not speaking to her? Link to post Share on other sites
jaybird1043 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 You did the right thing w/ the n/c thing. I think more than thinking its about them, you should do it for you. Its like the wound is healing and then you rip it open again. I am finally coming to accept the fact its over and trying to work on me, I want a g/f for all the wrong reasons right now, so I'm going to avoid it and be single for awhile and get me back to where I am happy even if I am single for the rest of my life... you are not alone! Link to post Share on other sites
Author inks1231 Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Thanks jaybird...I feel better knowing that Im not alone.... the hardest moments for me at at night and when I wake up...thats when I think more about her...I have been dreaming about her all week long... Link to post Share on other sites
jaybird1043 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I hear ya inks, ever notice the times when I post the most??? Its always in the middle of night, even sundays are awful. This week I was proactive and planned the whole day out so i would not have much time to think about her. This is a big duh on my behalf, but I cannot go/do anything that we used to do yet, I do not enjoy it, I just think about the past. I know a lot of people say to go bc it makes me happy, but it doesn't at this current time. So now I find myself going/doing different things now, I guess thats good, but I still do not feel great...not yet! Did you check out the No More Mr Nice Guy forum? It has helped me out so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Pfiend101 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 dont contact her. I just contacted my ex recently after 2 or so months NC. We ended up going to a movie then making plans to go out again a couple weeks later. She just canceled last minute. My heart is absolutely crushed again. All I did was open an old wound. The message she sent me cancelling I haven't/will not respond to. She doesnt deserve me. Your ex doesnt deserve you. Link to post Share on other sites
jaybird1043 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Pfriend...that sucks! I'm sorry to hear it happened, I have been dying to call/text my ex but I am fighting it. I leave my phone in the car now, so i will not call. You are right about she does not deserve you but even more you deserve better than her! Who does she think she is, knock her a$$ of the pedestal you put her on, and put yourself on it instead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inks1231 Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 I know waht you mean jaybird....i dont enjoy doing some things and going to places that remind me of her...but hopefully someday I will...where can I find the no more mr nice guy forum? dont contact her. I just contacted my ex recently after 2 or so months NC. We ended up going to a movie then making plans to go out again a couple weeks later. She just canceled last minute. My heart is absolutely crushed again. All I did was open an old wound. The message she sent me cancelling I haven't/will not respond to. She doesnt deserve me. Your ex doesnt deserve you. Man, Im sorry to hear that...but like you said, that proves that she does not deserve you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author inks1231 Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Pfriend...that sucks! I'm sorry to hear it happened, I have been dying to call/text my ex but I am fighting it. I leave my phone in the car now, so i will not call. You are right about she does not deserve you but even more you deserve better than her! Who does she think she is, knock her a$$ of the pedestal you put her on, and put yourself on it instead. yeah I think thats really helpful..knock them of the pedestal...I mean we are the ones who put them there....in our minds we were the ones that made them seem special....we can take them of and find some one who relly deserves it... Link to post Share on other sites
Pfiend101 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 you will be fine man. So will I. I hate caring so much and bieng slapped in the face. Best wishes man. Link to post Share on other sites
It's Me Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 Don't contact her man. It's time to show your strength and she'll learn she f'd with the wrong guy. I'm going thru something similar. It's time to test your metal. Look yourself in the mirror and know that you're one strong SOB. Delete her number from your phone. Get her off facebook, MSN, ICQ, etc... Link to post Share on other sites
Author inks1231 Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 Thanks guys..... you know whats sucks?..i know her number by heart.... Link to post Share on other sites
jaybird1043 Posted September 20, 2009 Share Posted September 20, 2009 I know my ex's number too, but thats part of the mental game/strength that you have to go through. This will only make you smarter/better for the next girl. Think of how lucky the next girl is gonna be because she gets you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author inks1231 Posted September 20, 2009 Author Share Posted September 20, 2009 yeah u r right.....but deep inside me I still wish she would come back to me...is that bad? Link to post Share on other sites
jaybird1043 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 no...everytime i get a text/email or the phone rings, I hope that its her. I cannoy wait until the day it rings and I do not even think about her. To be honest, I really do not know what I would do if she called, I know not answering is the right thing but then that "what if" would be brutal, so lets hope she never does call Link to post Share on other sites
Author inks1231 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 Im going to see her tomorrow!!!!!I dont know what to do.....we are both members of a nonprofit group...and tomorrow is our monthly meeting...how should i treat her? Link to post Share on other sites
jaybird1043 Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 by no means go out of your way to say hi, if you run into her a simple smile is enough. Do not give her your power, you got your balls back keep them. You are better then her, the question should be what is she going to do when she sees you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author inks1231 Posted September 25, 2009 Author Share Posted September 25, 2009 thanks...ill try to talk to her as little as possible... Link to post Share on other sites
gavinus Posted September 25, 2009 Share Posted September 25, 2009 Be strong!! I want to contact me ex but I know the second I do, it will go from hi how are you...to me apologizing all over again. It is hard, it does suck!! and its not fair!! Self respect must be given away, don"t give your respect away! For all she knows you have met an amazing person and are truly happy. Don't feed he ego!! People don't respect a doormat, stay strong you can do it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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