How many have taken back the dumper

[samsungxoxo]

I haven't shared this thing but here goes. I have, there was a short break in mid april and exactly one month later he asked me back so ok. I never beg, I was more like ''Oh well his loss if he doesn't wanna be with me no more''.

But see I feel if it were to happened again and he asked me back my answer would be ''yes'' again.

[amaysngrace]

This guy is weird. Let him go away.

[samsungxoxo]

This guy is weird. Let him go away.

 

But we're better now and well hard to say no when there's love. But if it happens again I would be more strict on it.

[amaysngrace]

Okay if you love him but he seems a little freaky and not in a good way.

[samsungxoxo]

Okay if you love him but he seems a little freaky and not in a good way.

 

I dunno, he never tends to get back with girls he dumped, but did say that with me it's different,that I care about him.

[amaysngrace]

How long did you break up and why?

[samsungxoxo]

How long did you break up and why?

 

That was a while ago in mid April but we got back together on mid May (a very short break-up). He say he wanted to start seeing other people but we're ok now.

[amaysngrace]

we're ok now.

 

What's that mean? I thought you guys were broke up.

 

Did you wait since April to think about it or something?

[Faded]

What's that mean? I thought you guys were broke up.

 

Did you wait since April to think about it or something?

 

She's simply asking how many Dumpee's have taken back the Dumper (assuming they wanted back into the Dumpee's life.)

 

She is also sharing her story - How she broke up for 1month and the Dumper came back - She accepted him with open arms, and then states that if it were to happen again, she'd accept him - yet again.

[samsungxoxo]

What's that mean? I thought you guys were broke up.

 

Did you wait since April to think about it or something?

 

I read explained that there was a very short break-up in mid april but exactly one month later (may 15 that is) he asked me back. No I didn't much think about it, at that moment I was ''Oh well, I'm not begging, if he wants he back he will have to asked me himself'', which he did.

[samsungxoxo]

She's simply asking how many Dumpee's have taken back the Dumper (assuming they wanted back into the Dumpee's life.)

 

She is also sharing her story - How she broke up for 1month and the Dumper came back - She accepted him with open arms, and then states that if it were to happen again, she'd accept him - yet again.

 

Thank you for getting it and not having to repeat it.

[amaysngrace]

She's simply asking how many Dumpee's have taken back the Dumper (assuming they wanted back into the Dumpee's life.)

 

She is also sharing her story - How she broke up for 1month and the Dumper came back - She accepted him with open arms, and then states that if it were to happen again, she'd accept him - yet again.

 

Thanks for clarifying.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I took back the dumper again after a month...what is it with months aye? Anyway I think next time round...if we end...it would be me dumping him.

[robaday]

I took back the dumper, and I hate to say it out of sheer desperation. she knew she hurt me bad, but I pretended I was ok with giving her space because I was crazilly in love with her. after a couple of weeks no contact she started texting me again, asking if I was mad with her. eventually after 2 months she came back. For 3 weeks. Then for 2 months I went traveling, and she texted and said she missed me and couldn't wait to see me when I came back. Once I came back she dumped me again.

 

In my situation being dumped the 2nd time (well told that nothing could ever happen beyond friends again) was far worse than the first. I cannot describe the pain I've been through, and am still going through something like 3 months later. If the dumper makes strong promises that they are back, and if they do convince you, then I see no reason why not. However, if there is any doubt in your mind then do not go there again.

 

You need longer than a month to neutralize your feelings about that person-If you still have stronger feelings about them then they do about you then its a very dangerous situation as I am still finding to my cost. Whilst in my situation, there are certainly reasons for being dumped (I was clinically depressed and needy) and I accept my share of responsibility, it doesn't make things any easier.

 

NC for 2 months made a marginal improvement-I stopped thinking about her constantly, but she got back in touch recently which was too soon for me. I would protect your heart as best you can if I was you.

[samsungxoxo]

Yea, at times I dunno if he will do it again. At times I still feel hurt and somewhat offended whenever I get reminded, though I'm acting it cool and warming. I try not to make it obvious when talking to him. I did at one point felt like saying ''You expect me to be allright like nothing happened''.

 

Interesting how when I was younger and obviously before meeting him I would tell myself that no way would I take back a dumper and lol, I did it. So now I just swallow my own words.

 

Oh well at least when I got dumped, he called me and told me on how he wanted to see other people, at least he was man enough. Definately way better than if he had cheated.

 

Now I was happy when he asked me back, I'm still happy being with him just bit mad at times.

[serenitylies]

I took back the dumper twice. Both times was because he say that I was doing fine without him, having my own fun, going to parties, hanging out and meeting new guys, who are potential boyfriends. So he asked for me back, but since I still loved him and cared about him, I said yes when he asked for me back. He promised to change his ways. Yes, even tho I was the one dumped, he was the *******.

 

And we recently broke up again, about a month and a half ago, but if he were to ask for me back again, Im also afraid that Im going to say yes, because he has hurt me alot. And I dont think I can take anymore pain.

[CaliGuy]

I haven't shared this thing but here goes. I have, there was a short break in mid april and exactly one month later he asked me back so ok. I never beg, I was more like ''Oh well his loss if he doesn't wanna be with me no more''.

But see I feel if it were to happened again and he asked me back my answer would be ''yes'' again.

 

Just a quote for you to ponder:

 

"The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over, expecting different results each time."

 

You are simply asking for pain when you go back to an ex that has dumped you more than once, ya know?

 

And the thing I've noticed about second chances is they almost NEVER come until you don't want them anymore....

 

Cheers.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I think a lot of people here are pessimistic about second chances. Each instance is different. It depends on the reasons.

 

Me and my boyfriend has issues bubbling up. I am undiagnosed as such but I feel I either had depression or anxiety. I had a kind of co-dependence/seperation anxiety with him which really restricted both of us. Though we just broke up for a month it hit home how it couldn't work that way. There was never anyone else we wanted and we both still loved each other. The break seemed to give us back that freedom that we had squeezed out of each other. Now I still have those issues and still struggle with them but I realise what happens when I lose track of reality and let them get out of control. It's a slow process to sort myself out and who knows, the second chance might NOT work but it's been a few months now and I have the patience, dedication and commitment to us to stick it out and see where it goes. Where love is, I think you owe it what you had to do your best. If you go into a second chance with the thought that it will fail then it will.

 

You have to figure out why it ended to begin with, what you both need to change and give the time and space to allow those changes to happen. It doesn't overnight. It CAN work. Yes it MIGHT not. But sometimes the first chance doesn't work out let alone the second.

[CaliGuy]

I think a lot of people here are pessimistic about second chances. Each instance is different. It depends on the reasons.

 

The reason people are pessimistic about second chances can be found in thousands of cases posted here on LS. The point is, second chances are rare at best and even when they do happen, it's even more rare for them to work.

 

Me and my boyfriend has issues bubbling up. I am undiagnosed as such but I feel I either had depression or anxiety. I had a kind of co-dependence/seperation anxiety with him which really restricted both of us. Though we just broke up for a month it hit home how it couldn't work that way. There was never anyone else we wanted and we both still loved each other. The break seemed to give us back that freedom that we had squeezed out of each other. Now I still have those issues and still struggle with them but I realise what happens when I lose track of reality and let them get out of control. It's a slow process to sort myself out and who knows, the second chance might NOT work but it's been a few months now and I have the patience, dedication and commitment to us to stick it out and see where it goes. Where love is, I think you owe it what you had to do your best. If you go into a second chance with the thought that it will fail then it will.

 

You have to figure out why it ended to begin with, what you both need to change and give the time and space to allow those changes to happen. It doesn't overnight. It CAN work. Yes it MIGHT not. But sometimes the first chance doesn't work out let alone the second.

 

Something else to keep in mind with second chances is that BOTH people need to want a second chance for it to work. If one person doesn't want to be in the relationship then there is no relationship at all. There are thousands of people on LS who would love to have a second chance with their ex. The problem is, their ex does not want a second chance or a relationship with them.

 

It's not that we're pessimistic. It's simply that we're realisitic about the situations that make for a second chance and make them work. And in most of the cases we've seen here, there is no opportunity for a second chance so pining around hoping you'll get one is a complete waste of time.

 

Again, most of the time when a second chance happens, it's long after you've moved on with your life.

[aiina]

Hummm, I've been there, let the time pass, dated other people and accepted the dumper back. Everything seemed to be better, but then (at the end) it was 'more of the same'. & dumped again.

 

In my case I wouldn't take the dumper back, first because some people never change, and this is the situation with him. But mostly because I have changed about him.

what I want, he can not give. And I don't need him to make my life better, because my life is good as it is and I won't share my lovely life with someone who is not able to make me happy.

 

I do believe that if you set yourself in an 'on & off' relationship, you end up having no relationship at all, and the engine for that wanna-be-relationship is the 'on & off' situation.

 

I'd better use my time on someone new, because there are too many frogs to kiss before the prince shows up

[BCCA]

I've been through a lot of relationships, and seen a lot of the same things. I feel I've seen enough to make me realize that second chances are really a waste of time. If you want to look past peoples opinions here, I can give some cold hard facts (I'm currently working on my PhD in Psychology, and this stuff is straight from a case study on relationships):

 

30% of couples do in fact get back together

Of that 30%, 10% of them stay together longer than 1 year

10% of 30% = 3% of people succesfully making another shot work

 

Are those odds you would bet on? 3%?

 

And like CaliGuy said, just look through the thousands of posts on the second chance forums, and see how many of those worked out again. Honestly, I havent seen one - granted I've only been here since August, but still.

 

I did take 2 ex's back after they dumped me. Both of them dumped me again, and were far less giving the second time around. I would rather find someone else who appreciates me than to give someone another chance to sh*t on my feelings.

[Nikki Sahagin]

The reason people are pessimistic about second chances can be found in thousands of cases posted here on LS. The point is, second chances are rare at best and even when they do happen, it's even more rare for them to work.

 

 

 

Something else to keep in mind with second chances is that BOTH people need to want a second chance for it to work. If one person doesn't want to be in the relationship then there is no relationship at all. There are thousands of people on LS who would love to have a second chance with their ex. The problem is, their ex does not want a second chance or a relationship with them.

 

It's not that we're pessimistic. It's simply that we're realisitic about the situations that make for a second chance and make them work. And in most of the cases we've seen here, there is no opportunity for a second chance so pining around hoping you'll get one is a complete waste of time.

 

Again, most of the time when a second chance happens, it's long after you've moved on with your life.

 

But LS is not the whole world. Getting a second chance is not common no but in getting one that's not to say it won't work. It all depends on WHY you broke up.

[BCCA]

But LS is not the whole world. Getting a second chance is not common no but in getting one that's not to say it won't work. It all depends on WHY you broke up.

 

3% of people that break up get back together and stay together. THREE PERCENT. That number has nothing to do with LS, its the fact of the matter. True, I'm sure why you broke up has a lot to do with it, but the chances of it working out are just not very good.

 

Think of your relationship like a rope that holds you two together. Once its severed, you can tie it back together, but it will never be as strong as it was.

[samsungxoxo]

It all depends on WHY you broke up

Yea that's true. If it dealt with family issues and long distance thing ok but not if it was cheating (now that would suck big time).

[CaliGuy]

But LS is not the whole world. Getting a second chance is not common no but in getting one that's not to say it won't work. It all depends on WHY you broke up.

 

While that is true, it's not the whole world, it sure is a good sampling of what is happening in real life....

 

And the sampling says that most people break up simply because one person stops having romantic feelings for the other person. And when that happens, the odds are very slim that a second chance will work out.

 

In cases where both people still love each other but the circumstances don't allow them to be together at the time, I would say the odds can be good for a reconciliation. This however doesn't seem to be the rule, it's more of an exception.

 

The rule tends to be that one person falls out of love and therefore no relationship, at least in the romantic sense, can exist.