The truth comes out...

[HopeDiesLast]

My ex finally talked to me last thursday. i told him there was a need for me to discuss how things ended. the jist of the convo was that i beleived what we had was special and that our problems were bc we were both focused on our own agendas. He was very casual in convo, very vague in responses, if he answered at all. He talked about his volleyball league and made it a point to say he'd be escorting his sister to her 30th birthday as her DATE. Obviously said that on purpose. i told him if he wanted it, that things could be fixed. but i couldnt convince him of that. he said we should leave the convo as "we had a good talk, we'll chat again soon." ummm, vague much? i asked him to be clearer and he refused, saying he had to go to his volleyball game. i told him if he wanted to change things he would have taken an opportunity. and he ignored me.

I called my best friend to tell her the convo and she told me that i should call my other friend immediately. i was confused, but i did. This friend told me that the ex had met a girl from my high shcool on his volleyball team. that they had been dating for 2 months and she didnt want to tell me- she was trying to protect me. UM WHAT? i flipped out telling her she should have told me as soon as she knew this instead of letting me sit there and wonder if he was ever coming back. I felt so betrayed by her

The worst part is that this girl hes supposedly seeing is a complete dirtbag. she hangs out with the losers from my highschool who do nothing with themselves except drink, do drugs and party. they are horrible people- and were not just out of high school- for god sakes they're all around 26 or 27!!!! i just couldnt beleive what i was hearing. First that my friend didnt tell me when she knows me well enough to know i'd WANT to know. and secondly that my ex chose a lifestyle with those disgusting people rather than me.

i immediately called him and asked why he let me sit there and ramble on knowing full well where the convo was going. he said he thought i wanted to chat about friendship in the future. i told him hes a coward for not telling me that he had been seeing someone. and he was vague because he was trying to string me along in case things didnt work out with this girl. i asked if she was the temptation or a factor in the break up and he said no, but if thats what i needed to believe to feel better than to go ahead!!!!

i told him those people are terrible individuals- they only care about themselves and they're dirtbags. he told me im entitled to my opinions. then id had enough. i told him we wouldnt be friends. that he couldnt love anyone more than himseld and that his true character had shown through. he pretended to be someone hes not for 2 yrs with me. i said his priorites are totally F'ed up- he cares about himself, his friends and getting f***ed up with them. and now hes found people who share his messed up mentality. i told him breaking up with me was the biggest favor hes ever done me- and to do another and lose my phone number and never mention my name again.

that might have been the hardest thing ive ever had to do. i know it was the right thing. and i know God made this happen so i could have a reality check- get him off the pedestal and realize hes at the level of those disgusting people i chose to extract from my life seven years ago. he's disgusted me. i cant believe he chose THAT life over one with me. It really hurts.

i keep second guessing myself. i keep thinking i was too harsh. and i feel like ive hit rock bottom. i cant call my friend cus im so angry she didnt tell me. and i feel ill be tempted to ask what she knows is going on with him since she hangs out with that crowd too and will be seeing him. i kicked him out of my life. i was supposed to move in with her in a few months and now that wont happen.

i just feel so damn low.

[JooLee]

im sorry this had to happen.. im so sorry you had to learn the truth this way and indeed it was cold harsh and cruel truth!!... i dont really have much advice for you just want to let you know that we are all here for you. just let everything out and cry your heart out (eventhough he doesnt deserve you wasting your tears on him anymore!!)

 

i understand what you're feeling, betrayed, degraded, lied to, and that you mean nothing to him. its so cruel how they can jus move on ****ing someone else so fast but you know what you are right when you said he did you a favor by ending the relationship! at least now you see his true colours and know that he's not the right one for you. use this as a step to moving forward. you weren't too harsh.. you did what you wanted to do, so dont go back on it. you did the right thing and you had every right to be angry!!! i wish i had the opportunity to tell all of that to my ex!

 

hold your head up high and move forward with your dignity in place.

you have all our support!

[babes23]

Oh hun i'm really sorry to hear this, what a cowardless t*at your ex his, i'd be fuming too!!! His loss hun and you'll see that in a few months time when the pain eases xxx

[Ingenue]

Hope, I'm sorry you had to experience that and find out in such an unappealing way. I know you're hurting now and feeling betrayed by the people you thought you could count on. Remember that we're all human and you should allow yourself to experience the anger and hurt.

 

Keep your chin up and know your strength will pull you through this

[HopeDiesLast]

my friend called me and apologized. she said she felt bad about yelling at me friday. she was defending herself cus she thought she had done the right thing (to protect me) but when she thought more about it, she realized if she was in my shoes she would have wanted to know what was going on.

its hard bc she hangs out with the other girl ocassionally and i dont want to even be tempted to know whats going on with her and my ex. and it just makes me feel so crappy that he chose those people over me. somehow i keep hoping its a phase. but i dont think it is.

i feel slightly better that she apologized...she also said this girl is known for dumping guys quick- so i hope he gets whats coming to him. i just dont want to believe this is him. it was so hard for me to tell him never to talk to me again. i know i did the right thing....i just can't believe this is happening. he feels not one ounce of remorse.

and do i trust my best friend again? my gut says yes....shes my best friend. but he was the love of my life....what the hell is going on here????

[Ingenue]

Hope, it sounds like your best friend was only doing what she thought was right, protecting you from getting hurt. Sometimes the choices we make in life are hard, but we are human. I know when I was hurting, I really appreciated how my best friend looked after me with her tough love approach, telling me exactly how it was and what I should and shouldn't do.

 

Your friend has apologised and if your friendship is strong enough to last this (as most best friendships are), your connection with her will be that much stronger. Partners/lovers/mates come and go in our lives but our friends and family are always there with us. They are our friends without judgement and offer arms of acceptance.

[journey1]

I am so sorry that you feel this extra load of pain as if the last 2 months werent enough????????

 

 

Is he dating her seriously?? Were they together before your break up?? When did they meet in your realtionship (like months back or right before the split??)

 

I feel so horrible reading this...I bet mine is doing the same thing.

[journey1]

"My best friend said something to me yesterday that really hit home- if hes moving on and gets a new gf and you're still stuck in your denial, thats gonna be even worse. So move on with life- either alone, doing things for yourself. or dating, but still doing things for you. "

 

 

 

 

Perhaps she knew then?????? I was looking aound to see your story and the details. I only remembered it vaguely

 

 

I think this was from July 30

[sultry33]

"My best friend said something to me yesterday that really hit home- if hes moving on and gets a new gf and you're still stuck in your denial, thats gonna be even worse. So move on with life- either alone, doing things for yourself. or dating, but still doing things for you. "

 

 

 

 

Perhaps she knew then?????? I was looking aound to see your story and the details. I only remembered it vaguely

 

 

I think this was from July 30

 

sometimes we are blind to what is staring us in the face...

i had this exact same reality check last week... hurts but

has helped me now:)

[HopeDiesLast]

no that was from my friend who's out of state. this is my best friend at home. she called and apologized....i knew he was seeing someone casually....i just didnt know it was HER. shes not the bad person- her friends are.

i cant even think about it. all i keep thinking is what if this works out? what if he stays with her? it makes me sick.

[Treasa]

This is going to sound harsh, but what if he DOES stay with her? What if he's happy with her? Do you honestly love this guy? If so, you should want him to be happy. If he wants to be with her, and is happy, then they're meant to be together.

 

I think people here were warning you against trying to hold on to hope. Even in your last conversation you were trying to get him to talk about coming back, even though he had given all the indications that he wasn't coming back. I think he was truly trying to keep from hurting you, as your friend was.

 

As hard as this is, I think you need to realize that if he were really the love of your life, you'd be with him. Maybe again in the future you will be, but I think right now you need to focus on why you kept trying to cling to this man even though he tried to show you that he didn't want to be with you.

 

Are you seeing a good psychologist? I think it's something worth looking into.

[journey1]

I wish I could just help you. I wish I could give you a hug and then help you kick his ass....only as long as you promised to help kick my ex's I am just trying to lighten the mood. You're in shock and you had intuition about this but to have it confirmed is like reopening wounds. I think youre in survival mode as am I! It has to get better. Other people get thru it and so can you and me, and everyine else here who is suffering!!!!

[HopeDiesLast]

Treasa- yes i'm seeing a therapist. I know what i have to do. i know for now this is what he wants. and maybe later if were meant to be we'll cross paths. i know that maybe it might work out for them. and i know that things are going to work how they're supposed to.

Journey- i wish we could help each other too! i wish there was a magic pill or a fast forward button. its just so much to deal with right now. I couldnt sleep again last night. and i was so pissed off when i was getting dressed for work this morning and all my pants fall off me. ive lost 15 lbs. im so mad, and so disappointed and so shocked- you're right. you just think you know someone and then you realize you dont. all the while hoping this is some kind of phase or mistake or something.

i know hope is dangerous. and right about now i have about 1% hope left. i dont think that will ever go away bc i did love him so much. i do wish him happiness, but i know those people- and theyre not good people, so i worry about him.

im just so.....i dunno.

[HopeDiesLast]

why do i feel a need to ask him a million questions when i told him to never call me again? god today sucks. im so ****ing stuck.

[journey1]

I read that your day was bad today!!!! I know you are just going thru the motions. You want to speak to him because you know you used to be able to talk to him and he would open up and things would get better. You want his answers and you have to realize that youre not dealing with the same man anymore. Once they are no longer with us, they are free to be how they want to be! Our control is gone. He is not going to say I love you and here is my truth....

 

Something has to develop inside of him. Maybe it is just a fling with them....it doesnt mean its over forever. let him experience another girla nd once the honeymoon period fades....he will rethink what he has done with you!!

 

Sooner or later(most guys 3 months) get bored with flings....I am betting he will be missing you sooner than later. Its happened to me with this guy, he came back crying we were LATER engaged. BUT I COULD NEVER FORGET HIM HURTING ME HOPE!! I BET AFTER A FEW MONTHS AND IF/WHEN HE COMES BACK...YOUR REALTIONSHIP MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU WANT. YOU MAY NEVER LOVE HIM LIKE YOU DID. YOU THINK YOU WILL NOW BUT THATS MOSTLY THE HUMAN DESIRE TO HAVE WHAT YOU CANT HAVE (FORBIDDEN FRUIT)

 

I UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN AND LIFE JUST SUCKS FOR THE MOMENT AND ITS EVEN WORSE THAT THERE IS NO OTHER MAN THAT CAN OCCUPY YOUR TIME BECAUSE YOU MOST LIKELY DONT WANT ANOTHER MAN...AM I RIGHT?? BEING ALONE IS OK BUT EVENTUALLY YOU NEED TO SEE WHAT LIFE IS LIKE WITHOUT A88HOLE!(THATS WHAT WERE CALLING HIM FROM NOW ON! K??

[HopeDiesLast]

I read that your day was bad today!!!! I know you are just going thru the motions. You want to speak to him because you know you used to be able to talk to him and he would open up and things would get better. You want his answers and you have to realize that youre not dealing with the same man anymore. Once they are no longer with us, they are free to be how they want to be! Our control is gone. He is not going to say I love you and here is my truth....

 

Something has to develop inside of him. Maybe it is just a fling with them....it doesnt mean its over forever. let him experience another girla nd once the honeymoon period fades....he will rethink what he has done with you!!

 

Sooner or later(most guys 3 months) get bored with flings....I am betting he will be missing you sooner than later. Its happened to me with this guy, he came back crying we were LATER engaged. BUT I COULD NEVER FORGET HIM HURTING ME HOPE!! I BET AFTER A FEW MONTHS AND IF/WHEN HE COMES BACK...YOUR REALTIONSHIP MAY NOT BE WHAT YOU WANT. YOU MAY NEVER LOVE HIM LIKE YOU DID. YOU THINK YOU WILL NOW BUT THATS MOSTLY THE HUMAN DESIRE TO HAVE WHAT YOU CANT HAVE (FORBIDDEN FRUIT)

 

I UNDERSTAND YOUR PAIN AND LIFE JUST SUCKS FOR THE MOMENT AND ITS EVEN WORSE THAT THERE IS NO OTHER MAN THAT CAN OCCUPY YOUR TIME BECAUSE YOU MOST LIKELY DONT WANT ANOTHER MAN...AM I RIGHT?? BEING ALONE IS OK BUT EVENTUALLY YOU NEED TO SEE WHAT LIFE IS LIKE WITHOUT A88HOLE!(THATS WHAT WERE CALLING HIM FROM NOW ON! K??

 

Ya know Journey, i was thinking the same thing. cus why would he all of a sudden be ok with talking on the phone with me last thurs when for the last 3 months he refused? i thought the fling may be fading. but when he gave me some shady answer or didnt answer at all i was enraged- i dont want to be strung along!

i know it may take time for me to get over it. or take time for him to figure his crap out, whatever it is. i also know he may never do that. but its just this time thing....i cant deal. i just wanna feel better. i wanna know whats gonna happen. i HATE not having control over this.

There are other guys to distract me...but no one i actually like. which is basically the same as being alone. im trying to work at being ok alone....and wait for whats supposed to happen. its just so hard. and so tough on my self esteem.

[HopeDiesLast]

thank you for your response journey. sometimes i just need to know im not alone.

[journey1]

Are you feeling any better today Hope?

You know our situations are eerily similar. Things keep happening for us at the same times. Last night I get a text from him after me going for sooo long and he is like hi hope all is well...blah blah blah if you dont plan on seeing my sister anytime soon, I have to come over and get the ring back.

 

My reply is FU thats what you say after all this time. Not even hi how are you then get into the I really would like my ring back, he gave it back to me 2x. I should keep it!!!

 

But I responded after much texting back and forth for him to pick it up and he wont respond. I text him other things and he responds but when I tell him I am happy to give him the ring back he wont reply. He is also telling me there is no other girl. WTF he is toying with me.

 

You and I need to wait until karma gets them good!! I know we both want them to grovel but dont you almost feel like youre almost unable to love him even if he did return??

 

Hey how is sassi75? I wrote to her and nada. Is she ok, I know you two posted alot. Her situation was similar too

[HopeDiesLast]

Are you feeling any better today Hope?

You know our situations are eerily similar. Things keep happening for us at the same times. Last night I get a text from him after me going for sooo long and he is like hi hope all is well...blah blah blah if you dont plan on seeing my sister anytime soon, I have to come over and get the ring back.

 

My reply is FU thats what you say after all this time. Not even hi how are you then get into the I really would like my ring back, he gave it back to me 2x. I should keep it!!!

 

But I responded after much texting back and forth for him to pick it up and he wont respond. I text him other things and he responds but when I tell him I am happy to give him the ring back he wont reply. He is also telling me there is no other girl. WTF he is toying with me.

 

You and I need to wait until karma gets them good!! I know we both want them to grovel but dont you almost feel like youre almost unable to love him even if he did return??

 

Hey how is sassi75? I wrote to her and nada. Is she ok, I know you two posted alot. Her situation was similar too

 

Hi Journey-

God do i know what that feels like. The A**hole text me one day about a month after the break up "Can you drop my stuff off when you're in the area? by the way how are u?" Um HOW AM I? oh im just peachy f***ing keen now that you've stomped on my heart you fricking jerk. ugh i was so annoyed. Do they even care????

Sassi is not doing so well. We actually text each other as support instead of texting our exes. I guess he called to ask for his stuff back after 7 weeks. She said a previous break up lasted 6 weeks so she had some hope he'd be back like before. But he said there wasnt anything that changed. Shes not handling it well.

I just can't believe that the man i loved is gone. He left me on June 8th. Either that or he was a damn good actor for 2 yrs. Hes so stupid. There are no other words to describe it. He let his drinking and "friends" become more of a priority than me. It makes no sense. Its not like i ever held him back- all i said was, do what you want but dont let it cut into our time. i dont think that was asking much. Evidentally it was. And i know it shouldnt matter, but all i keep thinking is: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN THAT GUY'S HEAD?????