broken_arrow Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Original story here : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1772272#post1772272 We broke up 3 months ago. Now it's been exactly 30 days of strict NC, however about once every week, I get a phone call from a private number and when I pick up they immediately hung up. One of them was at my home number (which I have only given to her), the other one was at my mobile two weeks ago and the last ones (3 in a row) were also at my mobile at 4.30 am !!! (I only picked up one of them and, again, they hung up without responding) It's something she used to do when she felt she wouldn't hear from me again. She said she did it "just to hear my voice". I am pretty sure that she made some (if not all) of those calls, so I'm thinking of sending a simple IM message telling her, in a very friendly manner, to please stop making them. I know it sounds like a bad idea, and people will ask what do I expect from such a break in NC, however, to be honest I don't expect anything at all. I won't mind if she doesn't answer and I will not be involved in ANY kind of conversation whatsoever, I am sure of that. I will just tell her what I want and log off. Problem is, these calls make me somewhat happy because they show that she's still at least interested. I don't think I would take her back if she ever decided to come back, I'm healing pretty damn well (yes, still thinking of her, however the daily chest discomfort and the knot in my stomach are not there anymore), so perhaps it's my ego talking. I don't know... It's just an urge I have to just contact her. I'm stuck and confused... Link to post Share on other sites
foxh1234 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Original story here : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1772272#post1772272 We broke up 3 months ago. Now it's been exactly 30 days of strict NC, however about once every week, I get a phone call from a private number and when I pick up they immediately hung up. One of them was at my home number (which I have only given to her), the other one was at my mobile two weeks ago and the last ones (3 in a row) were also at my mobile at 4.30 am !!! (I only picked up one of them and, again, they hung up without responding) It's something she used to do when she felt she wouldn't hear from me again. She said she did it "just to hear my voice". I am pretty sure that she made some (if not all) of those calls, so I'm thinking of sending a simple IM message telling her, in a very friendly manner, to please stop making them. I know it sounds like a bad idea, and people will ask what do I expect from such a break in NC, however, to be honest I don't expect anything at all. I won't mind if she doesn't answer and I will not be involved in ANY kind of conversation whatsoever, I am sure of that. I will just tell her what I want and log off. Problem is, these calls make me somewhat happy because they show that she's still at least interested. I don't think I would take her back if she ever decided to come back, I'm healing pretty damn well (yes, still thinking of her, however the daily chest discomfort and the knot in my stomach are not there anymore), so perhaps it's my ego talking. I don't know... It's just an urge I have to just contact her. I'm stuck and confused... IMO, if your doing well and healing, why call ? If you don't want her back, let it go and continue to move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken_arrow Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 IMO, if your doing well and healing, why call ? If you don't want her back, let it go and continue to move forward. I want to contact her exactly because I am doing so well in healing and nothing she says or does will set me back. Just wanna let her know that I do exist. Shake her up a little. And then I have no problem going back to NC again. Yes, I am not so sure I want her back anymore, I probably don't, so maybe it's just my ego talking here. I just want to let her know that I am still here. Not here for her to come back... Just here. Link to post Share on other sites
journey1 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 let it go, perhaps if you ride it out longer you will get a really good response from her. Maybe she will do something grand on her own. DONT BREAK NC You are doing great! 30 days is crazy. And yes I too have lost that knot and chest pain, my appetite returned and I can sleep. Do you think this means were moving on?? I still feel saddness and bouts of dispair at times. perhaps that is normal. But do you ever want to see her again?? I feel like i dont want to see the new him. I want the old him back. Is that how you feel?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken_arrow Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 let it go, perhaps if you ride it out longer you will get a really good response from her. Maybe she will do something grand on her own. DONT BREAK NC You are doing great! 30 days is crazy. And yes I too have lost that knot and chest pain, my appetite returned and I can sleep. Do you think this means were moving on?? I still feel saddness and bouts of dispair at times. perhaps that is normal. But do you ever want to see her again?? I feel like i dont want to see the new him. I want the old him back. Is that how you feel?? Heh, don't worry journey, getting rid of the chest pain and the knot in the stomach definitely means you are moving on... Hang in there. If I still want to see her ? Hell, yeah. Actually, I want HER to see the NEW me. More sexy, more happy, not desperate, not agonizing over her to come back, changed a lot... I think I got back my old self, the one I had prior to meeting her. The one she fell in love with ! However, if I ignore those calls I don't think it will climate into something better on her part, like actually talking to me on the phone. I think she will eventually stop calling, which I'm not sure is what I would like right now. She has too much of an ego to talk to me again and she also thinks that talking to me will harm me emotionally and she respects that. She wants me to be happy and not in pain... At least that's what she said... Link to post Share on other sites
wareagle Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 You say that you are sure that what she say's to you will not set you back, but yet you say you aren't sure or not whether you want her back? I don't think you are ready for contact with her! Why take that chance on having a setback, if you are doing so well with the NC? I to wanted and still want my ex to know and see that I am doing well without her, but I am nowhere near where I need to be to be able to communicate with her, and not have a major setback!! Do ya feel me! My advice is to give it a little more time, and then see where you are at! Eventually the calls will stop coming, and if she really wanted to be with you she wouldn't be playing the phone games with you, there wouldn't be anything stopping her from letting you know that she wants you!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken_arrow Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 You say that you are sure that what she say's to you will not set you back, but yet you say you aren't sure or not whether you want her back? I don't think you are ready for contact with her! Why take that chance on having a setback, if you are doing so well with the NC? I to wanted and still want my ex to know and see that I am doing well without her, but I am nowhere near where I need to be to be able to communicate with her, and not have a major setback!! Do ya feel me! My advice is to give it a little more time, and then see where you are at! Eventually the calls will stop coming, and if she really wanted to be with you she wouldn't be playing the phone games with you, there wouldn't be anything stopping her from letting you know that she wants you!! True words. Let me be more specific, though. I am sure that I would not take her back just by her coming to me and saying "I want you back". She would have to try really hard to regain my trust and feelings. After keeping NC and rethinking of the whole situation, many things I felt for her have died... And I honestly don't know if they could ever come back. Link to post Share on other sites
verve Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 Don't put yourself through it, I'm sure there is a curiousity there about getting in touch with her to see her reaction and see how she acts but this will almost definatley set you back and just put her back in your mind. Keep up the no contact, hold on, be strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken_arrow Posted August 25, 2008 Author Share Posted August 25, 2008 but this will almost definatley set you back and just put her back in your mind. Agree with everything else you said apart from that... 100% sure about it. Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 True words. Let me be more specific, though. I am sure that I would not take her back just by her coming to me and saying "I want you back". She would have to try really hard to regain my trust and feelings. After keeping NC and rethinking of the whole situation, many things I felt for her have died... And I honestly don't know if they could ever come back. The thing is we all want to hear some one call and say "I made a big mistake, please take me back" but that sad truth is it rarely happens like that outside of movies or TV shows. People dont change, and what was a problem before will be a problem again. At most, you might get a call when shes down and needs some one to be there, but for her to swallow her ego and come back like that...as my dad told me "She'll die before she does that". Even people who get back together dont get that. Link to post Share on other sites
journey1 Posted August 25, 2008 Share Posted August 25, 2008 However, if I ignore those calls I don't think it will climate into something better on her part, like actually talking to me on the phone. I think she will eventually stop calling, which I'm not sure is what I would like right now. She has too much of an ego to talk to me again and she also thinks that talking to me will harm me emotionally and she respects that. She wants me to be happy and not in pain... At least that's what she said... I heard the same crap! they want us to be happy and blah blah no they dont. If our happiness was a concern to them, they would make it so we could be with them and happy TOGETHER, not trying to get over the traumatic heartbreak alone and then finding our own happiness independant of them. Its a lie. It is selfish!! I think it means they are with someone they feel is better for them at the time, but I do believe it will change once they get bored or feel we were greener grass. By then I hope we are unable to love them like we do:o Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken_arrow Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 Ok, weird and UNEXPECTED turn ! I posted a message on my best friend's facebook account two days ago, telling him that summer was great, I had a great time and autumn is gonna be much better... Now this friend of mine has an ex with whom they are still great friends, talk almost every week up until now and have added each other on facebook (i.e. they can see each other facebook pages). His ex is best friends with my ex... This is where it gets exciting... Today, I got a friend request on facebook from a girl I didn't know. This girl created her facebook page just today and minutes afterwards she requested me to add her. I did and I am her only friend ! I checked her e-mail and guess what... It's the e-mail my ex uses on her secondary MSN account, the one she created to "have fun with" (at least that's what she had told me). This girl on facebook has only two photos of her... And it's not my ex. However the MSN account using the same e-mail has a profile picture of my ex and it's definitely used by my ex... Now I honestly don't know what to do. This girl on facebook is online all day today (what the hell is she doing, I'm her only friend !!!). I am THAT close to talking to her and ask her who she is and where she knows me from !!! Even if she is my ex, I don't think it's considered a break of NC. I mean, if she IS my ex, she's the one who kinda broke it by requesting me to add her on fb and I honestly don't want her stalking me online. Yes, deleting her is an option, however I am curious as hell to find out what the hell is going on... Suggestions ? P.S. : She just added another guy as a friend, a guy who has exactly the same name and surname as me (and who is also on my friends list - I added him outta curiosity) ! Wow, she's weird !!! P.S. 2: If she is my ex (which is quite possible) I don't have any photos or info on my facebook account showing that I am indeed moving on with my life and enjoying myself, which I certainly do. And I would honestly like her to know that I do... So I am afraid that now she'll scroll through my account and say to herself : Ha, nothing has changed for him, he's just posting messages that he's moving on and having a great time just because he wants me to believe so... Or maybe I am over thinking and over-reacting... Link to post Share on other sites
verve Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Unless you want her back (I wouldn't if I was you) then I would delete it or it'll just hold you back and set you back in getting over her. If you do want to get back with her and take it from there. Maybe she just added you because she wanted to snoop at your profile and see what/who your doing. I wouldn't get your hopes up.... Keep us informed bro. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken_arrow Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 Unless you want her back (I wouldn't if I was you) then I would delete it or it'll just hold you back and set you back in getting over her. If you do want to get back with her and take it from there. Maybe she just added you because she wanted to snoop at your profile and see what/who your doing. I wouldn't get your hopes up.... Keep us informed bro. I am not getting my hopes back. I do not want her back now. However this new girl on FB is so damn sexy I would really like to meet her if it's not my ex. That's why I am not deleting her. Link to post Share on other sites
0hpenelope Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Today, I got a friend request on facebook from a girl I didn't know. This girl created her facebook page just today and minutes afterwards she requested me to add her. I did and I am her only friend ! I checked her e-mail and guess what... It's the e-mail my ex uses on her secondary MSN account, the one she created to "have fun with" (at least that's what she had told me). This girl on facebook has only two photos of her... And it's not my ex. However the MSN account using the same e-mail has a profile picture of my ex and it's definitely used by my ex... Um... That is creepy. This is exactly something that some girls would do. If this is your ex-gf, I can't believe that she'd actually sink this low. What a class act she turns out to be... This profile - whether it's your ex or not - has bad news written all over it. If I were in your shoes, I'd go by that e-mail, listen to my gut and assume that it's the ex, and just drop that friend like a bad habit. Facebook drama is not worth anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken_arrow Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 Um... That is creepy. This is exactly something that some girls would do. If this is your ex-gf, I can't believe that she'd actually sink this low. What a class act she turns out to be... This profile - whether it's your ex or not - has bad news written all over it. If I were in your shoes, I'd go by that e-mail, listen to my gut and assume that it's the ex, and just drop that friend like a bad habit. Facebook drama is not worth anything. I feel like I HAVE to find out who the hell she is... She's too damn beautiful not to meet, if she's not my ex... Link to post Share on other sites
ahhhchooo Posted September 2, 2008 Share Posted September 2, 2008 Sounds to me like she's getting back inside your head mate... don't ruin the NC. It's a facebook linked directly to your ex's email address with you as the only friend on her list. It's your ex. Whatever game she's playing, get out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken_arrow Posted September 3, 2008 Author Share Posted September 3, 2008 Heh, this mysterious girl added 7-8 more guys as her friends, listed herself as single and looking for a relationship, and posted away messages like "why do we have to hide our true feelings" and "please send a sign you are still there" (the later are lyrics from a local song)... Heh, I just really wanna contact that girl, prove that it;s my ex and just delete her off fb... Don't know if I'll do it though. Link to post Share on other sites
verve Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Think about it thicko, she has your ex's secondary MSN address, you need to confirm the facebook via the email address meaning a stranger couldn't just put the email address up. Initially she only had you on the friends. It most likely is your ex unless you've got a random stalker (hey its the internet, it could happen). Just delete it, don't be such a needy wuss and stop clinging on! You'll thank me for this advice in the long term. Link to post Share on other sites
gd26 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 If it's not your ex, then it could be a friend of your ex who is stalking you for her to pass on information about you. Neither option sounds good to me. Too much drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Beyond Eternity Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 What everyone has said is pretty much how I feel on this but they all missed out one thing. Don't believe everything you see on the Internet. I'm not saying everyone would go around altering images and what not to make better impressions on people but it happens, it's the Internet. She may be sexy but is she real? A lot of people will alter their images to draw people in and end up seeing something else when together, but not too much different so the person can't complain without making it obvious they were in it for looks only to begin with. If you're going to message her and it turns out to be your ex, you will have something to blame her for then, don't you think? (This is assuming you don't want to get back together with her.) Also, stalking will always be just that, stalking. She may watch you or follow you around (whether for real or on the 'net) but that only gives you something to brag or smile about (once again, assuming you don't want her back and want to just move on). But don't let her mind games get you to be the one to talk first, resist it is my advice, even if she is sexy and there is a possibility it's not your ex, it's best to just hold it in. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 If you really wanted to drive your ex nuts, you'd ignore her. They hate that. Stop worrying about what your ex is doing. Why are YOU online all day? Why aren't YOU out hanging with friends, working out, having a good time, etc? See where I am going with this? Worrying, thinking, pondering, pining over your ex wastes EMOTIONAL energy and does NOTHING to make you feel better. Working out, hanging with friends, having fun and self-improvement DOES. Stop focusing on HER and starting focusing on YOU. Cheers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken_arrow Posted September 5, 2008 Author Share Posted September 5, 2008 If you really wanted to drive your ex nuts, you'd ignore her. They hate that. Stop worrying about what your ex is doing. Why are YOU online all day? Why aren't YOU out hanging with friends, working out, having a good time, etc? See where I am going with this? Worrying, thinking, pondering, pining over your ex wastes EMOTIONAL energy and does NOTHING to make you feel better. Working out, hanging with friends, having fun and self-improvement DOES. Stop focusing on HER and starting focusing on YOU. Cheers. Oh, believe me, I am not staying at home worrying over her or thinking over her, that's for sure. I am having the time of my life the last couple weeks, hanging out a lot, started going to the gym again, feeling PERFECT. I think I got my old life back. The one I had before I met her, the one she fell in live with and, believe me, it sure as hell feels good !!! If I would take her back ? Certainly not the way she used to be when we were together. If she showed me that she REALLY wanted me in her life (the way I showed her the two months I tried to get her back) and would try hard enough to fix her issues (insecurities e.t.c.), then I would think about it... However it would be her who should initiate proper contact and express her real feelings in order to achieve that, not hiding behind silly mind games. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken_arrow Posted September 6, 2008 Author Share Posted September 6, 2008 Deleted this girl off my facebook. Have regrets about it, however I know that in the long run it was the best thing for me to do. If I kept her as a friend, thinking that it possibly was my ex, I would think twice before posting anything on fb, and I would most probably be posting things wanting perhaps to manipulate her. I do not want that at this stage of my healing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author broken_arrow Posted September 10, 2008 Author Share Posted September 10, 2008 Just as I had imagined. I opened up MSN after about a month (appearing offline) and she has changed her away message to "why do we need men for ? we can do it on our own" She most probably broke up with the guy (or had a fight or whatever), and is now trying to "taste the waters" with me again. That's why she pulled that fb act last week... I guess I should still stick to what I've been doing, right ? NC and living my life, having fun... Or should I wait a couple weeks and then contact her (it's her birthday then) and see what comes out of this ? I mean, pulling the fb act last week showed she still has interest in me. Of course, new women have come into my life (nothing serious though, just messing around), so I won't be hoping or counting the days backwards in order for my ex to contact me or whatever... And I also have in mind she may still reconcile with the other guy (poor fella... no way he can handle her) Link to post Share on other sites
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