I broke up with him, and now I miss him and feel completely heartbroken!

[Consummate Optimist]

We met through a mutual friend on his birthday in January, and I was in an abusive relationship at the time. He was very persistent though, and kept asking our friend to hook us up in spite of what I was going through.

 

Once I decided to end the relationship I was in, I agreed to talk to him around April or May. He offered to help me in any way he could, and even laid out hundreds of dollars for me to move into a townhouse with my daughter.

 

By mid-June we were sleeping together. Following this, he took my daughter and I, along with his daughter away to his father's beach house for a four day weekend, (fourth of July). During this weekend he told me that he loved me, rather unexpectedly I might add. It happened one day after we all got caught in the rain. When we got inside, he grabbed me away from the girls and told me he loved me, and that it wasn't just because of the sex.

 

We had a discussion once we returned about being monogamous, and whether or not we wanted to see other people. He stated that he wanted monogamy, and that he preferred if we did not see other people.

 

However, once we returned from the beach, everything went downhill. First, I felt as though he was way more attentive, (more phone calls, saw him more often) when I was trying to get out of the bad relationship. Once I was out of it, and living closer to him, it seemed as though we were seeing each other less, and talking to each other less. Second, every time my daughter and I went to his house for sleep overs, or even if I went over by myself, his phone, (both house and cell) would ring constantly. Sometimes he would pick it up, sometimes he wouldn't. I asked him about a couple of the calls that clearly sounded like women to me. He said I had nothing to worry about, and continued to profess his love for me. I was rather skeptical at this point about his sincerity however, and I think I showed it in my responses.

 

Subsequently, after a few incidences where he behaved sort of sketchy, ( not calling for a whole day or two, telling me he'd call me back and that I should wait by the phone, then not calling me until a day later, going on boat rides with sororities, activities with his fraternity which I was not invited to come to of course, hardly ever being available on the weekend, seeing him only twice a week if I was lucky, and of course the constant phone calls which I am sure were being made by him, just as often as he received them.) I decided that we needed to just be friends. He pleaded with me not to end things between us, and stated that he would do whatever it took to make things right between us.

 

The ultimate break-up occurred this past Friday. We made plans earlier in the week to spend some alone time (without my daughter, his daughter does not live with him) together. We set a time, and he stated that he'd be hanging out with his friends this particular night, but that he'd be done by 10pm. I was cool with that and made arrangements to hang out with a few co-workers until that time.

 

He was not ready to meet me at the designated time unfortunately, and he wanted me to wait for him at his house (he said his cousin would let me in). I did not want to be kept waiting, nor did I appreciate the fact that he was not making himself available to spend the time with me that we had planned. By 10:30 I went home. He finally called me at around 11:00 and I didn't pick up the phone because I was upset with him. He must have thought that I stayed out with my friends, because he left a message stating that he'd just left my house, and that he was at home. I called him and told him that he couldn't have left my house because I was at my house. I asked him why he told such an unnecessary lie, and he swore up and down that he wasn't lying. My car was the only car in the parking lot in front of my townhouse. I got there by 10:30pm. He calls me and tells me that he was just at my house, and all he had to say was I am sorry I ran late for our date. I was so upset with him about the whole fiasco, as well as his above stated behavior over the past couple of months that I told him it was over. He came to my house immediately and demanded I come outside and tell him to his face that I did not want to see him again. I did it, and he left. Before he left he denied everything again, stated that he never cheated on me, and that I should call him when I am ready to be with someone who cares about me. Since then I have been going over it in my mind again and again what it is that I could have done differently so that this could have ended up with us together. I really miss him a lot, and frankly I feel very heartbroken. Of course he hs not called me, and I have not called him since the incident, but I mis him soooo much that I want to. I just know for sure that if I do, then I can't expect for him to really appreciate the reasoning behind the break-up in the first place. I keep thinking about him being with someone else, and it makes me sick. I cried for two days, but not today. What do you all out there think?

[LucreziaBorgia]

What do I think? I think that if you give this some time and have the strength not to contact him or let him contact you you'll find that sadness will be replaced with clarity and you'll see that perhaps you weren't as happy with him as you thought, and instead of missing him you'll find that it is actually a relief to go through the days without the hassle of wondering if your relationship is ok.