I felt led on and was left very hurt...

[markymark76]

Hi everyone

 

My girlfriend split up with me a few months ago, and although it was only a short relationship (less than a month), she led me to believe that she really liked me and I was starting to really fall for her. I guess it was hard because I had the rug pulled out from under me in that early 'honeymoon' stage of a romance, when you are yet to see the negatives of the other person, but I've had trouble getting closure because I've struggled to understand what happened in her head and how she could change so quickly. I'm hoping other people may have some words of wisdom that will help me finally move on.

 

To give you some background, when we got together she was very keen and things got quite intense quickly, mainly because she was pushing it. I thought she was great and was just enjoying the attention and affection. She sent me lovely texts during the day with lots of kisses and MWAHS, and saying how happy she was to have met me, etc, and she introduced me to all her friends and her parents. She pretty much jumped into bed with me after a week...I hadn't expected it so quickly but I was just enjoying the experience of having a whirlwind romance and I really thought it was the start of something brilliant in my life. We booked a holiday and I pretty much fell for her big style. I told her so, but felt comfortable expressing my feelings, given what she was saying to me. There were times when she seemed to go a bit quiet on me, and I started to worry a bit, but then she'd do something reassuring and all seemed good again. On our last weekend together she was due to go on holiday with her sister, so I did her a card just saying I hoped she would have a nice holiday and just expressing how happy I was that we were together (just trying to be romantic). I gave her the card and the next day she phoned me to say she didn't feel the same about me as I did about her and was ending it. This seemed an amazing turnaround given that 24 hours previously we'd been cuddled up in bed talking about going to Paris for her birthday. She was very cold and clinical on the phone and said although I was 'everything anyone could wish for' if she stayed with me she'd be settling because she wasn't feeling a spark. I've not heard from her since.

 

Given the fairly passionate times we'd already had I found it hard to believe she'd not been feeling a spark and was totally broken hearted. She went on holiday to Cuba and left me feeling absolutely terrible. I made the mistake of keeping her as a friend on Facebook, and it now seems that she's seeing some bloke from Wales that she met in Cuba. It's left me feeling pretty confused as to how someone could be so fickle. I know she's had quite a few short-term relationships so maybe she has commitment issues? Although I feel a bit sorry for the next chap, it would be reassuring if she does the same to him in the end because at least I'll know it wasn't just me! She led me on and then completely broke my heart and although it was only a few weeks it has still hurt like hell.

 

I guess the hardest thing was the sudden change in her, although I appreciate I'd not had the opportunity to get to know her properly. I really felt we were building the foundations of something brilliant and we seemed to have so much in common in terms of our interests, values and the direction we wanted to take our lives in.

 

Is it possible she might be commitmentphobic? She is still with the new chap, so he's lasted longer than I did, but it is a distance relationship, and as I say, she's definitely crammed quite a few relationships into her 29 years. Her behaviour with me seems to match what I've read on the internet about commitmentphobes, or maybe I'm just trying to avoid the possibility that she just was playing games, using me for a bit of fun and wasn't that into me. It just hurts to think that she didn't really feel anything for me at all, especially when I was developing very strong feelings for her.

 

I do still miss her and feel sad that I never got the opportunity to know her properly. To me she was a really interesting person and I wanted to get to know her, but clearly she does not reciprocate those feelings. It's not nice to think that some other guy is getting to spend the time with her that I wanted to spend, do the things that I thought we would be doing and getting to know her like I wanted to.

 

Has anyone got any thoughts or experienced anything similar please? Generally I feel better now, but still have some low moments.

 

Thanks

[SnapCracklePop]

Oh I can relate...

 

An exGF of mine and I had been together a few years and were planning on moving to a different city. There were a few red flags that I didn't pay enough attention to coming up to the move day... but I ignored them passing them off as pre-move stress.

 

I rented a moving container for our stuff. I get a call from her saying her stuff took up more room than she thought and there was no room for mine. Hmmm... She moved ahead of me saying she'd send me the $$ for me to move my stuff... didn't hear from her for a few months. When I eventually did talk to her, she was pretty upset that I had tried to contact her. She said some pretty nasty things that I felt were either unfair or simply not true (years later, I figure she was actually trying to make me feel sour towards her so I would not feel so bad about the end of the relationship). I felt like crap for a few months after that.

 

I did talk to a few of her friends, and based on questions they refused to answer, I figure I paid for her and her new bf to move. Even later, I learned that she was being "shared" by a few guys in different cities.

 

Never did get my $$ back either.

 

Today, I am so glad I avoided a LTR with that one.