messiah Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 hey just wondering what everyone thinks about ending relationships on good terms or bad terms? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 That's entirely up to you which is probably affected by what caused the dissolution of your relationship. Just don't be pushed into believing that you must remain friends, post break up. You decide when you're strong enough or if you ever want this person back in your life. This is applicable, whether you're the person disengaging or the one left behind. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 If by "good terms" you mean a modicum of respect and understanding, I opine affirmative. You do no one a disservice by treating someone with dignity and respect, even if you've received little. This, for me, leaves me with a clear conscience and a positive outlook for the future. This does not mean I'll be "friends" with the person, but will afford them the same courtesy as I do all other humans. No more, no less. Polite indifference, if you will Link to post Share on other sites
Author messiah Posted March 17, 2008 Author Share Posted March 17, 2008 right. cause my ex and i ended things with a fight a few days ago. not to sure wheather i should tell her im sorry for my part or just leave it! Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 my x cheated, and treated me like absolute sh*t at the end of our relationship. If you can be fair and treat the person with respect...DO IT. There is no reason to be mean to someone or kick them while their down. We were together for 7 years and the only think I rememeber is how bad he was at the end. That hurt worse than him cheating. H*ll it hurts worse than him getting married to the OW in a few weeks only four months after our split. AND she's pregnant. No one deserves to be treated like sh*t. Especially when you are already making them feel like they aren't good enough cause you are breaking up with them. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 right. cause my ex and i ended things with a fight a few days ago. not to sure wheather i should tell her im sorry for my part or just leave it! No, don't apologize for the "fight". However, when "fighting", avoid making personal insults and "pushing buttons" to hurt the other person purposely. Stick to the subject and listen. Even if you "break up", it will be for the right reasons, rather than a heap of cr@p that neither of you can take back. Trust me, women remember everything My wife calls any relationship discussion an "argument". I approach these discussions the same way in and out of MC and our psychologist has helped me greatly with tools to lessen that perception, yet still she seems to see any disagreement or effort on my part to communicate what I want as an argument. Blow sunshine up the wazoo and everything's peachy.... hence, I make the attempt, accept the result and add it to my list (of reasons to stay or go) Link to post Share on other sites
bigmanpayne Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 my x cheated, and treated me like absolute sh*t at the end of our relationship. If you can be fair and treat the person with respect...DO IT. There is no reason to be mean to someone or kick them while their down. We were together for 7 years and the only think I rememeber is how bad he was at the end. That hurt worse than him cheating. H*ll it hurts worse than him getting married to the OW in a few weeks only four months after our split. AND she's pregnant. No one deserves to be treated like sh*t. Especially when you are already making them feel like they aren't good enough cause you are breaking up with them. i agree. the same thing happen to me. my ex has treated me horribly at the end and that hurts more than the infidelity. i understand that she probably thinks she has to act like that but i swear that makes me feel horrible. staying on good of terms as you can possibly stand is probably what is best, at least that's what i would want, and what i try to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 right. cause my ex and i ended things with a fight a few days ago. not to sure wheather i should tell her im sorry for my part or just leave it! This is when you have to sit back and think about what you can live with. Are you only apologizing to get her back? Do you feel there's a possibility to make amends? If you want her back, then talk to her. The risk is that she'll blow you off. If you think about it, how does that differ from the state the two of you are currently in? If you'd like things to remain status quo, leave it alone. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 If by "good terms" you mean a modicum of respect and understanding, I opine affirmative. I love you, carhill. Guys with big vocabularies are hot. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused9 Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 i agree. the same thing happen to me. my ex has treated me horribly at the end and that hurts more than the infidelity. i understand that she probably thinks she has to act like that but i swear that makes me feel horrible. staying on good of terms as you can possibly stand is probably what is best, at least that's what i would want, and what i try to do. Bigman, why do you think she thinks she has to act like that? To make it easier for her? I am just asking becasue his rude, mean, nasty comments like I never loved you, blah blah did nothing for me...I can't imagine they did anything for him. I think it was guilt, shame and confusion that made him say those things. Convincing himself I did wrong so he didn't have to feel bad for what he did. I don't believe it worked...but maybe it did. Who cares at this point I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
pr-girl Posted March 17, 2008 Share Posted March 17, 2008 I try as often as I can to end on good terms. Even when I've been heartbroken. When someone has been cruel to me, my best revenge is when they miss me later, try to reconcile and I deny. Link to post Share on other sites
Author messiah Posted March 18, 2008 Author Share Posted March 18, 2008 yea i pretty much told her that she is nothin but a lil girl and that she is 21 and should start acting like a woman. I guess its pretty hurtful and of course i didnt mean it. it was just said during the heat of the moment (she is however very immature) Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts