emalkoc Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Hi all..I am new this forum. So here is my story..My gf of 2.5 years broke off with me 5 mos ago. She and I broke off once last year but got back together after 2 mos of separation. Second time, we wanted to try for marriage and she moved in with me and we lived together about 5 mos until she moved out. We had problems but we are working on and going to counseling as well. She left saying that she was not happy because she never felt like there was a place where she fit in to my life, where I felt ok about making changes for her to be in my life. "It always felt like if I changed something, that it was a huge sacrifice for me. "Anyways, those are her words...In reality, I was making a lot of changes but it was never enough for her. She also thought that I was dragging commitment but in fact I planned ring/vacation 1 week before she wanted to call quits. When I told her 3 weeks after she moved out, she got more upset and she cried and she told me that there is nothing now can change her mind. Things should have been done while in the relationship, not afterwards.. 5 weeks passes by, I learnt that she is seeing someone I know from LDR who she always told me just a friend. Apperately, she was talking to this guy while we are together. When I talked to her those days, she shut me off and told me not to call her until I heal...5 weeks later, I saw her at Halloween at a bar and we just said hi and hugs ...That nite I was with someone and she got jeaolus and called me 2 nights afterwards crying. She told me that she is thinking of me and she told me that lets be more civil when we see each other in public again...She contacted to me couple times and then she went to vacation w/ LDR bf. Since she came back, she declined meeting me for a coffee, but she phoned me how I am doing and wanted to know how things going on with me...Kinda checking...She sent me xmas and new year messages... Lastly, she IM'ed me for a casual chat talking work, family and other stuff. She is in relationship or at least communication w/ LDR bf, he is 8 hrs time zone difference. She is very stubborn and needy girl. She is divorced once and she is 31. So here my question: I want her back. I know I made mistakes while we were together. She also made too. Should I keep low-contact with her so she realizes our relationship was great and I keep the door open for possible reconcilation OR I should just tell her she should not contact to me anymore (nicely) because she is in relationship now and it isn't fair to her bf that she and I are still in contact and she made a choice and we both should move on to live our lives separately. So I am caught up between maintaining some contact and showing that I am fine and having fun VS. cut the contact and remove her security blanket? Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted January 14, 2008 Share Posted January 14, 2008 Ema, Forget it. She's doing to her "LDR boyfriend" what she did to you... exactly. When she was with you, she was shopping for something better. She made her move. Now she's trying to keep you as a backup if her current "boyfriend" doesen't work out. You say you "want her back".. taking her back would be a huge mistake. You will never be sure that she isn't out there shopping... and you shouldn't be. She's gonna be shopping... that's what she does. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emalkoc Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 yes agree with you.She is using me as a backup... I wonder though I should flat out tell her please dont contact to me anymore for such reasons....... Link to post Share on other sites
PLAYBRAT Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 Hiya Emal.... My vote is to just blow her off. Seriously. She calls don't answer. Or tell her you'll call her back. I say this only because if you tell her... "Don't call me, it's not fair to me...blah blah blah"..she is going to KNOW it bothers you. INDIFFERENCE is what is going to make her nuts. Also...you owe her nothing. She left you. She needs to live with the consequences of her decision. Just be busy. If you happen to talk to her...don;t talk about who you're dating or who SHE is dating. Keep it short and sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author emalkoc Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 Playbrat, Thanks for your post... I see where you are going...I am split between cutting her off vs. doing what you are suggesting..I could give her a lot of grievence by making her jealous..She is already jealous about my reasonable dates, my new high paying job because she got this LDR guy, who is 10000 miles away, he only makes sexy jokes to her on the internet nothing else nice, who knows whether he has a job... She hated not being able to control me as her mother controlled her father....She got divorced for very exact reasons and she made absurd comments like "it is unlike xxx moving for her" basically she got jealous with her ex-husband moving on with a girl seriously after 3 they divorced..So she does not want her ex'es to move on... I dont want to be in that position and I am not...I am already dating others. but I cannot pretend I dont have feelings for her still. I still want her back knowing she wont probably.. The danger in your suggestion is that she is a psyhcologist and she could try to trick my mind with words whenever I am in contact..if I cut her off, yes she gets the pleasure that I do hurt but she cannot manipulate me ever again... Cheers Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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