Is this seriously happening? Tackle if you dare...

[Guest]

Ok, this story is just so complex that summarizing it into a discussion board post is going to be a challenge, but hey, when the situation has basically taken over my mind for the past three months, why not give it a shot?

 

I had been dating my boyfriend for over 5 years, and on a scale of "Nice Guy," he was well above average. He was a genuinely "good guy," always respectful, caring, committed, etc. He basically spent 5 years moving mountains for me, always trying to impress me and make me happy.

 

Problem is, he had one big flaw--in doing so, he lied A LOT. This is not the "bad guy" kind of lying where he was going behind my back with other girls kind of lying. This is the "I'm going to tell her I'm doing really great at school and really great at work so she will be impressed" kind of lying. (I'm a highly motivated, goal-oriented, successful person, and he....is....not so much, but tried to be for me.)

 

Now, I caught him in this stuff often and it frustrated me, and it got to the point where he brought out my worst side and I would yell and say really horrible things because I was so frustrated and had so much at stake with him. I wanted him to just be who he was, but it seemed like he trapped himself in lies so often that he thought I wouldn't be satisfied with anything less than the "persona of perfection" that he created. He thought I yelled b/c he wasn't good enough, rather than understanding I yelled b/c he was trying to be something he was not.

 

So, this pattern continues until one day out of the blue (literally, out of NO WHERE), I get a phone call from this person (who creepily doesn't even sound like the same person anymore) saying it's over. He's over it. This conversation lasts roughly 5 minutes and is void of all emotion/concern from his side. I am basically in utter disbelief because the contrast of someone basically doing anything in the world for you and then suddenly acting like you don't mean a thing to them in ONE DAY is too much for the human mind to handle. (Just the day before, he had told me he loved me and acted like the fun, lovable, normal person I always knew.)

 

So I am freaking out, and REALLY upset b/c I find it incredibly disrespectful that you could throw away 5 years in a 5 minute phone conversation, not even giving me the decency of a face-to-face encounter.

 

I attempted to contact this person for FORTY days...count 'em...40. And he silenced his phone each time. Now, for the record, this "contact" wasn't an attempt to get him back as my boyfriend. First of all, I was ridiculously upset at how I was treated and vowed never to forgive what he put me through, and secondly, I had recognized that bad pattern of the lying/yelling going on, and I actually thought breaking up (or taking a break) might be the best thing. I was trying to salvage the friendship and respect we had built for 5 years, and understand exactly what this person was going through that he felt the need to totally and abruptly throw me out the window. I wanted to help him through whatever he was going through, and I always pictured us as life-long friends.

 

Finally, I find out from mutual friends what they had been hesistant to inform me of all along--that just 4 days after this "phone call from hell," he started seeing another girl, and...wait for it....just 3 weeks later, he MOVES IN WITH HER. Now, I don't mean to play the caddy card, but from what I've been told, this girl is the absolute opposite of me in looks, personality, educational aspirations, motivation level, and values. She's basically the type of person you see on Cops or Jerry Springer, and no, I'm not in the least exaggerating.

 

All of HIS friends immediately stated that they were on MY SIDE and they have repeatedly tried to be like, "Dude, seriously...what are you doing with this girl? And why are you acting like the girl you were head over heels in love with doesn't even exist or matter? You should really stop putting her through all of this hurt and work on saving your friendship." Now, when the guy's friends are taking the ex girlfriend's side, you KNOW there's something wrong.

 

As it stands now, he no longer speaks to his best guy friend of 3 years (partially because he is embarrassed of his actions, and partially because his best friend has lost all respect for him), he has no desire to see or speak to me or work on getting on good terms, and he continues to live out OUR five-year relationship with another girl. I feel like I got cut from the play, but I get a front-row seat to watch the new actress take my role.

 

I guess I'm frustrated b/c

 

A) I constantly go back and forth between thinking he is a scumbag who left me for another girl and fooled me into thinking he loved me...and then feeling really sorry for him that he is trapped in a rebound relationship with such a disgusting person and is really hurt b/c he feels he could never be good enough for me.

 

B) I want my damn memories back! I want to think of all those good, genuine times I had with someone I loved and not have them be tainted and smeared by a nasty, cruel, decision made by him.

 

C) I desperately want their relationship to end, and not in the "I want him back!!!" way, but because I feel their relationship is like, a "wrong" done to me and that the foundation of it was built on my pain and suffering, and because I feel it is unhealthy and dangerous for him to try to find a fake happiness and not deal with our problems. Yet, I fear this relationship will go on forever and ever and that just bothers me. I know some people will go, "Oh, maybe he's just happy," and I would buy that, if the girl were normal and he was still the same guy he always was, but there are too many red flags of unbelievability (giving up your best friend, moving too fast, choosing the total opposite kind of person, showing no mourning or worth for what we had) to make the story so simple.

 

Hey look, I wrote a novel.

 

Any thoughts?