I'm not a perv, but I landed on that simple yet scintillating title because what better word draws attention. Some people see the word sex and they just have to look.
I told my best friend of twenty-four years last night. The reason I recently broke up with a man I had been dating for eight months. A man that all my family, friend, and close associates think is so great. Someone who many have told me I'm going to regret losing. Maybe I will. It wasn't easy to break up with him, but I knew it was for the best. You see. While he is sweet, caring, and kind. Sometimes that's not enough. I thought it was and I wanted it to be. He was the first man. I thought I could move in with. Prior to him I was in a seven and a half year relationship. Whenever the mention of coihaboting came up. I was quick to say, 'no.' Like any relationship there were the good parts and the bad parts. Yet, it was here in the good parts of him. I felt the need to break up. Women always want a man to put them first and he did just that. He put me first in his life. I wasn't okay with that. I felt like he cared a lot more for me than I did for him. Yes, I made sure to make him feel like he was a priority, but it was usually because I didn't want to hurt him. He's an extremely sensitive person and I'm not. I found myself always getting annoyed by how sensitive he is. That annoyance caused me to say hurtful things he didn't deserve to be told. I asked him things such as why is he so sensitive all the time and a couple of times called him a b****. I know that is cruel no matter the tone of which that word was uttered. In the beginning of our relationship there were red flags that had he been actually listening to he could've avoided the pain I caused. I told him from the beginning I don't want a relationship. I encouraged him to continue to date. I didn't want to be physical. Physical. Sex. Before we broke up he made a presentation on the pros of sex because that's how little sex we would have. Now if anyone has read my previous entry. I admit something very strange about me which leads me back to that conversation I had with my best friend. Sex for me when in a relationship is hard. I don't want to do it. When I'm outside of a relationship. I don't mind having sex. I told her this and she didn't say much except I need help and there's something wrong with being able to detach emotions from sex. Is there something really wrong with it though? How important is sex in a relationship? I also told her I wasn't sexually attracted to him. His being so sensitive was a major turnoff for me. I feel like I'm vain for that. Though, how could I want to have sex with the person who is always emotional about various matters. God, just writing this makes me feel worse. I feel like I did to him what my ex did to me. My ex would always bring up my being so sickly and here I am bringing up his being sensitive. He told me saying this to him so much damaged his confidence. I know it did and I'm sorry for that. He didn't have much confidence to begin with because he's insecure about certain things. Still, I think he's awesome. I wish he could see that in himself. It's hard to always try to lift someone up and they need you for that. I feel like that's something a person should have on their own. I don't think you should rely on other people to always uplift you. We spoke of that and he said he completely disagreed. He said your partner should make you feel like you're the best.
There's more I wanted to discuss on the matter of sex, but perhaps I'll say more on that later.
Edited by seeyoung87