shopgirl82 Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Hi, This is my first post at the LS... I met a guy last year at an exhibition and we really hit it off. In the beginning, he would text/call most days, and we'd hang out once or twice a week just us two - we kissed but nothing more. After a few weeks he said he wanted to be honest with me from the start and that he didn't want a relationship (but still wanted to hang out as friends). Specically, that he wasn't ready for a relationship, he didn't really feel attracted to anyone right now, and that maybe there isn't anyone out there for him at all i.e it's not you, it's me. I know that he has been engaged before and that did not work out. I took some time out to process things given I had hoped things might progress...after awhile he started to email me a couple of times a week telling me I was an amazing person, and the most wonderful person he's ever met etc etc and that he's just not ready and needs to work on those issues himself. After awhile of not initiating contact with him I started feeling ok with the fact he did not want to be with me, and focused my efforts into the extended overseas trip I had been planning with a friend. I've recently emailed him to say that i am cool for hanging out as friends until I leave for o/s, and he replied that it would be great to catch-up...but he's been a bit vague about this e.g. "I'll see how I'm feeling in this weather" and "my friend's invited me to this other thing...i'll let you know" (and not calling) Can anyone speculate on what he might be feeling? maybe I'm overreacting...but I just have this feeling that I've put too much faith in his words and I'm questioning how much of the nice stuff he meant and whether part of him is playing the game as they say. And in case you were going to ask....he says there is no one else on the scene. Thanks for listening, if you want any other details feel free to ask S Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 S I wouldn't read too much into his words. He sounds like a genuinly nice guy who cares for you as a person, but it appears he's made himself pretty clear. He's not looking for a romantic attachment. The worst thing you can do is over-analyze the situation. Try to just be OK with moving on with your own life. I wouldn't email or text him too much, since you seem to have 'more' feelings for him than he does for you. This puts you in an awkward position. Let him make contact if he wants to, but you should not waste your time trying to figure out where he's at or how he's feeling. Trust me; when someone REALLY likes you, you don't have to work that hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Mydish1 Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Hi, This is my first post at the LS... I met a guy last year at an exhibition and we really hit it off. In the beginning, he would text/call most days, and we'd hang out once or twice a week just us two - we kissed but nothing more. After a few weeks he said he wanted to be honest with me from the start and that he didn't want a relationship (but still wanted to hang out as friends). Specically, that he wasn't ready for a relationship, he didn't really feel attracted to anyone right now, and that maybe there isn't anyone out there for him at all i.e it's not you, it's me. this part sounds extremely similar to what happened to me iwth this girl. I took some time out to process things given I had hoped things might progress...after awhile he started to email me a couple of times a week telling me I was an amazing person, and the most wonderful person he's ever met etc etc and that he's just not ready and needs to work on those issues himself. After awhile of not initiating contact with him I started feeling ok with the fact he did not want to be with me, and focused my efforts into the extended overseas trip I had been planning with a friend. I've recently emailed him to say that i am cool for hanging out as friends until I leave for o/s, and he replied that it would be great to catch-up...but he's been a bit vague about this e.g. "I'll see how I'm feeling in this weather" and "my friend's invited me to this other thing...i'll let you know" (and not calling) Can anyone speculate on what he might be feeling? maybe I'm overreacting...but I just have this feeling that I've put too much faith in his words and I'm questioning how much of the nice stuff he meant and whether part of him is playing the game as they say. And in case you were going to ask....he says there is no one else on the scene. Thanks for listening, if you want any other details feel free to ask S However the rest of this isnt what happened, but smiliarly to you, she told me i was the 'perfect' guy. me and her just became good friends and we talk almost daily. but if the guy you describe truly does want to be friends then he should have no problems hanging out with you. you shouldnt waste your time on someone who doesnt respect you and make excuses not to hang out, if he keeps making excuses just move on and forget him. remember friendships are 2 sided, both have to make an effort. Even for me, she can be a little selfish sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 29, 2006 Share Posted January 29, 2006 we kissed...he said he wanted to be honest with me from the start and that he didn't want a relationship...he started to email me a couple of times a week telling me I was an amazing person...he replied that it would be great to catch-up...but he's been a bit vague about this...Can anyone speculate on what he might be feeling? Yes, this is very easy. He feels/felt some slight attraction to you, but it is NOT going to go anywhere. That's guaranteed. If he had any real interest, he would not be missing in action from the possibility of time together. He has a choice of where to spend his time, and he chooses NOT to spend it with you. The words about how "fantastic" etc. you are, are really more pleasantries to ease a social situation, than they are statements of his true feelings. I wouldn't even call this being a player. It's more like when a casual acquaintance says, "I got a new hairdo, how do you like it?" The answer will almost always be bland approval, because that's the easiest thing to say in the situation. If a man REALLY thinks you're terrific, he'll being showing you with his ACTIONS, not his words. That means lots of phone calls, attention, thoughtfulness, showing evidence of caring for your feelings and wanting to please you, trying to spend the majority of his discretionary time with you. So it shouldn't be too hard to tell when it actually happens. Simple rule: Trust ACTIONS over WORDS. Link to post Share on other sites
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