How to go about making a profile to appeal to your "people"?

[mr_ybor]

I'm monumentally unsuccessful with getting matches on dating apps (though, I can somehow get likes on Ok Cupid, but never match with any of them).

 

All the advice/blogs out there seem to focus strictly on maximizing matches/appeal and cater to the most generic of of archetypes. I'm not against that if that's who you are, but stereotypical suburban clean-cut guys giving me advice on how to attract their respective counterparts isn't very useful to me... or the women I'm looking for who probably aren't looking for them, either.

 

Younger guys all give fratbro advice on how to sound all "alpha" or whatever, and older guys want you to sound so utterly banal and inoffensive... I can't help but cringe.

 

I know the type of girl I'd go out with would cringe at this stuff as well. I know because precisely 100% of my exes cringed at this stuff. Anyone got some suggestions on how to craft a profile to appeal to the right people? I'm honestly not looking for maximum matches or any of that B.S., because why? I'm looking for the right matches... but still, you know, matches.

 

Caveat 1: If you hate online dating and don't think I should use it at all. Kindly skip my thread. Your opinion has been noted.

 

Caveat 2: If you think I should just seek out partners in the "real world". Also, kindly skip my thread. Your opinion has been noted. I'm already doing that. I've never stopped trying to do that.

 

Thanks!

[Michelle ma Belle]

Being that OLD is visually driven, photos need to be on-point. I'm always amazed at how horrible men are at taking pictures of themselves. It's an epidemic to be honest with you.

 

Once physical attraction is established, any woman with an ounce of substance would take the time to read your profile. The profiles that have always grabbed my attention were often short, too the point, descriptive and always had some element of humor woven in for good measure.

 

Men who ramble on and on (and some do) tend lose me after the first paragraph as does highlighting anything negative about their experience with women or dating - NEWSFLASH! Being jaded isn't an attractive quality.

 

The challenge to encapsulate who you in as few words as possible is always the challenge so choosing your words carefully are pretty important.

 

I've always gotten loads of compliments on my profile which is only 50 words or less yet it perfectly describes who I am and what I'm all about.

[mr_ybor]

Being that OLD is visually driven, photos need to be on-point. I'm always amazed at how horrible men are at taking pictures of themselves. It's an epidemic to be honest with you.

 

Once physical attraction is established, any woman with an ounce of substance would take the time to read your profile. The profiles that have always grabbed my attention were often short, too the point, descriptive and always had some element of humor woven in for good measure.

 

Men who ramble on and on (and some do) tend lose me after the first paragraph as does highlighting anything negative about their experience with women or dating - NEWSFLASH! Being jaded isn't an attractive quality.

 

The challenge to encapsulate who you in as few words as possible is always the challenge so choosing your words carefully are pretty important.

 

I've always gotten loads of compliments on my profile which is only 50 words or less yet it perfectly describes who I am and what I'm all about.

 

Sounds like I'm doing everything right. Maybe my profile could be a bit shorter, I suppose... but that's really hard to do without just sounding like every other shorthand profile, IMO. I'm currently working a number of really succinct (like 2 - 4 sentence) paragraphs like they use on all the trash blogs. It's overkill and grammatically incorrect, but works well for low brow marketing*. Granted, that's only on the couple of platforms you even have that much space.

 

I dunno. You guys want to write my profile? Crowdsource a bit, haha!

 

 

*Edit: I just realized that's exactly what I'm doing here. I worked adjacent to marketing for years, so I guess I'm subconsciously aware of people's ADD.

Edited July 18, 2019 by mr_ybor

[Michelle ma Belle]

Sounds like I'm doing everything right. Maybe my profile could be a bit shorter, I suppose... but that's really hard to do without just sounding like every other shorthand profile, IMO. I'm currently working a number of really succinct (like 2 - 4 sentence) paragraphs like they use on all the trash blogs. It's overkill and grammatically incorrect, but works well for low brow marketing*. Granted, that's only on the couple of platforms you even have that much space.

 

I dunno. You guys want to write my profile? Crowdsource a bit, haha!

 

 

*Edit: I just realized that's exactly what I'm doing here. I worked adjacent to marketing for years, so I guess I'm subconsciously aware of people's ADD.

 

I thought about starting a thread a while ago where those who were doing the OLD thing could upload or share their profile content with members for critique.

 

[mr_ybor]

I thought about starting a thread a while ago where those who were doing the OLD thing could upload or share their profile content with members for critique.

 

I've found critiques impossible to apply, though. You can try to follow suggestions, but the tweaks rarely, if ever, help. A lot of it is application and written-word cadence, I believe... which I objectively suck at as exemplified my years without any significant matches.

 

I think what would be better is to: Outline oneself, fill in the data requested (Q&A a bit), and then have the target audience actually script the profile. I wish I had a female friend that was in that place to write it up for me! I'd buy her a nice bottle of wine for it... or whiskey.

[basil67]

You speak of surburban, clean cut guys giving advice which doesn't suit you. So I guess you're urban and a bit more indie?

 

Perhaps you could help us to understand who you are. Then we can help you write a better profile.

[gaius]

I would focus way more on your actual messages and interactions with women than your profile. I'd bet that you come off as either weak, non sexual or a bore once you start chatting.

 

Editing your profile for the 10,000 time won't help you with that.

[chillii]

I'm monumentally unsuccessful with getting matches on dating apps (though, I can somehow get likes on Ok Cupid, but never match with any of them).

 

All the advice/blogs out there seem to focus strictly on maximizing matches/appeal and cater to the most generic of of archetypes. I'm not against that if that's who you are, but stereotypical suburban clean-cut guys giving me advice on how to attract their respective counterparts isn't very useful to me... or the women I'm looking for who probably aren't looking for them, either.

 

Younger guys all give fratbro advice on how to sound all "alpha" or whatever, and older guys want you to sound so utterly banal and inoffensive... I can't help but cringe.

 

I know the type of girl I'd go out with would cringe at this stuff as well. I know because precisely 100% of my exes cringed at this stuff. Anyone got some suggestions on how to craft a profile to appeal to the right people? I'm honestly not looking for maximum matches or any of that B.S., because why? I'm looking for the right matches... but still, you know, matches.

 

Caveat 1: If you hate online dating and don't think I should use it at all. Kindly skip my thread. Your opinion has been noted.

 

Caveat 2: If you think I should just seek out partners in the "real world". Also, kindly skip my thread. Your opinion has been noted. I'm already doing that. I've never stopped trying to do that.

 

Thanks!

 

 

 

 

And the type of woman l'd go for would cringe at 99% of the crap out there and in date site profiles as well or even at things in your post, stuff like that just makes me wtf. l'm different and couldn't care less what anyone else or the norm does and if there's gonna be anything with her there she'll be the same.

And there in is the answer.

You just gotta be whomever you are and what your about, in life, love , anything.

That's not gonna suit everyone, only a tiny proportion of everyone especially if your different, the amount of women out there that suit someone like me is microscopic, so what, so who cares, the rest of everyone doesn't matter to you or me or anyone else, only the few that suit us matter.

The older guys would be more that way as l am myself in ways because as women age and life goes through it's hoops, we all get stuff, and sensitivities. Women are a 300% different animal being single at 50 than they were in their 20s or 30s.

And a lot of the younger guys would be that way because they're a bit of a try hard lost soul, so many out there reading all this garbage and trying to be something they aren't.

 

lf you got the guts , then just be yourself on a date site, how the hell else are you gonna attract someone that suits "you" ? The lack of logic in anything other than that just boggles my mind, well unless of course a guy just wants to screw around then of course he has a game .

But it's not about quantity if your after a real partner, but quality.

As far as matches go , when l was on a date site l never even looked at any of the so called matches, most of them were ridiculous. l looked through and found my own woman.

Who cares how many so called matches you get.

Edited July 19, 2019 by chillii

[Happy Lemming]

I, briefly tried on-line dating and hated it, that being said, towards the end (of my subscription) I did try to separate myself from the herd, as my profile sounded like everyone else's.

 

So I scrapped it out and wrote as a title. "Ax murderer seeks victims" As a profile picture, I hung some chains in my basement (from the pipes) grabbed a mattock and tried to smile like Jack Nicholson from "The Shining". I had a timer on my camera, and captured the perfect picture.

 

Oddly, I got quite a few responses from women and went out with a couple of them. They told me they were so tired of the same ole', same 'ole profile and thought mine was unique and made them laugh. Moreover, they liked my twisted sense of humor. I did date one woman for a little while (before I moved), but went back to "real life" after that experience.

 

So my advice, do something way out there to stand out from the crowd.

 

Best of luck.

[Gretchen12]

I think it's all about the photos. Your photo would already tell them who you are. In the written part of your profile you can just put in general info such as your job, you marital status, maybe a few hobbies (don't go overboard here), and try to describe what type of person you're looking for.

 

When I tried OLD I mostly just looked at the photos. That part is easy, you just upload photos that you're happy with. I don't like photos of cars, bathroom selfies, and those with too many people in it.

[mr_ybor]

You speak of surburban, clean cut guys giving advice which doesn't suit you. So I guess you're urban and a bit more indie?

 

You more-than-less hit the proverbial nail on the head. I spent some time living in the 'burbs for furthering my career, but it was not my bag... at all. Nowadays, being more flexible as a consultant & contractor, I can live where I want to.

 

I'm in the historic district Ybor City in Tampa, which is essentially Tampa's Bourbon Street. A lot of the clubs, bars, restaurants, theaters, arcades, and music venues are down here. Channelside (gentrification central), and Downtown are a skip / ride on the trolley from here.

 

 

Perhaps you could help us to understand who you are. Then we can help you write a better profile.

 

Sure, I'll spitball a bit. Dunno if history is important. Probably not, but I grew up in upstate New York, moved to Phoenix (Tempe), Arizona for my senior year of H.S. Got my college degree there, and worked in the area for a few years after college and bought a house. Eventually sold the house (at a nice profit) and with money in the bank and took a sabbatical to travel around. Ended up moving to Portland, Oregon for a handful. Did sales engineering/production management for a laser manufacturing/prototyping gig for a hot second, then a freelance work with a friend who owns his own web dev startup, whilst writing and playing in a local band. Just Portland things, haha! Was peak recession, however, and moved back to Phoenix for the better job market. Got a hot job as a Sr. ID directly under the director of operations at a more corporate gig. Paid quite nicely, was really rewarding, and a great culture until the company made some poor decisions (several I derided beforehand), and they tanked and laid us all off. My boss was long gone at that point and he picked me up (along with some other employees) at his new company as a continuous contract ever since. He just sold the new co. for $230M and is the CEO. So, I'm largely flexible and financially independent.

 

Which means no debt, no college loans, no credit cards owed, bought my last car cash (not fancy, but paid off)... just rent, car insurance, power, phone, internet, and entertainment. My rates are pretty decent (range from $35/hr to $120/hr depending on the work provided). I'd like to think I'm pretty smart with money. Gotta watch the alluring temptations of Reverb.com, of course. Haha! Used that flexibility to move out here to Florida. Did my first year in St. Pete (which is hip and cool and all), but being a muso, I found myself over here waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy more often as 90% of the shows and a lot of the scene happens over here. St. Pete is a bit more yuppie and as high as the rents are over here, they're absurd over there. It's not $2000/mo. for a studio cool. Just no.

 

Never been married, I got no kids, no crazy exes, no real baggage other than maybe some anxiety about any romantic future and some stupid insomnia that I do my best to manage. Fam-wise, my mom moved over on the Gulf side of the peninsula so she's in town. I visit on the reg. She's cool people, plus she's got a crash pad close to the beach. My dad is a snowbird and is in Daytona half the year so I visit him a few times annually. We visit my younger bro & wife and their two kids in Denver at least once a year, and do a family vacay every year or so. I'm so sick of going alone, however, to be frank.

 

Lifestyle wise: Work keeps me somewhat busy, like any professional, but I don't commute or deal with any of that nonsense. It's just ebb-and-flow so I work around it, and get on top of it when I can. I do have copious amounts of free time, just time management is sometimes important, though. That's life though in 2019, just so you know, boomers. I go to the gym between four days to every day of the week, if I can. Try to get out and get some sun. I live in an insanely walkable part of town, pools abound, the riverwalk is like a mile down the road from me. It's kinda awesome. I do my best to eat healthy, but end up balancing that with being a major foodie. I'm reasonably fit, though... not jacked or anything (despite lifting that way), but 5'-10", 160 lbs. It's the lean "rocker" build or whatever. I guess that's important. Less Jason Momoa (who's admittedly a cool M.F.), more Jared Leto... without the weirdo & rapey nonsense.

 

Speaking of hobbies, yeah, cooking & cuisine. Love it. This gringo does Caribbean, Latin, Mexican, Cajun, Creole, Mediterranean, Scandinavian. You name it. We're not talking tacos here (though I can do that, obvs), we're talking Haitian griot. Try it! If I pursued cooking, I'd probably be on Munchies now. Music is probably my biggest catharsis, though, TBH. Been part of it since I was a kid, starting in on actually playing when I was 15. I still get hyped by the newest stuff. I hit up shows whenever I can... and honestly, nothing is more zen than my trusty Ibanez RG9 in hand. Doesn't even have to be plugged in. It's in my blood. I miss being in a band, big time. I meet guys on the regular around here but I'm decidedly "new school" and a lot of them are not.

 

So far as more extroverted stuff goes, I dig exploring all sorts of new stuff, right in town, or day tripping the area: Art festivals/walks, funky coffee shops, good restaurants, beach bars, historic places, museums, and so on. Weird stuff is the coolest too. I went to the Salton Sea in California. They do this kitschy '60s underwater mermaid show up in Weeki Wachee here that I so want to go to. I'm down for typical theme park stuff too. I can have fun most places. I'm a big fan of motorsport too, but I don't mention it much as women seem to not give AF. Grand Prix of St. Pete was sweet. Didn't make Sebring, however. They're like back-to-back.

 

I mean, we can get into TV and movies and specific music. Everyone likes that kinda stuff. I don't watch too much TV or movies (but probably have 500+ YouTube channel subscriptions), but I do enjoy well crafted versions of both. Television (streaming, anyway) seems to be in a golden era right now. I've enjoyed A LOT of shows in recent years, from stuff that went popular like 'Stranger Things' to more under the radar stuff like 'Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and 'Preacher'. Hollywood's lost the plot for the most part, IMO... but indie films have gotten so much better and less "simply arthouse" of late as well. I'm a big fan of cosmic and cerebral horror, and have enjoyed a crap ton in the last two years alone. I'm not much of a gamer. I haven't owned a system since the PS2, and even then that was a gift from a girlfriend. Always kinda had friends with systems and would play with them to hang. Not a big part of my life.

 

I'm absolutely sure I'm missing sooooooooo utterly much here, but it's 12:40 PM Floridaman™ time and this had been quite the exercise in word diarrhea here. Feel free to ask away about anything. I'll try to fill in. This all obviously doesn't fit in a Tinder prof, haha!

Edited July 19, 2019 by mr_ybor

[mr_ybor]

I would focus way more on your actual messages and interactions with women than your profile. I'd bet that you come off as either weak, non sexual or a bore once you start chatting.

 

 

I don't get matches to begin with, so yeah... not the issue.

[Foxhall]

I must say since I have met someone in the last couple of months, I am not missing the online dating pursuits! good to get away from it.

 

Just a couple if tips anyway to help you get some matches.

 

Outline your hobbies and interest- my profile for instance had that I enjoyed quizzes/ dabbling in sports journalism and studying herbal medicine,

the latter one in particular generated plenty of interest,

I have not read all your posts here but you seem to have plenty of interests and are quite into music, so surely you can get that across in a profile.

 

The site I was on had a "What is your ideal day" ? I made sure I got an emphasis here on spending time with special someone walking by the sea and exploring nature,

perhaps enjoying a movie and a cuddle by the fire,

 

lol cringeworthy perhaps, but this paragraph got loads of likes on the dating site!

 

put in a little one liner somewhere- "It is good to talk" something like that as a caption.

 

the photo then- lol I put up a photo of when I was 28- ten years younger than I am now- but try to put up a good one anyway and perhaps one taken when you were a bit younger is no harm.

 

good luck.

[normal person]

Let's not overcomplicate things. It's not like "your people" are seeing your profile and not understanding it, or not getting a good sense of who you are. Either "they" aren't seeing it, or they're seeing it and not caring.

 

Here's a solution:

 

Bumble/Tinder - write 1 or 2 sentences, make them both funny.

Match - write a bit more but not too much. Show some of your personality. End on a joke. Make every word count.

 

More importantly than all that, have good pictures. A picture really is worth a thousand words, you can only describe yourself so much and the words can't do it that affectively. No matter how good your profile is, most women probably won't care, or even look at it, until they have the visual hook first. Just have clear, flattering pictures of your face and body and not from far away, wearing sunglasses, with 5 other people, etc.

 

Then, when your profile and pictures are good, buy a of boost or whatever it is that brings you to the top of the search and/or highlights you. Use it at a time when most girls are likely to just be doing not much of anything, hopefully just watching tv and looking at their phone: Monday-Wednesday 8-11pm.

 

Then when you have the best possible profile in front of the most possible eyes, your odds will dramatically increase and you'll be getting plenty of matches every time you boost.

 

The technology isn't quite able to select for "type" yet, but when you have your pool of matches, you can just manually select your "people" and talk with them and disregard the others.

[alphamale]

dude, all men's profiles read the same. the only thing that stands out are the pics. get some good pics of yourself, chicks look at your pics first

[JEG88]

It's the same anywhere on OLD. No matter how well you write your profile or take good pics, it's a numbers game.

 

Finding someone worthwhile on OLD has to be close to a perfect storm. She has to be online, attracted to you, and interested in your profile and/or message. And of course you have to be attracted to her and interested in her profile.

 

Doesn't hurt to refine pics and profiles, sure, but there's no escaping the grind of casting a wide net with messages to people you're interested in.

[bene]

For what it’s worth, I see nothing wrong with you from your avatar photo and the way you write. I’m surprised that you don’t get matches, to be honest.

 

One thing I can think of - are you photos very serious? In combination with the beard it could look intimidating.

[chillii]

l don't get why so many seem to go on some matches thing.

Just get in there look around find your own women, wouldn't trust my life to some computer bs.

Or what, don't they let you browse for your own thing or something ? Mine did, only way to go.

[mr_ybor]

dude, all men's profiles read the same.

 

I'm gonna have to disagree with that. I've read a good number of mens' profiles and while there's a lot of sameness, it's not at a rate any more than women's, and a good chunk of them have a lot more to say than the average lady's profile. There's definitely guys out there making an effort.

 

the only thing that stands out are the pics. get some good pics of yourself, chicks look at your pics first

 

Yeah, I think we all know this intuitively to some extent (people have to look at pics first on the apps too, because that's how they work), and I know I've heard that plenty of times... but to that end, I've been doing this stuff on-and-off since 2012 or so, which is to say, I've been taking / getting new pics, rotating them in and out, using the advice you hear over-and-over again about "good pics' and well, I really must be missing the boat here.

 

What constitutes a good pic? I mean, I feel really dumb here for not being able to figure this out over this long of a period, and how nothing I've tried has yielded any good results. You know: avoid selfies, check; full body shot, check; pics of you engaging in an interesting hobby, check and check; three-quarters composition, check; bit depth of field blur, check; no dead fish, check; I could go on...

 

I feel like I'm a good looking guy. I'm getting women hitting on me in real life without having to do any of the work (way more lately for some unknown reason). If I could capture this into a photo, it would be really nice. How this doesn't EVER funnel into a lens no matter how many pics are taken of me is confounding.

 

For instance, I've got this cool action pic of my sport sailing that my buddy took. I'm engaged in the activity, I'm smiling, look like I'm having fun, it's sunny and clear, my hair somehow looks good despite being windy and wet. I look good. My brother's wife saw it and was like, "That's the pic you gotta put on your dating profile and you'll clean house with the ladies". It did not help at all.

[chillii]

Not if your different they don't read the same.

Works that way for the women too, most of theirs read the same, but if you got the nose and the eye you can pick the ones that don't or that may suit you.

[LauraXX]

My brother's wife saw it and was like, "That's the pic you gotta put on your dating profile and you'll clean house with the ladies". It did not help at all.

 

 

Are you using Tinder and that's where you're not getting any matches? That's really strange. I would have swiped right on you based on the avatar picture you had until recently

 

So, if it's not the pictures and not the profile text, there's only one possible explanation for me: What are your filter settings (age, distance)? And are you swiping right on enough women to begin with?

 

I apologize if you already answered that question somewhere in this thread. The percentage of matches is of course going to be higher if you swipe right on 50 out of 100 women then if it's 1 out of 100. It's totally your choice of course, but my impression is (when I talk to my male friends) that a lot of them basically swipe right on everybody and do the filtering afterwards. It's apparently something they need for their ego So that would explain why you have the feeling of getting less matches than other guys.

 

Ugh, the joys of OLD. My problem isn't getting matches or first dates (or even 2nd or 3rd ones). It's finding somebody who's actually in for something more than FWB. I could have four dates a week if I wanted to (so in that aspect OLD is working REALLY well for me), but as soon as I catch feelings, guys seem to run for their life.

[mr_ybor]

Are you using Tinder and that's where you're not getting any matches? That's really strange. I would have swiped right on you based on the avatar picture you had until recently

 

Yeah, that, 100%. I've rotated a good number of pics and none seem to change the outcome.

 

So, if it's not the pictures and not the profile text, there's only one possible explanation for me: What are your filter settings (age, distance)? And are you swiping right on enough women to begin with?

 

Well, if you count the last ~6 years or so, literally swiping thousands (probably tens-of-thousands is more accurate), plus thousands more messaging women the "old fashioned way" (before the swipe apps) back in Portland. So, yeah: A LOT.

 

My filter settings vary. In general, I cast a pretty wide net. I'll slide the filters around though, mainly based on frustration. Radius tends to stay wide, regardless. I'll drive a good bit for love.

 

I apologize if you already answered that question somewhere in this thread. The percentage of matches is of course going to be higher if you swipe right on 50 out of 100 women then if it's 1 out of 100. It's totally your choice of course, but my impression is (when I talk to my male friends) that a lot of them basically swipe right on everybody and do the filtering afterwards. It's apparently something they need for their ego So that would explain why you have the feeling of getting less matches than other guys.

 

Nope, I do not just swipe on everything. Not at all. Maybe 60% on a good day, sometimes a good bit less. It's not about looks, though (frankly I swipe left on a lot of conventionally "hot" women because we just don't have anything in common or are not outright compatible based on place in life / outlooks).

 

Maybe a shocker to a lot of you, but it's not the top importance (granted, I need to be attracted to my counterpart). I'd rather have cute and compatible and awesome, than smoking hot and awkward and insufferable. The race to the top hottest is soooooooo stupid to me. Find cute enough, and find someone amazing to actually be around!

 

Also, Tinder's Elo score (look it up) really made us not bother with anyone we didn't think would be the slightest bit into us, otherwise it would tank our rating into oblivion if, say, a dirthead weirdo like myself tried to swipe right the longshot 'Dale+Allison' sitch from 'Tucker and Dale vs. Evil'. Not at all worth crapping your rating down the drain for! So I went more left than right, in general. This is the system that they made us work with. You get punished for being open minded. "Stick to your kind, freaks"

Ugh, the joys of OLD. My problem isn't getting matches or first dates (or even 2nd or 3rd ones). It's finding somebody who's actually in for something more than FWB. I could have four dates a week if I wanted to (so in that aspect OLD is working REALLY well for me), but as soon as I catch feelings, guys seem to run for their life.

 

See, that's just not my M.O. at all. I could most likely find someone to bang no problem, I'm sure. I'm not interested in that. I've had an FWB before and it wasn't really the thing I wanted. Super unfulfilling. My friends/fam are all married, buying houses, having kids and I'm here left behind for whatever reason.

Edited July 23, 2019 by mr_ybor

[chillii]

Man if your swiping 10s of 1000s then your not even casting a net your just shooting blind into the sky so no wonder.

[mr_ybor]

Man if your swiping 10s of 1000s then your not even casting a net your just shooting blind into the sky so no wonder.

 

No wonder?

[mr_ybor]

Man if your swiping 10s of 1000s then your not even casting a net your just shooting blind into the sky so no wonder.

 

No wonder what?