To all the unmatchables...

[mr_ybor]

I feel for you. Tried everything on online dating and am almost seven years without on a date. I don't get any of this.

Edited July 12, 2019 by mr_ybor

[PRW]

Tried everything on online dating and am almost seven years without on a date. I don't get any of this.

Only 7? I went way longer than that back in the past. Then I decided to get my act together and was able to date once or twice a month, sometimes more, and I went for about a 2 year span of time without ever getting a "no" to a "first date". I used to never try because I thought they would say "no",...but now I try much less often because I'm afraid they will say "yes" and am not sure I want to follow through because I am more selective now. During my later successful period I was old, balder, and less attractive then I was in the past when I couldn't accomplish anything.

 

The only one that makes you unmatchable,...or matchable,...is you.

[mr_ybor]

The only one that makes you unmatchable,...or matchable,...is you.

 

Good thing you're not me, I guess.

[preraph]

Why do you think it is? Whatever you're doing isn't working, so do different things, from dressing/grooming different to acting differently. Some people really need to learn to be open to thinking differently too.

 

Is that avatar of you? If so, if this is how you've stayed for awhile, grow more hair on top and shave the beard and just see. You can always change it back. Have someone look at what you say about yourself on your profile and have someone be honest with you if you are trying to date women who are too attractive to have a good shot at.

[mr_ybor]

Why do you think it is? Whatever you're doing isn't working, so do different things, from dressing/grooming different to acting differently. Some people really need to learn to be open to thinking differently too.

 

Is that avatar of you? If so, if this is how you've stayed for awhile, grow more hair on top and shave the beard and just see. You can always change it back. Have someone look at what you say about yourself on your profile and have someone be honest with you if you are trying to date women who are too attractive to have a good shot at.

 

I've tried different things. I used to have longer hair and no beard.

 

I mean, I've been doing this for almost a decade now. Of course, I've tried different things.

 

I mean, I'm not one to believe one should dismantle who they are just to get some attention. Ultimately, you're just looking for the right person for you.

[The Outlaw]

Online dating isn't very everybody, but it's just simply easier for some people because they don't have to step outside of their comfort zone. I've had a few accounts with several online dating services, but in past few years, I only spoke to one woman and but never met her. But to me, meeting a potential date/partner face to face is still, hands down the best way to go.

[alphamale]

But to me, meeting a potential date/partner face to face is still, hands down the best way to go.

 

its easier to ask a girl out after the 3rd drink

[preraph]

Just be sure in real life, you're getting out and doing active things like hobbies or jobs where women are present.

[The Outlaw]

its easier to ask a girl out after the 3rd drink

 

Very true.

[mr_ybor]

Online dating isn't very everybody, but it's just simply easier for some people because they don't have to step outside of their comfort zone. I've had a few accounts with several online dating services, but in past few years, I only spoke to one woman and but never met her. But to me, meeting a potential date/partner face to face is still, hands down the best way to go.

 

I kinda feel like that's the only way to go about it if you're going to do it, just cast as wide of a net as possible and do all (the popular ones, anyway) apps.

 

Honestly, dating apps are more out of my comfort zone than most things in meatspace for me. I'm apparently really, really incapable of some combination of: conveying who I am, connecting what I'm looking for with the people who fit that, and getting photos that make me attractive and compelling to the types of girls that would be into me. I really don't think I'm all that awkward of a person, but for whatever reason, I feel like no matter what I do, that's how I come across on the medium.

 

 

 

Just be sure in real life, you're getting out and doing active things like hobbies or jobs where women are present.

 

That's easier said than done.

 

For work, I freelance from home where I need access to my workstation. When I was at a workplace, it was pretty crap for meeting women, though, TBH. It's kinda not the place to be fraternizing to begin with, and the vast majority of women were married or boyfriended anyway.

 

I do get out and indulge my hobbies, mainly music. The scene is pretty heavily skewed male, however. It's just really hard to come by anyone who's (presumably) single and attractive in a scenario that's decent for asking someone out. Half the time, they're a barista or waitress or something at some place you regular, and it's not kosher to be hitting on people just trying to do their job. I'm sure they get enough of that crap.

 

My setting is a good bit better now, though. I've moved down to Ybor City, which is essentially Tampa's Bourbon Street. Lots of stuff always happening down here. There's an alt/industrial/goth club down here that's pretty good for M:F ratios and attracting weirdos like myself. I don't dance, but there's 4 bars, 3 dance floors, plenty of lounge space. Probably my best bet these days.

Edited July 13, 2019 by mr_ybor

[The Outlaw]

I can relate. I really don't see myself as being totally unmatchable, but I do however have quite a number of issues to work out before I'd even consider trying to date again. I'm not sure about you, but there are a few people on LS that aren't happy if they're single. I am, and I'm more than content. Back to the subject at hand, I guess it is like what some people say, it will happen when it happens. Online dating, again, isn't for everyone. It's just easier to read someone when you meet face to face because they can't hide behind a screen.

[mr_ybor]

I can relate. I really don't see myself as being totally unmatchable, but I do however have quite a number of issues to work out before I'd even consider trying to date again. I'm not sure about you, but there are a few people on LS that aren't happy if they're single. I am, and I'm more than content.

 

Well, it's not that I'm not happy or a miserable person if no one's in my life. I'm just really at the point where I need/should get on with finding someone. The "be patient, you'll find someone" mantra only goes so far. So, yeah, not unhappy at all, but definitely a bit anxious. It's tough seeing people couples go on vacation together, getting married, buying homes, having kids... and here you are rewriting your OLD bio for the nine-hundredth time. Patience is a virtue, for sure, but you only live once and time don't rewind too.

 

 

 

Online dating, again, isn't for everyone.

 

Yeah, I've heard that a few hundred times before. I'm not really sure what it means, because the majority of apps are kinda aimed at everybody (not so much J-Date, Grindr, or Farmers Only... but you know what I mean) so it's odd to me that some people are just straight up 100% handicapped, for lack of a better term, on the format. I have a friend that absolutely bombs on it as well.

 

It's just weird to me. I sometimes wonder if online dating is just really getting used by one specific demographic of women.

Edited July 13, 2019 by mr_ybor

[5x5]

Considering your results, if I were you I would stop using online dating as a way to date. I would put all of my efforts into pursuing women face to face in person.

 

As to the perfect scenario and setting for asking someone out. If you're keen and not afforded the luxury of best time and place, you ought to be bold and have at it. Likewise clubs and bars certainly can't hurt your chances either.

 

Plus on women having boyfriends, not all of them are unwilling to play with and or find new partners. So that doesn't always end ones chances to be with someone.

 

Plus like you said you only live once, with that being the case it can't hurt to be bold and ask more women out in person. Since if they say no, you haven't lost anything since they're not with you. Yet being bold some may well say yes, so you will be ahead by doing so.

[chillii]

l'd just forget the old shyt.

Doesn't work for many , not even women , many on them for years but no where.

l work from home too , you should make a bit of a point of getting out and about for lunch or some shopping even just a drive , breaks the day up and puts you out there, you soon start enjoying it after awhile and needing that break.

Same with getting out and about a bit in general, a day of the wkends, a wknight or two and sure clubs and pubs if you like it.

Trick is no expectations just do things and go places you enjoy it's a win win.

You don't have to be chatting up chicks if your not into that ,you might well just have some natural encounters and something goes from there

Same with clubs whatever you don't have to be going up to women point blank for a number, if there's someone you like that looks free try just talking to her, nothing has to be on the line you don't have to chat her up. Later if your clicking and she seems interested then you can ask her number or talk about doing something.

Main thing is start living again for you, l know it's the standard stuff but eh, there's something in it.

Edited July 13, 2019 by chillii

[nospam99]

its easier to ask a girl out after the 3rd drink

 

Catch-22 for those of 'us' who don't drink 'recreationally'. (Not picking on you, alpha, your tongue-in-cheek post was just an easy one to 'jump in' on.)

 

As a 65 y/o 'senior', designated dating 'facilities', e.g. sites, apps, and speed-dating, are close to the only way to meet potential romantic partners. Friends (the dwindling few who are still above ground) have long since become unlikely to know others who are 'looking'. And meetups are ostensibly platonic. (BTW this time of year is heavy 'gardening' time. I'll be looking at doing meetups again in the fall. But based on a multi-year track record, I expect to just enjoy the activity without meeting any dating partners.)

[Lupo]

You say you have hobbies. Music. Predominantly men. Okay. That's one thing. What else do you do for hobbies? Have any interest in history? Or how about art? Can you paint? Can you play any instruments? How about photography? Playing (water/beach) sports?

 

I frequent the other side of Florida (e.g. Hollywood/Hallandale Beach areas, etc.) for holidays & have friends/family who live there. There's a lot more to the state or just in & around Ybor City itself than pubs and (metal/punk?) music venues to find a potential partner at.

 

 

 

As for online dating as others said it's not for everyone. I tried a few of the popular ones years ago out of curiosity. As a woman who is outgoing & sociable (but picky on who I consider dating) I didn't stay on them for long. About a month or two.

[chillii]

I feel for you. Tried everything on online dating and am almost seven years without on a date. I don't get any of this.

 

 

Online stuff does often seem to be an area even a country thing too , seems to be a big difference in where abouts you happen to be especially if you won't look at anyone too far away.

Seems to work for some not others.

Still, it's something for people to try , no expectations on meeting the one as such but still, ya never know it does happen.

[mr_ybor]

As to the perfect scenario and setting for asking someone out. If you're keen and not afforded the luxury of best time and place, you ought to be bold and have at it.

 

I'm still not comfortable asking out someone who works at a place I haunt. I posited this on Reddit some time ago (erring on the side of no because it could get awkward after if they're not interested), and I got positively verbally eviscerated for even bringing up the idea of asking out someone at their place of work in the service industry. You'd think I asked if killing puppies was okay or not.

 

Plus on women having boyfriends, not all of them are unwilling to play with and or find new partners. So that doesn't always end ones chances to be with someone.

 

If the opportunity arises, I try to keep a good report with women I meet in that situation. For instance, a gal I like who works at a place I hang out chatted me up because I seemed particularly into the track that was spinning, who I mentioned I was indeed into and saw him perform recently. We got talking and she asked my name an it turns out her I have the same same as her boyfriend. Doh, so close. But I'll keep it congenial. It may not last forever. Not banking on it, but not going avoid her because she's not available right now.

 

You say you have hobbies. Music. Predominantly men. Okay. That's one thing. What else do you do for hobbies? Have any interest in history? Or how about art? Can you paint? Can you play any instruments? How about photography? Playing (water/beach) sports?

 

Yeah, I play guitar. See my avatar. Just heavy stuff, though. I don't play acoustic unaccompanied like most people seem to assume. I like the beach, just bumming mostly. I like to cook. I like motorsports, but outiside the St. Pete GP and Sebring, there's not much going on. It's more a sport you watch on TV.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Considering your results, if I were you I would stop using online dating as a way to date. I would put all of my efforts into pursuing women face to face in person.

 

l'd just forget the old shyt.

Doesn't work for many , not even women , many on them for years but no where.

 

I frequent the other side of Florida (e.g. Hollywood/Hallandale Beach areas, etc.) for holidays & have friends/family who live there. There's a lot more to the state or just in & around Ybor City itself than pubs and (metal/punk?) music venues to find a potential partner at.

 

As for online dating as others said it's not for everyone. I tried a few of the popular ones years ago out of curiosity. As a woman who is outgoing & sociable (but picky on who I consider dating) I didn't stay on them for long. About a month or two.

 

I'm not going to disagree, no one's avoiding real life here... but, like I've said, it's a bit of a trick finding someone who's 1. single, 2. attractive to you personally, 3. attracted to you. The sheer amount of people who are taken IRL is daunting. That's one of the big advantages of online dating / apps: (Presumably) everyone's single and looking.

 

That said, let's talk about my week a bit here: On Tuesday, I went to a hip hop show. Chatted up a random girl that sat down at my table, she seemed pretty interested. Kept coming back between acts to get my opin on the performers. Pretty sure she was into me. Unfortunately, the feeling wasn't mutual. She was cute, just not my type. Pretty butch.

 

Okay, now fast forward to last night. Grabbing dinner at a Thai joint at the bar, and some cute girl comes in and sits down next to me... chats me up. She just caught her boyfriend macking on some girl where he works and ditched out on him. She orders a bunch of sake and splits it with me, starts inquiring about my singleness status, "Do you have a girlfriend?" "Are you perusing anyone?" getting flirty. I didn't press anything as I wasn't getting in the middle of that mess, haha! Young girl drama. Kindly suggested to her to break up with her boyfriend but don't kill him. He isn't worth the jail time.

 

Later on, hanging out at my usual Friday night haunt. And this girl comes up to me out of the blue (a bit tipsy) and tells me "You a sooooo hot! Are you available? Can I get your number." Mind you, I'm not trolling for women, wasn't even dressed up, just getting out because I'm a bit stir crazy from work. So, yeah, I got her number. I'll hit her up next week.

 

Anyway. Point here is I'm obviously not an unapproachable person. I do get hit on. It's often people I'm not particularly attracted to. Fact is, to some women, I'm good looking (or "hot" or whatever... which I just find weird). Put it this way: I used to be a regular in this scene back in Phoenix, and I dated a few girls from it (one of which I was with for most of the time), and I found out some years later, just about every girl was into me. One of them had taken a particularly flattering candid photo of me and it was getting passed around.

 

Which brings me back to online dating. WTF is "not for everyone"? I don't get it. I mean, I've done it on-and-off (more on than off) in three different ~3+ mil metros now... and while I did get four, count em, four dates (one of which turned into a short term thing) off them waaaaaaaaaay back in 2012 / 2013, I'm essentially invisible to the entire swath of the population. I mean, I know I'm not every gal's cup of tea, but like I said, there are women out there that think I'm rather comely. It just doesn't make sense. The whole, "Only the top 20% of men have success on OLD" Yeah, yeah, I hear that, but I'm some womens' top 20%. I'm just venting here, but seriously. I must have swiped tens-of-thousands of profs and I don't even want to think about the number of personalized messages I sent out. I'm just the kinda guy that wants to understand the world, I guess, do my best to find somebody. Getting hit on just makes me more mad about it. Anywho, I'ma go do something constructive. Enough lament for today.

Edited July 13, 2019 by mr_ybor

[Foxhall]

you are a bit of a "quirky" type Im guessing (lol arn't we all I suppose)

 

anyway no harm to be a bit different from the crowd,

 

Is the problem that you are not getting any first dates from online dating?

 

perhaps play a more boring approach in your online persona, you do not need to say anything very imaginative to get a first date online, just play it normal run of the mill chat and ask her for a coffee after some correspondence,

(if you are trying to be too creative online, women can pick things up the wrong way and pencil you down as a weirdo)

 

then when you get to the actual date bring out your quirky side at that point and be more creative then,

 

boring online but fun in person.

[preraph]

If you play guitar anywhere in public, you will meet women, so that is your best opportunity. It gives them a reason to come up and talk to you and you seem important and all that.

 

As far as asking out people working service, just know that they are paid to be nice and even flirtatious and only do it if they are really coming on strong or asking if you have a girlfriend and you ask back, etc.

 

Funny story from way back. One guy I was in love with plus one friend I might be interested in because he was super handsome were both "in love" with the same barmaid. I had to hear about it day and night. Ugh.

 

So the handsome one asked me to go there with him to her bar one night, and we did. And she waited on us and was all smiley all night and very friendly to me, to the point where I knew she probably wasn't all that interested in him, either that or didn't consider me a threat to her majesty.

 

When we were driving home, he was dismayed. He said, "Hell, she was paying more attention to you than to me." Yup. She's working for tips. Her crush was a mediocre guitar player in a mediocre local band. Either that , or that was her beard. Dunno.

[chillii]

Well bloody hell , you have strange women coming up to you asking for your number telling you your hot.

WTF is the problem.

[mr_ybor]

you are a bit of a "quirky" type Im guessing (lol arn't we all I suppose) anyway no harm to be a bit different from the crowd,

 

I suppose. ¯\(°_o)/¯ I mean, I've been aiming for a comparatively quirky counterpart, primarily... though not exclusively. For the most part, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.

 

Is the problem that you are not getting any first dates from online dating?

 

It's not that I'm not getting any first dates. I'm not getting any matches, or replies/messages, I guess... but the apps don't work that way anymore (thank the cosmos... that was an asinine waste of time ).

 

perhaps play a more boring approach in your online persona, you do not need to say anything very imaginative to get a first date online, just play it normal run of the mill chat and ask her for a coffee after some correspondence,

 

Hmmm... I think I've tried everything at this point... including more stripped down profiles sticking with more "basic" aspects of my personality.

 

(if you are trying to be too creative online, women can pick things up the wrong way and pencil you down as a weirdo) then when you get to the actual date bring out your quirky side at that point and be more creative then, boring online but fun in person.

 

Yeah, I dunno. I honestly don't think I'm doing anything to weird anyone out... unless preferring motor racing to football or rock to pop is shockingly odd to some people... which I suppose to some it is (but every straight/bi women ever on dating apps?). We'd probably not get on if that's "so bizarre" to someone. But it's not like I'm a weeaboo,or a furry or something genuinely out there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you play guitar anywhere in public, you will meet women, so that is your best opportunity. It gives them a reason to come up and talk to you and you seem important and all that.

 

This absolutely not true. I played in a band a few years ago and we did shows every few months, and only once did I have someone interested... and I'm not sure she knew I played until I mentioned it, as she hit me up at the bar before we played. She may have seen us loading in, though.

 

As far as asking out people working service, just know that they are paid to be nice and even flirtatious and only do it if they are really coming on strong or asking if you have a girlfriend and you ask back, etc.

 

Yeah, you can't really know. I remember a barista girl somewhere asking about having a crush on one of her regulars and basically she'd have to throw yourself at someone, because we're all used to chatty/friendly service workers... or better yet, ask him out.

 

Her crush was a mediocre guitar player in a mediocre local band.

 

Don't underestimate us mediocre guitar players in mediocre local bands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well bloody hell , you have strange women coming up to you asking for your number telling you your hot. WTF is the problem.

 

Well, what you're talking about here is an extremely rare occurrence... even rarer that the subject has been attractive herself.

 

Granted, I'm probably more appealing than I give myself credit for, but between time passing and so many years of being beaten down by silence on dating apps, I don't have much reason to be in the mindset that I'm a sex idol or something.

 

Then again, maybe I'll continue to encounter interested parties. It's still bewildering that that doesn't translate to online in the least.

Edited July 14, 2019 by mr_ybor

[Veronica73]

You seem like an interesting, creative, intelligent, attractive guy who isn’t creepy (aware that hitting on people who are interacting with you because it’s their job might be tricky). And you live somewhere where there are a decent amount of people. It seems like you wouldn’t need to be on OLD. And I have no idea why it’s not working for you. Except Florida. Ugh, no offense, lol!

 

I very briefly tried OLD twice, a couple of years apart. And the second time, a lot of the guys that caught my interest, were the exact same guys that I had noticed a couple of years earlier. So I completely discounted them. I figured they were probably players. Or something. I kind of figured something must be wrong with them if they were still on there after a couple of years.

[LightWave93]

Online dating isn't for everyone. It's notorious for being difficult, there's that statistic floating around of 20% of men being sought after by 80% of the women, and ultimately they're owned by companies that intend to do business.

 

I've wasted hundreds of my hard-earned cash on those things, and come up short.

 

Case in point; drop them if they make you feel miserable or frustrated. They ain't for everyone. You appear to have a good life and attract women the old-fashioned away, so capitalise on that. If nothing else, it may simply be the case that you're not the type of person who can present themselves well via these apps.

 

Nothing wrong with you; you're just not able to play that particular game. Take your strengths and apply them elsewhere.

[divegrl]

Hi!!!

 

I don’t get this. You have had 3 girls hit on you in the past week but yet you are unmatchable? If you have girls hit on you, then you are attractive enough to be hitting on other women. Go up to a girl you find stunning at the bar/music event/club.

 

I would stay of OLD. There are lots of fake and inactive profiles.

 

Have a beautiful day my friend!