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What does it mean to have confidence?


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I've heard women are attracted to a confident man. What exactly does confidence mean to you? What would be an example of "unconfidence"?

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What would be an example of "unconfidence"?

 

asking a woman if you can kiss her

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^^^ Interesting reply, alpha. I understand your point. But ...

 

Asking for the kiss shows lack of confidence if we accept the premise 'if you have to ask, you're not confident'. But I can only think of two 'no ask' scenarios and BOTH can have a negative spin.

 

Scenario one, 'the reader': That is to say the guy who can (or thinks he can) read body language. He has already 'asked', but without using words. He has assessed her body language and believes she wants (or will at least accept) the kiss. This is only as good as the guy's body language reading skill. Let's face it. Some of us are good at it, some bad, and most are somewhere in between. Is the guy who acknowledges he's bad at reading body language not confident?

 

Scenario two, 'the azzhoel': He goes for the kiss anyway. He doesn't care whether she wants or will at least accept the kiss. He wants to kiss her (and probably wants to phuhk her, too) and that's all that matters. Some women will love that 'take charge' move. Others, not so much.

 

nospam plays the devil's advocate again :p

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I've heard women are attracted to a confident man. What exactly does confidence mean to you? What would be an example of "unconfidence"?

 

 

For me a confident man is somebody who isn't insecure, takes responsibility for his actions, is charismatic, comfortable in his own skin, doesn't need the approval of others but doesn't feel the need to put other people down either, isn't jealous or needy....

 

 

 

"Unconfidence": Somebody who's constantly speaking bad about others, who's bragging (about how succesful he is, how much he earns etc.) but seems to be very insecure at the same time, who's not proactive... has no goals in life... isn't passionate about anything....

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nospam plays the devil's advocate again :p

 

cut it out, you're making me look bad :laugh:

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asking a woman if you can kiss her

 

I very much disagree with this response.

 

Perhaps it’s how it’s asked, but I have been with some extremely confident men who have asked me before proceeding in various ways. It’s not because they are uncertain of themselves, it’s because they have a high level of respect for me, and are looking for my consent.

 

In the me too era, it’s not a bad idea. Hell, when I am the one taking control (what can I say, I am a confident woman and often take the reins) I do lots of asking and “checking in” - I’ll ask “is this okay” etc before taking things a step further etc the first time with someone.

 

Back to the OPs question- to me, confidence is comfort in your own skin. It’s healthy self esteem. It’s knowing what you want, and being willing to put yourself out there to get it.

 

To me, a man can have all of those things, and still ask if it’s okay to kiss me.

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No hesitation. We all have insecurities and fears, but a person who pushes through those and goes for his goals and gets back up when he's knocked down is a winner.

 

I think confidence when you're dating and with women is not feeling like you have to unnecessarily flatter her but also not try to conceal your interest, in other words just owning it, and going full steam ahead unless she says no or makes it clear she's not interested.

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Yes a woman does not want a man pandering to everything she says, prefers one who has his own mind and confidence to express his own opinions. Women tend to be more attracted romantically to these types.

 

being too agreeable can suggest a lack of confidence and as suggested by a few posters previously, from a romantic point of view they certainly do not want a doormat.

 

Otherwise in normal day to day life though, workplaces and so on, a woman will be delighted to sniff out a weak man and enjoy being in control and having one over on him.

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I very much disagree with this response.

 

i'm sorry to hear that RC but I stand by my post

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i'm sorry to hear that RC but I stand by my post

 

Well as a woman who has been with her fair share of confident successful men, I am going to agree to disagree with you ;)

 

Just speaking from my personal first hand experience.

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Well as a woman who has been with her fair share of confident successful men, I am going to agree to disagree with you ;)

 

Just speaking from my personal first hand experience.

 

touche mademoiselle

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I've heard women are attracted to a confident man. What exactly does confidence mean to you? What would be an example of "unconfidence"?

 

Yes, in the end, confidence has won me over before, to where I have left guys who were very insecure.

 

Confidence, to me, means someone who is secure with themself (they are not an emotional mess, are happy with how they look, will do what they want to without hesitation and fear). It does not have to be some macho man, that is not at all what I mean. However, someone who is proud of who they are and are not shy, nervous or hesitant about the little things. Everyone on earth gets nervous sometimes, but I am not talking about that, I mean in general as a personality trait.

 

For example, I have had guys joke about things like "haha no girl would date me, I am so glad at least you like me!" (self-deprecating humour, which I tend to interpret as insecurity that someone tries to laugh off). On the other hand, someone I am into recently joked like "I may be having a bad day, like a 2/10, but then I look at myself in the mirror and it is a 10/10 day, you know?" which is so much more attractive to me with that wave of confidence.

 

Another example is when this guy I was seeing in the past would get his hair cut and I would comment it looks so good. But he would ask a million questions about that, like what I exactly like about it, what is different about it (basically he would make sure to always have that haircut, knowing I liked it, rather than it being a cut he necessarily liked). He stayed attached to that haircut like a security blanket. Conversely, I told a different crush about how good he looked with longer hair, but the next time he had cut it anyway because that is how he likes it. Confidence! Do what you want.

 

Finally, a very annoying example which I am still mad about is when I was seeing an amazing guy but he was consistently way too nervous to make a sexual move on me, even after 2 years! It always had to be me that started things. Every time. Even for New Years kiss, instead of getting ready to kiss me, he showed me his watch about how only 10 seconds were left before the new year. And yes, it then had to be me to ask him if I could be his New Year's kiss. Only then did he kiss me, and finally after that was he was fine to kiss me in the future. No normal, confident guy would pass up an opportunity to be the New Year's kiss of the girl he loves, especially when she is right there, dancing with him, super into him. He was head over heels for me, always there for me, but his constant lack of confidence and hesitation in nearly everything to do with me just ended up turning me off. Oppositely, I remember a date with a different person, very confident and secure. We had drinks and he was already holding my hand in the cab ride back. Some of the happiest times of my life with a person like that, who is not shy to chase what he wants.

 

Sometimes you just have to go for things, and hesitation is a huge turn off for me. I know these examples were random off the top of my head, but I always notice these kinds of things in guys. Confidence does not mean being a jackass. It just means being very comfortable in your skin and believing in yourself. All of these guys in my non-confident examples were very kind and loving, but I felt I was with someone so insecure that it actually bothered me. As if I always had to be the one comforting them or reassuring them that it is okay to do whatever. They all could have me right where they wanted, had they been bold or a bit brave with their actions. Instead, I lost my attraction to those types of nervous personalities over time.

 

/Oh and I would like to add! Not everyone is like this, as the above poster mentioned. Some are completely okay with others who are not very confident, and that is fine. I am speaking from my own experiences and preference.

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The Outlaw

Confident men know what they want, when they want it, and will let nothing stand in their way of getting it. They're sure of themselves. Unconfident men may or may not know what they want, but won't take initiative.

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Confident men know what they want, when they want it, and will let nothing stand in their way of getting it. They're sure of themselves. Unconfident men may or may not know what they want, but won't take initiative.

 

Basically what I was trying to say, well said. Compeltely agree.

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The Outlaw
Basically what I was trying to say, well said. Compeltely agree.

 

Thanks. And welcome aboard, BTW.

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asking a woman if you can kiss her

I agree alpha....this has happened to me a few times and it was a complete turn off. I'm an aggressive woman, I can't handle shy, and hesitation. So I guess it all depends on the woman. Some would find it endearing?

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Keep in mind there is a difference between asking to kiss a woman and telling a woman you want to kiss her.

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Confident men know what they want, when they want it, and will let nothing stand in their way of getting it.

 

Of course, this depends on whether the things in their way are other innocent people or one's own sheer determination at a personal level.

 

Wanting say, to go to University. May require determination in terms of working hard to fund the course and working hard to pass with a high distinction and working hard to find a job. This is all down to that person's confidence in themselves that they can do what's required.

 

But if say, they want a woman who's not interested, letting nothing stand in their way is at best annoying and at worst frightening. Same if the guy has to tread all over others to climb the corporate ladder.

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Comfortable in your own skin. Assured in your beliefs and ethics without being closed off from conflicting viewpoints. Belief in yourself and own worth without being arrogant. Responds to conflict, not reacts.

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