greenlights0000 Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 So, there was this guy that I went out with last year, it ended badly. Anyway, I got on tinder a few days ago and I matched with one of his friends. Now, I’ve never met him before I just recognized him from my ex’s Facebook friends list. The tinder guy doesn’t know that I had a romantic fling with his friend. We just happen to swipe on tinder. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 I see no problem with you going out with the friend 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 I think that the new guy needs to know that there is history with his mate and be involved in the decision. I would also say that the decision depends on what "it ended badly" actually means. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 It wouldn't be wrong but you do have to tell him that you know his buddy. If you never met him they probably aren't that close so it's fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
The Outlaw Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 If it ended badly, I don't see a problem with it. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 Nothing wrong with it, but if/when he finds out, he'll probably mock the other guy...You know, the old..."how does my dick taste" type of stuff.. That may turn the other guy against you depending on how well they know each other..Didn't mean to be crude, just telling you how guys deal with this type of stuff.. Are you ok with all that drama that may ensue?? And I agree, you got to tell guy #2 about guy #1... I dunno...There are so many people on this planet, such that this type of dilemma should never happen based on the sheer numbers....But there is nothing really wrong with what you are doing... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenlights0000 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Share Posted June 2, 2019 Well, things went well on our date, looks like he’s best friends with the ex lover because he was talking about him- even though he didn’t say his name I immediately knew it was him-he was mentioning things about the ex. If things progress-what if ex talks s**# about me saying that I’m a crazy? I mean do best buddies talk about the dates they’ve gone on or a girl they dig? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 Yes they most certainly do. I would never date a guy that was friends with a past lover. I wouldn't want them comparing sexual notes about me. Also I wouldn't want them to think I'm easy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenlights0000 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Share Posted June 2, 2019 What? So guys need approval from the girls they date? Never heard of such a thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 What? So guys need approval from the girls they date? Never heard of such a thing. You've never heard of the "bro code"??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 What? So guys need approval from the girls they date? Never heard of such a thing. What are you talking about? No one said a guy needs approval from the girls he dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 Surely you have gotten other matches that won't entail any of the drama that dating an ex's friend could entail. For all you know the ex has referred you to his friend so they can compare notes... the least you should do (IMO) is tell the dude you dated his friend and see how he handles the situation. You don't seem to care but he might. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenlights0000 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Share Posted June 2, 2019 What are you talking about? No one said a guy needs approval from the girls he dates. What if the ex influences him not to date me? I mean the ex hates my guts. Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 Yea. I know a woman who divorced her husband and then married his brother. She never had kids with the first guy but his brother and she have two sons and have been together for over 20 years. The brothers’ family approve and see it as a better match, their mom even lived with them when she was old before she died and they took care of her. So if that can happen why not be able to date someone’s FB friend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenlights0000 Posted June 2, 2019 Author Share Posted June 2, 2019 Surely you have gotten other matches that won't entail any of the drama that dating an ex's friend could entail. For all you know the ex has referred you to his friend so they can compare notes... the least you should do (IMO) is tell the dude you dated his friend and see how he handles the situation. You don't seem to care but he might. No, this was just random that I happen to find the ex’s best friend on tinder. What are the chances of that? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 If the ex hates your guts, it's 100% certain that he will talk the new guy out of dating you. Turn it around: If you thought one of your exes was vile and a friend of yours started dating him, wouldn't you want to protect her too? This is what I was referring to when I pondered the question "it depends on what 'it ended badly' means' To further confuse matters, the fact that you weren't transparent about your history when meeting the new guy will only go to provide further evidence to what your ex will say about you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beendaredonedat Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 No, this was just random that I happen to find the ex’s best friend on tinder. What are the chances of that? What has that got to do with you finding other matches that won't cause the drama that dating this guy might cause? Like I said, you don't seem to care that it is your ex's friend but the least you can do is tell the guy you dated his friend and then let him decide if he wants to see you again. You are being somewhat deceiving by not telling him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 2, 2019 Share Posted June 2, 2019 'Somewhat' deceiving is quite the understatement! Link to post Share on other sites
Fekenaws Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 As far as you should be concerned, it's none of his business. You're free. As far as he is concerned, I'd be livid at my friend, and they would be knowingly walking out on to very thin ice. I wouldn't tolerate it unless he explicitly asked my permission and I gave them my blessing. But all my friendships are a decade old at the very least, so there is a deep level of trust and space there that we all don't cross. Link to post Share on other sites
crispytoast Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 There's nothing wrong with dating his friend. If your ex is a good friend to his friend, he will warn him about whatever didn't go well and then let the two of you be. It would be quite childish of him to think he holds any claim over you a week after the breakup, let alone a whole year. With that being said, a lot of people don't think logically. Step with caution. This depends on the circumstances. How close were you with your ex? I had the sister of one of my old ex-girlfriends flirt with me pretty hardcore a few years ago, and the sister was always hot. However, because I had very strong feelings for that old girlfriend of mine, I felt that have a smash session with her older sister would be bad form, so I turned her down. Now, if the ex was just a bit of a fling and this guy you ran into on Tinder is just a casual friend of his, then why not? Turning down the threesome, turning down your ex's sister.. man enigma you are the truest form of gentleman. You've got some good karma on your side, one of these days you're gonna get pounced by gorgeous identical triplets or have a wife that's only attracted to females except you or something wild like that. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 3, 2019 Share Posted June 3, 2019 He may not have claim over you, but he has claim over his friends. Nobody wants the ex they hate attending events with their (now ex) best buddy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenlights0000 Posted June 5, 2019 Author Share Posted June 5, 2019 Nothing really crazy happen with the ex. When things went sour and he longer longer was interested in chatting with me since he was talking to another girl since he lives out of state, and he ghosted me about meeting up, I got angry looked at his friends list on Facebook and made 3 Snapchat accounts pretending to his friends he figured out it was me, he called me/texted me about it I ignored him and decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. I haven’t reached him to him nor done anything to him for 6 months. This isn’t too crazy is it? Compared to what other people have done. Now it’s like the ex might think I’m going after his best friends, which isn’t true at all, because we randomly met on tinder, so it’s not like I was expecting to see his friends on there. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 5, 2019 Share Posted June 5, 2019 Nothing really crazy happen with the ex. When things went sour and he longer longer was interested in chatting with me since he was talking to another girl since he lives out of state, and he ghosted me about meeting up, I got angry looked at his friends list on Facebook and made 3 Snapchat accounts pretending to his friends he figured out it was me, he called me/texted me about it I ignored him and decided to give him a taste of his own medicine. I haven’t reached him to him nor done anything to him for 6 months. This isn’t too crazy is it? Compared to what other people have done. Oh, Brother! No, for YOU not too crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author greenlights0000 Posted June 6, 2019 Author Share Posted June 6, 2019 Oh, Brother! No, for YOU not too crazy. If the new guy has strong feelings about me then so what is the ex going to tell him about me? That possibly can’t change his mind about me. Most likely the new guy will tell the ex ( his best friend) to take a hike. I’m not a bad person. If the ex hates me why will that influence the guy? Best guy friends really do that? Isn’t that a women thing only? Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 6, 2019 Share Posted June 6, 2019 If I was going to date an ex lover's friend I met randomly I'd tell the friend on the first date I dated his friend (the ex). That's even if things ended very well. If things ended badly, as you wrote they did, I would then say something to him like, "I hope ex has gotten over yada yada yada, some crazy stuff that went on between us (OR "crazy stuff I did," OR "crazy stuff I wish I hadn't done" because it does seem a bit unusual to me). If you want a dating relationship at all with this guy you need to tell him before your ex does. He can and probably will make it sound even worse than it was. And, IMO, what you did wasn't the greatest as it involved deceit, even if it was supposed to be a joke. Let it be a lesson to you that before you take any action it can come back to haunt you in the most unusual ways so best to always be kind, honest, etc. in all situations. You should do this because it's the right thing to do, but as you are finding out it's also the smart thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
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