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Have you ever rejected someone because you thought you could “do better”


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Have there been people you were at least kind of attracted to but thought you can do better looks wise and/ or thought you were better looking then them so you decided not to give them a chance?

 

I’ve never understood that thinking but have heard it before.

 

I’m either attracted or I’m not. I don’t take into consideration if I can do “better” looks wise or how this person stacks up to past partners physically.

 

I’ve dated women all over the map looks wise.

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I've had a lot of swipe rights on Tinder from African American folks - I like them as friends, but I can't get into a romantic relationship with them so I have passed on. I've passed on a graduate student because I wasn't attracted at all - on this one I decided although she had a similar background, I was better off being honest about my attraction up front rather than faking stuff. Better mild pain than deception for months.

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lots of women show interest in me but I have to narrow it down to just the ones I am attracted to (both mentally and physically)

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Looks-wise no. I have declined dates or 2nd dates with men I didn't find attractive.

 

I have also declined relationships with certain pretty boy players because I know I can do better. Peter Pan may give good date but he's not relationship material if he won't grow up.

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. Everyone does this, I think, even if they don't phrase it like that.

 

Not everyone.

 

Finding a connection is hard enough. If you find one with someone you’re at least somewhat attracted to but ignore it because you think you can do better looks wise that’s not just shallow but borderline sociopathic.

 

Most people can’t help who they fall in love with which is why I don’t understand how some people can be so robotic and rigid with things involving the heart especially if there is some attraction there.

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Blind-Sided

Never once did I have a relationship that was going well... but I broke it off just because "I could do better". To me... that seems very cold, and cruel. Same as some of the above... I've discontinued a relationship because after a few dates, I just didn't see it lasting.

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littleblackheart
If you find one with someone you’re at least somewhat attracted to but ignore it because you think you can do better looks wise that’s not just shallow but borderline sociopatic.

 

I think this may be a slight exaggeration on your part, no?

 

It's blatantly not sociopathic (or borderline sociopathic) to not want to pursue a relationship with someone you're not physically attracted to. Could be a little shallow but is actually quite normal, I would assume.

 

I have no particular physical criteria but if I'm not attracted to the guy (regardless of how he looks) I can't engineer it out of thin air.

 

Can you say that you could be physically attracted to anyone?

 

Has someone point blank told you they won't date you bc they think they could do better looks-wise?

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I mean, you're talking about looks. Certainly one might lose interest if someone they were more attracted to came along. When I think of "doing better," what I've observed among friends is do better than some do-nothing slacker, having nothing to do with looks.

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todreaminblue

i have never ended a relationship because i have felt i can do better....but i have ended a relationship based on wanting to be treated better....deb

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lf l wasn't interested it would've been because she wasn't right for me in one way or another or in all ways or whatever.

So that could've been about anything in general or attraction or the whole box of rocks.

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littleblackheart
i have ended a relationship based on wanting to be treated better

 

Likewise. In the end, someone who doesn't treat you right loses their appeal.

 

When you are truly attracted to someone as a whole, you don't really care what they look like in the end.

 

But if you have a niggling doubt about where it may be headed, you tend to find fault or compartmentalise a little more.

 

If someone isn't attracted enough to you (physically, emotionally, or anything else) then it's not meant to be.

 

It doesn't make them psychos, and it doesn't mean anything much in terms of your own looks. Everyne has their own criteria; it's a bit pointless fighting against windmills, imo. You can't be everyone's cup of tea, and that's totally fine.

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I would say usually if someone says they can do better, they mean they can find someone who treats them better, not someone who looks better. They don't like how they're being treated and anyone would be an improvement over being treated badly.

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Has someone point blank told you they won't date you bc they think they could do better looks-wise?

 

Huh? I stated in the hypothetical that you’re at least somewhat attracted to the person physically you just think you can get somebody better looking.

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littleblackheart
Huh? I stated in the hypothetical that you’re at least somewhat attracted to the person physically you just think you can get somebody better looking.

 

What does 'somewhat' mean, though? If I'm somewhat attracted to someone across the board, there obviously is there no point going further, is there? Maybe you should start considering that being 'somewhat' attracted isn't actually viable enough for a relationship?

 

Can you honestly say that you be somewhat attracted to any anyone (physically, emotionally, personality)? I know I can't. So has someone ever told you that straight up (waiting for someone better looking) as a reason for not dating you?

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So has someone ever told you that straight up (waiting for someone better looking) as a reason for not dating you?

 

No it’s never happened to me I just heard people who think that way.

 

If you’re attracted to someone and everything else is there as well I don’t get the I can get someone better looking mentality.

 

As far as somewhat being attracted to someone at first yeah there’s been women I thought we’re ok looking or I was neutral about their looks and they became more attractive to me after getting to know them.

 

I think most people operate like that. They don’t have to think that person is drop dead gorgeous right away to eventually date them. Most people aren’t amazing looking.

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littleblackheart
They don’t have to think that person is drop dead gorgeous right away to eventually date them. Most people aren’t amazing looking.

 

I agree with this. Your hypothetical is not something I've ever come across, tbh.

 

But I do know people who attach a lot of importance to initial physical attraction (those who have a particular type - doesn't have to be models, just a specific type) and they aren't mentally unstable.

 

I personally have zero physical requirements but if I'm not mentally and emotionally and personality fully engaged, I won't be physically attracted. I don't think there's any right or wrong in this; just how people are wired, and the power of 'natural chemistry'.

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l do have a very very specific type in looks but also very very specific in everything else too, so it's still about everything.

The only important women in my life have had exactly what l need all round and been quite similar.

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A while ago I tried dating girls who I thought were "kind of" cute, but all it did was make me feel sad about the other girls I really was into. (The ones it didn't work out with)

 

Like one of them would often send me pictures of herself with a new dress on or something, and it would just do absolutely nothing for me. I couldn't help but think; "I wish .... (other girl) was sending me pictures like that." So it was also not fair to her...

 

I thought I might become more attracted to her over time, but that never happened. So now I'm only dating girls I'm a 100% attracted to. (And no more "meh why not...")

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GoodOnPaper
I’m either attracted or I’m not. I don’t take into consideration if I can do “better” looks wise or how this person stacks up to past partners physically.

 

Personally, I view attraction as a spectrum. My wife was someone I was kind-of attracted to while she seemed to be more interested in me. I was struggling so much - she was the only woman I met in a year who was willing to tell me she was single - what right did I have to say no? If I felt it was mean for women to reject me and not give me a chance, how could I do the same thing to someone else?

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I have indeed rejected girls because I thought I could do better (and in some cases I did do better). I have also had girls reject me because they thought they could do better (I would have to assume that some did do better)

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Eternal Sunshine

Yes I have. But I also was not that attracted to them. When I was younger, if I was slightly attracted to someone and I thought they had the right things on paper, I would proceed to have a relationship. Now, I need to be strongly attracted, crazy about them. If that's the case, I will be with them regardless of anything else for the moment - I wouldn't care if it leads to long term or what's on paper. I figured out that I don't regret a single failed fling where I was crazy into the guy. Regardless of how it ended, I was happy even if for short term. Relationships I pushed myself into, when I was pretty meh about the guy - I was miserable the entire time.

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OatsAndHall

For me, it's not about "doing better"; it's about having a good idea when something isn't going to work early on in the dating process. And, make no mistake, it is a part of the dating process.

 

 

 

I've had first and second dates with women that I was only partially attracted to and I called things off early. I was only marginally attracted to them physically, nothing about their personality screamed "COMPATIBLE!" and chances were good that it wasn't going to go anywhere. There weren't any serious red-flags or anything "wrong" with these women but I know myself and I know that a relationship with them wasn't going to go anywhere.

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Id imagine guys less so than girls on this,

 

most younger guys will be delighted to get a sniff of their first sexual experience and party on as it were,

 

girls will be more considerate or maybe not!!

 

I guess everyone at some stage feels they can do better in the sense of finding someone better looking, or a more suitable personality,or the way it has gone nowadays, financially and security wise a better long term prospect!(the latter being a ladies requirement)

 

I am curious now I have found that women in their 30s are quite choosy nowadays about guys and that a guy needs to be fairly competent to land a good catch as they say!

 

 

I found it much easier to get girlfriends in my 20s than I am finding it in my 30s,

 

so to answer your question I would have rejected girls back then but now my standards would have dropped somewhat,(lol that sounds a bit crude, I like to think I am a decent bloke after all)

 

but I am sure you follow my point.

 

looks wise anyway, although personality would be still a big thing for me, finding that lady that am comfortable with,

 

have found a few of these but to get the mutual attraction has been tricky

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