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Why can't people be single and happy?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 4th April 2019, 12:07 AM   #1
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Why can't people be single and happy?

Why is it the moment someone breaks up with someone, they immediately start searching for a replacement? Do you/they need validation at all times? Are you insecure by yourself?
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Old 4th April 2019, 12:09 AM   #2
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Different people have different belief systems, that's all there is to it. As for me, I feel happier in a couple, but I am pretty bloody happy by myself, with the blokes, or with the ladies. That's the healthiest combination. Life is too bloody short to spend any significant amount of time being unhappy.

Be really happy with yourself.
Be happy around others.
Know where you feel the most belonging.
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Old 4th April 2019, 12:17 AM   #3
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In some cases, instead of giving themselves time to recover, they are using other people to soothe the hole in their heart. I'm seeing it done in equal measures by both men and women.

In other cases, the person is already very ready to move on by the time the relationship ends. I met my now husband when I was not long out of my previous marriage. I wasn't looking, but he was right and I wasn't prepared to walk past a great new option when I was feeling so great post divorce.

Last edited by basil67; 4th April 2019 at 12:20 AM..
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Old 4th April 2019, 6:20 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eddy1832 View Post
................ Are you insecure by yourself?


Is this even a real thread? It feels like an attack on everyone. BUT............... It's human nature to be bonded to someone !! PERIOD !
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Old 4th April 2019, 9:45 AM   #5
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I love being single
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Old 4th April 2019, 10:43 AM   #6
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Some people aren’t okay being alone. They’d rather focus outward than inward and being busy keeps them from ever really growing imo.

Not everyone is that way but enough to make it noticeable when you come across them.
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Old 4th April 2019, 11:04 AM   #7
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Patterns play a role in it, too, I think. After years of doing things a certain way, it's instinctual to respond to certain situations in the same way. After a breakup, I tend to stay single for a long time, often too long, because it's just how I've been after every breakup in my life. A couple of the women I've dated in the past are sort of the opposite, where if they get out of a relationship, they're right back out there looking for companionship.

I actually asked one about it long after we broke up. She doesn't have many close friendships, so she's always just defaulted to the person she was dating to be the person she tells day-to-day things to. So when she doesn't have that, there's a more noticeable void than just the romantic relationship; she doesn't have that social circle she can share the daily stuff with, so she always just gets back out there and finds a new guy.

Getting back to me, I would say despite some struggles, I'm pretty content with life, even though I'm single. But there are absolutely things I feel lacking from it because I don't have a partner.

Friends and family are invaluable, but there's just something different about sharing life's little victories with a romantic partner. There's something invigorating about a Friday night out for a meal, drinks, and conversation with the person you love. There's an indescribable comfort in thinking at different points of any given day that there's that special someone out there probably thinking of you.
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Old 4th April 2019, 11:10 AM   #8
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People can be single and happy.

People can be single and unhappy.

Human beings were designed for companionship, so it's not weird that some people don't like to be single.
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Old 4th April 2019, 1:52 PM   #9
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Just like everything else, a person's need to be "with" another person is on a scale from low to high. There are people who want to be with another person so bad they will be with a total loser rather than be alone. And the person who does this may be an especially sweet nice person, but there's some weakness there making them that extreme that they just can't be alone at all and make bad choices.

Most people are somewhere in the middle of the scale. They want to find someone they can make a family with and have a partner. Understandable. I just think it takes two really laid back flexible people to make a happy couple, because what I've mostly seen is one laid back flexible person with someone abrasive and uncooperative who most people wouldn't put up with. It's those cases (which are mostly what I've seen) that just make me scratch my head why bother at all if your life is just a struggle like that. But some would rather not be alone, period.

And then some are just as happy alone as not. That's pretty much me. I'm social, but also need a lot of alone time and very independent and not at all ready to compromise much on anything. My mother said I was set in my ways by age 18.

Example: I'd be happier alone than to fall in love with and move in together with someone who wanted to put his deer antlers or football memorabilia on my wall or put a leather recliner in my sixties modern living room in front of a huge tv. In fact, this type thing does come up.

I had a LDR with someone I had met years ago, and we got down to the nitty gritty talking about ever trying to be in one place and living together, and it came down to neither of us wanted to live in the other's city ever (for him ever again) and trying to find a location we could both agree on. And then he couldn't see having anything but brown wood furniture in a house, and two rooms of mine have ornate ebony antique wood.

People who have to have big discussions on this type stuff are better off living alone or with a roommate they already have brainwashed to their way of thinking. Negotiating makes me weary, when I could just be doing what I want all the time instead. Even when I was young, I used to say my ideal living situation with a man would be a huge mansion with two separate wings where we both set it up as we wished and could just sometimes eat dinner together and be together when we wanted. Unfortunately, never got rich so that that was a possibility.

On top of all that, and I should have prefaced with it, when young, hormones drive both men and women to find a partner. I was really wanting one in my 20s and early 30s, but at the same time, not necessarily for marriage, just a relationship.
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Old 4th April 2019, 3:09 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eddy1832 View Post
Why is it the moment someone breaks up with someone, they immediately start searching for a replacement? Do you/they need validation at all times? Are you insecure by yourself?
Oh this one is easy to answer...

Usually, when a woman dumps me, she no longer wants to have sex with me. Since, I enjoy sex I will immediately go out and try to find her replacement. It has nothing to do with being insecure or some type of validation, it is simply biology.
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Old 4th April 2019, 3:30 PM   #11
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I love being single. I love spending time alone.
Since I am an outlier, I spent a very long time pushing myself to be in relationships. I was miserable in every single one. I would count down the days and hours till I can be alone again.


About a year ago, I finally accepted myself. I no longer have an OLD profile and don't look in any way. I am happier than I have ever been. I wish there are more people like me so that I can have friends I truly relate to. All my friends are obsessed with their romantic lives.
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Old 4th April 2019, 4:00 PM   #12
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It can be very difficult to go from dating to single overnight. They've grown accustomed to being with someone-dinners, movies, sex, etc. Many times a dumper will go directly to the next person. It's a way to avoid depression.

Other than that, yes, people can for sure be happy single. I think imma little too happy being single.
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Old 4th April 2019, 8:21 PM   #13
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We are driven, biologically, to seek out a mate in order to have our species survive. Until humans either find a way to restructure our brains via surgery to avoid this pain, or learn how to reproduce asexually, we're stuck with this as part of human nature.
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Old 4th April 2019, 10:35 PM   #14
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Single people can be happy. Problem is that no one is there to see it.
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Old 4th April 2019, 10:42 PM   #15
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I loved being single, and lived that way for a long long time. I hardly ever thought about actively changing my status. I simply liked my life too much.

Now that I’m in a relationship, I sometimes long for those days.
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