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In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 22nd March 2019, 7:44 PM   #1
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Being realistic or being single and lonely?Men only?

Hi, I am 22 and male and never had a girlfriend due to being picky.I have racial preferences though I would date any woman regardless of race. I'm mostly attracted to caucasian middle eastern women but those women can be very beautiful and out of my league. Even working on myself doesn't do much. I'm very skinny because I have a rediculously fast metabolism so I'm almost underweight at 128 lbs so Its impossible to get fit and most women hate very skinny men. I don't think ill ever become rich so I won't have money to attract those women.I have to be alone or being realistic. I don't feel I would be happier being with someone in my league than single. I feel I would be the same. Men on here, what would you do in this situation?
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Old 22nd March 2019, 9:16 PM   #2
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Are there any "running" clubs or groups, in your area??

I think what you are describing might be a "runner's body" very thin and lean.

In my youth, I used to run marathons and got very thin & lean when I trained. I ran with a "Runner's Club" and there were plenty of women who were also thin that appreciated same.

Maybe... try that??
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Old 22nd March 2019, 9:31 PM   #3
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Where are you meeting the Caucasian Middle Eastern women? Is that mostly what there is where you live?

Most women I knew didn't like big beefy guys and a lot of them dated skinny. I look back at some photos and one of mine was really skinny, while the other was totally untoned kind of Pillsbury Doughboy. My friends often dated superthin guys and one married one that to me is just too skinny, but she likes it. Unless you just have no tone whatsoever, skinny is okay, but you need to work on your biceps and get some shape to them and build up your back and shoulders some.
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Old 22nd March 2019, 11:59 PM   #4
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I'm very skinny because I have a rediculously fast metabolism so I'm almost underweight at 128 lbs so Its impossible to get fit and most women hate very skinny men. I



Almost everyone that says they have a ridiculously high metabolism are just over estimating how much calories they consume. Unless you've tracked your calories then you don't know. I used to say the same thing and thought I was eating a lot, but I wasn't. My advice to you would be to stop focusing on acquiring a gf, and instead focus on living, enjoying life, and appreciating it's abundance. Currently your scarcity mindset will create a lethargic vibe and no one wants to be around that.

I used to weigh about the same as you, but I got bigger by drinking healthy calories after each meal. I read about a guy that said he drank pulverized oat so I tried that and it worked.

Beware the self fulfilling prophecy. if you become negative because you don't have a gf......then your negativity will prevent you from having a gf.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 12:23 PM   #5
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Where are you meeting the Caucasian Middle Eastern women? Is that mostly what there is where you live?

Most women I knew didn't like big beefy guys and a lot of them dated skinny. I look back at some photos and one of mine was really skinny, while the other was totally untoned kind of Pillsbury Doughboy. My friends often dated superthin guys and one married one that to me is just too skinny, but she likes it. Unless you just have no tone whatsoever, skinny is okay, but you need to work on your biceps and get some shape to them and build up your back and shoulders some.
I used to go to high school in Southern California, which is very diverse. I've seen many at my school and had a few in some of my classes.

I don't have any tone. I try to workout my biceps and try to improve my posture but It fails because I'll always get small again within weeks because of my fast metabolism.I know there are women that like skinny men but I'm skinnier than usual. I look repulsive to them.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 12:27 PM   #6
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One very useful thing to do is to check with your doctor to see if you have a metabolic condition like hyperthyroidism that is causing you to be extra thin. Then, eat your pride a little bit, don't view this advice as a personal attack, and ponder this advice (as I had to eat my pride when I was first given this advice):

I think the most helpful first step is to work on your social skills like you have never before worked on anything in your life - devote yourself to it like a religion. Most men who don't practice dating since they were 13 have some degree of what you are troubled with. Then, go through the 6 step Garcon process:

1. Step one - portray yourself at all times in the most well dressed, fashionable man you can be. Ask your salon's advice on what is the most physically attractive haircut that will go with your head. Use gel if needed. Physical attraction cuts both ways. You may be able to attract a hot girl, but you must accept that certain hot girls will never date you no matter what redeeming qualities you have because you are NOT THEIR TYPE. Women are attracted to hotness just like men are attracted to hotness. You'll have to offer something physically attractive. But, then look at step 2 - most women are more willing to overlook physical attractiveness if there is something about your personality that is also attractive. Read on -

2. Step two - portray yourself socially amongst women as a relaxed and easygoing man, who is willing to have a fun conversation. You must beat the stereotype that you are shy, and can only have certain kinds of conversation, regardless of the fact that women unfairly apply the stereotype through no fault of yours.

3. Step three - surround yourself with hobbies that you enjoy, which women simultaneously enjoy.

4. Step four - spend at least 1 month of solidly talking to a different woman every day, and get over the "stagefright" of approaching a woman you like. You should also spend time getting friendly with women, solely for the friendship, without worrying about fighting the friendzone. The idea behind doing this is to be comfortable in your own skin around attractive women. Failing to do this step proficiently will result in you losing your opportunity once a spectacular woman comes your way, because you will be rejected for being weird. If you are a consumer of porn, it needs to stop right now. It will be like trying to come off heroin - but if you choose to continue porn, a real relationship will be like trying to taste Italian spice after eating tacos with spicy red hot sauce - like an effing candle compared to a blowtorch. You will have such distorted views of women that dating will be meaningless. Why chase sex if you can masturbate and get your brain sex hit at home? No point in dating if you masturbate.


At this point, you stop and pause for a moment - you are about to jump into dating. If you were not totally comfortable in stage 4, you need to spend an additional month doing it until you are comfortable. Secondly - women will operate in the dating scene based upon what feels right - not based upon what logically is correct or what a man's internal rubric says they should do. Women will do irrational things to you based upon what feels right or wrong at the time, it's a fact of life.

5. Step five - take notes on women around you who show you indicators of interest (playing with their hair around you, a sustained smile, sustained eye contact, asking to be with you, etc etc). Focus initially on the women who like you, and now ask a few of them out on a date. If that particular woman likes you a lot, go ahead, be a man, and kiss her on the way home. Focus on the difference between an interview, a date, normal conversation, and flirting conversation. Focus on the fact that you are getting experience. Don't go for your favorite spectacular woman just yet. Take a step back, smell the roses, and congratulate yourself on some good dating experiences at this point. If you have sex, wonderful. Mentally step back and take in the experience.

6. Step six - now go ask out your favorite woman and see how it goes. If it fails, rinse, repeat, try again. Never fail in your determination, and try not to get too depressed from rejection. It happens to everybody - keep your head up and use Loveshack as a sounding board. Everyone gets rejected, it's a part of life. The winners are people who are willing to try just a little harder than the losers.


That's the summary of thousands of dating coaches advice. That's really all there is to it. Hot guys have it easier because women's defenses are lowered, they have lots of charm, and less hoops need to be jumped. But for everybody else - we follow steps 1-6.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 12:32 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Happy Lemming View Post
Are there any "running" clubs or groups, in your area??

I think what you are describing might be a "runner's body" very thin and lean.

In my youth, I used to run marathons and got very thin & lean when I trained. I ran with a "Runner's Club" and there were plenty of women who were also thin that appreciated same.

Maybe... try that??
I can give it a try. I am going to college soon and plan to be in cross country or track.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 12:48 PM   #8
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I used to go to high school in Southern California, which is very diverse. I've seen many at my school and had a few in some of my classes.

I don't have any tone. I try to workout my biceps and try to improve my posture but It fails because I'll always get small again within weeks because of my fast metabolism.I know there are women that like skinny men but I'm skinnier than usual. I look repulsive to them.
You shouldn't give up. For one thing, with each passing year, your metabolism will slow some with age. And working out will give that metabolism something to do. Eat lots of carbs and protein and you can put some shape to your upper arms. Just get some weights and do curls before bed. One day, it will help some. Glad you're at least somewhere that there are women you're attracted to. That helps. Don't assume someone finds you repulsive. How tall are you?
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Old 23rd March 2019, 1:07 PM   #9
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I can give it a try. I am going to college soon and plan to be in cross country or track.
College is a great place to meet women, you will never be in such a great spot again so do not get too involved in men only sports or other activities that mean you meet no women. Is the course you are going to do, a course with plenty of women in it? Immerse yourself in college social life.
Forget about looking for a "Causasian Middle Eastern" woman, as that will limit your choices and as you say you are not that "desirable" to women then you may need to be happy with the ones that are interested in you, rather than forever chasing that needle in a haystack and ending up with no-one...
Women are not objects you get to choose off the shelf. You need to be open to dating anyone and everyone in order to find one that really suits you.
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Old 23rd March 2019, 2:44 PM   #10
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I 2nd the running club, but don't overdo it unless you want to remain skinny. Stop using your metabolism as an excuse...make an effort to eat more and make lifting weights part of your lifestyle. Also, don't worry about women...time is on your side. Focus on improving yoursełf and the women will come.
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Old 3rd April 2019, 12:05 AM   #11
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I'm almost underweight at 128 lbs so Its impossible to get fit and most women hate very skinny men. I don't think ill ever become rich so I won't have money to attract those women. ... Men on here, what would you do in this situation?
Hi mar96, while getting muscular might not an option, you can dress well. Look to Asos and H&M for clothes in your size, and enough choices to find nice looking clothes. Dress to impress.

Regarding your desires, I think it's definitely possible if you're a pleasant person to be around. Attitude seems to be key. People who value themselves are valued, and vice versa. Value yourself.

Men and women should not be stereotyped because we're all unique. I'd caution against negative blanket statements of what most women want and don't want. Who you are as a person should be and most certainly is what is most important to the majority of women, I'm guessing. That you aren't muscular and rich shouldn't matter. Do you really want to attract a woman who would only care about that, and not who you are as a person?
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Old 6th April 2019, 1:13 AM   #12
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I’m going to respectfully massively disagree with Happy Lemming. Please don’t take up running as a hobby if you truly want to change and date Eastern European women in particular. I was literally (literally!) where you are a few years ago. I weighed 130lbs soaking wet and I loved running, 5k - 10k being my ideal distances. Did it do me any good? No.

I too would ideally like to get with an Eastern European woman as they seem to be the last truly feminine species left on the planet. No tattoos, no young single motherhood culture, family orientated etc. However, sadly, all things being equal truly feminine women like that usually desire the Yin to their Yang - in other words they want a masculine man to complement their femininity and a guy who is skin and bone and likes running long distances ain’t gonna cut it. Most other western women will feel the same too. They look at skinny men the same way athletic men look at overweight women. Apologies as that is gonna offend people but it’s the plain truth. Mother Nature does not bow down to political correctness The only women who desire skin and bone are the women who have a Twilight fetish and want that Pattison fella to sweep them off their feet. No offence but I’m sure you aren’t him in the flesh and all things being equal without the fame to pad the skinniness out in this age of Tinder and hundreds of guys to compete with you are going to be overlooked.

I realised and accepted this about 3 years ago and since then I’ve gone from a guy who regularly ran 5 - 10k @ 140lbs body weight to a guy who doesn’t run at all but weighs over 180lbs with no small amount of muscle mass making up for the 40lbs increase. Arms bigger, chest up two inches and a half, and I’m a lot better for it. In particular the women comment on my arms and love grabbing hold of my biceps and my pecs during intimate situations. That stuff is real and they would rather have it there than not because a man who has dedicated himself to lifting heavy ass metal arouses something in them that turns them on and they love it and can't get enough of it.

You say about your metabolism but that is a total excuse you are coming up with to keep yourself in a state of paralysis where you never have to do anything because you have a ready made excuse that isn’t even valid. You can easily out do your metabolism, especially at 22. It is just a question of how much you WANT those eastern european women you write about. The weak come up with excuses, like you (with respect) whilst the strong get on and do what it takes to succeed.

You may already know this but a quick recap: Increased weight === calories in > calories out. Increased muscle === lifting weights + calories in > calories out. That’s it. My metabolism was faster than Linford Christie over 100m but I still schooled it by eating over my maximums every day. Usually this means eating 500cal over your maintenance weight. There are plenty of sites that will help you work out your maintenance weight so I won\t cover that here, suffice to say that I ended up having to hit 2,800 to 3000cal A DAY(!) and (especially in summer) it was hard and it wasn’t pretty but damn, I want the best woman I can get so for me that was my motivation. The good news is you can cheat some of this process. Start drinking shakes in the morning that come in at >1000cal. Oats, yoghurt, milk etc. It isn’t difficult. Then eat an evening meal packed with calories. Chill is my go-to because 250g of mince + kidney beans + chopped tomatoes + rice = over 1000 cals. Throw in 50g of protein + 300ml of full fat milk as per a protein shake and those 3 staples are nearly your 2800cal a day. That’s mostly been my diet for the last 3 YEARS. Yeah that’s right. it’s a lot of dedication - but whilst others reading this may scoff it’s proof positive that if you want this badly enough you have to make serious sacrifices for it, It bears repeating that you have to work out like a demon too and you will gain a fair bit of fat, but fat can be leaned off when the time comes so that should be the least of your worries when starting out. You want to put some weight on, both muscle and fat and NOT go running to potentially lose even more weight!

So my actionable advice to you: Get a gym membership and work on your strength and hypertrophy and sort your diet out. Get a pic of a girl that turned you down and stick it up in the squat or bench press rack. If you nail this process right the first few days you’ll get angry and sad looking at that pic as you go about your weights. By the end of the first month you’ll be laughing at it because you will feel that you are on a path to a far more noble goal than simply trying to impress some lame ass girl who already knocked you back.

Otherwise, do what you have always done and get what you have always got. It’s up to you man- totally your choice.

Have you got what it takes or are you going to take the path of least resistance and hope for luck and make me regret my life choices for taking the time it took to write this all out?

Last edited by some_username1; 6th April 2019 at 1:24 AM..
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