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How much control do women actually have over how men feel? How does one get a man who is stuck in a sexual mode to commit?

 

For example, this guy from several years ago messaged me on pof. I thought my profile was hidden while i was browsing, and I wasnt looking at his profile.

We went on a coffee date. We hung out on the beach. One day he invited me to his office after work to "talk." I got there, and he offered to perform sex acts on me. I declined.

 

:confused:

 

Every text thereafter was sex, sex, sex, "Im here when you're read."

"I want to do X on you." There was no, "Lets get to know each other."

 

I guess I could had sex with him, even though i didn't want to, to maybe have a shot at a relationship. I don't think that's a winning strategy as I'd have to have sex with every man i ever encountered or went on a date with regardless of how i felt.

 

I don't think i have that much control over a man. If I did, i wouldve been married long ago! Also, I dont' believe in haranguing a man into dating me. If he's there for the sex, I can move on. I don't think it's ethical to force a man into dating me when he doesnt want to.

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You don't. You control yourself. If you have a man who can only talk about sex, you get a different man.

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Mrs._December
How much control do women actually have over how men feel? How does one get a man who is stuck in a sexual mode to commit?

Why on earth would you even consider investing 10 seconds into this pig?

 

A life lesson a lot of us have to learn the hard way is that we can't 'fix' or 'change' another person. This guy is obviously living through his genitals so stop wasting your time on him. Block this loser on your phone and everywhere else.

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desperatelyseeking

I think that when I read that I thought this post needs a mans perspective not a woman's, best of luck... Some women are just too much and I like a man's psyche straight to the point. Lets us know where we stand. If youre the best sex ever isnt that ONE way to a relationship... sex then chats then fun then deeper chats etc isn't in one way in you know ? Guys?

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People take different paths to a relationship.

 

As a generalization, men need to have sex to feel loved while women need to feel loved to have sex. Obviously this is not universally true for everyone.

 

If both parties are happy & enjoying sexy talk, turn up the heat! ;) However, when 1 party harps on that subject & sounds like a broken record while the other is getting increasingly turn off or insulted they are not a good match.

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the way to a man's heart, hotpotato, it thru his stomach. do you cook? if not learn and invite your boyfriends over for a delicious meal

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the way to a man's heart, hotpotato, it thru his stomach. do you cook? if not learn and invite your boyfriends over for a delicious meal

 

I tried cooking for men years ago, and I didn't work.

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I tried cooking for men years ago, and I didn't work.

 

try again, nowadays everyone is eating take-out and fast food crap. I for one could go for a home cooked meal.

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SunnyWeather

I think a better question might be: how does one have an exclusive relationship and not be just an eff buddy?

 

Answer: by not playing into the silly games you described in the OP and setting healthy boundaries. If you don't want to have a guy sext you then delete and block. what do you really expect from that level of interaction? If you just wanna be FWB, then by all means continue with what you're doing. If you want something more, than be clear about that and eliminate the noise.

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try again, nowadays everyone is eating take-out and fast food crap. I for one could go for a home cooked meal.

 

I'm more of a baker to he honest. I had a picnic with a guy before. I wouldn't be cooking at his house or mine.

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I'm more of a baker to he honest..

 

that's even better hotpotato. I used to love it when single girls would bring me home baked sweets at work. Women used to bring me food from everywhere. Once this cute Occupational Therapist brought me a philly cheesesteak from PHILADELPHIA in a refrigerated container. hahah

 

trust me guys really appreciate when you bring them a cake or cookies or warm cinnabuns. mmm

 

it also shows your potential interest in the recipient

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I’m surprised by this thread hot potato!! Why would you force yourself to have sex with someone if you don’t want to?? Just for the unlikely possibility that he will want a relationship with you. That is not worth it! This guy would remain a pure “f buddy” demonstrated by the fact he doesn’t give a crap about you (would not even qualify as FWB). If you want then go for that, but otherwise you just have to find people that want the same thing that you do!! If this guy was going to change and fall head over heels for you, you would know it. Not by a quick roll in the hay.

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that's even better hotpotato. I used to love it when single girls would bring me home baked sweets at work. Women used to bring me food from everywhere. Once this cute Occupational Therapist brought me a philly cheesesteak from PHILADELPHIA in a refrigerated container. hahah

 

trust me guys really appreciate when you bring them a cake or cookies or warm cinnabuns. mmm

 

it also shows your potential interest in the recipient

 

Well, those guys didn't care in the end.

 

Honestly, I think I could get a boyfriend if I really, really tried. It's keeping one that's harder.

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Why on earth would you even consider investing 10 seconds into this pig?

 

A life lesson a lot of us have to learn the hard way is that we can't 'fix' or 'change' another person. This guy is obviously living through his genitals so stop wasting your time on him. Block this loser on your phone and everywhere else.

 

I didn't contact him again. My question was more philosphical, I suppose.

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Honestly, I think I could get a boyfriend if I really, really tried.

 

that's the spirit hotpotato :)

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In most situations it's better to be alone than to be with someone and undervalued.

 

Clearly this guy doesn't value you for anything besides sex. And if that's what you want then ok, go for it. But it doesn't sound like you're interested in that kind of relationship. I'd cut it off completely and move on.

 

As an aside, you should try posting this question on the RGUE app (pronounced "argue") to try and get some additional perspectives.

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Sex may be the only thing some guys care about, but it is no foundation upon which to build a relationship. If that's all a guy cares about, you're not going to change that. there are guys who will relate to you as a human being and there are guys who will only relate to you as a sex object. Don't waste your time on the ladder except when all you want is sex.

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Am I the first man to respond? Hmmmm.

 

OP, if you and a man are mutually OK with just sex, that's fine. If you don't want a relationship just for sex, that's fine too. It seems this one has made it clear what he wants. You might think he's a jerk, but maybe better than leading you on thinking there might be a relationship just to get sex?

 

As far as "changing" anyone, man or woman, ain't gonna happen. You need to find someone who fulfills all of what you want and need. He's out there.

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I've met a handful of women in my time that were master manipulators when it came to dealing with men. They could make any man spend the last dollar he had and then coerce him into lighting himself on fire.

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I've met a handful of women in my time that were master manipulators when it came to dealing with men. They could make any man spend the last dollar he had and then coerce him into lighting himself on fire.

 

And to those women, I say, We salute you! :laugh:

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And to those women, I say, We salute you! :laugh:

 

most of them worked in high-end strip clubs, or "gentleman's clubs" as some call them :laugh:

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desperatelyseeking
most of them worked in high-end strip clubs, or "gentleman's clubs" as some call them :laugh:

Very interesting thread. I am loving this honest frank discussion. It just goes to show How Men and Women see stuff...ie relationships, themselves, each other, us women, men. I Totally get how we think its grand to friend zone a guy!! but then that's basically what they do to us chicks except they opt for sex...hmmm which makes sense because us women have to be aware of society and things like self respect, and society and values and men can just have sex this is an interesting topic I Love It :) lol

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I think a better question might be: how does one have an exclusive relationship and not be just an eff buddy?

 

Answer: by not playing into the silly games you described in the OP and setting healthy boundaries. If you don't want to have a guy sext you then delete and block. what do you really expect from that level of interaction? If you just wanna be FWB, then by all means continue with what you're doing. If you want something more, than be clear about that and eliminate the noise.

 

I agree with this. If you don't want to be an eff buddy, don't act like one by responding to sexting and sexual innuendo. Walk away. All that is is fishing, seeing how loose you are. A guy who wants to get to know you will treat you less like a sex object and more like a human and get to know you that way.

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