Jump to content

Friends or...?


Recommended Posts

How do you know when someone wants to be only friends or is just the kind of person to take their time?

 

I met the most lovely man (early 40s) through a lifestyle (sexy) website and we bonded mostly though our love of similar music. He got tickets to a concert and invited me. I was surprised to realize that although he’s NF like me on Myers Briggs, I was incredibly attracted to him. I’ve been trying to avoid people with desig/artistic backgrounds as they seem too similar to me, I thought I needed someone more rational but to my surprise the convo with him was fantastic and he blew my mind. Not to mention I was incredibly attracted to him with his tattoos and cool style. It felt like a soulmate kind of connection and was very weird that he reminded me of my college boyfriend who was crazy about me.

 

But... he didn’t kiss me! I found it so confusing as I assumed it was also kind of a date. But maybe it was not?

 

He’s been out of a 20y marriage for one year. She blindsided him and pursued a poly relationship and only told him after the fact. He said he’s not sure he believes in the “ownership” model anymore but he might be open to it if he feels enough of a “pull” towards someone again. He broke a recent relationship as he didn’t feel that.

 

There were magical moments in the concert and I felt like turning to him and going for a kiss... but I held myself. I think I might be too attracted to him to just be friends. He doesn’t drink and I didn’t drink either which makes things more tense I feel.

 

He mentioned the next concert he’s going to but didn’t properly invite me. Maybe he was expecting me to say I was interested in joining? During our date he said “let’s do it again”. That he’s going away to family event this weekend. I said I’m around just let me know. He knows I might have to go abroad for a couple months though so maybe in his mind I’m not worth pursuing?

 

So... how do I know if he’s interested in me “that way”? I’m not used to men not going for a kiss on dates... but now I’m thinking maybe it wasn’t a date after all, it was a concert buddies meet? He’s INFJ in Myers Briggs and they’re known for taking their time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
amaysngrace

Kissing is pretty intimate to me. Maybe he doesn’t think he knows you well enough just yet.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy Lemming

Yes, Edgygirl I don't know what to make of that. That seems very odd.

 

There has been only one time, when I didn't at least try for a kiss, goodnight.

 

Many years ago, I went out with this woman. We had (briefly) met at a bar, exchanged numbers and got together about a week later (dinner). We were talking about what we did for work and she worked for some military subcontractor and told me she could divulge her work, although she did tell me she had a PHD. At some point, during the conversation, she slipped and said something about "monkeys or primates" at work. My mind flashed to some horrible experimentation lab, again I'm not sure what she did, but I couldn't get this "Dr Frankenstein" lab vision out of my head. At the end of the date, I just shook her hand and left. I never called her, again.

Link to post
Share on other sites

i'd have to see a picture of you edgy, to know if guys just want to be friends with your or more

Link to post
Share on other sites
i'd have to see a picture of you edgy, to know if guys just want to be friends with your or more

 

 

Bizarre.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.....

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Lolz thanks guys - you are funny.

 

I mean most men do kiss me on first date. The only time that doesn’t happen is when there is no romantic chemistry. Which I think there was in this case. But maybe I’m mistaken?

 

After the concert we went for a second round of coffee. I was happy he suggested as I didn’t want to leave... I was really enjoying his company. I took it as him enjoying my company as well as it was quite late.

Edited by edgygirl
Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy Lemming
The only time that doesn’t happen is when there was no chemistry.

 

Or if the guy is scared he'll end up in your lab with the monkeys and become part of an experiment.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

lol. I won’t go into details but something else happened that day. He knows I ended up in urgent care walk-in clinic in the afternoon and might have some kind of virus due to the medication they gave me. So maybe he thought I was contagious? I went to my doctor and she feels the nurse who saw me misdiagnosed me. Maybe the guy got scared.

 

Or if the guy is scared he'll end up in your lab with the monkeys and become part of an experiment.
Link to post
Share on other sites
I ended up in urgent care walk-in clinic in the afternoon and might have some kind of virus due to the medication they gave me.

 

 

You don't get viruses from medicine.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy Lemming

To Edgygirl

 

Yes, that is a very real possibility. Kind of makes sense then, and that might have thrown him off his game a bit. He kept it light.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

No guys don’t think about viruses and germs when it comes to romance edgy

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Sorry maybe I wrote in a way that was hard to get it. I was taking an antiviral and told him that. I shouldn’t have - none of his business for now as I’m not sure what I had.

 

You don't get viruses from medicine.
Link to post
Share on other sites

Ah. Well, that could be it. Well, number one, be sure he truly isn't still with someone, because sometimes guilt will stop one (not often enough), but other than that, just wait and see if he asks you out again and tell him you're feeling all better!

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

You’re right. It just happened to my best friend. A man she went on 4 dates with and was going to be intimate bailed saying he didn’t want to do the wrong thing. Next day he told her he’s seeing someone else and it might go somewhere. Also right re: whether he’ll ask me out.

 

Ah. Well, that could be it. Well, number one, be sure he truly isn't still with someone, because sometimes guilt will stop one (not often enough), but other than that, just wait and see if he asks you out again and tell him you're feeling all better!
Link to post
Share on other sites
crispytoast
<snip> tell him you're feeling all better!
or for kicks don't mention it at all. Go home with him after the date, go down on him and then part way through, yell "oh sh*t, I need to run to my car, I forgot to take my antiviral!" and then see if alphamale is right. ;)

 

To be serious though, from the sound of it, he does dig you. Maybe the not kissing had to do with the antiviral, more likely he was having a lot of fun and felt like he couldn't read you well enough to go for the kiss. After all a year in the dating game is a little fresh after a 20 year relationship. Maybe wait to see if he contacts you again and if the concert is getting close and he still hasn't, try asking him "hey were you still trying to see that concert" and see what he says. I doubt he would turn you down, you seem like a pretty cool woman.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
Happy Lemming
or for kicks don't mention it at all. Go home with him after the date, go down on him and then part way through, yell "oh sh*t, I need to run to my car, I forgot to take my antiviral!" and then see if alphamale is right. ;)

 

You win... just laughed out loud. I needed that. Thanks!

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Good points crispytoast. I was thinking indeed he is a little rusty in dating although he has been dating in this year since divorce.

 

lol re: the bj + antiviral.

 

I did hug him though. He knew I had a hard day and I said I needed a hug... he gave me a super strong one. I also touched his arm sometimes. I mean how else could I show interest? ahh. Not used to this.

 

Thanks for the cute compliment :love:

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Btw if he got interested in me in “that” way, wouldn’t he invite me for a regular date too? If he only invites me to concerts I will think we are indeed only concert buddies :(

 

Maybe wait to see if he contacts you again and if the concert is getting close and he still hasn't, try asking him "hey were you still trying to see that concert" and see what he says.
Link to post
Share on other sites
Btw if he got interested in me in “that” way, wouldn’t he invite me for a regular date too? If he only invites me to concerts I will think we are indeed only concert buddies :(

 

concerts ARE the best dates edgy

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Good point alpha. Honestly it was a perfect date despite the not kissing part.

 

concerts ARE the best dates edgy
Link to post
Share on other sites
MetallicHue
concerts ARE the best dates edgy

 

Strongly disagree. I love concerts but too loud to hear the person next to you.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Edgygirl I'm having to say the same thing I said to you on another one of your threads: You're being a guy.

As a woman, you should just believe that every man you are attracted to will be attracted to you. And if he isn't now, he will be. (Assuming he's not already taken and his age is compatible.) It's not being conceited or thinking that men are easy. It's being trusting that men will recognize your goodness and your value.

So be patient, don't over think it. Let your feminine charm do its thing. It's not easy to find someone you really like, so don't spoil it with doubts.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
So maybe he thought I was contagious?

 

Were you contagious?? It would definitely put me off. Maybe he’s careful after his wife doing the dirty on him. I don’t think it’s a big deal if he doesn’t go for a first date kiss, given how you met and the fact he asked you for coffee after. Wait and see.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Hey Gretchen I don’t think you said that in my threads. I guess I’m just used to men being attracted to me and demonstrating it. Do you think it’s okay for things to develop slowly? He reminds me of my college BF - it took one month going out with him until he finally kissed me and we were together for 3 years.

 

smiley1 to be honest I don’t know if I was as contagious as I shouldn’t have gone to a walk-in clinic nurse (lesson learned!). Went to my doctor and she’s redoing exams that were not done as needed. What do you think the coffee part has to do with it? That he showed interest in spending more time together after, and someone not interested wouldn’t do it?

 

Were you contagious?? It would definitely put me off. Maybe he’s careful after his wife doing the dirty on him. I don’t think it’s a big deal if he doesn’t go for a first date kiss, given how you met and the fact he asked you for coffee after. Wait and see.
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...