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In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 7th March 2019, 8:39 PM   #1
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Friends or...?

How do you know when someone wants to be only friends or is just the kind of person to take their time?

I met the most lovely man (early 40s) through a lifestyle (sexy) website and we bonded mostly though our love of similar music. He got tickets to a concert and invited me. I was surprised to realize that although he’s NF like me on Myers Briggs, I was incredibly attracted to him. I’ve been trying to avoid people with desig/artistic backgrounds as they seem too similar to me, I thought I needed someone more rational but to my surprise the convo with him was fantastic and he blew my mind. Not to mention I was incredibly attracted to him with his tattoos and cool style. It felt like a soulmate kind of connection and was very weird that he reminded me of my college boyfriend who was crazy about me.

But... he didn’t kiss me! I found it so confusing as I assumed it was also kind of a date. But maybe it was not?

He’s been out of a 20y marriage for one year. She blindsided him and pursued a poly relationship and only told him after the fact. He said he’s not sure he believes in the “ownership” model anymore but he might be open to it if he feels enough of a “pull” towards someone again. He broke a recent relationship as he didn’t feel that.

There were magical moments in the concert and I felt like turning to him and going for a kiss... but I held myself. I think I might be too attracted to him to just be friends. He doesn’t drink and I didn’t drink either which makes things more tense I feel.

He mentioned the next concert he’s going to but didn’t properly invite me. Maybe he was expecting me to say I was interested in joining? During our date he said “let’s do it again”. That he’s going away to family event this weekend. I said I’m around just let me know. He knows I might have to go abroad for a couple months though so maybe in his mind I’m not worth pursuing?

So... how do I know if he’s interested in me “that way”? I’m not used to men not going for a kiss on dates... but now I’m thinking maybe it wasn’t a date after all, it was a concert buddies meet? He’s INFJ in Myers Briggs and they’re known for taking their time.
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Old 7th March 2019, 9:11 PM   #2
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Kissing is pretty intimate to me. Maybe he doesn’t think he knows you well enough just yet.
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Old 7th March 2019, 9:19 PM   #3
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Yes, Edgygirl I don't know what to make of that. That seems very odd.

There has been only one time, when I didn't at least try for a kiss, goodnight.

Many years ago, I went out with this woman. We had (briefly) met at a bar, exchanged numbers and got together about a week later (dinner). We were talking about what we did for work and she worked for some military subcontractor and told me she could divulge her work, although she did tell me she had a PHD. At some point, during the conversation, she slipped and said something about "monkeys or primates" at work. My mind flashed to some horrible experimentation lab, again I'm not sure what she did, but I couldn't get this "Dr Frankenstein" lab vision out of my head. At the end of the date, I just shook her hand and left. I never called her, again.
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Old 7th March 2019, 9:27 PM   #4
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i'd have to see a picture of you edgy, to know if guys just want to be friends with your or more
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Old 7th March 2019, 9:32 PM   #5
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i'd have to see a picture of you edgy, to know if guys just want to be friends with your or more

Bizarre.








.....
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Old 7th March 2019, 9:41 PM   #6
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Lolz thanks guys - you are funny.

I mean most men do kiss me on first date. The only time that doesn’t happen is when there is no romantic chemistry. Which I think there was in this case. But maybe I’m mistaken?

After the concert we went for a second round of coffee. I was happy he suggested as I didn’t want to leave... I was really enjoying his company. I took it as him enjoying my company as well as it was quite late.

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Old 7th March 2019, 9:45 PM   #7
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The only time that doesn’t happen is when there was no chemistry.
Or if the guy is scared he'll end up in your lab with the monkeys and become part of an experiment.
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Old 7th March 2019, 9:50 PM   #8
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lol. I won’t go into details but something else happened that day. He knows I ended up in urgent care walk-in clinic in the afternoon and might have some kind of virus due to the medication they gave me. So maybe he thought I was contagious? I went to my doctor and she feels the nurse who saw me misdiagnosed me. Maybe the guy got scared.

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Or if the guy is scared he'll end up in your lab with the monkeys and become part of an experiment.
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Old 7th March 2019, 9:55 PM   #9
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I ended up in urgent care walk-in clinic in the afternoon and might have some kind of virus due to the medication they gave me.

You don't get viruses from medicine.
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Old 7th March 2019, 9:55 PM   #10
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To Edgygirl

Yes, that is a very real possibility. Kind of makes sense then, and that might have thrown him off his game a bit. He kept it light.
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Old 7th March 2019, 9:57 PM   #11
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No guys don’t think about viruses and germs when it comes to romance edgy
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Old 7th March 2019, 10:01 PM   #12
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Sorry maybe I wrote in a way that was hard to get it. I was taking an antiviral and told him that. I shouldn’t have - none of his business for now as I’m not sure what I had.

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You don't get viruses from medicine.
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Old 7th March 2019, 10:15 PM   #13
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Ah. Well, that could be it. Well, number one, be sure he truly isn't still with someone, because sometimes guilt will stop one (not often enough), but other than that, just wait and see if he asks you out again and tell him you're feeling all better!
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Old 7th March 2019, 10:58 PM   #14
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You’re right. It just happened to my best friend. A man she went on 4 dates with and was going to be intimate bailed saying he didn’t want to do the wrong thing. Next day he told her he’s seeing someone else and it might go somewhere. Also right re: whether he’ll ask me out.

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Ah. Well, that could be it. Well, number one, be sure he truly isn't still with someone, because sometimes guilt will stop one (not often enough), but other than that, just wait and see if he asks you out again and tell him you're feeling all better!
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Old 7th March 2019, 11:03 PM   #15
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<snip> tell him you're feeling all better!
or for kicks don't mention it at all. Go home with him after the date, go down on him and then part way through, yell "oh sh*t, I need to run to my car, I forgot to take my antiviral!" and then see if alphamale is right.

To be serious though, from the sound of it, he does dig you. Maybe the not kissing had to do with the antiviral, more likely he was having a lot of fun and felt like he couldn't read you well enough to go for the kiss. After all a year in the dating game is a little fresh after a 20 year relationship. Maybe wait to see if he contacts you again and if the concert is getting close and he still hasn't, try asking him "hey were you still trying to see that concert" and see what he says. I doubt he would turn you down, you seem like a pretty cool woman.
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