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Is it too late for me ?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 4th March 2019, 5:36 AM   #1
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Is it too late for me ?

I'm in my late 40's and I have been divorced almost 4 years now . I work and come home ( I have a teen at home ) and I don't go out much mainly because of just rotten luck most of my friends are not around anymore ( moved away or just ended up being not so great of a friend) I haven't dated at all since my divorce . I was with my ex for 26 years and these days it is just so scary to even think about finding anyone. I feel like most guys these days are just looking to "hook up" and are mostly into younger women even if they are my age or older. I don't even know where to start. Raising my teen is number one , just wondering if I wait till my 50's to start dating again do you think that is too late? Am I just meant to be alone the rest of my life ? Sometimes I feel like that and it makes me worry. Dating is scary , I don't even know how to be on a date .
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Old 4th March 2019, 5:53 AM   #2
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Join recreational activities with mixed sexs or where the women out number the men. Socialize and let the organic mating begin.

I think thats the best way to go about it. If a woman likes you, she will let you know.
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Old 4th March 2019, 6:35 AM   #3
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Join recreational activities with mixed sexs or where the women out number the men. Socialize and let the organic mating begin.

I think thats the best way to go about it. If a woman likes you, she will let you know.
I'm a straight female
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Old 4th March 2019, 8:00 AM   #4
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I don't think it's ever too late, but at the same time, I don't see any point in putting it off. You can, at minimum, start to redevelop your social circle to find girlfriends to go out and do things with, or to start meeting other people, including men. I've found the best places to make friends are through volunteer organizations, sports clubs, and Meetups.
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Old 4th March 2019, 8:04 AM   #5
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Dating is not that scary. You are an adult & you can't get all your socialization from your teen. That is not healthy.

Do you have any interests? Join something . . . anything . … to make new friends. I get a lot of enjoyment out of a local book club. Once a week, I'm out of the house for about 1.5 hours; it's about 10 minutes away. I'm sure your teen can be left for that short time while you get some adult socialization.
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Old 4th March 2019, 8:28 PM   #6
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I'm a straight female
Ok. I am corrected. Thanks. I guess I read your post to fast.
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Old 5th March 2019, 12:04 AM   #7
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Nope don't see why it's ever too late. Don't forget, while your getting older so is the guy you will be with or remarry too, and anyone else in your bracket.
But don't worry l think your feelings are pretty common l know l felt much the same when my marriage broke up and at first it looked hopeless. But in the end , 50s , l started to discover there were just as many women out there now as there was girls in my 20s.
Sure many are pretty damaged up but not all so from a guys point of view nah, it's not too late at all.
Good luck.
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Old 5th March 2019, 1:40 AM   #8
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Attitude makes a big difference I think. Don't think about how tough it is. Tidy yourself up, focus your mind, and get yourself out there. Follow the suggestions above for non-date socializing. I've gone to some meetups and I am quite certain that some folks at them will be pursuing the exact same approach.

Be aware of what you have to offer. Keep at it and think about how awesome it will be to find the one right guy for you. If you're not willing to let them test drive, that is your choice.

There will be setbacks, but maintain an open mind as you sort through the numerous not-quite-right men you'll probably encounter. Sometimes slow and steady really does win the race.
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Old 5th March 2019, 1:55 AM   #9
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Have you researched "Parents without Partners"??

I personally don't have any experience with this organization, but a friend of mine seemed to enjoy meeting other people in the same situation. In the end, he met a wonderful woman and they seem to be compatible and happy.
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Old 7th March 2019, 3:05 PM   #10
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By age only, it is not too late and waiting until 50s is a bad idea. The younger and better looking, the better your chances. This should be common sense. Dating does not get easier over time, People used to tell me it is not too late all the time because it is a stock cliché answer. Only you with your past experiences and personality know within whether you are ready for this and if it is too late for YOU. There is no definite answer for everyone. I knew it was too late for me when I realized I did not trust women to be intimate or in love any longer. Too many bee stings from the flowers.
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Old 7th March 2019, 3:22 PM   #11
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It's never too late to get back out there again. I was in my late 40s when I got divorced and the thought of dating was a bit anxiety provoking but I went for it and after a couple of dates it was just like old times. Met some great women and a lot of not so great women and here I am in a solid relationship for 7 years as I rapidly close in on age 60.

There's always time to squeeze in a few dates, raising a teen doesn't have to be a full time job outside of work, lots of single custodial parents who have teenagers at home make the time to date, meet people and get involved again.

So in no particular order of importance, understand that the older you get the less desirable you're going to be, take stock of what you look like right now, and if you're overweight get into a gym and out of the refrigerator because quality guys such as myself will click right past the profile of a woman who is carrying 20 lbs more than she needs to be or one who would look better with a paper bag over her head. Of course there's only so much you can fix but weight is a BIG one, pun intended.

Sign up for some dating sites, you can pay for Match.com but there's plenty of free ones and most have the same client base as the paid sites. Message back and forth, meet people here and there for brief 30 minute coffee-shop "get to know yous", and don't waste a lot of time chatting and messaging before that first meetup because most of the time it won't go anywhere. If and when you meet a guy who you like, take it slow, chill out, don't press and act all clingy and needy and chase the guy away. It happens. All the time.

The most important thing is to take your resistance to dating and shelve it in a dark closet somewhere. Yes it's scary, yes it's uncomfortable but the alternative- growing old alone isn't all that favorable.
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Old 9th March 2019, 2:39 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by Labyrinth View Post
do you think that is too late? Am I just meant to be alone the rest of my life ? ... I don't even know how to be on a date
Hi Labyrinth, no, you are not too old to date. No, you are not "meant" to be alone for the rest of your life, though your actions will determine if that happens or not. Coming to this forum for support is a fantastic first step.

The next step is to determine if you are ready to date. Your marriage was long. It might take more time for you to be ready, but only you know the answer to that. Are you still feeling super emotional about the loss of your marriage? Are you in the "meh" stage? Or, are you feeling pretty great about life? If you're still emotionally broken, dating is not going to fix that.

If you really are ready, dating can be fun! What is it that you are scared of? My approach was to use online dating, because I'm shy, and also I'm very busy (mostly from shyness though). The process starts with writing messages to each other. If that goes well, after a few days you or the guy will ask to text, or talk on the phone. There may be a few days of texting or talking on the phone, and then one of you may ask about meeting. It could be for coffee, or lunch. If that goes well, there will be a request to meet again, and then again, and then again, etc...

Keep asking questions. Let us know what's going on, and you'll get feedback and encouragement.
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