LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Transitioning > In Search Of...

Do women who are very successful have difficulty dating


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

Like Tree126Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 3rd March 2019, 9:35 AM   #31
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,677
I think age has a lot to do with it.

I'm 54, I'm financially independent, have a great job and lots of hobbies. I have great women friends I really enjoy hanging out with.

Even though I want a relationship with a good guy, I think sometimes I come across as too independent. We all want and need to be needed, but experience (especially failed relationships) and maturity usually results in that quality not being readily apparent. The vulnerability needed to really connect isn't as easy to access. If a guy doesn't think he has anything to add to a woman's life he's going to move on to find one he feels needed by.

Just my thoughts, I'm sure for some men this doesn't apply!
Finding my way is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 10:23 AM   #32
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 17,374
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finding my way View Post
Even though I want a relationship with a good guy, I think sometimes I come across as too independent... If a guy doesn't think he has anything to add to a woman's life he's going to move on to find one he feels needed by.
I think it applies to lots of aspects of life not only men. Relationships with parents, siblings, friends, work colleagues etc.
If you come across as being too independent and you actually need no-one, then many will keep their distance as you are always "fine" and do not need their help so they stop offering it.
Most people like to collaborate and be a team, you scratch my back I scratch yours. Too one sided either way and it doesn't feel right.
If you give the impression you are a one man band, they tend to want to leave you to it.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 10:26 AM   #33
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 397
Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
I think it applies to lots of aspects of life not only men. Relationships with parents, siblings, friends, work colleagues etc.
If you come across as being too independent and you actually need no-one, then many will keep their distance as you are always "fine" and do not need their help so they stop offering it.
Most people like to collaborate and be a team, you scratch my back I scratch yours. Too one sided either way and it doesn't feel right.
If you give the impression you are a one man band, they tend to want to leave you to it.
This is less about not needing anyone and about being successful.
PhillyLibertyBelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 10:32 AM   #34
Established Member
 
thefooloftheyear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11,530
Only the fat and ugly ones....

TFY
__________________
"If all you do is what you’ve always done, all you will get is what you always got.”
thefooloftheyear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 10:56 AM   #35
Established Member
 
hotpotato's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 3,636
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finding my way View Post
I think age has a lot to do with it.

I'm 54, I'm financially independent, have a great job and lots of hobbies. I have great women friends I really enjoy hanging out with.

Even though I want a relationship with a good guy, I think sometimes I come across as too independent. We all want and need to be needed, but experience (especially failed relationships) and maturity usually results in that quality not being readily apparent. The vulnerability needed to really connect isn't as easy to access. If a guy doesn't think he has anything to add to a woman's life he's going to move on to find one he feels needed by.

Just my thoughts, I'm sure for some men this doesn't apply!
I think you have a point! My ex said he felt like I was getting in the way.
Truthfully, may be he was. After we broke up, I got even deeper into my hobbies.
hotpotato is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 11:34 AM   #36
Established Member
 
thefooloftheyear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11,530
OK..I should have given a more elaborate answer...

This is a common woe of the unsuccessful(in dating) women who now think that it can't possibly be that they are either physically unappealing or have a personality that doesn't appeal to most men.....so it must be because they have a good job/career...….Well....total nonsense..

Let me dispel a couple of ideas that are commonly bandied about...

"Guys are intimidated by successful women"...forget that...No guy I know of would ever admit to that, in fact most guys welcome that....I mean, just because a woman knows another woman that is an idiot and landed a good catch doesn't mean anything...

"Alpha type guys don't prefer Alpha type women, they will butt heads all the time"...Another ridiculous notion...In fact the opposite is true...Alpha male and Alpha female energy aren't typically the same anyway...Most Alpha men I know have women that are pretty high on the alpha scale themselves...They become a unified force and often create awesome lives for themselves...Know plenty...

"Guys need to be needed by a woman",,, Are we all 3 year olds? ...C'mon...this is just completely ludicrous.. No guy worth a shyt will care that he doesn't have a woman that needs him to be a typical donkey...Most guys welcome the fact that their woman is independent and isn't reliant on them for everything...

Here is the only issue that I see...

Some women have been "hardened" or even "masculinized" by the corporate experience...So busy trying to one up their male colleagues that they lose some of what attracts men to women...The looks, the warmth, the femininity, the style, etc. etc….Sure, that will certainly kill off the appeal for a lot of guys.. But that has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not a woman is successful...There are tons of successful women that understand this and don't lose that part of themselves.. They don't struggle to find men, either..

TFY
thefooloftheyear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 11:42 AM   #37
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,677
Or, that's what unattractive men with bad personalities tell themselves...

See, that's not very helpful, is it?
Finding my way is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 11:46 AM   #38
Established Member
 
thefooloftheyear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11,530
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finding my way View Post
Or, that's what unattractive men with bad personalities tell themselves...

See, that's not very helpful, is it?
It would be no different than me starting a thread claiming that I have trouble finding women due to my awesome physique...

Its a ridiculous notion..

"A poor craftsman blames his/her tools"....Its as simple as that...

TFY
thefooloftheyear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 11:47 AM   #39
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 1,677
My post clearly says that we ALL need to be needed. It wasn't a dig at men in any way.

Your point at the end of your post is well-taken, but the opening was offensive. Kind of overshadows anything helpful that comes afterwards.
Finding my way is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 12:03 PM   #40
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: upstate New York
Posts: 1,105
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhillyLibertyBelle View Post
Interesting thought: is it an age thing, a woman thing or a problem with the male sense of “masculinity” that makes women such as us a “gamble”?
What makes a 'top tier' woman a 'gamble' is that she can 'have' 'any man she wants'. Although I have confidence in myself, I don't perceive myself as an 'any man she wants'. There are plenty of guys better looking, richer, younger, taller, more ripped, more 'fun' at parties, even more willing to 'stretch the truth' to flatter themselves into a woman's bed. A woman will always be a gamble on commitment, just like I or any other man would be. My answer is to 'invest' time getting to know a woman's personality to try to get the best sense of 'the odds'.
nospam99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 12:27 PM   #41
Established Member
 
thefooloftheyear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 11,530
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finding my way View Post
My post clearly says that we ALL need to be needed. It wasn't a dig at men in any way.

Your point at the end of your post is well-taken, but the opening was offensive. Kind of overshadows anything helpful that comes afterwards.
Too bad...

If you are just looking for confirmation bias, fine...so be it...You will get plenty of that here..

Just pointing out that as a man, none of the theories mentioned here that struggling women seem to think are roadblocks apply...Not in my experience anyway....In most of those cases, its the person who needs to look at themselves in the mirror and see why they are struggling rather than looking for some external factor that has no merit..

TFY
thefooloftheyear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 1:15 PM   #42
Established Member
 
alphamale's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Detroit, MI :lmao:
Posts: 35,780
Quote:
Originally Posted by littleblackheart View Post
From what I see around me in real life, people who want to be in a relationship don't remain single very long at any age, regardless of social status or 'hypergamy' or wealth...
I totally disagree with the above statement
__________________
"Every form of refuge has its price"

- The Eagles
alphamale is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 1:24 PM   #43
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,137
Quote:
Originally Posted by alphamale View Post
I totally disagree with the above statement
That's your prerogative, alphamale . That's not a statement of facts btw, that's my opinion based on observation, as I made clear.

Your experience is different, which totally fine too.

My observation is that all else being equal, generally 'normal' people who don't have lofty expectations or a somewhat distorted image of themselves go in and out of relationships without too much trouble whatever their social or financial status.

As I said in my previous post, those who are actively looking and still not finding anyone after a long time (ie years) are either not that bothered about finding anyone or self-sabotaging in some way.
littleblackheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 1:31 PM   #44
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 397
Quote:
Originally Posted by thefooloftheyear View Post
OK..I should have given a more elaborate answer...

This is a common woe of the unsuccessful(in dating) women who now think that it can't possibly be that they are either physically unappealing or have a personality that doesn't appeal to most men.....so it must be because they have a good job/career...….Well....total nonsense..

Let me dispel a couple of ideas that are commonly bandied about...

"Guys are intimidated by successful women"...forget that...No guy I know of would ever admit to that, in fact most guys welcome that....I mean, just because a woman knows another woman that is an idiot and landed a good catch doesn't mean anything...

"Alpha type guys don't prefer Alpha type women, they will butt heads all the time"...Another ridiculous notion...In fact the opposite is true...Alpha male and Alpha female energy aren't typically the same anyway...Most Alpha men I know have women that are pretty high on the alpha scale themselves...They become a unified force and often create awesome lives for themselves...Know plenty...

"Guys need to be needed by a woman",,, Are we all 3 year olds? ...C'mon...this is just completely ludicrous.. No guy worth a shyt will care that he doesn't have a woman that needs him to be a typical donkey...Most guys welcome the fact that their woman is independent and isn't reliant on them for everything...

Here is the only issue that I see...

Some women have been "hardened" or even "masculinized" by the corporate experience...So busy trying to one up their male colleagues that they lose some of what attracts men to women...The looks, the warmth, the femininity, the style, etc. etc….Sure, that will certainly kill off the appeal for a lot of guys.. But that has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not a woman is successful...There are tons of successful women that understand this and don't lose that part of themselves.. They don't struggle to find men, either..

TFY
I’m not sure this is true of most people’s experience
PhillyLibertyBelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd March 2019, 1:33 PM   #45
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 397
Quote:
Originally Posted by thefooloftheyear View Post
It would be no different than me starting a thread claiming that I have trouble finding women due to my awesome physique...

Its a ridiculous notion..

"A poor craftsman blames his/her tools"....Its as simple as that...

TFY

I disagree I’m not fat and I have a pleasant personality.
PhillyLibertyBelle is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Anyone have difficulty dating bartenders or night club workers? Beachguy Dating 56 12th May 2016 1:47 PM
Difficulty due to very Specific Preferences searching1992 In Search Of... 207 3rd March 2016 3:07 PM
Any other women have extreme difficulty finding men they're attracted to? Hopeful30 Dating 183 17th March 2015 7:53 PM
I can approach women, but I'm having difficulty keeping them 'interested'. MikeViper In Search Of... 4 24th May 2005 10:10 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:52 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.