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Guys only want hook ups


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 26th February 2019, 2:51 AM   #16
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Yeah , that's how l felt , zero interest in anything casual.
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Old 26th February 2019, 5:35 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by Secondplanet View Post
i'm just trying to meet friends to be around after a rough breakup and said right in my profile i don't want a relationship just some friends to have some coffee and talk with or other things along those lines.
You are on the wrong platform. Dating apps are not for making friends. They are for dating. You get these messages because to the people reading your platform from a guy "just friends" means NSA sex.

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Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
My profiles all say that I want a relationship.
Idk how much clearer I have to be.

Yep, so many disappear when I tell them I'm not into hookups.....
There is your filter. I am serious about mixing in some real life events to avoid the guys who only wants hookups. the apps are one tool. You can't act like they are the only way to meet people.
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Old 26th February 2019, 11:32 AM   #18
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I am not in the dating scene but, why would a guy want to spend an undefined amount of his limited time and energy establishing a relationship with someone that might or might not "get to the part he's most interested in" (in the short term)?

Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying, but that seems like a lot of work on a gamble, with the risk of you eventually turning him down after he put myself on the line - so both ego-deflating and a waste of time and money for a short-lived friendship that amounts to nothing.

I'm quite certain not every guy thinks like this. However, it doesn't seem like a good deal to have to wait so long just for *a chance* at fun.

Even in RL dating, isn't there the "3 date rule" by which if you're on a 3rd date sex is on the table?

Think that just like women, many if not most guys wouldn't care to be strung along for too long.
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Old 26th February 2019, 11:39 AM   #19
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Hicrunchy, I hope you find a resolution to this problem. You may have to go through many, many profiles to fund the few guys who aren't trying to have nsa sex. I get the feeling that most guys want sex upfront then they figure everything else out later.
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Old 26th February 2019, 11:45 AM   #20
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Originally Posted by mark clemson View Post
Even in RL dating, isn't there the "3 date rule" by which if you're on a 3rd date sex is on the table?
I would tend to agree with this statement. In my experience, I would say I slept with over 50% of the women I dated on the first date, the rest by the 3rd to 5th date.

If I'm still getting a "no" after dating 4-6 weeks, I'm out. I've only had to invoke that rule once in my dating career.

Keep in mind... If the OP isn't going to have sex with the men taking her out, someone else will. Plenty of fish in the sea.
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Old 26th February 2019, 12:14 PM   #21
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My adult kids (men) are mainly interested in long term relationships.
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Old 26th February 2019, 12:25 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by mark clemson View Post
I am not in the dating scene but, why would a guy want to spend an undefined amount of his limited time and energy establishing a relationship with someone that might or might not "get to the part he's most interested in" (in the short term)?

But that short term sex seeking kind of a guy is the guy, many women including the OP want to weed out early doors.
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Old 26th February 2019, 1:57 PM   #23
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Fair enough. I get that mindset as having sex 3 times (or even just once) and then having the other person move on could be a bad experience for some. I suppose that, for some women, it can feel like being "used," although perhaps for many the "using" can be seen as mutual. And for some simply a price to pay in the search for the longer term partner.

I suspect many of those men who date different people are indeed looking for an eventual long term partner, too. But who can know how long it will take them to settle on one or if you (the woman) will be it (or if they are at all). In the meantime they get to do a lot of "test driving" which no doubt they enjoy. So that's a gamble from the other side for those women looking definitively for LTRs.

There's definitely something special about the friendship that turns into feelings, that blossoms into a relationship. But it's something that happens organically, in my experience at least. In dating, you're already putting it out there that you're looking for romance, so it circumvents this to a certain extent.

I think certain specific sites are for those seeking LTRs. Aren't there sites/apps for friendship and companionship as well? Perhaps the OP should look to some of those? (Of course then there's always the risk that the "friend" you've developed feelings for will stick to their guns and not want a relationship. So a gamble there too. Guess nothings ever perfect...)

Last edited by mark clemson; 26th February 2019 at 1:59 PM..
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Old 26th February 2019, 2:53 PM   #24
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Women can see sex as special and not something she can dole out willy nlly to every guy looking for a "release". It would be easy for a woman who goes down that route to quickly get her "number" into double or triple figures and that is not usually the way to go to get into an LTR.
Hook ups are hook ups, they are not usually people who are looking for LTRs.
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Old 26th February 2019, 3:31 PM   #25
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Yes, not in the short term, they wouldn't be...
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Old 26th February 2019, 3:33 PM   #26
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I suspect many of those men who date different people are indeed looking for an eventual long term partner, too.
Again, agreeing with the above statement. One of my longest relationships was with a woman I slept with on the first date.

After we had been dating for a while, I asked her about that very fact, and she told me she liked me and wanted a second date. She had mad skilz in the bedroom, so she figured if she had sex with me, I'd come back for more. She was right!!

What's that old saying about "cream rising to the top". She jumped to the top of the list and we became exclusive rather quickly.
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Old 26th February 2019, 3:37 PM   #27
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Yes, so that would be an example of what hotpotato mentioned above. As a specific case in point though, were you actually seeking a LTR, or did you just happen into it?
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