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Guys only want hook ups


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 25th February 2019, 5:30 PM   #1
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Guys only want hook ups

I've actively been on old for a few weeks.

Every date/match I've had except one wants to hook up or confirm if I will hookup on the first date.

Not really a question, just venting.
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Old 25th February 2019, 5:32 PM   #2
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Yes, and even a lot of the ones who say that's not what they want are just saying that to get you in bed. This is nothing novel to online dating. This had been the norm way before the internet. There was a brief respite from it in the 70s when birth control became the savior for women (and no serious STDs) and women began having sex without having to be tricked into it, but it still went on to some degree.
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Old 25th February 2019, 5:51 PM   #3
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What's more annoying is that I put a filter on for
"Seeking Relationship" on bumble and I still get these guys with the same ****ing filter asking for hookup.

Seriously, wtf...
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Old 25th February 2019, 5:52 PM   #4
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Get off the apps & meet people in real life. They are more genuine & less creepy.
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Old 25th February 2019, 5:58 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HiCrunchy View Post
What's more annoying is that I put a filter on for
"Seeking Relationship" on bumble and I still get these guys with the same ****ing filter asking for hookup.

Seriously, wtf...
Doesn't the woman have to initiate contact on Bumble? You might want to revise your selection process. How many men have you matched with / gone out with from Bumble?
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Old 25th February 2019, 6:06 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shining One View Post
Doesn't the woman have to initiate contact on Bumble? You might want to revise your selection process. How many men have you matched with / gone out with from Bumble?
I dont remember how many.

On bumble u can filter for things. Some people for distance, height, education etc.

I have a filter set to show me men that only want relationships. So when I match (ideally) they are looking for a SO like I am. So then i message when we match, since women have to messgae first.

But...

I'm still getting these "i only want a hookup" dudes.
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Old 25th February 2019, 6:15 PM   #7
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I am getting the opposite problem, as a gentleman - consider using a second dating app or doing more in-person dates. You can in that way use more of your spidey-sense and weed out those you don't want.
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Old 25th February 2019, 8:30 PM   #8
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i think thats the problem i'm having with online dating, i'm just trying to meet friends to be around after a rough breakup and said right in my profile i don't want a relationship just some friends to have some coffee and talk with or other things along those lines.

But i often get messed up messaged back from woman for using "code words" for getting laid or something. When has English become so damn hard to use?
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Old 25th February 2019, 10:17 PM   #9
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Since the internet and all the bs that is all over it.
Luckily for me my world is still much the same as it always was in RL.
Although l'm more and more disappointed all the time lately at terms l hear everyday people coming out with even here , from the internet world, it's like a damn virus spreading all over the fkg world.

Anyway , even here my gf found the same thing, took her 2 yrs of it before she met me .
Twas our lucky day
Only thing l can suggest is be clear about what you want on your date site and in RL , and just keep on truckin until the right one eventually comes along.
Good luck.
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Old 25th February 2019, 11:17 PM   #10
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The few guys I have known that have done OLD have said all the women were complete laydowns for sex...Like they didn't even really have to try...And the crazy thing is none of these guys are any great shakes..

I know nothing of OLD, but if that's the general climate out there, guys are just probably taking advantage of the easy pickings...

I guess the only thing you can do is state clearly and in no uncertain terms what you are after..It still wont guarantee anything, but if I were a woman in the OP's situation, I just wouldn't put out easily...It will weed out the guys only looking to get laid...It may be tiresome, and time consuming, but I dunno what else you could really do?

TFY
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Old 25th February 2019, 11:21 PM   #11
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My profiles all say that I want a relationship.
Idk how much clearer I have to be.

Yep, so many disappear when I tell them I'm not into hookups.....
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Old 25th February 2019, 11:59 PM   #12
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Hi crunchy one, I'm crispytoast. I have come to verify that yes, guys indeed want to hook up. Even the ones who want relationships. If he says otherwise, he's probably lying. I hope this has been helpful.
Cheers!
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Old 26th February 2019, 12:17 AM   #13
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Do you know why a lot of guys want hookups? They do it to avoid getting friendzoned. You see struggling guys get advice all the time about showing her that he is interested. A lot of guys learn that it is better to be aggressive than passive. It's better to be that interesting bad boy that wants sex versus that boring guy that's wants relationships.
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Old 26th February 2019, 12:18 AM   #14
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You will never be able to find a man who if, he is honest with himself, says to you that he doesn't want sex. We all want sex. Men will eternally be turned on faster than women in the sex department except in cases of extremely good looks. It is unfair to rail against men for this, because the entire gender is not guilty of this. What you might consider is something along the lines of a few sentences of comedic relief about you being a sapiosexual, or challenge me with your mind, or something like that. You might more easily weed out the ones you don't like that way. If you are meeting men who read in between the lines, they will run for the hills too, if you take this to an extreme. So why not get some comedic relief out of it.
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Old 26th February 2019, 12:59 AM   #15
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I think HiCrunchy isn't saying that she isn't interested in sex; just that she is interested in a relationship first, and I am assuming the sex follows when the relationship is good for her.

So, if I am correctly summarizing HiCrunchy's thoughts, I would probably be the same if I were suddenly single again or a widower. I am sure that I wouldn't feel right just doing the hook-up thing and instead would want to meet a woman who would be compatible for a LTR. At some point, I would feel good and ready to head to the bedroom and I would appreciate it so much more because the emotional part would be in place for me.
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