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The Connection Thing


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 6th March 2019, 8:27 AM   #31
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The woman cited in the opening post is right. Nobody likes to admit it, but you can tell within about five seconds (much less 30) if you're never going to sleep with someone. It doesn't matter how many flirty messages you sent or how witty your texts were. You just know.

I try to describe it for male friends this way. When I was single and met someone, they went into one of three boxes: no, don't know, and yes. "No" was for guys I just knew I didn't find attractive. "Maybe" was anyone who could potentially be attractive but I wasn't sure, or wasn't thinking of them that way --- a date who seemed kind of cute, or a coworker, or a friend's boyfriend, for instance. "Yes" was for guys who arrested my attention immediately. This was probably the smallest category overall. When I went on dates and I liked talking to someone, he was usually a maybe until I liked him enough to make him a yes. Plenty of maybes became yeses. But the no's never turned into maybes. If you don't feel it you just don't, period.
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Old 6th March 2019, 11:02 AM   #32
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Attraction really has a large range of variables. I consider myself picky yet I've been attracted to men that my friends wouldn't give a second glance and vice versa. I'm grateful for other people's tastes because then we're not all dating the same man.

Think this is quite true. Particularly for women, but also for men. Men of course respond strongly to the "instant attraction" component, but the other aspects of a person come into play quite soon after. I've definitely known beautiful women who I knew I wasn't attracted to due to their personality or attitude. And I've known "medium" women who end up being quite attractive overall due to their personality and smarts (including emotional intelligence) as well.

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"Yes" was for guys who arrested my attention immediately. This was probably the smallest category overall.
I think you want to be this guy. Then just don't blow it. Gotta be the whole package IMO or in the end it won't matter.
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Old 8th March 2019, 7:35 PM   #33
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Some women trigger it off romantic vibes and some don't. Some times its more personality, and sometimes it's physical.

I have 3 female friends. All three are beautiful women. 2 if they really wanted to sleep with me it would be hard to say no. It's most likely because I don't have a woman, that is in my life that has my romantic attention at the moment. I can' help it. I think and want a romantic relationship every day and I can't manifest it at the moment.
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Old 9th March 2019, 5:20 PM   #34
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Think this is quite true. Particularly for women, but also for men. Men of course respond strongly to the "instant attraction" component, but the other aspects of a person come into play quite soon after. I've definitely known beautiful women who I knew I wasn't attracted to due to their personality or attitude. And I've known "medium" women who end up being quite attractive overall due to their personality and smarts (including emotional intelligence) as well.



I think you want to be this guy. Then just don't blow it. Gotta be the whole package IMO or in the end it won't matter.

Yeah , l could never be into one without the other.
Personality and who she is what she's about is huge for me.
Wouldn't matter what she looked like if the person was all wrong.
But l've also never been into overly beautiful women. Just find there's something not real about them and l could pretty well guarantee the personality will be all wrong for me, well it always was anyway. Not that l'd be closed to it if l was looking but l'd know what to expect and that was usually right so.
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Old 9th March 2019, 9:27 PM   #35
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As most of you know, I am 66 and not looking for romance, but I'll tell you a recent "instant attraction" that just happened in the last couple of days.

Was eating in an upscale TexMex/Salvadoran restaurant in the gay district. The clientele is mixed though as it is also supercar dealership row on that street.

I looked up as two men were walking by me to leave. I had just caught this guy's "walk" out of the corner of my eye and it was that "attitude" walk that rodeo cowboys and rockstars have. I rarely see it anymore. So I'm taking in my favorite walk there and he notices and I look up and he is not very attractive in the face, but has on a cowboy hat (I was right!) and he knows I recognize his walk and appreciates it and gives me a smile and a nod. And now, see, I usually am about faces and hair, but he had that ideal cowboy walk and he KNEW it! He was hot. It was like, I see you, I see you back.
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Old 9th March 2019, 11:23 PM   #36
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watching you watch me or vise verse, love that.
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Old 9th March 2019, 11:29 PM   #37
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Yep, I believe most (hetero) men very much notice a woman's walk, especially in the hip area. Believe this is well understood.

There are some, possibly many women where this is reciprocal, although exactly what's attractive isn't clear to me. It's more about the stride or pacing in combination with the overall posture as far as I can tell. I don't know if most men really understand this.

I think some guys who have difficulty dating or don't consider themselves attractive could up their game if they get this right. The percentagee of men who can make a woman feel interested the moment they walk into a room is pretty small I think and as you mention I think the walk thing can do it for some.

When I used to practice this, as I was trying to figure it out, I would sometimes have women literally sit bolt upright and stare at me when I think ordinarily they wouldn't have given me a second glance. And some would stare directly at my lower legs and feet. So something was definitely going on in their brains.

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Old 10th March 2019, 2:28 PM   #38
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Yep, I believe most (hetero) men very much notice a woman's walk, especially in the hip area. Believe this is well understood.

There are some, possibly many women where this is reciprocal, although exactly what's attractive isn't clear to me. It's more about the stride or pacing in combination with the overall posture as far as I can tell. I don't know if most men really understand this.

I think some guys who have difficulty dating or don't consider themselves attractive could up their game if they get this right. The percentagee of men who can make a woman feel interested the moment they walk into a room is pretty small I think and as you mention I think the walk thing can do it for some.

When I used to practice this, as I was trying to figure it out, I would sometimes have women literally sit bolt upright and stare at me when I think ordinarily they wouldn't have given me a second glance. And some would stare directly at my lower legs and feet. So something was definitely going on in their brains.
I'm not kidding when I say it's a rodeo cowboy and sometimes rockstar thing. It's being self assured. I agree a lot of guys could benefit from doing some walking lessons, if there is such a thing. My eyes went right to his walk and his legs (he did have nice legs, but I mean, the same legs on a bad walk wouldn't have caught my attention). And he wasn't at all afraid of the attention, took it in stride (sorry for the pun). I was actually startled when I looked up to his face and he was making eye contact and acknowledging.

There's different kinds of good walks, but that's one of my two favorites. The other favorite, I've only seen on rockstars, and I call it moving like a panther: Jim Morrison, John Kaye of Steppenwolf (the BEST panther walk ever), for example.

It's good you have "the gift." Hah. Back in college, me and my roommate called it "attitude," but it was mostly all in the walk.
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Old 10th March 2019, 2:30 PM   #39
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watching you watch me or vise verse, love that.
it's great, yes. And it can work to meet someone but only if both people are unafraid of acknowledging they're looking and attracted. And sadly, usually one or the other will be too embarrassed for that.
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Old 10th March 2019, 2:36 PM   #40
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Here's a pretty good cowboy walk, though it appears to have been slowed down.

https://www.filmsupply.com/clips/a-r...se-pens/120582
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Old 10th March 2019, 2:44 PM   #41
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@preraph - thanks! Quite honestly, in my case "the gift" as you call it wasn't a particularly natural thing. I noticed some things in people's reactions, got curious and tested it out. I think there are multiple styles of walk that can have an impact, but no consistency from what I could tell in which ones were "best".
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Old 10th March 2019, 2:45 PM   #42
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Also found this little animated video with no real film on it that explains walking body language and basically says how different ways are interpreted and if you want to do better, walk faster and take longer strides.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOzqo9m0elM
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Old 10th March 2019, 4:58 PM   #43
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l've always had a favorite girl walk . When l see a chick with this walk l almost gotta sit down and catch my breath, or be careful that l don't start drooling haha.
lt's usually only even possible with small petite women.
It's a sort of little fast snappy type thing, can't explain it but her ass definitely goes with it too.
My gf has it , love watching her strut about, especially if she jumps out of the car and walks off into a shop or something , l always watch her.

They tell me l have this lopey type walk. l didn't know l did that. But when l was much heavier l always found walking much more comfortable. When your tall and heavy you just stop giving a fk and just kinda steamroll your way around and fkemall yaknow, it's very comfortable.
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Old 10th March 2019, 5:35 PM   #44
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That video mentions that the faster walk is high energy and more people do find it attractive.

When you think about it, it is kind of simple. Like you've seen people who kind of skulk around with their head low kind of hunched over a little and you know something is off. But still, when they have a really good walk, that is so attractive and does say something about their personality.
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Old 17th March 2019, 2:48 PM   #45
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I have heard 4 minutes. Never 30 seconds. Much too short a time to know.
Although if the other is very unattractive then even 10 seconds is enough.
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