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The Connection Thing


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 24th February 2019, 9:27 PM   #16
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It is possible to meet someone, have a good time on a date with them, get on really well, and still not feel a real connection. I don't know whether others find the same but I am a 'good listener'. I do end up listening to the guy a lot and he goes away feeling there was a good connection. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Mostly, I don't feel major attraction so the connection really matters.

A date should be fun, chatting, laughing, relaxing. If it goes well, then you've both had a good time. It still does not mean that each feels the other is the right person for them.

I think you will know it when it happens but don't put too much stake on a date. That is a starting point and many dates do not go further than that. Each person is hoping for a match and it might be near but not quite. Do not judge yourself if things don't work out. When the right person comes along, you will both feel the connection.
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Old 28th February 2019, 2:35 PM   #17
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When I hear someone say the 30 sc thing. I think that means can you imagine being physically intimate with them. It takes time. I say 3 dates and then. What does it mean?

I see lots of women I could imagine sleeping with. Not lots that I can have a long term with.
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Old 28th February 2019, 4:37 PM   #18
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Agree that all women are different and will respond to different things. One thing that can help is to mind your body language, including your posture, the way you carry yourself, and the way you walk. This should show confidence, energy, and a certain "lightness" that is hard to define. Some women respond quite strongly to this.

Be sure to go the extra 10% on facial grooming too. Trim the ear hairs, any major stray eyebrow hairs, and the nose.

If she knows you're awesome the moment she lays eyes on you, I think the "spark" is already there. The "connection" can come later on.

There is a fine line between knowing that you're awesome and coming across as a D-bag. She'll know you're awesome if she can see it with her own eyes. Then you just have to show that you've got a great personality too.
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Old 28th February 2019, 7:53 PM   #19
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The whole connection thing is dumb! What connection are they talking about? Marriage material? First dates are make it or break it. People don’t give someone a chance anymore. Is it the whole capture someone’s heart bull crap? Everything is materialistic these days to big boobs, billion dollars, that beach house is what sells and what will lock them down!
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Old 28th February 2019, 7:57 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Mysterio View Post
When I hear someone say the 30 sc thing. I think that means can you imagine being physically intimate with them. It takes time. I say 3 dates and then. What does it mean?

I see lots of women I could imagine sleeping with. Not lots that I can have a long term with.
Interesting. But if they are attractive enough that you want to have sex with doesn’t that seal the deal? Sex is important why wouldn’t you want long term?
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Old 28th February 2019, 8:09 PM   #21
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To follow up on this, you say you are average looking. Control what you can control - haircut, grooming, mouthwash, etc. Dress a little bit better than expected - don't go for the standard dress shirt and slacks - do jeans + jacket or something else that fits your body shape well. Get some female friends to give you feedback on what looks good for you.

On the body language thing, don't wait for your date to practice. You can do this anywhere. Keep at it and test things out until you get a feel for what seems to work. Once you are turning occasional heads in daily life or having women nudge each other and point you out, getting that "spark" on a date will be easy. Just don't let it go to your head or you'll end up coming across as conceited and ridiculous. Being awesome means being genuine too IMO.

You want to come across as competent and experienced as well as confident. Mentioning briefly that you are good at your job or showing skills in other ways may help. So will mentioning your connection to the larger community, e.g. by volunteer work or altruism. Clearly you have to work these kinds of things into a conversation naturally, though.

Get yourself to the point where they feel lucky as soon as they see you on the first date and then seal the deal with your authentic personality and genuine self-assurance and confidence. Even with all this, some women won't respond to you - but you can let that pass, because the ones that do won't know what hit them.
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Old 1st March 2019, 8:28 AM   #22
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Interesting. But if they are attractive enough that you want to have sex with doesn’t that seal the deal? Sex is important why wouldn’t you want long term?
My friend JC is an attractive 37 yr old woman. Her personality is tough. So for me. Even though I can imagine being physical with. I can't see any reality for that with her and I. She has yet to show me any tender moments with me. We have talked about relationships before. Once she told me that one of the guys she was dating. All he wanted was sex. Is that all there is.

For me. I want a full package and physical affection is very important to me. No Affection no relationship with me.
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Old 1st March 2019, 9:18 AM   #23
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Interesting. But if they are attractive enough that you want to have sex with doesn’t that seal the deal? Sex is important why wouldn’t you want long term?

long term of course you need a lot more than just that.
You can easily be attracted to someone you wouldn't marry.
With someone you wanna marry it's about the whole person, you love everything about them and who they are ,especially your chemistry, you wanna have your life with them and 1oo other things
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Old 1st March 2019, 8:20 PM   #24
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chili how often do you run into someone where you love everything about them?
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Old 1st March 2019, 8:25 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by Highroller107 View Post
The whole connection thing is dumb! What connection are they talking about? Marriage material? First dates are make it or break it. People don’t give someone a chance anymore. Is it the whole capture someone’s heart bull crap? Everything is materialistic these days to big boobs, billion dollars, that beach house is what sells and what will lock them down!
People are different, so you have to feel like you have something to talk about, and you have to be attracted to each other. We are not interchangeable. Rather a strange notion.....
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Old 3rd March 2019, 7:42 AM   #26
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What I don't get about myself is that when it comes to friendships. Its easy for me. I am a people person, more than my other friends. Yet in Dating it always feels like a struggle.

Can't figure it out, and I am not all about jumping around a woman with idiotic devotion.
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Old 5th March 2019, 10:21 AM   #27
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Two women that I was really attracted to went on dates with me. With both ladies, we had a great time and spent over two hours together.

Saying goodbye, both said they'd like to see me again, then ghosted for a while. When they finally reached out, they said they didn't feel a connection and didn't want a second date.
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I think this is telling. If they ended the date saying they WOULD like to see you again, but then ghosted, they are probably talking to/dating lots of men and got distracted by the shiny bouncing ball of a new prospect right after your date. (I would sometimes be talking to 2-3 men at the same time and have a couple different first dates lined up in a week, so honestly, the men/ experiences/ chemistry WERE being compared).

In this case, you may be dating women with "high market value" relative to yours, who you will always be competing for.

You might ask if you are dating out of your league, so to speak, or within your league. Sadly for men, women do try to date "up."

Don't give up! There are plenty of women who would like a gentleman with your description!
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Old 5th March 2019, 4:06 PM   #28
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chili how often do you run into someone where you love everything about them?

3 times in my life , l married one and now live with the other.
l couldn't have it any other way myself , mutually l mean too not just one sided of course that ain't going anywhere if it's that way.
Haven't you ever felt that way about someone ?

Last edited by chillii; 5th March 2019 at 4:08 PM..
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Old 5th March 2019, 4:12 PM   #29
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What I don't get about myself is that when it comes to friendships. Its easy for me. I am a people person, more than my other friends. Yet in Dating it always feels like a struggle.

Can't figure it out, and I am not all about jumping around a woman with idiotic devotion.



That's actually very common with people people l've seen it quite a bit.
l always think lt seems we all have our areas and with people people their area is about people, which is an entirely different area to relationships.
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Old 6th March 2019, 6:09 AM   #30
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I am going to draw from my mom's friends experiences since they are more in your dating age range than I am. One of her friends basically said she did not care one iota what the man looks like, she just wanted a companion to have fun with who treated her well. That's exactly what she found and married in her 50s. They have an active sex life even though he's not at all a "looker."

Attraction really has a large range of variables. I consider myself picky yet I've been attracted to men that my friends wouldn't give a second glance and vice versa. I'm grateful for other people's tastes because then we're not all dating the same man.

One thing you can't go wrong with is how you make someone feel in your presence. Being respectful can go a long way in building attraction. Do you create a space where the woman is comfortable, can you laugh together, etc.?

While I do think it's true that many times you know within minutes of meeting someone whether you could ever potentially be attracted, many women continue to give dates unless they have an active reason to say no. For me, if there's a little spark there, it can turn into a big fire as long as the personality jives well with mine. One of the guys I ended up being really attracted to was completely neutral to me physically at first, but something about his brain got me thinking of him in a different light entirely.

Long story short: don't worry. It is very unlikely you are going to be single forever! From what you wrote, it sounds like you generally have your life together and I'm sure there are many matches out there for you.
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