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2018 was so horrible that I didn't think I would survive, but not only did I survive, I made the best of it and had the best year I had in a long time. No self pity, no dwelling, no nothing, just hard work. I lost A LOT of weight and worked hard and hiked a lot and traveled a bit, and lots of other good things happened. I am almost done with the divorce and we are on good terms. More or less things are OK. I am happy and I am continuing my weight loss and life-rebuilding process....

 

Now the sad part = )))

 

I am 41 and all of my friends are married and with kids. I was never really into the whole nuclear family thing and I am not too traditional, but all I ever wanted was my own family. We didn't have kids and I am feeling that it's over for me in that department. Not because of my age, but because after such a long time I have to start dating again and I just can't do it.

 

I am not interested in anyone. I am not even attracted or curious about anyone. Not in real life, not online. I feel nothing towards women and it's not hate or resentment or blaming all women for my ex's attitude and the breaking up of our family. It's that I simply I don't trust women. I am not saying women are bad or anything like that, I am saying that I don't trust women. Yes, I am Red-Pilled, and MGTOW, and god knows what else, but I am not here for a lecture. I am 100% clear on what everything means and how things work in the real world. Hypergamy is real, whether you like it or not, facts are facts. I know there are bad men and good men, bad women and good women, I am talking about me now.

 

Since I don't date men, I have to deal with women's issues. And as I get older I see that I and so many men, yes men, are giving up on love because women no longer need men. Again, I am not here for a lecture so please keep that to yourself, but I am upset and kind of sad that because of this "I am woman, hear me roar" mentality, that the family unit is dead. Women no longer want that. Yes, some do and some don't, but since I am 41 and I would date someone within 10 years, up or down, and the pool of shrinking and time is running out. It's very frustrating.

 

My point is that I want to meet someone. I want to start dating, but living in LA, LOL, it's a joke. I am good looking, almost back in shape, I take care of my self, dress well, very clean and good hygiene, I drive an Audi and work in IT for a Media company, I make decent money. But's not enough for women in LA. On dating sites they seek the "6s"..... Six figure income? Check. Six inch d$ck? Check. Six bedroom house? Sorry, no house. Oh Ok, then not good enough.

 

I see a therapist monthly and she didn't believe me so I took screenshots of things that women are looking for and showed it to her. She was shocked. There is no way I can or will check all the boxes.

 

It's sad because these women are going to end up with many cats, sad and lonely. And I will end up alone, but I won't sad, I'll be disappointed, but men handle single life better than women, fact. I'll be fine, but I would rather have a family with someone who is strong, modern, independent, curious, but also somewhat traditional when it comes to love and family. Yeah, yeah, I am damn romantic. I guess I am, but I would rather be than be part of "Tinder Culture". Sorry for the rant, but not reeeeally sorry. I am curious if someone will understand my pov or like most times, will criticize me and tell me that I have to change something or it's somehow my fault or some other nonsense. Please, I've taken enough shaming. I am here for some logic and smart words put together to make my brain go "OOOOOH I get it !!!"

 

I just want to believe that there are decent women, girls, ladies, females, whatever, left in the world. Kind of like my ex, kind of someone like me, but female. Just regular, down to earth, not looking to find price charming on a white horse. The horse is dead, the prince is sleeping with the court jester, and it's just me here frustrated because I want to share my life with someone and talk to them and listening to them, but instead I have a feeling I am going to be alone forever. I got my dog and he is my whole life right now, but I wish I had a family. I didn't have a family when I was growing up. Well, I did, but it was so broken that I would rather say I didn't, and I am ending up without one right now and possibly forever. In the words of our President #sad

 

Merci Beaucoup

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Though my circumstances are different (old enough to be your dad AND have that family with fairly good relationships with 'my three sons' AND live in a much less 'dense' community), I can relate. I've only been divorced for just short of two years, but separated for more than a decade and 'back in the dating game' for a year and a half. I've met several women. At my age they're looking for companionship rather than a man to raise a family with. So far nothing has stuck. One, the other, or both of us have not been interested enough to take it to the next level.

 

All that said, my suggestion to you (and myself) is to 'hang in there and keep swinging'. Without wanting to sound like one of my high school coaches spouting platitudes, I still agree that 'quitters never win'. While it's true that plenty of non-quitters never win either and though I'm thinking more and more about quitting, I'm not quitting yet. And it's still fun (at least for me) to go through the process of initial communication (I'm pretty much exclusively meeting via OLD) and meeting. Even if they don't want an LTR with me, they've all been decent, interesting human beings well worth meeting.

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Thanks. I am realistic about things. Neve say never and I've never been the one to quit. I am just disappointed that women's empowerment has gone astray from wanting actual equality to creating infantile, spoiled, brats for whom nothing is ever good enough. I am sure there are many decent women, but I haven't met one lately. My mom and my ex are the two decent women I know, that's about it.

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Ruby Slippers

In fact, studies show that women fare better than men single, in general.

 

You can find women who don't expect the moon, but you'll have to lower your expectations as well.

 

The main thing that comes through in your post is a negative, almost defeated attitude. You won't get very far in romance with that.

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Eternal Sunshine

It really depends what you are looking for. If you look for 25 year old hotties, then yeah, you won't measure up. But it's super hard to believe that an average single 40 year old woman is looking for a 6 bedroom house. I don't know of any, most have trouble meeting anyone that holds full time employment and is actually really divorced. You are probably overlooking women your age that are not highly attractive.

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You're not even officially divorced yet. Take it easy, breathe. You are clearly not mentally or emotionally ready to date. You probably want to be, but you're not.

 

Also, sounds like your dating pool is toxic. When you're ready maybe look in a different place for women to meet. And as has been mentioned, have realistic expectations.

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What , they actually specify that , my god wtf has happened to the world.

The guys should be on there specifying on the V's they want then , and everything else, thoroughly , givem a bit of their own medicine.

All l can say is again and again if forums are anything to go by , l'm just glad l live on the other side of the planet. But why would any guy even bother with worthless women like that , can you move if that's all you have to choose from , l'd be leaving town myself, go find a real woman ?

PS , there are some very decent women in the world that want and hold dear the same things you will. lt just sounds like you might have to move to meet them

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If you are red pilled you know women love opportunistically, men love idealistically. If you are this lost romantic, you know a woman isn't going to fulfill that need.

 

What you are experiencing is red pilled rage. You'll still seeking a blue pill reality, but you know it's not true. That's why you'll looking for a proverbial female shoulder to cry on. It's like the 5 stages of grief. You'll get through it friend :)

 

Women can control their hypergamy in the same way men can control their natural sexual strategy to spread seed to as many woman as possible. They are out there, but few and far between.

 

Also, I think the last 6 is 6 feet, not 6 bedroom house? You would need a 7 salary income for that ;)

 

I think some of the problem is you're in LA. That has to be one of the most vein places on earth. Are you open to moving?

Edited by TheFinalWord
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Yes there are quality women out there. They are sought after, as are quality men. I know your post is a forum rant and you probably wouldn't say what you wrote here to a woman during early dates. But the fact that this is how you really feel, means this is a part of you and it will show. It shows in little things you might say, it shows on your face, it shows in your eyes.

You said you are looking for a female version of yourself. If you re-write your post, switching the genders and read it again as having been written by a woman, would she be right for you? Would you want to date a woman who wrote: I feel nothing towards men. I simply don't trust men.

It's not a good way to start a relationship. I don't see how two people with this attitude can get very far together. Something's got to give. Try to soften up and you might attract the gentler sweethearts.

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If you want to meet a good woman, you won't meet her in LA.

 

Meeting a good woman will not happen in a big city.

 

Move away from LA and your chances will greatly improve.

 

Hang in there

 

I wish you luck

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You aren't even technically single and you're already complaining about dating?

 

Most good women won't date men that are married...even if they are separated. Get your divorce behind you and see what happens.

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I think some of the problem is you're in LA. That has to be one of the most vein places on earth. Are you open to moving?

 

I'd agree with that. Used to live there for several years and I think dating there can't be compared to dating anywhere else in the world.

 

Also, I don't want to deny your experiences and I'm sorry OLD didn't work out for you. But, as a woman, I'm actually very surprised. In my experience it's mostly the women who are looking for serious relationships & exclusivity on apps like Tinder. Most of the guys there just want something casual. And while I definitely can't speak for all women (and especially not American women let alone women in LA) I know for a fact that neither me nor any of my girlfriends would give a f** about these things (car, house, income).

 

Maybe (just an assumption) you're looking at very young and very pretty girls who are on the app just to collect impressive matches & flirt around? There are so many guys on there who are the same. They just want to show off their muscles with grim-face-gym-mirror-selfies and very obvious profile texts ("Just looking for fun"). So maybe these women you're complaining about are the female equivalent? Doesn't say anything about women in general really, but about your filter settings ;)

 

I'm your age (40) and I've never cared less about how much a guy earns. I can take care of myself now and while I might have been intrigued by a guy with a high income 15 years ago (when I was constantly broke myself), I really couldn't care less today. So maybe you should look in a different (your own) age range?

 

I do agree that older women are pickier though. And I think it does make sense. You just kind of know who you'd get along with and what you want to put up with. However, that has nothing to do with his income or social status, but everything to do with personality.

 

And no - I don't believe in hypergamy! Of course there are exceptions, but just go on the front page of this forum. You currently have at least three threads from guys who want to find a (younger) woman with lower confidence, lower education etc. and they struggle because the women they meet are absolutely fine with taking care of themselves, having their own career and are just not interested in guys who try to impress them with what they have, who they know or how smart they are. They just want somebody they have chemistry with and that is nothing you can buy or learn or pretend to have.

 

Oh, and when you read the threads from women here, it's mostly about flaky guys who don't want to commit etc. I can't remember a single female poster here writing about a guy they really liked, but if he only had a six figure income or a nicer car ;)

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I would chimp in 5 cent:

 

1. You just recently separated, so it's totally understandable that you dont have feelings for anyone nor curious about anyone.

 

I would advise you to take this time to focus more on yourself, discover more hobbies, and give yourself some time. As soon as your heart is ready, you'll definitely feel it.

 

 

2. I'm a woman and I can assure you that there are so many good and intelligent women out there who wants nothing from you but your love.

 

Women whom you describe I think are "super hot sugar babes" looking for sugar daddies.

 

If you aren't sugar daddy, you shouldnt be looking at them.

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Hi Poster,

 

There are plenty of women like this, but for some reason we're all chronically single because we can't find our equivalents. I once had a man standing in line behind me at the groccery store say "If i wasnt married, I would be all over you."

 

I responded with "That's what they all say, until the opportunity is available." He didnt say a word lol

 

My point is, Im genuinely starting to believe that those of us who deserve it most will not receive it but instead continue our spiritual path elsewhere after death, because we have graduated from earth life. Most around me who have these things dont understand their importance and value, so i imagine they still have lessons to learn in that department.

 

The best people Ive ever met who deserve these things most are the only people whom it eludes.

Edited by Hopeful30
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Ruby Slippers

Oh, I missed the part where you're not even divorced yet. Conventional wisdom says no one's really ready for romance until at least a year after a divorce is legally finalized.

 

I only went out with one guy from a dating site who had been divorced for less than a year. I made the mistake of not finding out before meeting that he'd only been officially divorced for a few months.

 

It was extremely clear he was nowhere near ready for romance. I'll never again date anyone who hasn't been divorced at least a year. In most cases it's a complete waste of time.

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Thank you everyone for chiming in and being decent about it. I was afraid I get jumped and shamed, which is usually what happens when I talk about all this stuff. I am either called a woman hater or worse. In fact, I love women, I love strong women. I am not some far rightwing super conservative guy who wants women back in the kitchen, but I am also not a far lefty who thinks a man should take the woman's last name and be her little b$tch. I am somewhat traditional when it comes to family values. And by that, I don't mean she stays home, cooks, cleans, raises the kids, I mean that we are equals and share responsibilities like normal adults with working brains.

 

Let me respond to a few things from above:

 

I NEVER EVER EVER hear a woman tell another woman to lower her expectations. I just read a post on another forum about a woman dating a super decent guy whom she loves, but she feels like she "settling" and that she "deserves more". Other women were saying that she can have her cake and eat it to and that this nice guy isn't really nice and is actually manipulating her into staying. I was shocked, but not surprised. I may be many things, but I call out BS when it deserves to be called out. A lot of people say a lot of things on forums and to each other, but words are nothing. "Do I as say, but not as I do" seems to be the motto lately. In reality women rarely lower their expectations. A woman who is a "5" will never date a man who is a "5". She will want someone who is a "6" or higher. Why should she settle? And the ones who do settle for something less, well they are probably carrying serious baggage and can't get the guy they want, so they get the guy they can have. And they\ ones who don't settle while carrying serious baggage, well they end up investing in cat food stocks =)

 

So coming back to my disastrous love life, I don't have high expectations. I don't look for 25 year old hotties. I don't look for super models. And above everything else, unlike most women on dating sites or in real life, I don't have a check list as long as a Walgreens receipt. Here is my criteria for being interested in someone:

1. I should be attracted to you and vice versa. I don't care where you rate on the attractive scale, as long as there is mutual attraction, everything else is crap

2. We should have similar personalities\interests or least be mature enough accept our differences

3. You can't smoke cigarettes or be a heavy drinker. Not too religious or hopefully not religious at all

4. You must enjoy nature and nature trips (I do a lot of nature and hiking and road trips, that's a must and not a should)

5. You should between 30 and 50 years old. Should be in decent shape (as I am now as well)

That doesn't sound like I am looking for a super model. In fact, my desires are very simple, I just want a best friend who is going to be my friend, my lover, and my pillar during tough times, as I promise to be the same to her. That sounds rather reasonable to me.

Ok, next, I won't move form LA because this is my home. With that said, I keep thinking about moving more and more these days. If I can find a warm climate like LA where dating is more simple, I am willing to consider it. I can't live in cold weather as I would rather live under a bench in LA than in a cold city. Lived in Chicago for 5 years and LOVED it, but no cold climates for me and no humidity as I can't breathe in it. I just can't handle cold = )))

 

Regarding RedPill Rage, I thought I was over that already. I was so blue-pilled most of my life that discovering Red Pull was one of the greatest gifts of my life. I am pursuing my own interests, goals, desires, and ambitions. I just wish I had understood all this 20 years ago, but as long as I am alive, I will never give up.

Regarding waiting until divorce is finalized, I've been separated for a year, a year before that we stopped sleeping with each other, and a year before that she changed into someone I couldn't recognize. So it's been almost 3 years since I've felt something or more importantly, felt something back from a woman. I am ready, but not for marriage or anything too serious. I am ready to get out there and start meeting new women. I know LA is not the best place to meet women, but I won't move anywhere JUST because of that. I would rather be alone than compromise and settle for something that won't make me happy.

 

And last, but far from least, the last 4 years of my marriage, my stepdad went to prison for making a little too much money in his business (nothing too criminal), my grandparents died, I was laid off twice, we had to move like 3 times, and at one point I just broke down. My body broke down, my mind, my brain, my everything was just exhausted, and my soul was crushed. She supported me initially, but then bailed. A LOT of it was my fault. Please don't think that I am blaming her for this. I am mostly responsible for not nurturing my marriage. She is beyond nice and decent, but the most infantile person I have ever met in my entire life. Worse than a spoiled child. I am also very decent and treated her like a queen, but there were times when I neglected certain things, including her sexual desires. I was just too overwhelmed with problems for a period of time, that sex wasn't a priority. I vowed to her that I will change and fix everything, but by then she checked out already. That's why I always agree with RedPill guys who say that men can and do love unconditionally and that we don't throw something out just because it's broken. You love someone, you fix it. That's how I was raised. That's how my grandparents were able to be together for over half a century. Women only love their kids unconditionally. Women's love for a men is VERY conditional. Just like my dog, if I don't feed him for a week, no matter how much he loves me, eventually he will turn on me. I will never understand that type of behavior in women. My mom, who never worked in her life, had to take care of the household while stepdad was in prison. She stood by him and her family and I respect that in her. The women in my family stand by their men and their families NO MATTER WHAT. My ex and many other women in my circle of friends are not like that. The slightest problems and her majesties way of life is too stressful and they run. I know a number of my guy friends who are now dating new women or are on their 2nd marriages, and that's what happened before. Their women couldn't deal with hard times and kicked these men to the curb while they were down.

You are welcome to disagree with my statements (some of them are opinions and some are hard facts) and you are welcome to believe that there are all these decent women in the world and all that good stuff. Possibly, but I live in this real world and things in this real world are not as you think they are. My aunt cheated on my uncle, turned their kids against him, took everything he had, he ended up getting sick and dying. And what did he give her? A beautiful life, 2 beautiful children, a wonderful home, happy times, was one of the most decent men I have ever met in my entire life. And that's what I see lately, women betraying men who have given them everything and not only betraying, but destroying them in the process. Hypergamy is real, not a doubt in my mind. I know there are many many many decent women in the world and I know that I just haven't met her yet, but at this point, I am so disgusted by modern western feminism and what it has done and taught women, that I am simply not going to go along with it and accept that I have to settle for something less, while she, after dumping her husband, with he 2 kids from 2 different fathers, all kinds of baggage, is looking for prince charming. I've browsed 1000s of profiles on dating sites, both men and women, and men usually have a few things they are looking for, while women have a HUGE list of things they want and god forbid you don't check one of the boxes. Or how many women use Tinder and POF to find guys who will just buy them dinner. They admit doing so.

 

Anyway, I can do this for hours, but my point is that I am not going to settle for something less. That doesn't mean that my expectations are up in the clouds. I just want someone real, someone interesting, someone I am attracted to, someone who understands the laws of physics, as in the world doesn't revolve around them. At this point, I don't think these types of women and I have crossed paths. I am not giving up, but I am not too optimistic about it. Even my mom admitted that she shocked by what has happened to women. She feels sorry for me because she knows I am a good guy and that a woman will be happy with me, but she sees what's out there. I sent her these meme about there being so few good women out there and she replied that she agrees and that she hopes that I find that needle in the haystack.

 

Check out this woman on YT. She has an awesome channel that deals with some of the stuff I describe above. Some women do get it and I am simply hoping to meet someone like that eventually. I am not MGTOW. I love women and I want to have women in my life, but this women is 100% correct.

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No one is telling you to settle, rather to make sure your expectations are realistic. Sounds like they are, so no reason to worry about that point any further.

 

I was married for 23 years, the last ten were sexless and the last several my xH traveled extensively for work and was only home a few days a month. But the reality of the divorce itself, all the official severing of ties, still was difficult for me to process. Two and a half years after the divorce was final I still feel bruised. Maybe that's not the case for you, but give it some thought.

 

The content and tone of your post radiates anger (a natural part of transitioning from a loss). There is no way you can start or maintain a healthy relationship in that state. To me it's very clear, you need some time.

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Thanks. I understand what you're saying. May be I am angry, but I don't feel angry. I feel annoyed and frustrated. Soon enough I will be too old to bed a dad. I don't want to be a dad to a 5 year old at 55. Just running out of time. I am in no rush, I am working on my self. I am just frustrated with women, for me and for society. So many single women who are refusing to settle down because of the constant dribble of grass being greener elsewhere.

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Ruby Slippers
So many single women who are refusing to settle down because of the constant dribble of grass being greener elsewhere.

I'm pretty Red Pill myself. I'm kind of teaching my new boyfriend to be less beta and more alpha in romance. He's a battle-tested Marine (first men into a combat situation, last ones out, among the highest physical requirements in the military), so a total badass in the warrior and physical sense. But he's also a romantic sap and an Aries (baby of the zodiac), so can be needy at times.

 

People say they're ready for romance before processing their divorce. The guy I went out with who had only been divorced a few months told me they moved to separate floors of the house 5 years before the divorce went through, didn't have sex, hardly even spoke. Still, the legal finality of it obviously still hit him hard. Men are far more attached to material reality than women, more literal and left-brained about events. The finality of it will most likely hit you with a certain weight, if not on the conscious level at first then subconscious.

 

So you're really wasting a woman's time to even attempt dating right now. Get that divorce done, get over it, and get on with your life. I think you'll find the dating world a lot more favorable then.

 

Trust me, good single/divorced men in their 40s who even halfway have their act together are very hard to find, and in high demand among single women from about mid-30s and older.

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MGTOW follower here too.

 

What you got to understand is that women are casting agents and you have to fit a specific type for them to be really interested in you. But the love in their minds is based on what physical, attention and material aspects you provide to them. They will claim we are the same but actually that's not true. Men love looks and personality (and yes personality really does matter to guys) personality is just one aspect a woman looks at when dating a guy.

 

You might be going what Rollo says is the hopeless pre-acceptance phase of RP.

 

Yes I've gone through this the last year when I had an epiphany about women and how they see *me* in regards to everyone else. As long as you're getting fit and healthy there will be some women who want to sleep with you.

I got fit after a bad relationship and I get a lot of thrills out of seducing women (who want to be seduced by me).

 

Sorry to hear about your problems though. But just understand that life is tough but you gotta understand that you just gotta take whats given to you.

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todreaminblue

hey,

in your opening post you wrote,

"you just don't trust women" "you feel nothing"

which means you wouldn't be in the right frame of mind to allow yourself to be vulnerable....you cant find the right type of woman with no trust or be in a relationship with your walls up

 

good women,they are out there op, but...you have to lower your walls to find them...when you are ready to do that......you will find what you are looking for..i hope you find a good woman.....get prepared to be a good man... keep up your own personal growth.....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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You have to have faith that everything is going to be alright. You have to trust somehow, again, that the world has something really great waiting out there for you. I know I'm not going to give up hope that a man will love me for who I am one day. I'm just going to do my best and smile real big and feel good everyday when I wake up and make new plans in life. I'm currently planning a move across the U.S. just to open up my horizons and be in a happier place. I know that happiness is the best way to attract a good mate. Try keeping yourself happy. You've been bettering yourself so you are on the right track. Let your inner light shine and I have faith you'll find a good woman. Open yourself up and trust that life is still capable of providing good women for you.

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If you want to meet a good woman, you won't meet her in LA.

 

Meeting a good woman will not happen in a big city.

 

Move away from LA and your chances will greatly improve.

 

Hang in there

 

I wish you luck

Could you explain why not in a big city?

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With all the things said, may I humbly suggest something that might help in some way. You seem to have some money to spend, instead of LA, if you haven’t considered it yet, why not take short trips to nearby towns or cities. You can join some hiking events, art tours, tech courses or whatever your interest is. “Sample” the ethos or culture, because there are many places where people can be laid back or down to earth, or whatever you might call it. This way you don’t need to move. But consider a primary goal of enjoying yourself so that even if you don’t meet someone, you still had a great time. Not just in CA or WA, consider going as far as Tennessee or Houston, or Philly. Even abroad, actually. Healing might also be a benefit.

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