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My autism is showing? Conversational skills on OLD.


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 15th February 2019, 3:32 AM   #46
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Is there anything you want to know about these women? Are you curious about them? Make a list of questions that you would want to know about a potential date, and some interesting conversation starters, then you won’t be so lost for words when trying to exchange messages. I am usually one to need a bit of light conversation before delving into something serious. But the topics you have mentioned seem fairly light to me, but it won’t work if she has no interest in astronomy or cardiology etc. if that’s important to you, move on and look for the next one. Also, I try not to ramble on about myself unless asked, and try to balance out the talking 50/50. Most women don’t want a monologue about model trains, unless of course they are asking you about it. Just ask each other stuff. If someone doesn’t ask me anything then they’re not interested and I move on.
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Old 15th February 2019, 8:38 AM   #47
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I am trying to use OLD as a tool to do a little pre screening to see if I can get an actual exciting conversation going , before agreeing to a date. If I get three word responses, real life conversation won’t be any better eh?
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Old 15th February 2019, 9:02 AM   #48
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Thumbs down

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Originally Posted by Garcon1986 View Post
It's just depressing that huge people 2-3 times my size are the only people that swipe right on me.
But MI almost has the highest obesity rate in the US, so maybe those ladies just have an average size there!

Personally I enjoy a stimulating conversation. But I wouldn’t engage in one with a stranger on a dating site before we even meet. The intellectual convo comes naturally when you start with something light and witty. It doesn’t start with a question like an interview or on an exam. Instead of asking the teacher please describe your best child memory in 500 words (well I’m exaggerating ), I would have some light bantering about the fun and headaches of working with child. Then if one is an intellectual type, the convo would naturally flow to a deep discussion. Your manner of trying to start an intellectual conversation can sound patronizing, even to those who are very intellectual. I think that might be why you come across as arrogant to RecentChange; for me, you come across as trying too hard to impress.

I just had a doctor’s visit a few days ago. We ended up having an interesting discussion about the different healthcare systems. But it started when I made a quick general comment/observation. He would have kicked me out of his office if I started by asking “please tell me in 500 words the pros and cons of the US vs the UK healthcare systems.” That would have been offensive!!
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Old 15th February 2019, 9:15 AM   #49
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As another example. I remember when I was stayng in the college dorm, an exchange sudent from Europe came borrow something from me. We just had met very briefly before, so we asked each other the usual questions about our background. Then the convo naturally led to the politics of where I was from, and we ended up having an interesting and hour-long discussion. It would have been off putting if he started the convo by asking please describe in 500 words how the current politics of your home town/country is affecting its people.
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Old 15th February 2019, 10:25 AM   #50
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G....Listen to whoever you want, just realize there are people that perpetually can't get out of their own way telling you what you need to do, vs those who have no virtually no issues and can easily navigate this...Well, you decide who is right or wrong....And to be honest, it's really not about right v wrong, its more about exploring why things aren't going your way...

Practically every woman's dream guy is the type that takes his craft very seriously and is effective and accomplished at it, confident and yet have another side that's not all about that...It's about having balance and not taking life all that seriously all the time...

That doesn't mean be a clown...Far from that...But if you can't be light hearted, somewhat silly at times, self deprecating, etc,...Then you will constantly hit a wall with just about every woman on Earth..To think you will spend all the time with a woman pondering the purposes of mitochondria in cell function, or what would happen or where it would take you if you had a space ship with unlimited fuel....Well...I dunno....I can't think of any woman that would be satisfied with that type of guy...Again...Balance...

Think of it this way....I have a lot of business associates and friends that are high powered types, coming from all walks of life...CEO's...MD's, high powered attorney's...etc...These are all types of guys that don't do what you are saying, and neither do I...They can go out and have a good time and NEVER discuss what they do...In fact, most can't stand it, and will stop you if you ask about it in a casual environment...And trust me when I tell you this....You will reach that point as well..

Balance, my friend...That's the key....If you think I am wrong, then keep chasing that Unicorn...But you will hopefully eventually see this..

PS...As for moving to another locale? I generally don't think this is ever necessary, despite what people like to advocate..I have traveled all over the place..There are compatible people to just about anyone on the planet...But maybe in your case, it may be helpful...especially like around here, where there are a lot of intellectual types..and a lot of Asians..

You should check out the movie "Doc Hollywood"...I love this film...the theme being a high powered surgeon to be, winds up stuck in this little town in the south/midwest...He falls in love with a local there...and gets a chance to see that there is in fact another side to all of this...and maybe he doesn't need to take everything so serious...

TFY
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Old 15th February 2019, 10:39 AM   #51
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Originally Posted by Garcon1986 View Post
I am trying to use OLD as a tool to do a little pre screening to see if I can get an actual exciting conversation going , before agreeing to a date. If I get three word responses, real life conversation won’t be any better eh?
But didn’t you just say only obese women are interested in you online. So you won’t ask an attractive woman out if she gives you a 3-word response?
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Old 15th February 2019, 10:41 AM   #52
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TFY I can't honestly bring myself to enjoy the smalltalk and light-hearted humor that you speak of... I have humor but it's not to most American's taste, I like the humor that happens on the British comedy show Would I Lie to You. I can't make a Garth Brooks joke or write a joke as good as Stephen Colbert for the life of me.

Can you teach me how to be light-hearted in a way that people here also like? I do indeed understand your points. How do I make myself change my mind and also have it represent an honest version of myself?
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Old 15th February 2019, 10:42 AM   #53
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But didn’t you just say only obese women are interested in you online. So you won’t ask an attractive woman out if she gives you a 3-word response?
I also try to judge people's interest level, so I'll leave a hot girl alone if she seems to have no interest at all.
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Old 15th February 2019, 10:42 AM   #54
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I would take TFY's advice on this.
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Old 15th February 2019, 10:47 AM   #55
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I also try to judge people's interest level, so I'll leave a hot girl alone if she seems to have no interest at all.
So you did have hot women swipe right on you?
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Old 15th February 2019, 11:14 AM   #56
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Only a camgirl or fake profile here and there, so technically no haha
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Old 15th February 2019, 11:15 AM   #57
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I would love to follow TFYs direction but Im being dishonest with myself if I try to enjoy funny smalltalk.
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Old 15th February 2019, 11:29 AM   #58
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One of the greatest minds of our current times is American, so there must be like minded people where you are too!

Plenty of people like intense and intellectual; if that's who you're looking for as well, and if that's how you have presented yourself on your profile, there's no need for you to change anything, really, especially if you don't make suitable 'initial matches' anyway, or whatever they're called on online platforms.

Be who you are comfortable being; no hang-ups.
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Old 15th February 2019, 11:33 AM   #59
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The two really attractive women who swiped right on me ghosted after I made a joke about model trains (despite her saying she works in a model train store) and a joke about Taylor Swift (she adores Taylor Swift).
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Old 15th February 2019, 11:33 AM   #60
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Originally Posted by littleblackheart View Post
One of the greatest minds of our current times is American, so there must be like minded people where you are too!

Plenty of people like intense and intellectual; if that's who you're looking for as well, and if that's how you have presented yourself on your profile, there's no need for you to change anything, really, especially if you don't make suitable 'initial matches' anyway, or whatever they're called on online platforms.

Be who you are comfortable being; no hang-ups.
The thing with the OP is, I don’t think he may not come across as very intellectual by strangers; rather, he’s eager to show off his list of “accomplishments”.
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