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My autism is showing? Conversational skills on OLD.


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 13th February 2019, 8:16 PM   #16
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Plenty of Ivy league graduates are not arrogant.

That is a social skill and not a reflection of education status. Some of the most humble people I know also possess the most impressive educations and professional accomplishments.

Meanwhile, rappers like to brag..... Don't be a braggart. Its an extremely unattractive trait. At least to the type of women you want to attract (I am guessing you aren't trying to impress rap video girls with your money).

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Originally Posted by Garcon1986 View Post
It's not helping that the women around me either don't care I exist or would never date Asian. At the moment I can only attract really morbidly obese people, which I can't honestly build a long term relationship with.
Well, if you can swing the cost of living (this really is a sink or swim area)...

San Francisco is the Healthiest City in the U.S.: Report

And

Welcome to San Francisco, the Asian City by the Bay

Just sayin'
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Old 13th February 2019, 11:08 PM   #17
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My favorite hobby is talking about the cultural self-insight and self actualization that comes from living in many different countries. I'm Asian, and brought up in Canada, the United States, and the UK. I'm most impressed with people who have lived in more than one culture. My other hobbies include playing a few instruments, talking about physics, exercise, swimming, biking, travel, singing, weightlifting, marine biology, and the dorky guy habits of fixing computers and playing with trains.

I exclude myself from 95% of social events where I live because I can't honestly bring myself to talk about craft beer and football teams.
I think you are being too hard on yourself. I would find that discussion very interesting. Iíd love to hear about your travel experiences. I love exercise, swimming, biking, travel, music... My boyfriend talks to me all the time about his model trains and he loves craft beer (as do I - the beer, not the trains, but I still listen).

Women like men who are interesting, have interesting hobbies, and like to have fun! Iím sure men feel the same way. Itís about balance - donít monopolize the conversation but donít be a doormat. Itís good that you have specific interests, but hopefully you are also interested in trying new things too...
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Old 14th February 2019, 3:44 AM   #18
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Don't take yourself too seriously....you will only come across as a pinhead...

Most women, no matter what background or level of education they have, like guys who are humble, laid back and good looking...confident but not in a douche bag way...The small minority that would care(at least in an initial meet/greet) are dowdy, wear granny pants in their 20's/30's, and have zero sex appeal...

Most can judge your intelligence by the way you communicate...Its not a job interview, I have no idea why you would take it to that level so early...Like another poster who was in his late 30's-mid 40's and prided himself on being the president of the model airplane club...That's great, but practically no woman on Earth will find that appealing.. Just keep a lot of stuff under your hat and focus on the initial meet up...

And lastly, are you targeting white American women? Despite anecdotal comments from women on here who claim they love Asian guys, I do think there is something to the claim that Asian men are probably near the bottom of what most American white women look for in a man as a package...I've been around a while and know a lot of people and despite living in an area with tons of Asians, I cant recall a single pairing of white woman Asian guy...Plenty of the opposite though(white guy Asian woman)…I'm not suggesting they don't exist, just that its uncommon enough to indicate a pattern..

You may find the only takers are the ones that don't have much to offer in the looks department (hence why you are getting a lot of interest from heavy/obese women)...This situation probably improves as you age(say past late 30's), but this aspect now may be your single biggest obstacle above all else..

Sorry...not trying to offend anyone, just going by my experience...You are a good guy with a lot of pluses....Attracting women isn't something you study for though....It's tricky and many times counter intuitive..

TFY
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Old 14th February 2019, 8:40 AM   #19
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People in general like to date the familiar and anyone who is unfamiliar may be accepted and liked in general, but as for dating which takes things to another level...
Er...no.
That is why I guess we all tend to stick to our little "communities" and groups of people who are similar to us.
Individual sexual attraction or having another agenda may mean some are willing to go outwith their normal group, but most feel cosiest and most comfortable in their own group, whatever "their group" may be.
We(gen) have a frame of reference and we can often then predict what to expect, so it feels safer and more secure.

By being a mix of differing cultures and being "a cut above" as a cardiologist, and being autistic, it is I guess difficult to find a suitable group to which to belong to. You will be seen as an outlier to some.
Your natural IRL group of potential dates would be coworkers, nurses and other doctors, but if "being Asian" is a no-no for the white women you want to date, then no amount of hobbies and interests will help you, as the basic attraction is just not there.

I am sure I could talk all night to an interesting guy who was also sexually attractive to me, but if I was looking for a date I would soon dry up with a similarly interesting guy who I was not attracted to.
Because
A) a waste of my time
B) a waste of his time and I would not want to lead him on.

Are your conversational skills lacking or is it her interest in you that is lacking?
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Old 14th February 2019, 8:49 AM   #20
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I can have wonderful conversations with nerdy women, and the attraction is pretty good. Give me a conversation about physics, pediatrics, astronomy, any science stuff - current events - classical music - instruments - I can have a great conversation.

I've had a string of local women who matched with me on OLD who don't want to have conversations about these things.
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Old 14th February 2019, 8:53 AM   #21
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Well, that has also been my experience with OLD. You meet so many different women, very few with whom you share anything in common. It doesnít mean that it canít be interesting to meet them and have a conversation... It actually allows you the opportunity to work on your skills of small talk... But, you will have to meet many wormer before you find the right one.

I think you are overthing this garÁon. You present as a very thoughtful, articulate, and really wonderful person in your posts. Find the right woman, and she will really love you...
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Old 14th February 2019, 9:26 AM   #22
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Thanks a bunch for your kind words Bailey.

Elaine, I've learned to give up the search for the most attractive women around, but it seems like I can't even attract those of "medium" attractiveness either. I'm only being honest that I can't bring myself to be romantically attracted to the huge people that are swiping right on me.
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Old 14th February 2019, 9:43 AM   #23
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You're in a really tough geographic region for who you are.

Hang in there until your program ends and high tail it to a major metro area.
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Old 14th February 2019, 9:44 AM   #24
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You're in a really tough geographic region for who you are.

Hang in there until your program ends and high tail it to a major metro area.
I completely agree.
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Old 14th February 2019, 10:37 AM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Garcon1986 View Post
I can have wonderful conversations with nerdy women, and the attraction is pretty good. Give me a conversation about physics, pediatrics, astronomy, any science stuff - current events - classical music - instruments - I can have a great conversation.

I've had a string of local women who matched with me on OLD who don't want to have conversations about these things.
The question is why would you want to have these conversations with dating prospects ??

Most women will be bored to tears over it...That doesn't mean you can't successfully date, just don't make that a pre requisite?

I know a great deal of investing/equity markets/business, etc and that type of stuff interests me greatly....I could live an entire life with a woman and never bring it up..I know for sure I wouldn't even bother mentioning it early on...You don't have to be aligned on all levels of interest..

My suggestion is to keep it light and fun...Women like fun....

TFY
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Old 14th February 2019, 11:33 AM   #26
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I canít have any fun having light conversations. Teach me how?
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Old 14th February 2019, 11:35 AM   #27
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Teach me where my interests intersect with a woman looking for a date? I donít know any fun and light topics by your definition.
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Old 14th February 2019, 11:51 AM   #28
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Teach me where my interests intersect with a woman looking for a date? I donít know any fun and light topics by your definition.
I think that may be your core conversation issues. You donít need to have a topic or have some canned topics in advance. Be spontaneous. A smart woman would judge your intelligence not by your hard knowlege, but by how your mind responds to very subtle things.
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Old 14th February 2019, 11:51 AM   #29
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From a fellow autistic...


Don't suppress who and what you are. Unless you're looking for a one night stand, it's going to come out anyway.

Be proud of who you are, and if these NT women don't like it, they can shove it where the sun doesn't shine.
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Old 14th February 2019, 11:53 AM   #30
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OP: Have you been formally diagnosed with autism?
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