HiCrunchy Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 I'm going on a date with some one I'm not attracted to. He isnt unattractive but okay. I'm trying to give him a chance because I've been single for so long. I shouldn't be so picky. I dont feel excited to go on the date or to meet him, and the date itself is low key. Which makes sense since it's the first time we are meeting. This is my first time doing OLD. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 I dont feel excited to go on the date or to meet him, and the date itself is low key. Which makes sense since it's the first time we are meeting. If you are not excited to meet this guy for the first time how do you think things will be different when you actually meet him? If you are not intrigued or attracted to him it is not very fair to go on this date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 If you are not excited to meet this guy for the first time how do you think things will be different when you actually meet him? If you are not intrigued or attracted to him it is not very fair to go on this date. Sometimes peoples personalities can shine in person 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 Plus if I keep waiting for someone I am attracted to, I think ill be single forever. He isnt ugly, so I thought I'd give him a chance. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 Since you aren't attracted to him make sure you pay your portion of the bill. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 What is it about him which has you choosing to go on the date? Perhaps you could focus on the positives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 Since you aren't attracted to him make sure you pay your portion of the bill. What does that have to do with anything? Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) So I will tell you my story. My husband and I met through OLD. He was attractive. He did everything 'right' in asking for a date. I was looking forward to the date. Until the day of. It was a yucky day. I didn't want to go outside. I was just 'not feeling it'. I was half tempted to cancel or postpone. Part of me would have been just as content to order Chinese, open a bottle of wine and chill on my couch. But, I had said "yes". He had made plans. And I'm a woman of my word. So I shook off my rotten mood, got up, got dressed nicely and met him. And it was awesome. the rest is history. You don't know what you don't know yet. And you gave this person your word that you would be available to go on a date. Stand by your word. You wouldn't appreciate it if someone canceled on you last minute. Worst thing happens? You have a boring date. But you kept your word. ------------------- (Oh...and my husband knows that I almost canceled. I think even THAT night I wound up telling him "i was so close to calling and asking to reschedule tonight. It is SO cold out. I'm glad I didn't") We laugh now over this. Edited January 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge and fix spacing 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) What is it about him which has you choosing to go on the date? Perhaps you could focus on the positives. He was nice and asked me on a date. He has a a good job and close to my age. I suspects he drinks more moderately than I'm used to but that's okay I guess. He hasn't be creepy or disrespectful Im trying really hard to see the good and not compare I've only talked to him via OLD so I dont know him too well. Edited January 23, 2019 by HiCrunchy Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) So I will tell you my story. My husband and I met through OLD. He was attractive. He did everything 'right' in asking for a date. I was looking forward to the date.<snip> Well u said urself ur husband was attractive (to you). This man isnt attractive to me, also isnt ugly. He just sort of is. Im not really excited to go. But he was kind and has his life together so I thought why not? I dont know if the same thing applies. And I have every intention on going. I never said that I wasnt. I dont think I'll want to kiss or hug him at the end tho Edited January 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Truncate quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 Sorry for all the typos, I'm on mobile and there is no app for this site Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 The same way I am not sure there will be chemistry with guys who seem attractive to me in their pictures, I also don't know if there will be chemistry with men who don't seem to be my type. Actually my type changed a few times in life when I met someone who wasn't my typical type and ended up falling for them. We only know re: attraction when we're front to front with the person. Hence, if there is something in their profile, or smile, or whatever that attracts me, I sometimes do give it a chance. And a 1 hour drink is not something that takes too much time or effort, specially if you're not the type to dress up too much for a date. Book the date near your house to make it easier. Not much to lose and the worst that can happen is you'll learn something interesting about someone's life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 23, 2019 Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) I never had any luck going on dates with men I wasn't attracted to. It was always awkward & I felt bad. Dates are supposed to be fun & exciting. I'm not one of those people for whom attraction develops over time. I either felt an instant spark of lust the 1st time I laid eyes on a man or it never came & I was loathe to even kiss the guy. Of course that is lust & a man could be so incompatible with me as a person that lust would be extinguished. In time I could grow to love somebody, but that whole sexual attraction had to be there from the start. Over the years I learned that for me, I was better off saving everyone the time, money an anguish of trying to force something If you are somebody who needs time to really mesh with a person to determine if you are attracted, then going out with somebody you are not attracted to may work for you. I'm glad you are being open minded enough to give this new previously untried choice a chance. I will share with you that in 35 years I went on 2 dates with men I wasn't attracted to & swore I'd never do it again. Then I found myself single at 35 & everybody said so try OLD so I did. Both of the men I met were men that I would never have agreed to go out with had I met them in person 1st. The first guy was sort an experiment & my 1st foray into OLD. I liked his personality, or thought I did. We were in the same industry so to make me more comfortable he offered business advice for my fledging company if we weren't a love connection. That was the single worst date of my entire life! Still I gave it another try with a different man who also seemed good "on paper." I learned the hard way not to meet people who won't post a picture. He didn't need a bag over his head or anything but he wasn't my type. After that I got off OLD. I think the comment about you being prepared to pay your share of the date is a way of softening the blow. Rejection sucks. But for guys it's kind of even worse if they shell out $$ only to get rejected. So to ease the pain if you really don't ever want to see him again, be sweet about it & pay your part. I am also proud of you for having the integrity & the manners to go on this date since you already agreed. Maybe it will be better then expected. Fingers crossed. Edited January 23, 2019 by d0nnivain Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) We r just going for coffee. I'll probably get there early and order my cup first, that way he wont need to worry about paying. This is more of a meet up than a real date but that's expected with OLD. I've been attracted instantly and gradually. Gradual ones were men who were my friends first and for those men I didnt get sex feelings until months/years had gone by. Instant attraction, was of course instant Edited January 23, 2019 by HiCrunchy Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 23, 2019 Author Share Posted January 23, 2019 (edited) I finally solidified plans and now I'm sad. I feel like crying. I know it's because I have baggage. Or maybe because I feel like I'm settling? I dont understand myself. But I have to try right? Edited January 23, 2019 by HiCrunchy Link to post Share on other sites
Wallysbears Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 For what it is worth - when I say I was “attracted to him” I mean that nothing in his profile or photos OLD were “turn offs”. He had 2 photos. Both taken by an actual photographer (now I know that she is his best friend’s wife LOL) I was like “that’s a little weird” but also...hey, it wasn’t the standard stand in the bathroom mirror and snap a selfie that was everywhere back in OLD then. So, to me? It was attractive in that at least he was putting an effort into looking GOOD for his OLD profile, kwim? I was “meh” When I saw him? Instant actual attraction. We met at a tequila/tapas bar. Wound up closing down the place and going somewhere else and our first date was like 5 hours long LOL. He’s been stuck with me for the last 8 years LOL. Go, have coffee. Worst that happens is you go out and have coffee and a story to tell. You aren’t picking a china pattern for your wedding registry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I finally solidified plans and now I'm sad. I feel like crying. I know it's because I have baggage. Or maybe because I feel like I'm settling? I dont understand myself. But I have to try right? Come on now. This is another human being who has been gracious enough to ask you out. I don't like this "settling" concept. It feels very arrogant to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 She also seems to be making a mountain of a molehill. It's only a date, not a marriage proposal. Gosh... I probably went on hundreds of dates. You don't like the guy, you leave after one hour. No biggie. It seems OP has unresolved emotional traumas that go beyond the theme of this thread. Come on now. This is another human being who has been gracious enough to ask you out. I don't like this "settling" concept. It feels very arrogant to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 sometimes pictures do not do one justice. he may look more acceptable in real life 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HiCrunchy Posted January 24, 2019 Author Share Posted January 24, 2019 Come on now. This is another human being who has been gracious enough to ask you out. I don't like this "settling" concept. It feels very arrogant to me. Everyone settles. It's not a negative. No one marries their ideal, we all compromise. There is no arrogance. Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Try to be open to him and men in general. Like maybe approach this and future dates less like a date and more like an opportunity to connect with another human being. Romantic feelings might not happen or they might, but with an open heart you will likely come away with something positive — a new friend, a new understanding, practice communicating with and learning about another person, one more data point to gauge your own emotions and human emotions in general. I feel like I’ve been on a million tinder dates and only a couple where I felt like I got nothing from it. And even those probably refined my picker a little more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 It's only a date, not a marriage proposal. Gosh... I probably went on hundreds of dates. You don't like the guy, you leave after one hour. Doesn't that depend on why you're going on the date? I've gone on platonic/friend dates: just going out to have fun with a companion. It's essentially a two-person meetup. It doesn't matter either way if the other person is attractive. Though it is more than polite to let the other person know it's platonic ahead of time to avoid false assumptions and disappointment. On the other hand, some posters here on LS have pointed out that the purpose of dating is often to learn if the other person is a possible romantic partner or to build on an existing romantic relationship. If that's the case, I can understand where someone would not want to go on that type of date unless there was attraction. FWIW, I don't and won't go on a non-platonic date unless I am attracted to the other person (woman for me), both her appearance and personality. So I understand the OP's questioning themselves. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Everyone settles. It's not a negative. No one marries their ideal, we all compromise. There is no arrogance. True. But, you still have to find someone who makes you happy when you see him. Someone who makes you smile, who touches your heart and your mind. The first time I met my boyfriend, I thought he was nice enough looking but I wasn’t sure I was really attracted to him. But, as I got to know him I found him more and more attractive. Seeing him still gives me butterflies after three years. It’s a first meeting - there is more that you don’t know about this man than you know right now. Give it a chance. When you meet in person, you will know... Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 Everyone settles. It's not a negative. 100% True!! Of course I want a Christina Hendricks look-a-like, but I'll settle for a Kathy Bates. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 24, 2019 Share Posted January 24, 2019 I understand it as well, and usually I only go on dates with men I seem attracted to. But a few times I wasn't sure and went anyway. One of them I ended up dating for 2 months. The truth is though in the end I need to want to rip someone's clothes off or it won't work so I agree. But some people you can get more attracted to than you expect. They just have unflattering pics. My friend in Europe went on a date with a guy who had terrible photos. Turns out he looked way better in real life. FWIW, I don't and won't go on a non-platonic date unless I am attracted to the other person (woman for me), both her appearance and personality. So I understand the OP's questioning themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
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