I Think I Am Done

[Logo]

Dating in the last few years has brought me nothing but pain and grief. Actual grief. There were great moments. Some of which I’ll most likely cherish forever. But I think it’s time to close the book on dating. If I can’t be with someone then so be it. I ***** give up. I’m tapping out. I might even shed a few friends who aren’t contributing to my personal growth.

 

 

I can’t find a single person who likes me for who I am and who I like for who they are. And it has to turn into a job to find someone? This isn’t what I imagined my life would be like 20 years ago. This is ****.

[preraph]

I guess it's down to expectations. When we're young, we think just the right match is out there and we're destined to find them. But that's just youthful idealism and too many Disney movies. In reality, there isn't one person who you agree with on everything and are not annoyed by some way. That's why it's the people (unlike me) who are real easy going and roll with the flow who can easily couple up and have lots of diverse friends.

 

In the end, I think you have to find someone you overall respect their ethics but accept that they will have different specific beliefs and actions than you do. Like my best friend is just loving and great and if anything has too much empathy, and you can't fault a person for that, and we differ in politics. She's always for the underdog or the poor. I'm always for the person who is working their butt off to take care of themselves and their family on every level and not harming anyone else in the process. That's who I choose to support, those who are helping themselves. But she herself works her butt off, despite her beliefs, so I have respect for her.

 

To get along with other people, you also have to realize that everyone is different and that's okay as long as they're not hurting other people. You can't keep waiting for someone to accept that your way is the only right way, because it isn't.

 

The more diverse you are as far as interests, the more people you will be able to connect with, and that's something you can control.

 

It's true dating is fraught with anxiety and premature emotions for many of us, and that's hard to control and can only be done little by little. For many people, it is hard to find someone who fits. The more secure and well rounded a person is, the easier it is to find a match. There are more matches for them.

 

And yes, some people are just unlucky in love. Some people, like me, it could be said were unlucky in love, but in reality, I was just more specialized and unconventional. I couldn't offer convention. I had a narrow field of interest. I really wasn't supposed to be coupled up and domestic when young. It took me a long time to realize that. I had my own path to follow. And I have no regrets.

 

If you have friends who are making you feel bad about yourself rather than supporting or inspiring you, then by all means distance them. Be careful about running off old friend entirely though. As long as they're not toxic to you, they are a valuable asset as you grow older.

[d0nnivain]

Don't give up but do take a break. You may be burned out.

 

When I used the word "job" I meant that you have to put in effort, more then just clicking & swiping. Personally I found OLD demoralizing but in person meetings were more energizing.

[alphamale]

I know sooo many people my age (53) who are single and have literally thrown in the towel in regards to dating.

[Hollywood-Tourist]

I have to agree with the OP.

 

 

It's just not worth it any more this dating business.

 

 

There's too many shady people out there.

 

 

I won't date again after dumping my ex, she was the love of my life.

[Juha]

I have had one date this year and it was pathetic. Reason I have had only one date this year is I have not bothered to try anymore.

 

Just too depressing to be totally honest. The odds at this point are so stacked against me in actually finding or getting what I am looking for now it is futile!

 

I wanted a family and have it with someone who is good.

At my age I can't get a woman who is young enough to have kids or wants kids. Have had long term relationships that ended up not panning out for one reason or another. Wasted years with them!!!

 

Now at my age too old to be wanted and actually find what I would like to have.

 

Have dated women with kids, unfortunately they were not a good match. I wanted my own children with her not just the ones she already had. They did not want anymore or did not actually like or love me enough to have children with me.

 

I see no reason to have a relationship with someone now if children are not going to be involved. Have dated a couple of women where their children are grown and in college, they were nice and it was good but I could not get past not having my own children.

 

This is the most unhappy I have ever been in my entire life, I am not around many of my good friends anymore as they are too busy with their lives and kids now. I try to make plans with them but they do not have time for me anymore. They spend most of their time with other couples with kids. I have had to keep finding new friends to do things with and it is just old and tired now.

 

Have to figure out where to go from here as just going to do hobbies and things does not really cut it for me anymore. Never had any problem doing things alone as I am an only child, I actually liked doing things alone.

Now I am sick of that also...

[PRW]

I know sooo many people my age (53) who are single and have literally thrown in the towel in regards to dating.

Haven't made a date since last Summer,...and that last one, I was the one who canceled it. Once dating became easier years back, I discovered I didn't want it nearly as much.

 

I go for quality rather than quantity now, and am in no rush about it. I am 56,...there is a good chance I'll just stay single and not worry about it. I still have a good time around "hot chicks" weekly and I don't have to pay for anything or put up with any crap. It ain't such a bad deal. Sex is over-rated and full of "traps & drama", and it's not like I'm gonna "make more babies" and spread more genes to the next generation.

Edited January 22, 2019 by PRW

[some_username1]

Dating in the last few years has brought me nothing but pain and grief. Actual grief. There were great moments. Some of which I’ll most likely cherish forever. But I think it’s time to close the book on dating. If I can’t be with someone then so be it. I ***** give up. I’m tapping out. I might even shed a few friends who aren’t contributing to my personal growth.

 

 

I can’t find a single person who likes me for who I am and who I like for who they are. And it has to turn into a job to find someone? This isn’t what I imagined my life would be like 20 years ago. This is ****.

 

Look on the bright side (of a sort) very few men will be truly loved for who they are. How many women would stand by a man who just lost his job and was struggling ti find another? So much of a man's dating marketability is his ability to orovide resources to his family so it begs the question about he can truly be loved purely for who he is once the job and his assets and personal wealth have been stripped away.

 

As a female colleague remarked to me once "it's funny how when men lose their jobs their wives leave them soon afterwards isn't it?"

 

But yeah, for some of us dating *is* like finding a job. It will be hard with lots of rejection. With respect you sound too emotionally invested in the outcome. The trick I believe is accepting that you could be alone, making peace with that and having stuff to fill your time so you are too busy conducting research or doing activities or whatever that a woman is a "nice to have, but not essential". I'll totally admit that is hard to do as life tries to sell us the concept that we are less than ourselves unless we have a soul mate. And also men are conditioned to feel like having a partner is the pinnacle of their life's achievements ("look at that loser who can't get laid!" etc) when history is full of great men who achieved great things who had no women in their lives and were fine with that.

 

Essentially, life is what you make it and it doesn't take a woman to make it complete, it takes effort.

[PRW]

As a female colleague remarked to me once "it's funny how when men lose their jobs their wives leave them soon afterwards isn't it?"

It also happens if the woman gets a big career bump that puts her equal to or higher than the man. I have seen many marriages get thrown away by the woman where it started out with the guy being the main bread-winner. But she is going to school in the meantime, she may be early middle age and the kids are in college or moved out. Suddenly she graduates and gets a job in the medical field (usually a nurse), then 6 months later they are divorced, when everything seemed fine before that.

 

That is why so many high quality men stay away from professional career women,...they figure she won't stick around and she has the funds for a really good divorce lawyer,...and he has a lot to lose. Then the career women say "Where have all the good men gone?" because all they can attract are the weak men that are looking for a new mommy to take care of them.

Edited January 22, 2019 by PRW

[Juha]

That is why so many high quality men stay away from professional career women,...they figure she won't stick around and she has the funds for a really good divorce lawyer,...and he has a lot to lose. Then the career women say "Where have all the good men gone?" because all they can attract are the weak men that are looking for a new mommy to take care of them.

 

BINGO!!! Have seen this happen a few times...

 

I know a few marriages where the husband is a weakling and kisses his wife's butt all the time. It makes me sick to see how they act.

[preraph]

<snip>

That is why so many high quality men stay away from professional career women,...they figure she won't stick around and she has the funds for a really good divorce lawyer,...and he has a lot to lose. Then the career women say "Where have all the good men gone?" because all they can attract are the weak men that are looking for a new mommy to take care of them.

 

That's so funny. Got news for you. Most of us smart career women aren't stupid enough to just take whatever's left and be their mommy! You wish.

Edited January 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[chillii]

That's so funny. Got news for you. Most of us smart career women aren't stupid enough to just take whatever's left and be their mommy! You wish.

 

 

Yeah that's what l think , l know plenty career women and they don't have to take anything any more than some high prof guy does.

 

l dunno where some of these ideas come from

 

most of them are in great relationships or marriages with like minded classy guys of some sort .

[Guildford]

After reading this thread, I am glad that I am married. But I frequently hear about single mothers in desperate financial straights, and I wonder where is the father of their child or children. Were they picking mates with good looks and a fast line; shouldn't they mate up with men who are stable financially and personally, but may not be so attractive or putting on a romantic show?

[Juha]

Have a friend who is not that intelligent and did not go to college but he is a self made man. He is comfortable and makes good money for himself with real estate. He has been single, had a few girlfriends, nothing long term or special.

 

A year a go he met a woman who worked at Starbucks, she is a single mother with one young boy. Father is in the boys life but does not pay or take care of him how he is supposed to.

 

Now, my friend is still involved with this woman and is starting to take care of the child. I hear them fight a lot, yet they are still together. They do not seem like a good match at all.

 

It is pretty obvious why she is with him, as she needs/wants a man to take care of her and her son. My friend is being taken for a ride and gets mad when this is said to him...

[chillii]

But l do agree with the quality not quantity thing and said it myself to people chasing their tail 100 times. Beats the hell out of me why they even do this just date date date thing, seems like crazy shyt to me, well unless they just wanna screw around and don't giva toss.

Never dated in my life or had to , if you wait for somebody worthwhile and use your picker and senses you usually come across someone in time where there's just the instant thing between you already and you both know it there's not usually even any need for that dating bs.

l dunno why anyone serious would even bother with anybody where fireworks aren't going off before you even speak to each other.

 

l know most people won't understand that but that's something like how it really works if you just give it time and let it. Well , always has for me anyway and the same with the women l've known.

[elaine567]

It also happens if the woman gets a big career bump that puts her equal to or higher than the man. I have seen many marriages get thrown away by the woman where it started out with the guy being the main bread-winner. But she is going to school in the meantime, she may be early middle age and the kids are in college or moved out. Suddenly she graduates and gets a job in the medical field (usually a nurse), then 6 months later they are divorced, when everything seemed fine before that.

But surely that isn't surprising.

Like tends to pair up with like, so if a woman has spent time improving herself, she is then probably spending her time studying and at work with a better class of people, more educated, more interesting...

If she is then coming home to the mundane, "boring" husband, he is no longer going to cut it for her.

If as well as being boring he is then going to tell her what to do or throw his weight around then she is going to leave pronto. Once financially independent she doesn't need to take any sh*t no more, and she doesn't.

[AmyHershaw]

I do have empathy with you, it can be very difficult getting into another relationship when you've been hurt more than once in past relationships. Yes, there are disloyal and untrustworthy people, but never forget there are good people who are also waiting for the ideal partner to enter their lives. After being cheated on twice in past relationships, I struggled in my previous relationship as I found I had trust issues, he didn't treat me well towards the end and it did leave me heartbroken. Just because you've had a few bad experiences with people you've dated in the past, it doesn't mean that everyone you develop a romantic interest in will treat you like that. If you believe that, you'll miss out on someone who would give you the world. While you're single, focus on yourself and your personal development. Do all the things you want to do and you enjoy doing, spend time with friends and make new ones, try something new. The right person will come into your life at the right time and when you're least expecting it. I wish you all the best.

[FMW]

As has been suggested, just take a break. You don't have to decide whether you will be single forever right now.

 

I know it gets shot down here on these forums, but seriously, attitude has EVERYTHING to do with who you attract. If your attitude is negative of course you aren't going to meet anyone, or if you do they won't be worth your time. Quality people aren't going to be attracted to negativity. And unfortunately it shows, no matter how much you might try to fake it.

[preraph]

After reading this thread, I am glad that I am married. But I frequently hear about single mothers in desperate financial straights, and I wonder where is the father of their child or children. Were they picking mates with good looks and a fast line; shouldn't they mate up with men who are stable financially and personally, but may not be so attractive or putting on a romantic show?

 

Yes, it's sad. My early birth control generation was so much more careful, though it is true teen births are down at least. There's just too many women not using their own birth control and, yes, having kids with guys they haven't taken the time to get to know. And then, of course, sometimes people have the best of intentions and it just doesn't work out, too. I've heard of so many women still carrying a torch for a baby daddy that they don't want to make him mad making him pay support! Well, that is just stupidity, pure and unadulterated. Please. Think of the kids when you have unprotected sex.

 

It is very hard for any single person to raise a child alone and make a living, and women have it the worst since they're paid less. I am not one of those who thinks the answer is to pay women to take time off for kids unless you pay everyone else for taking time off for whatever their reason is too, but I am for equal pay for equal work. But most of all, I'm for women taking charge of planning their pregnancies and waiting until they can afford it even if they end up having to do it alone.

Edited January 23, 2019 by preraph

[chillii]

Funny you should mention this. One of my oldest female friends is doing this as we speak. She was a trainwreck a few years ago, working crap jobs for crap pay. Her husband makes pretty good money so he supported her and her 2 kids while she went to nursing school. Now that she is an RN, she is out there monkey branching and cheating on her husband, looking for her next guy. I love the girl (platonically) but what she has done/is doing to her husband is beyond screwed up. I really feel for the guy.

 

 

Mate l couldn't watch that bs or deal with hers l'd have to tell him.

[Happy Lemming]

But surely that isn't surprising.

Like tends to pair up with like, so if a woman has spent time improving herself, she is then probably spending her time studying and at work with a better class of people, more educated, more interesting...

If she is then coming home to the mundane, "boring" husband, he is no longer going to cut it for her.

If as well as being boring he is then going to tell her what to do or throw his weight around then she is going to leave pronto. Once financially independent she doesn't need to take any sh*t no more, and she doesn't.

 

So they should change the wedding vows to "until the woman makes more than the man" vs. "for richer or poorer"... And make sure you add that the assets aren't joint, what is his is hers and what is hers is hers... Geez, I thought when you got married you were a team working towards a joint common goal.

 

Its always about the money... so glad I never got married.

 

And we certainly don't want precious wife to have to put up with a "boring" husband. She is a princess and everyday should be rainbows and unicorns...

[chillii]

After reading this thread, I am glad that I am married. But I frequently hear about single mothers in desperate financial straights, and I wonder where is the father of their child or children. Were they picking mates with good looks and a fast line; shouldn't they mate up with men who are stable financially and personally, but may not be so attractive or putting on a romantic show?

 

 

Just silly women in my experience and attractiveness got nothing to do with anything 1/2 the time they're dogs themselves .

Shared a house with 3 of them back in the day , saw all their single mum friends coming and going, great house haha, God almighty l had to get outa there though as you could imagine that didn't last long.

2 of the three were just bringing home guys all the time, infront of their kids , you name it.

Another 1 l know of started screwing her 16 yr old daughters friend and trying to get pregnant by him.

Zero respect or sympathy for 90% of single mothers seen so much of that stuff.

Here the more kids they've got the more gov money they get and a lot of the time they're bringing home more money than someone working and they never have to work so a lot of them are into that too.

Top shelf ladies .

Another thing with many of them is they're so batshyt crazy they can't at least grow up enough and keep a good relationship with the fathers , instead they b@tch away and block him being part of their lives , seen a lot of that too , l assume the idea is to keep their kids to themselves.

Edited January 23, 2019 by chillii

[Logo]

When you get to the point that loneliness and lack of physical and emotional contact is completely absent from your life, it gnaws at you every minute of every day, no matter what you do.

 

 

 

Some people, it appears, are built for it. Others are not. I'm one of those who are not.

[Logo]

If you have friends who are making you feel bad about yourself rather than supporting or inspiring you, then by all means distance them. Be careful about running off old friend entirely though. As long as they're not toxic to you, they are a valuable asset as you grow older.

What about friends who need the ego boost because they have not much going on for them and they either intentionally, but probably unintentionally, rub their "escapades" in your face, or at least, tell you about them every single day and how easy it is for them to get that woman or this woman.

 

They do quantity. I do quality. But I wouldn't mind a little attention from time to time when I have gotten very little in the last few years.

 

Your next question is probably going to be, what differentiates that friends from me. The women that are attracted to that friend are shallow and all their care about is beefcake.

Edited January 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix spacing

[chillii]

l know people hate to hear it but really , start enjoying life and forget women for a good while.

And you know the other part but eh, who knows.

 

My girlfriends son had been alone 4yrs in a new country, you could imagine how he felt and what he went through didn't even speak the language.Not even a friend let alone gf.

Not really a party boy but one day someone at his work he doesn't even know invited him to a party so he thought to hell with it l'm going.

Met his beautiful little Japanese wife at that party and they've just had a little girl.

Edited January 23, 2019 by chillii