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My impression of Online Dating


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Here's what I think of online dating from my experience using dating sites.

 

 

They don't work for most people.

 

First of all, the men will message practically everyone. This will make most of the women believe they can be with any guy they want to be.

The guys who are a 10 will get many replies from the women they messaged. From those replies they will probably talk to just a few women that they like the most.

 

The women they don't reply to will now ignore the other guys who are not 10s simply because they rather wait for another 10 to message them, because they now believe that's their rank.

Therefore the other guys are now left with an empty inbox.

Besides that I believe online dating also has a lack of trust. You have no idea who the other person is or if they look the same as in their pictures.

 

 

 

Let me know your thoughts on this, thanks

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I did some OLD back in my single days. This is going back 6 or so years now so maybe things have changed... It was pre-Tinder, anyway.

 

There were, to be sure, plenty of women who were nothing at all like their profile - photos taken 10 years and 20 pounds ago were pretty common. And many of them wanted the sun, moon and stars. "Must be financially secure, no crazy exes, own their own home, have a nice car, be generous to a fault..." etc etc etc...

 

But perhaps I was pretty lucky. For every dud date I had to endure, there were plenty of beautiful, warm, and, well, willing women that I got to know. Some of them I've remained friends with (and my SO knows all about them too), and if I meet others in a store or on the street, I'm happy to go up and say hello and not hide behind a lamppost.

 

Yes, it's a "numbers game", in the sense that men will message pretty much anyone they think is even remotely interesting, and this causes women to write off a potentially-good match simply because he's too short/balding/whatever. (I do find it odd that so many women complain about men being "shallow", then in the same breath say they will refuse to go out with anyone, say, under 5'6". But perhaps that's another discussion for another thread.)

 

Thing is, you only really need to connect well with one. Just one.

 

For the record, I didn't meet my SO online; I do some volunteer work with a local agency and met her through that.

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Let me know your thoughts on this, thanks

 

One more time (I'm the LS OLD poster boy) ... results vary significantly with location, age, gender, and goals. As a 64 y/o male in a suburban area seeking an LTR, I'm satisfied with the number of women I've met in person but haven't found 'the one' yet and maybe never will. I've met and dated MANY more women than 40 years ago in my twenties when there was no Online Dating.

 

There were 'matchmaking services' in 'the old days' - my experience with those was they'd give their customers several matches each month. If you looked like Brad Pitt or Scarlett Johansson, you'd be matched with a similarly attractive person. Otherwise (me), terrible matches just so the business could claim they provided the contracted service.

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Messages don't mean anything unless you meet in person within a week. Online dating is only a very small part of the dating experience. I tried it last summer. It was ok to meet people but I lost interest. It's a lot easier to meet people in real life, through social contacts and just in public.

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I wonder what region of the world you're from.

 

I'm in a huge metropolitan area and never meet anyone for dating in real life. Like, ever.

 

When I go to the country I was born, sure, I can meet people through friends or in public. Not here.

 

Messages don't mean anything unless you meet in person within a week. Online dating is only a very small part of the dating experience. I tried it last summer. It was ok to meet people but I lost interest. It's a lot easier to meet people in real life, through social contacts and just in public.
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I did some OLD back in my single days. This is going back 6 or so years now so maybe things have changed... It was pre-Tinder, anyway.

 

There were, to be sure, plenty of women who were nothing at all like their profile - photos taken 10 years and 20 pounds ago were pretty common. And many of them wanted the sun, moon and stars.

"Must be financially secure, no crazy exes, own their own home, have a nice car, be generous to a fault..." etc etc etc...

 

 

 

Ya kidding me , they actually said that on their pages what a joke, talk about entitlement syndrome. They were obviously all perfect 10s with the looks and bodies of an angel, financially secure , nice car and generous to a fault too right , oh and they obviously had no ex dramas and no 3kids stashed at home either.

 

Ahhh, l don'ttt think so somehow.

My guess is you could start with the doctored 10yr old pic shock if you met most of them for starters and throw in the rest of the goodies later.

Few exs in your face, kids,life in a mess and probably a few more surprises .

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Take it all with a grain of salt op.

Very few women do much good on date sites either no matter what you read.

There's plenty in this forum alone been on them for years and had nothing but total bs.

When l was on one for a short stint , most of the women on mine were also on 4 or 5 others too. Now do the sums on that one . If it's anything like what some people make out there is no way in hell they could handle 4 or 5 date sites or be on them for years yet still end up with nothing.

 

Some other little points are l met the absolute pick of the crop to my taste , and yet even they had been on at least one or two for years and had gotten no where. Most had only had a few dates in as many years or just cpmplained about who they had met or all the guys wanted was to get them in the sack.

One said she'd met some nice guys but over all in 3 yrs it had been a total waste of time.

And these were great ladies as l say imo the best on there, sincere and genuinely only on there hoping to meet mr right and the only decent 3 or 4 girls on my whole site in my range with the things l was looking for.

Butttttt, the good news is l live with one of them and l'd say we'll probably see life out together now tbh, she is without a doubt one of the coolest if not THE, women l've ever met, talking early 50s in my bracket.

 

So l dunno what your after man or anyone else in the forum on date sites but if something serious imo the best thing you can do is just forget95% of them and try to look for and hone in on that special one should you happen to see her on there and you just never know, you just might end up with a really nice happy ending.

It does happen , believe me.

Edited by chillii
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At least with OLDating. People know where they stand in terms of looking for a love match for the most part.

 

Real life for me is tricky. Feels like most women are attached. Very rare are they just single. Most don't seem gung ho to date. even though nothing major is going to happen. It is just an outing that may lead to a romantic relationship.

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I've been on OLD for 16 months. The women I see in my senior (64) age range fall into several categories:

 

- physically or otherwise (e.g. druggie) undesirable and still there after 16 months. They may never find their man.

- cute and still there after 16 months. Maybe profile liars who are actually physically undesirable? I met one that fell into that category

- cute attention whore still there after 16 months. I dated one in that category

- cute, hunting unicorns for 16 months. I'll speculate that these are some of the 70% who don't respond at all to my messages

 

Hypothetical category: the LS stereotype of 'I can't find a good man - they're all bums, creeps, or pervs'. I call this hypothetical because I look in the mirror and, in all honesty, do NOT see a bum, creep, or perv. Occam's Razor sez I am not the ONLY man on OLD, even at other ages, who is not a bum, creep, or perv. So any woman I've contacted who is singing this song just has no credibility with me. Instead, I suspect the reality is another unicorn hunter.

 

The most interesting category: the ones who disappear. Have they given up? Or ... have they found their 'prince'? If the latter, they're not going to be posting complaints about OLD on a board like LS. They're going to be curled up on the couch or bouncing in bed with that prince, chilling into the evening after whatever they had to do during the day.

Edited by nospam99
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Ya kidding me , they actually said that on their pages what a joke, talk about entitlement syndrome. They were obviously all perfect 10s with the looks and bodies of an angel, financially secure , nice car and generous to a fault too right , oh and they obviously had no ex dramas and no 3kids stashed at home either.

Remember, this was back in the day and things might be different now, but it was common for "requirements" to be nice car, financially secure, a certain height, full head of hair, etc etc. They're pretty easy to spot. And even if some don't put that stuff online in their profile or requirements, by the first or second date if they're asking about my investment portfolio that told me all I needed to know.

 

These were often the very same women who complained that men were shallow.

 

But, to re-iterate, I met some lovely women while online dating and don't regret it one bit. They weren't all entitled gold-diggers. But there were more than a few.

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I've tried them all with no luck. I got kicked off Match.com 3 different times. They said I was just one a million and they couldn't find a match for me. lol... I had tons and tons of 1st dates but no second dates. Most of the guys I met didn't even look like their profile pictures and many were just using it as a call girl service... expecting sex right off the bat. lol....

 

Then every once in awhile a guy would gain my interest only for me to discover in a very short time (usually a week or so) that I am being "Catfished" lol... Tks to google image search I can at least check their profile pictures.

 

Yesterday I logged onto my Instagram account after being off for a few months. I have hardly used that account and have less than 30 followers (family and friends only). I only have few pics on it from camping last summer so they aren't even good selfies. Anyway... I have a new follower. And he sent me a messages "Hi Rayce, hope your day has started well! I'm hisname and it's nice to meet you on here. I'm interested in getting to know you better if you don't mind. Hope to talk to you soon."

 

My gut tells me "Catfish" lol.... omg but he is so fine... and I do want to meet someone so what's a girl to do?

Edited by Rayce
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The problem is there are just too many fake phony people out there who get off playing head games with others. No more online date sites for me anymore...although I do have profiles still out there... so 16 months and still on means absolutely NOTHING! They ghosted the dating site. lol...

 

I am now trying the old fashion way and only interested in guys I meet in person. if a guy wants to date me he will just have to get the nerve up to start a conversation and ask me for my phone number. We can do the social media stuff after I know him.

 

Good luck guys...now get out there and talk to a girl in-person... the store, work, gym, walking the dog... in real life!

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I've tried them all with no luck. I got kicked off Match.com 3 different times. They said I was just one a million and they couldn't find a match for me. lol... I had tons and tons of 1st dates but no second dates. Most of the guys I met didn't even look like their profile pictures and many were just using it as a call girl service... expecting sex right off the bat. lol....

 

Then every once in awhile a guy would gain my interest only for me to discover in a very short time (usually a week or so) that I am being ''Catfished'' lol... Tks to google image search I can at least check their profile pictures.

 

Yesterday I logged onto my Instagram account after being off for a few months. I have hardly used that account and have less than 30 followers (family and friends only). I only have few pics on it from camping last summer so they aren't even good selfies. Anyway... I have a new follower. And he sent me a messages ''Hi Rayce, hope your day has started well! I'm hisname and it's nice to meet you on here. I'm interested in getting to know you better if you don't mind. Hope to talk to you soon.''

 

My gut tells me ''Catfish'' lol.... omg but he is so fine... and I do want to meet someone so what's a girl to do?

 

''what's a girl to do?'' indeed. As an 'honest' guy on match.com, I'm curious about your experience. If you don't mind, would you share your approximate age, type and size of community you live in, and what kind of relationship your profile said or suggested you were seeking? Were your height, age, body type, location, income, and/or religion 'looking fors' so strict that some guys wouldn't contact you because they'd expect to not get a response? Did you only respond to guys who looked hot to super hot in their photos? FWIW, I got kicked off ONCE. Lesson learned - I don't send messages to women who give even the least hint of complaining to the site if they don't like a message. The reputation I've picked up is that match.com is much more likely to kick off men than women.

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ok sure... the last one I had active was Zoosk. Let me log on and get those stats for you.

 

I am in my 50's. 5'4", average build (I workout at the gym 3 to 4 days a week), divorced, grown children, grandkids, advance degree in technology, Christian, doesn't smoke. Interested in men.

 

Interest: lots of music, some tv shows, couple of online games, a few sports teams. My story says: Be real! Try sending a real message... not a fake heart or some meaningless answer to a canned question. I am looking for a guy who can walk right up to me and start a conversation. Must live locally... I am out and about... if you see me... let's talk!

 

I get messages all the time from all kinds of guys... the problem with the messages are they aren't really messages. they send me flowers and hearts and canned questions. I won't answer those. Right now I have 13 messages and 14 greetings in my inbox since the last time I logged on which was about a month ago. Because I am not a paid member I only have the option of answering 5 of these. Of the these 4 of them are just a heart and 1 is a canned question: Are you an outdoorsy person?

 

I am looking for honest conversation. So the guys that end up "catfishing" me are the ones that send me an actual letter.

 

The last guy from okcupid presented himself as a guy in the military stationed in the middle east somewhere. He was going to be retiring soon. I worked on an Army base for a couple of years so his story was believable. It only took me a week though for that guy. One morning he sends me an email telling me about his troop getting ambushed, some of his men were killed and he is in the hospital. Well... I am not stupid... this type of information is verifiable so I checked it out and there were no reports of such an event. then a friend of mine told me about how I could run people's pictures through google image and see if it was a fake. I did and it was a fake! lol... So I played it off and wrote him back that I was so upset I wanted to send him a care package. What was his address? When he couldn't produce an address I deleted him from my email and blocked him.

 

Hope that helps.

Edited by Rayce
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sorry... I live in Washington state and it is ranked the worst place for singles. I have been here almost 20 years and it has been miserable trying to connect with people. People have there groups and they don't let new people in. I am very outgoing and easy to talk to but I also like my alone time though for recharging.

 

I have had an ugly bf, a fat bf, a bald bf and a hot bf... if I must put them in box. lol... To me it's chemistry first and then companionship.

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Back when I was OLD I avoided free sites.

 

Only used Match.com

 

I think the free dating sites - at least then - were more for hookups vs. those actually looking for a relationship.

 

Match was great for me.

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ok sure... the last one I had active was Zoosk. Let me log on and get those stats for you.

Based on what you've written here, in my OLD days I'd respond to your profile, almost regardless of picture. (A third eye might be a turn-off, but other than that...) :)

 

It's very unfortunate that OLD seems to have taken a dark, even malevolent, turn. I guess it started like Facebook, in a sense. The potential for good was so vast, and yet it's all gone to shyt.

 

Frankly, I'm glad I'm not dating anymore.

 

Have things gotten worse over the years? Or has it always been like this and we're suffering from recency bias? (That is, things more recent seem new and unique even if they're simply re-hashing of old problems)

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Thank you :) I think it's getting worst. I am very disillusion right now over social media as a whole. It has really help me not feel so alone but at the same time I am so gullible. Over the last several years I have learned that the internet can jerk all of my emotions and feelings.... the thing is... it might not even be real! I miss the days of rotary phones. ah... it was so simple then.

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For what it's worth, I didn't like Zoosk. Mostly the same women I see on ourtime, pof, match, and okcupid. My recollection is that you have to pay to reply to messages. I paid and only then did the site tell me I had to link my FB to 'verify'. That's not happening. I isolate every dating site and register with email addresses that are only used for dating sites. Former IT security guy here. No way I'm linking FB, linkedin, or anything else to a dating sight.

 

FWIW, 16 months on OLD, 2 meets from ourtime, one from okc, 4 from pof, 11 from match including the last 10. All were real though one fudged her photos with younger images. Last meet and date was last month. No LTR though I did fall very deeply in limerence with one woman. I'd taking 'time off' because there is a (rare, senior) speed dating event 11 Feb and I don't want to be already seeing someone and get into an uncomfortable (for me) multidating situation. 'Time off' means I'm only sending contact messages to 'new' women if they are a particularly good match.

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ok sure... the last one I had active was Zoosk. Let me log on and get those stats for you.

 

I am in my 50's. 5'4", average build (I workout at the gym 3 to 4 days a week), divorced, grown children, grandkids, advance degree in technology, Christian, doesn't smoke. Interested in men.

 

Interest: lots of music, some tv shows, couple of online games, a few sports teams. My story says: Be real! Try sending a real message... not a fake heart or some meaningless answer to a canned question. I am looking for a guy who can walk right up to me and start a conversation. Must live locally... I am out and about... if you see me... let's talk!

 

I get messages all the time from all kinds of guys... the problem with the messages are they aren't really messages. they send me flowers and hearts and canned questions. I won't answer those. Right now I have 13 messages and 14 greetings in my inbox since the last time I logged on which was about a month ago. Because I am not a paid member I only have the option of answering 5 of these. Of the these 4 of them are just a heart and 1 is a canned question: Are you an outdoorsy person?

 

I am looking for honest conversation. So the guys that end up "catfishing" me are the ones that send me an actual letter.

 

The last guy from okcupid presented himself as a guy in the military stationed in the middle east somewhere. He was going to be retiring soon. I worked on an Army base for a couple of years so his story was believable. It only took me a week though for that guy. One morning he sends me an email telling me about his troop getting ambushed, some of his men were killed and he is in the hospital. Well... I am not stupid... this type of information is verifiable so I checked it out and there were no reports of such an event. then a friend of mine told me about how I could run people's pictures through google image and see if it was a fake. I did and it was a fake! lol... So I played it off and wrote him back that I was so upset I wanted to send him a care package. What was his address? When he couldn't produce an address I deleted him from my email and blocked him.

 

Hope that helps.

Why don't you reply to canned questions though? Why would you think they are a bad thing, men send copy and paste messages because they want to contact a lot of women to increase their chances of meeting someone.

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Why don't you reply to canned questions though? Why would you think they are a bad thing, men send copy and paste messages because they want to contact a lot of women to increase their chances of meeting someone.

 

This man doesn't send copy and paste messages. Mine are tailored to the woman's profile. Can't know for sure but that may have something to do with my 30% response rate which some people here on LS have said is pretty good.

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Just since logging back onto my account an hour ago I have a new message... it's another heart. What am I to do with that? I don't like the canned questions because it would take forever to get to know someone asking random questions one at a time. If they like my profile they would get a response from me for a genuine thought out question that they really wanted to know about me. The guy that sent me the Instagram message got a response from me. I have no clue how he found me. I will at least try to find out where he is from and see if he is really interested in getting to know me like in real life.

 

I have also made the first move in contact for profiles I like with some sort of opening message that isn't canned. If it makes you feel better I have very little to no response rates for those. So it goes both ways.

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