Butterflying Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 I met this guy through a work function over a year ago. We exchanged contact info and have been communicating via phone & text until New Years Day. We met for drinks at a bar because he was in town for work. Since this was the first REAL conversation we’ve had; I learned that he’s married. With his wife 25 years. All their children are grown. The youngest just left for college. “I’m currently going through a separation,” he says. Not a divorce. He explained the challenge of moving out, made it seem like an impossible tasks. Although he claims to have been planning it for 20 years. He was waiting until their kids were grown. While I listen in awe & disappointment, he expresses his surprise that I’m “dating.” “I thought you were married,” he says. “I never expected you to be the type that dates.” Type that dates??!! The main reason that I’m not married is that I keep getting duped by MARRIED men. I don’t want to date. I want to be married. So my disappointment in this particular guy turned into outright disgust. He concluded that we are not compatible because I have more free time than he is able to give considering his “situation” right now. So I’m left wondering, maybe the reason that single men don’t approach me is that they think I’m married. What can I do to appear single? I wear makeup. I dress well. I make eye contact with men. I smile. I engage in conversation whenever possible. Is there a magic word or phrase I should use to let them know? I don’t want to seem desperate. But I certainly don’t want to seem married. Link to post Share on other sites
MaleIntuition Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 You are probably overthink one mans comment..? Otherwise the magic word (phrase) is; “I’m single, here is my number”. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Geraltt Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 Seems odd, frankly, that you'd be so offended by such an innocuous comment. Have you considered the possibility - however remote - that perhaps your assumptions about taking things the worst possible way might be impacting your approachability? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 No ring = not married. This guy is simply full of it. I wouldn't pay attention to anything he said, and just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
AriesDude Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 Yeah anyone going "I thought you were married" before either if you even discussed it already gave himself away as a creep...take it as a "Go" sign to run really far away and Mr Right will come along in due time. Gratz for dodging a bullet...sorry it took a year though...be a little more impatient like me with serious questions in the future hehe... it helps Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 (edited) Try not to bother with what he said, god only knows . But l think l get why they think you might be married or not the dating type. You said you don't wanna date you wanna be married. Well l tell ya , that was so refreshing to read because single women often have so many chips on their shoulder and often have a look about them you can spot at 1o miles. But you know who you are and what you want and your woman enough to just admit it and that shows your at peace in that. Well that peace probably shows in person at a glance to and married women, happy ones , have that peace look and a real way about them, they have atotally different look . lf you look at a group of women out somewhere you can usually pic the married ones. l think it's a real compliment to who you are myself actually. But unfortunately it might not help the actual situation . Not sure how you'd lose a little bit of it and it'd be a shame to actually. l'm surprised you don't attract more quality men tbh. Edited January 7, 2019 by chillii Link to post Share on other sites
2much4 Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 My take on it: he was looking for someone married, who doesn't have a lot of free time....because he's not looking for something serious. He was probably projecting. You should be happy he's out of your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 My take on it: he was looking for someone married, who doesn't have a lot of free time....because he's not looking for something serious. He was probably projecting. You should be happy he's out of your life. This 100%^^^ this is what I was thinking too. Well that's why we go one dates...to find out what they are really all about. This one is all about being a dbag. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 You are probably overthink one mans comment..? This. Why assume that you need to project more of a "single and looking" vibe just because this one guy incorrectly guessed your marital status? You're putting too much weight into this one off-handed comment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 The second worst person who you can look to for impressions of you is yourself - all of us pretty much over or under estimate ourselves, sometimes both. The FIRST worst person to look for impressions of you is a douche bag married guy trying to get some. Dismiss his thoughts in their entirety and move on. (by the way, in the top ten worst places is probably an online dating forum but oh well!) Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted January 7, 2019 Share Posted January 7, 2019 Yeah if it was just him and that once , means nothing. But l think op is saying she never gets approached by single guys and that maybe it's because they all think she's married too. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 My take on it: he was looking for someone married, who doesn't have a lot of free time....because he's not looking for something serious. He was probably projecting. You should be happy he's out of your life. Ditto this ... Once they hit 35, first thing a man does is check out ring finger and determine marital status. This becomes reflexive. Dude was hoping for a low-maintenance fling with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Butterflying Posted January 8, 2019 Author Share Posted January 8, 2019 Thanks everyone. I getting a better perspective now. And yes I did give what he said thought because in general, most people are surprised to learn that I’m not married at my age. Wearing a ring doesn’t matter much since a lot of people don’t wear them anymore. This guy’s boldness made me wonder if single men don’t approach me because they think I’m married.. Also the way this guy labeled me as a “type who dates” made me feel like he was blaming me for not being married. Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 My take on it: he was looking for someone married, who doesn't have a lot of free time....because he's not looking for something serious. He was probably projecting. You should be happy he's out of your life. Exactly!! What a jerk this guy is. No one else thought you were married, right? Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 People who've been married for 25 years and haven't dated since the 80s when things were totally different don't understand how dating works today and that multidating is 100% normal. Soon enough he'll get it. Beyond that, he doesn't really sound like he's worth the effort. I don't touch separated men specially because I also want to get married, and it will take them a while to heal despite what they say. He made it clear to you that he doesn't have time to date, so why bother? Link to post Share on other sites
Geraltt Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 People who've been married for 25 years and haven't dated since the 80s when things were totally different don't understand how dating works today and that multidating is 100% normal. I can assure you that there's nothing new under the sun. Multi-dating was big in the 1980s and previous too. Link to post Share on other sites
edgygirl Posted January 8, 2019 Share Posted January 8, 2019 Interesting. Maybe because I lived in other countries back then, and my sisters did too, but it was more like Europe... you meet a person, if it goes well you become BF/GF, that's it. No multidating. I'm also surprised by your statement because I see a lot of Americans who are divorcing stating here that back in the day dating was different so I assumed multidating is an OLD phenomena. I can assure you that there's nothing new under the sun. Multi-dating was big in the 1980s and previous too. Link to post Share on other sites
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