Still no dates - senior division

[nospam99]

I'm starting a new thread to avoid hijacking LightWave93's Still no dates thread.

 

Without looking back (I'm lazy) at that thread, he's a 25 y/o guy back in school. Recent responses earlier today generalized that he's having trouble getting dates with his female classmates because those ladies are looking for a more 'established' man - someone who's got their career going and is 'beyond' school after about 23. K - I understand that model of 'young woman' behavior.

 

But what about me and men in my station of life (mid 60s)? I'm neither looking for nor expecting a relationship with a woman who has her 'raising a family' years still ahead of her. I'm healthy, active, financially secure, and looking for a partner/companion/lover who's similarly healthy, active, financially secure (on her own) and has either long since had her children or decided she's not going to.

 

LS senior ladies, I understand that you don't want a relationship with a senior man whose health risks committing you to years of 'nursing' as he dies. But I also think it's safe to assume that you're long past the college-age goals of seeking a man who will either raise a family with you or share and support a lifestyle of travel and other free spending for years. So what is it you ARE looking for, if you're looking at all?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

<snip>

LS senior ladies, I understand that you don't want a relationship with a senior man whose health risks committing you to years of 'nursing' as he dies. But I also think it's safe to assume that you're long past the college-age goals of seeking a man who will either raise a family with you or share and support a lifestyle of travel and other free spending for years. So what is it you ARE looking for, if you're looking at all?

 

You could be mistaken about this part of it. Lots of people look forward to traveling in their later years. You may have to find someone who doesn't care for traveling, but that may also mean she's not as locally adventurous/active as you would like.

Edited January 5, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

[FMW]

I'm 53 and I most definitely want to travel. Not constantly, but I think this is the best time in life to go - when I have no obligations to anyone else and am financially stable.

 

My Uncle is 80 and still travels several times a year and has women who just wish he would ask them to join! He's very particular though.

 

The trick is to find someone who shares your idea of what you want to do while you're healthy and able. It sounds like you have a lot to offer to the right woman, just keep meeting them and keep an open mind about how you are viewing them. You might be screening out women because of your own biases

[nospam99]

Just to clarify (I hope), my remark about traveling was in reference to people of child-bearing age who instead of ever having children choose to use the income of their prime earning years to enjoy a more luxurious lifestyle e.g. a 30, 40, 50 something childless couple who regularly and frequently take vacations away from their home. Seniors may also choose to travel but the choice is made at at a time in their lives when it's not 'instead' of having children.

[Els]

IMO the main problem with your age range is that the vast majority of 60-yos are just not looking for a partner.

 

 

As for LightWave's case, from reading his posts, my impression is that his troubles absolutely do not stem solely from his earning situation.

[thefooloftheyear]

I don't think they are looking for anything much different than when they were younger...They want a good looking guy that may have some Alpha qualities, has his shyt together, and isn't a total mess physically...

 

I think what Els said is pretty much true..Once you reach a certain age, many people(men and women) are out of the game...It doesn't mean they are totally against it, but there is no burning desire...They have their life, their kids, their grand kids etc..

 

Back some years ago, we had this discussion at a family gathering...My mother and her sisters seemingly all dropped out of the game when their husbands were gone..They were all in their 60's at that time when we had this discussion....All of them divorced in their 40's and one's husband passed away at about the same age..They just never wanted it...Plus, I remember we all got a laugh when my aunt mentioned that the new guy will want sex and she didn't feel like she wanted to get naked in front of anyone but a doctor at that point....

 

You seem like a decent guy, OP...I don't know what to tell you other than keep cracking the rock....

 

TFY

[Wallysbears]

I have several older friends (50-60 range)

 

They just don’t want a serious relationship.

 

They’ve either been married and divorced or widowed.

 

They would like dating and companionship - but they don’t want to live with and/or marry again. They don’t feel the need or want the responsibility at that stage in their life.

 

And I can’t say I blame them. I love my husband. Very much. But if something happened to him - I would have no desire to cohabitate or marry again.

 

It is HARD!

 

Date? Sure.

 

Live together or marry?

 

**** that! I would enjoy my king size bed and not having to deal with sharing covers or snoring LOL

[alphamale]

I would enjoy my king size bed and not having to deal with sharing covers or snoring LOL

 

indeed wallysbears, I love sleeping alone in my bed

[edgygirl]

My older sister is 56 and happily married. I asked her in case her husband dies before of her if she was going to look for another man as she's been coupled all her life (married at 22 and had BFs before that).

 

As you said, her immediate reaction was - no way, I am not going to be a caregiver. I think many women specially the ones with a full life, grown kids and comfortable with themselves are not even looking.

Edited January 5, 2019 by edgygirl

[nospam99]

My older sister is 56 and happily married. I asked her in case her husband dies before of her if she was going to look for another man as she's been coupled all her life (married at 22 and had BFs before that).

 

As you said, her immediate reaction was - no way, I am not going to be a caregiver. I think many women specially the ones with a full life, grown kids and comfortable with themselves are not even looking.

 

OP here. I totally understand this mentality. It's pretty much the 'not looking' answer to my question, repeated by several other female posters. FWIW, my 'spin' on it is that a committed relationship does not necessarily include marriage or extending that relationship to being a caregiver. But, LOL, I think it would be terribly tacky for me or any other guy to throw a line into an OLD profile that said something like 'if I someday get so feeble that I need a caregiver, I don't expect my dating partner to stick around', true as it may be.

 

This is sounding more and more like a 'stage of life' phenomenon ... 20-somethings and, to some extent, 30-somethings either want to sleep around and have fun or find a spouse to raise a family. At the other end of the lifecycle, the 'social security set' have to worry about how 'soft' the 'landing' is going to be 'on the way out'. There is wide variation in the health of folks my age and the risk that even the healthiest of 'us' will 'have something happen e.g. a sudden cancer diagnosis that 'changes the rules' is always there. I suppose the problem with my perspective is I feel great and 'frisky'. That makes it too easy for me to forget that plenty of people my age are more worried about their money outliving them than the other way around.

 

Regardless of my babbling, it will still be interesting to see where this thread goes, especially if senior ladies who ARE still looking post about what they're looking for.

[edgygirl]

Your thread totally made me rethink what my sis had said, and what your statements make total sense. Travel companion and good times can always be appreciated and I will keep this in mind should my sister need advice one day. I'll also watch the thread as it seems quite interesting.

 

I would actually put in my dating profile something to the effect that you're not looking for a caregiver, and mention all the fun things you think can come out of a senior companionship. Maybe it will make the ones on the fence realize it's worth it. Good luck

 

Edit: do the senior dating sites work? I guess if a woman joins it, she's interested in companionship at least?

 

OP here. I totally understand this mentality. It's pretty much the 'not looking' answer to my question, repeated by several other female posters. FWIW, my 'spin' on it is that a committed relationship does not necessarily include marriage or extending that relationship to being a caregiver. But, LOL, I think it would be terribly tacky for me or any other guy to throw a line into an OLD profile that said something like 'if I someday get so feeble that I need a caregiver, I don't expect my dating partner to stick around', true as it may be.

[thefooloftheyear]

I like how some women are saying "I don't want to be a caregiver"...

 

I bet a lot of those same women had guys that carried their fat asses for decades..

 

TFY

[elaine567]

I like how some women are saying "I don't want to be a caregiver"...

 

I bet a lot of those same women had guys that carried their fat asses for decades..

 

I guess if he carried her ass for decades then being his carer is a given, BUT some guy she just met...

[basil67]

I like how some women are saying "I don't want to be a caregiver"...

 

I bet a lot of those same women had guys that carried their fat asses for decades..

 

TFY

 

Most women I know have careers. They can afford to be without a man because they are self sufficient.

[basil67]

I know a number of single women in the 50+ age group. They aren't looking to date. They are instead loving the freedom that a woman can have on her own.

 

Also, there's this pesky thing called menopause. While you are feeling frisky, there are quite a number of us who have dry vaginas, fragile vaginal walls and no hormones to boost our sex drives. It's a very good reason for the retirement of those who are no longer fully sexually functional.

[elaine567]

I know a number of single women in the 50+ age group. They aren't looking to date. They are instead loving the freedom that a woman can have on her own.

 

 

I hear "I never want a man to tell me what to do ever again" quite often too.

[alphamale]

I know a number of single women in the 50+ age group. They aren't looking to date. They are instead loving the freedom that a woman can have on her own.

 

Also, there's this pesky thing called menopause. While you are feeling frisky, there are quite a number of us who have dry vaginas, fragile vaginal walls and no hormones to boost our sex drives. It's a very good reason for the retirement of those who are no longer fully sexually functional.

 

indeed, we all start out life without sex and we all end our lives with no sex

[thefooloftheyear]

Most women I know have careers. They can afford to be without a man because they are self sufficient.

 

Weren't you the one that claimed your husband makes so much money you could afford to live comfortably.??

 

Nevermind…

 

Look...No one is saying its true of all women...But I hear it all the time...Around here, practically none of the women could live anywhere near the lifestyle they could without their husbands huge salary...These women drive around in Benz's and Escalades and live in million dollar houses, spend their summers at the shore, etc..

 

And while I agree with Elaine's comment about being willing to care for the guy that gave them a comfortable lifestyle for all those years, but not some guy she just met, well don't forget, those women who were cared for by those guys were once women those guys "just met"....

 

Its just some hypocritical shyt if you ask me..

 

TFY

[thefooloftheyear]

And another thing....

 

I am an older guy that's in better shape than most...Man or woman.. While there is no telling what can happen regarding health.. What if I said something like "I am going to date only 30 year old's because I have no desire to take care of some dried up old lady">..

 

You guys would bury me for saying that...But is ok if the roles reversed??

 

TFY

[basil67]

Weren't you the one that claimed your husband makes so much money you could afford to live comfortably.??

 

Nevermind…

 

No, not nevermind. I am a carer and I don't have the option to work a proper career because I have to be around to mind OUR child. And yes, I am grateful that he has a high income so that we can care for our child. There are a number of careers I would like to have explored, but I simply don't have the option.

 

As it so happens, I'm currently working a job from home. I'm struggling to meet the needs of the rest of the family. Son gets mad when I'm not with him and hubby isn't impressed when my job takes me away from family.

 

If you're going to go poking at someone, at least aim at a person who has the option of a career and the support of her husband to do so.

[chillii]

Weird how caring for someone always comes up talking about older women.

Because my ex w was 10yrs younger than me but l spent more time looking after her than you could believe.

My dad was always looking after my mum with her in and out of hospitals pretty well most of their marriage up into 80s.

But had of my mum been the one with better health of course she would've been happy to care for dad.

 

And later finding myself single again 50s, every girl l met had heaps of health stuff goin on , l was quite shocked tbh a lot of them were basically falling to bits with all sorts of crap, talking late 40s early 50s.

l was really surprised but the hardest thing for me was finding someone that was still young and healthy and fit in good shape and willing to have a crack at anything and a bit of fun.

 

My gf can exercise for 3hours straight and is built like a 25yr old and can do anything we want but even she does have some heavy stuff goin on .

But when l was single l only met one other girl that was still in that kinda shape the rest were a mess.

 

So l'm not comparing or throwing mud but all l'm saying is this care giving shyt does go both ways but for some reason that's never brought up.

And if my gf or later wife needed me to look after her in ways later on of course l would and l know she would me.

l can't really believe women sound like they expect to grow old with someone and not wanna care for them back and God knows they'll need some caring and of course he would care for her.

Just don't get stuff and attitudes these days, well if the nets anything to go by anyway.

[thefooloftheyear]

No, not nevermind. I am a carer and I don't have the option to work a proper career because I have to be around to mind OUR child. And yes, I am grateful that he has a high income so that we can care for our child. There are a number of careers I would like to have explored, but I simply don't have the option.

 

As it so happens, I'm currently working a job from home. I'm struggling to meet the needs of the rest of the family. Son gets mad when I'm not with him and hubby isn't impressed when my job takes me away from family.

 

If you're going to go poking at someone, at least aim at a person who has the option of a career and the support of her husband to do so.

 

 

I wasn't aware or didn't remember that...My apologies...

 

TFY

[basil67]

I wasn't aware or didn't remember that...My apologies...

 

TFY

 

No worries.

[chillii]

Incidentally , as it turned out my dad spent most of their marriage caring for my mum but had of it been my mum with better health she would've sat by his bed 20yrs if she had to.

[thefooloftheyear]

Weird how caring for someone always comes up talking about older women.

Because my ex w was 10yrs younger than me but l spent more time looking after her than you could believe.

My dad was always looking after my mum with her in and out of hospitals pretty well most of their marriage up into 80s.

But had of my mum been the one with better health of course she would've been happy to care for dad.

 

And later finding myself single again 50s, every girl l met had heaps of health stuff goin on , l was quite shocked tbh a lot of them were basically falling to bits with all sorts of crap, talking late 40s early 50s.

l was really surprised but the hardest thing for me was finding someone that was still young and healthy and fit in good shape and willing to have a crack at anything and a bit of fun.

 

My gf can exercise for 3hours straight and is built like a 25yr old and can do anything we want but even she does have some heavy stuff goin on .

But when l was single l only met one other girl that was still in that kinda shape the rest were a mess.

 

So l'm not comparing or throwing mud but all l'm saying is this care giving shyt does go both ways but for some reason that's never brought up.

And if my gf or later wife needed me to look after her in ways later on of course l would and l know she would me.

l can't really believe women sound like they expect to grow old with someone and not wanna care for them back and God knows they'll need some caring and of course he would care for her.

Just don't get stuff and attitudes these days, well if the nets anything to go by anyway.

 

Like I said before, I love women, and am not one of the haters, but they do have a way of being selective with their philosophies on life and issues like these...

 

Its ok for them to say they don't want to date an older guy because she doesn't want to bother caring for someone, but its not ok for a guy to say he wants a younger woman for basically the same reason..

 

TFY