Funny how all the dating woes goes out the window when you lose your job

[EthanBlack]

I was fired from my job two weeks ago. Don't want to get into reasons why. I definitely played a role in it. But there were also many factors outside of my control.

 

The purpose of this post is the sudden shift in perspective when this type of thing happens. Before this happened, my main concerns with my life were:

 

• Difficulty in meeting women in organic contexts
  
• White privilege and how white guys seem to be able to get dates left and right in OLD and how attractive they are to Asian girls
  
• Being a banana Asian guy and encountering stereotypes when it comes to dating
  
• Those of you who know my posts on this forum. I pride myself on the fact that I'm hardworking, good career and good financial situation. Why are these things not enough for women?
  

 

Alright, so I get fired. First 2 days was kind of in shock. Kinda surreal. I'd say the week after was the worst of it as the truth of the matter really settled in. It's like a tide slowly washing over you as the realities slide in.

 

Amazing how many things we take for granted when we have a steady cash flow. You can buy groceries without really thinking too hard about the cost. You can buy new clothes (winter is coming). You can repair your car. You can eat out and have drinks without worrying too much. And for me personally, how am I gonna maintain all my hobbies? I have two expensive hobbies: Ballroom dancing and playing in a band. Both are not cheap but they are my passions.

 

Before being fired, my main disappointment was that I went on a few dates with this girl and things got faded out. Another dating disappointment to add to the many in my life. After being fired, this totally slipped my mind and became insignificant. Plus, dates wouldn't be much fun anyway with the top thing in my mind about how I'm gonna get another job and all the worries. Plus dating can be expensive. Especially dates that lead to nowhere and when you have no cash flow, it's just not a worthy investment.

 

The 2nd week. You realize life kinda goes on. My bandmates depended on me. It's not like I can just be like, "ok sorry guys I got fired. I'm not in the mood to play." You keep things up for others. Same with my ballroom dancing. I'm currently preparing for a competition and I can't just tell my dance partner, "Sorry I'm not feeling it. I can't practice."

 

It was tough. Even when I was having fun practicing, there's always that cloud in my head that is saying, "**** man, you have no ****ing job! Where's the money gonna come from?"

 

When you currently have a job, recruiters become annoyances. When you have no job and you start reaching out to recruiters, it's like, crickets. It's kinda the same thing when you have a girlfriend and somehow girls around you are suddenly more interested in you. When you break up with your girlfriend, all these "interested" girls disappear.

 

Things are getting better now. I've re-established contact with some old colleagues who are putting me in touch with their managers. Hope things work out.

 

Ironically, this firing reminded me just how much I ACTUALLY WANT TO LIVE. There are good things in this life, even if you are single.

 

In summary, here is what I learnt:

 

 

 

• Your career doesn't define you. It can be taken away from you in an instant. People value you based on your character and personality. I learnt this when I contacted some colleagues of mine who I lost touch with over the years. I told them I got laid off and they didn't judge me. They remember me for the solid, hardworking, good guy that I was and they didn't hesitate in trying to help me out.
  
• Romantic rejection isn't the worst thing. I still don't know what's worse. Romantic rejection from a girl you like or love or job loss. Both are ****. There are many kinds of rejections in life. And rejection from someone who feels like you aren't good enough intellectually is pretty ****ty too.
  
• If you have the luxury of sitting around and worrying about your dating life or lack of, chances are, you have a pretty good life. The hierarchy of needs is very real. We need CASH FLOW to survive in this modern society we live in. Money is the lifeblood. All the things you currently have going on in your life to some extent depend on MONEY.
  
• Feeling like your life isn't worth living just because girls don't seem to want to date you is ****ing idiotic. Trust me. I know. I was in that mindset prior to getting fired. Now that I'm fired and I'm facing the prospects of having no cash flow, I realize I have way more things to lose.
  

 

As I'm in the job hunt, I am facing the prospects of not having any cash flow for the coming weeks and possibly even months. I don't know when I'll land my next job. I'm gonna have tighten my belt. But now I have the will to live. I want my life back and my hopes and dreams.

 

So if you're a single guy and you think your life is not worth living cause women don't like you and you're single and you feel like society is judging you for being worthless, TRUST ME, it's not true. Take it from me.

 

You have way more things to lose. And actually, when people ask you what you do for a living, it's A LOT more embarassing to say "hey I got FIRED and currently have no job" than saying "Oh I'm single. I have no girlfriend."

[Tigey]

Hey in the same boat. I know eactly wht youre talking about on the cash flow. Suddenly you area at aloss...the simple thigs seems exensive…

 

Hope we land a job soon

[EthanBlack]

Hey in the same boat. I know eactly wht youre talking about on the cash flow. Suddenly you area at aloss...the simple thigs seems exensive…

 

Hope we land a job soon

 

Things I will never take for granted again:

 

• The roof over your head and realizing I live in a nice neighborhood and don't want to ****ing move.
  
• Repairs on your car you need for the coming winter.
  
• Being able to eat steak for dinner without worrying about cost.
  
• Being able to go out for a few drinks with a friend.
  
• Being able to buy new clothes.
  
• People depend on you for ****. In my case, I've got bandmates who need me to play. I've got a dance partner who needs me to dance.
  
• Xmas is coming and how the **** am I gonna buy gifts for my family members?
  

[alphamale]

you should always have 6 months of savings just in case something like this happens

[EthanBlack]

you should always have 6 months of savings just in case something like this happens

 

I took things for granted. I've always been successful. Never been fired. Making high salary. But also enjoying the money too. Like I said, I have expensive hobbies and I've never had to worry about buying basic things like going out for dinner or buying nice steaks at the grocery store to make for dinner. Also spent money on stupid **** like getting tinted windows for my car.

 

But job doesn't define me. Career doesn't define me. All these things can be taken away in an instant. Because of a business dynamic change, a superior who wants to make you into a scapegoat to save his own ass, or just some restructuring decisions made.

[Chilli]

You must have plenty of back up though if you;ve been on 6 figures for years.

 

As far as 6mths wages ha , doubt too many people have that sitting in the bank.

[preraph]

I've found it's easier to have two jobs than it is to have a bunch of savings. Even if one is only 15 hours a week, it will help if you lose the other.

 

If nothing else, going into the holidays, you should be able to find a quick temporary retail job to get you through until you find the real job. And you never know when one of those will turn into something.

[IntBrowser]

I was fired from my job two weeks ago. Don't want to get into reasons why. I definitely played a role in it. But there were also many factors outside of my control.

 

The purpose of this post is the sudden shift in perspective when this type of thing happens. Before this happened, my main concerns with my life were:

 

• Difficulty in meeting women in organic contexts
  
• White privilege and how white guys seem to be able to get dates left and right in OLD and how attractive they are to Asian girls
  
• Being a banana Asian guy and encountering stereotypes when it comes to dating
  
• Those of you who know my posts on this forum. I pride myself on the fact that I'm hardworking, good career and good financial situation. Why are these things not enough for women?
  

 

Alright, so I get fired. First 2 days was kind of in shock. Kinda surreal. I'd say the week after was the worst of it as the truth of the matter really settled in. It's like a tide slowly washing over you as the realities slide in.

 

Amazing how many things we take for granted when we have a steady cash flow. You can buy groceries without really thinking too hard about the cost. You can buy new clothes (winter is coming). You can repair your car. You can eat out and have drinks without worrying too much. And for me personally, how am I gonna maintain all my hobbies? I have two expensive hobbies: Ballroom dancing and playing in a band. Both are not cheap but they are my passions.

 

Before being fired, my main disappointment was that I went on a few dates with this girl and things got faded out. Another dating disappointment to add to the many in my life. After being fired, this totally slipped my mind and became insignificant. Plus, dates wouldn't be much fun anyway with the top thing in my mind about how I'm gonna get another job and all the worries. Plus dating can be expensive. Especially dates that lead to nowhere and when you have no cash flow, it's just not a worthy investment.

 

The 2nd week. You realize life kinda goes on. My bandmates depended on me. It's not like I can just be like, "ok sorry guys I got fired. I'm not in the mood to play." You keep things up for others. Same with my ballroom dancing. I'm currently preparing for a competition and I can't just tell my dance partner, "Sorry I'm not feeling it. I can't practice."

 

It was tough. Even when I was having fun practicing, there's always that cloud in my head that is saying, "**** man, you have no ****ing job! Where's the money gonna come from?"

 

When you currently have a job, recruiters become annoyances. When you have no job and you start reaching out to recruiters, it's like, crickets. It's kinda the same thing when you have a girlfriend and somehow girls around you are suddenly more interested in you. When you break up with your girlfriend, all these "interested" girls disappear.

 

Things are getting better now. I've re-established contact with some old colleagues who are putting me in touch with their managers. Hope things work out.

 

Ironically, this firing reminded me just how much I ACTUALLY WANT TO LIVE. There are good things in this life, even if you are single.

 

In summary, here is what I learnt:

 

 

 

• Your career doesn't define you. It can be taken away from you in an instant. People value you based on your character and personality. I learnt this when I contacted some colleagues of mine who I lost touch with over the years. I told them I got laid off and they didn't judge me. They remember me for the solid, hardworking, good guy that I was and they didn't hesitate in trying to help me out.
  
• Romantic rejection isn't the worst thing. I still don't know what's worse. Romantic rejection from a girl you like or love or job loss. Both are ****. There are many kinds of rejections in life. And rejection from someone who feels like you aren't good enough intellectually is pretty ****ty too.
  
• If you have the luxury of sitting around and worrying about your dating life or lack of, chances are, you have a pretty good life. The hierarchy of needs is very real. We need CASH FLOW to survive in this modern society we live in. Money is the lifeblood. All the things you currently have going on in your life to some extent depend on MONEY.
  
• Feeling like your life isn't worth living just because girls don't seem to want to date you is ****ing idiotic. Trust me. I know. I was in that mindset prior to getting fired. Now that I'm fired and I'm facing the prospects of having no cash flow, I realize I have way more things to lose.
  

 

As I'm in the job hunt, I am facing the prospects of not having any cash flow for the coming weeks and possibly even months. I don't know when I'll land my next job. I'm gonna have tighten my belt. But now I have the will to live. I want my life back and my hopes and dreams.

 

So if you're a single guy and you think your life is not worth living cause women don't like you and you're single and you feel like society is judging you for being worthless, TRUST ME, it's not true. Take it from me.

 

You have way more things to lose. And actually, when people ask you what you do for a living, it's A LOT more embarassing to say "hey I got FIRED and currently have no job" than saying "Oh I'm single. I have no girlfriend."

 

I agree man, I was fired 4 years ago and had no interest in going on dates at that time. I was focused on finding employment and getting back in the workforce. I spent so many years caring what women think or why a certain lady didn't like me but then realize there are more important things to worry about. I tried dating after I lost my job but it just felt inappropriate at the time.

[IntBrowser]

You must have plenty of back up though if you;ve been on 6 figures for years.

 

As far as 6mths wages ha , doubt too many people have that sitting in the bank.

 

I didn't and had to use my credit card to pay rent. Good thing I was able to find a job in 90 days because all my credit was used up

[Gretchen12]

If you really want to talk about putting things in perspective, wait until you lose your health. People in wheelchairs or on dialysis continue to live. What about people in war torn countries? You lose your job you can get another one. You sound a bit naive because you haven't gone through worse things. Life eventually humbles everyone. Just be thankful.

 

Now I'm kind of afraid to ask: what's a banana man?

[d0nnivain]

Ethan

 

I'm sorry to hear about your job loss. From this experience I hope you learn to get your financial house in order.

 

With that high of a salary you should have had some savings. Everybody needs an e-fund of at least 1 month's expenses. As somebody pointed out 6 months is better. Plus you need to start saving for retirement. You are already behind & you need time for the miracle of compound interest.

 

Right now your priority has to be finding a new job. That is your present job & it won't be easy. This time of year is tough. Many employers don't make hiring decisions until January. But polish off the resume & get crackin'. You need to be sending out 10-20 applications every day. Attend a job fair per week. Reach out to old colleagues in your industry but not your company & ask for job leads & references.

 

When you get your next job, learn to live on 80% of what you bring home. Save the other 20% for a rainy day.

 

The year I was out of work at the holidays I baked most people's gifts. You can offer "homemade" gift certificates of our time. A book of car washes, babysitting duties, clean somebody's house, etc. You are musical. Perhaps you can write & record a song for a loved one.

 

 

Best wishes. I hope you find a better position.

[elaine567]

 

Now I'm kind of afraid to ask: what's a banana man?

 

 

Banana - Skin is yellow inside is white...

 

"Banana is a term for an Asian person living in a Western country (e.g., an Asian American) who has lost touch with the cultural identity of his or her parents"

[EthanBlack]

You must have plenty of back up though if you;ve been on 6 figures for years.

 

As far as 6mths wages ha , doubt too many people have that sitting in the bank.

 

Haven't been making six figures for that long unfortunately. Also I own a home so a lot of the money I make goes into the mortgage.

 

Yah no way I have six months worth of savings in the bank. I've gotta find something in two months or I'll be in some trouble. I don't wanna have to ask my parents for money.

 

If you really want to talk about putting things in perspective, wait until you lose your health. People in wheelchairs or on dialysis continue to live. What about people in war torn countries? You lose your job you can get another one. You sound a bit naive because you haven't gone through worse things. Life eventually humbles everyone. Just be thankful.

 

Now I'm kind of afraid to ask: what's a banana man?

 

Yes I agree. This experience has made me realize just how fragile life can be. Things can change on a dime. And it will often come when you least expect it.

 

It's made me grateful for the things I do have like my health, friends, family, etc. I am very fortunate.

 

 

Ethan

 

I'm sorry to hear about your job loss. From this experience I hope you learn to get your financial house in order.

 

With that high of a salary you should have had some savings. Everybody needs an e-fund of at least 1 month's expenses. As somebody pointed out 6 months is better. Plus you need to start saving for retirement. You are already behind & you need time for the miracle of compound interest.

 

Right now your priority has to be finding a new job. That is your present job & it won't be easy. This time of year is tough. Many employers don't make hiring decisions until January. But polish off the resume & get crackin'. You need to be sending out 10-20 applications every day. Attend a job fair per week. Reach out to old colleagues in your industry but not your company & ask for job leads & references.

 

When you get your next job, learn to live on 80% of what you bring home. Save the other 20% for a rainy day.

 

The year I was out of work at the holidays I baked most people's gifts. You can offer "homemade" gift certificates of our time. A book of car washes, babysitting duties, clean somebody's house, etc. You are musical. Perhaps you can write & record a song for a loved one.

 

 

Best wishes. I hope you find a better position.

 

Thanks. Yah I'm gonna apply for some coffee shop jobs.

[JuneL]

Hey sorry to hear that. Can you find some music or dance gigs at some events? My friend sometimes plays music at weddings to make extra cash.

[Gretchen12]

You can do it.

 

Maybe rent out a room in your house to help with the mortage. The right renter can be good.

[SevenCity]

Let this be a good learning experience for you as it is so easy to forget a year into your next job.

 

I lost my job and was out of work for 6 mo the before finding another at 30% less which I was at for 5 years until I found my better paying current job.

 

Luckily, I had paid down debt prior and was able to live on a reduced salary. I ended up having more money in the bank as a result. Now, I’m running the financial models to see if it makes sense to pay off my mortgage or invest in something else.

 

I have become very frugal as a result and I’m happy for the change. I bring my lunch everyday to work and spend carefully.

 

Female posters here will balk when guys complain about paying for dates but all that cash means a lot more when you don’t have an income.

 

Use this as a catalyst to save money. As much as you can. I personally would put any expensive hobbies on hold until you can afford it.

 

You should have a years worth of cash in the bank after you pay down your high interest debt.

 

Take this temporary attitude into dating as well. Women are some of the most fickle creatures made and you can’t count on them to be there from one day to the next. You can increase the chances, but I approach any woman (since my ex) as if she’ll be gone one day and don’t invest too much of my happiness, money, or identity in them.

 

Hope you find something soon.