Why do girls assume that guys who struggle with dating have too high standards?

[EthanBlack]

You see this all the time when women attempt to give guys who struggle with dating advice. The advice is always, "go after someone in your own league."

 

Yet these girls are the first to accuse a guy of "grading" someone by their looks.

 

Since we're not allowed to reference the 1-10 scale but at the same time we are told to go after women in our own league, I'm just not sure how else to describe a hypothetical situation then.

 

What's the vernacular that should be used? Instead of saying a guy who is 7-8 and a girl who is 7-8, how else are you supposed to describe a situation without having to post real photos of yourself and the object of your affections online to strangers who may use it for malicious ends?

 

Also, I'm baffled by why women automatically assume a guy who has trouble dating is some loner guy who is socially awkward, has few friends, plays video games, has a boring job, and is average looking at best.

 

None of the guys that I know in real life who have trouble dating including myself fit the above profile. And the same goes for a lot of women who have trouble finding a partner. They're not all overweight and obese and unattractive physically.

 

Why is it such an impossible leap of imagination to just consider for a fact that a guy or a girl can have trouble with dating just simply due to a combination of life circumstance, bad luck, bad timing, **** happening, **** not happening, being too shy, being afraid of getting hurt, etc.

 

and NOT because:

 

He or she is ugly. Short. Fat. Unattractive. Uninteresting. Is an INCEL. Is a Man-hater. Is a mysognist. Or any other label.

 

Yes everyone needs to take responsibility for their own life and so if you do have trouble dating, you should try to address the reasons why. Like if you're shy and have trouble asking girls you like out, you should take steps to get more comfortable in the presence of women and socialize with them. Even taking small steps to solve your weaknesses are better than nothing.

 

But I hate how people assume you're just a loser who is "aiming too high" when you could be just someone who has had **** luck, doesn't have a large social circle, doesn't like dating online and maybe is just shy or maybe has been hurt in the past and has some internal issues to work out or maybe you're just going through a stressful period where you need to solve some immediate problems first.

[Chilli]

Women just assume a lot of very strange and bs things about guys , whether right or wrong.

Some of the stuff you hear or read is just a wtf !

And then there's the double standards , whole nother thread.

[carhill]

Presuming I do, why do I believe I'll go to heaven when I die?

 

Beliefs, especially driven by the passion of emotion, can become a world all their own. An alternate universe

 

TBH, been here a long time, seen a lot and I gotta share that very little of the drama that goes on here is mimicked in what I've experienced in real life in my sixty or so on the planet. Some, sure. One example in my social circle is the never married high standards guy who's often the butt of fireside jokes due to his lack of relationship success. Very religious, pretty rigid, but also a very generous person and friend and he's aging just like George Clooney and actually looks a lot like him. Same features and build and I think only a year apart in age. What girls think of him IDK but when I look around the fire at all the old, broken down warhorses who've been married for decades, he's a sterling example of what assumptions by a social group can develop. Some of the stuff I've heard is absolutely ridiculous. Perhaps women thrive on that stuff IDK. It is what it is.

[elaine567]

 

But I hate how people assume you're just a loser who is "aiming too high" when you could be just someone who has had **** luck, doesn't have a large social circle, doesn't like dating online and maybe is just shy or maybe has been hurt in the past and has some internal issues to work out or maybe you're just going through a stressful period where you need to solve some immediate problems first.

 

These can all apply to the guy who is having temporary problems dating but when the "no/very few dates syndrome" is a chronic problem, something else is afoot.

 

People tend to give the "aiming too high" advice when it is glaringly obvious from the poster's posts that the type of person they seek IS "out of their league", or is so rare a commodity that it is unrealistic to be even looking for that.

 

Dating is not about choosing the one you want off a shelf, dating is a two street, there has to be mutual attraction and that is where the issue often stems from.

"Strugglers" for whatever reason are not presenting a "product" that is attractive to the members of the opposite sex that they have set their hearts upon. The mismatch is what forum members pick up on.

 

Sometimes it is easy to pinpoint exactly where the issue lies, sometimes it is more complex, but market forces apply.

Those who are more "desirable" whether that be due to looks or personality or sense of humour or talent or money or education or class will be sought after by just about everyone. That is how it works.

We(gen) can either join the throng and end up bitter and disappointed, or we can look around for what else is out there...

Edited November 4, 2018 by elaine567

[5x5]

Also, I'm baffled by why women automatically assume a guy who has trouble dating is some loner guy who is socially awkward, has few friends, plays video games, has a boring job, and is average looking at best.

 

None of the guys that I know in real life who have trouble dating including myself fit the above profile.

 

Well that being the case don't you think it's about time, you start playing video games and having a boring job?

 

That way, you might start pulling women much more often.

[salparadise]

Sometimes it is easy to pinpoint exactly where the issue lies, sometimes it is more complex, but market forces apply. Those who are more "desirable" whether that be due to looks or personality or sense of humour or talent or money or education or class will be sought after by just about everyone. That is how it works.

 

 

I'd say it's usually more complex. Certainly market forces apply... but within the same league where there is approximate parity, human beings seek to optimize to a much greater extent than would seem practical and beneficial in the name of so-called happiness (satisfactorily paired vs. lonely and miserable).

 

Women are picky, picky, picky. It's hardwired. Women are nature's genetic optimizers, whereas men are more like equal opportunists. For men the priority is to make a decent selection (compromise is assumed) and get on with it. But women want the best and only the best, given an optimistic assessment of what might be achievable.

 

To illustrate, if you take 100 men and 100 women and put them in a room, women on one side, men on the other... and you tell the men, okay now choose a woman that you could be happy with... the men would distribute themselves such that every woman has a man, and every man has a woman. But if you gave the same instruction to the women... half would line up in front of about 5 guys, and the other half would distribute themselves in front of about 20 more. Then, if you explain to them that if they don't pair up on a 1:1 basis there's a high probability that many will be left out... most of the women would say, that's okay I'll wait and take my chances.

 

If it weren't for this new societal trend we call monogamy, a handful of men would have all of the women and half to two-thirds would have no chance. And even though monogamy is the de facto organizational scheme we practice today, in the dating world a large percentage of men are passed over because women refuse to compromise. Never settle, when hell freezes over, are the mantras. This is how it works.

 

*Obviously the illustration is not literal, but the gist of it is accurate I believe.

[elaine567]

To illustrate, if you take 100 men and 100 women and put them in a room, women on one side, men on the other... and you tell the men, okay now choose a woman that you could be happy with... the men would distribute themselves such that every woman has a man, and every man has a woman. But if you gave the same instruction to the women... half would line up in front of about 5 guys, and the other half would distribute themselves in front of about 20 more. Then, if you explain to them that if they don't pair up on a 1:1 basis there's a high probability that many will be left out... most of the women would say, that's okay I'll wait and take my chances.

 

 

Some women may be picky, if they can afford to be, but what is apparent from most of the male "strugglers" is that they are adamant that they will not settle, so whilst it is a neat little scenario portrayed, it is not reality.

 

Men would I am sure be happy that every man had a woman, but not if they personally had to settle for an "undesirable" one...

Everyone wants the best they can get.

[d0nnivain]

EthanBlack

 

Who is making these assumptions about you? If I remember your threads here on LS people talked to you about expanding your whole social network. Nobody mentioned leagues or any thing else superficial.

 

What are you doing to overcome whatever it is you feel is holding you back? Yes, shyness can feel debilitating but once you take those first scary steps & practice social interaction it gets better & easier. Social ease is a SKILL. It can be learned. It is not something you are born with.

[Estes]

Why is it such an impossible leap of imagination to just consider for a fact that a guy or a girl can have trouble with dating just simply due to a combination of life circumstance, bad luck, bad timing, **** happening, **** not happening, being too shy, being afraid of getting hurt, etc. and NOT because: He or she is ugly. Short. Fat. Unattractive. Uninteresting.

 

Depends on your definition of "having trouble dating". Sure, guys who are in a bad place in their life might not be able to attract a woman because he's giving off too much negativity. Sometimes it's a matter of timing, there's just nobody available in your area either online or off, although that seems rather unlikely. Regardless, that refers to temporary "speed bumps" if you may, the key being that sometimes the guy doesn't have an issue meeting women and he has a history of being in one or more long term, steady relationships.

 

You, and several other guys on this forum aren't able to get any dates and have never had a relationship worth talking about. That's not because you are ugly, short, play video games or have no hobbies, it's because you completely lack the social skills that are necessary to meet, attract, and keep a woman.

 

My guess is most of you are somewhere on the autism/aspergers scale. ZA Dater definitely is.

[hotpotato]

Ive gotten similar advice. Its not just the men here who get told to date within their league. I've been told to date down plenty of times here.

[BaileyB]

You ask - why do girls assume that guys who struggle with dating have too high standards?

 

I wasn't aware that "we" do...

[preraph]

 

 

To illustrate, if you take 100 men and 100 women and put them in a room, women on one side, men on the other... and you tell the men, okay now choose a woman that you could be happy with... the men would distribute themselves such that every woman has a man, and every man has a woman. But if you gave the same instruction to the women... half would line up in front of about 5 guys, and the other half would distribute themselves in front of about 20 more. Then, if you explain to them that if they don't pair up on a 1:1 basis there's a high probability that many will be left out... most of the women would say, that's okay I'll wait and take my chances.

 

That is simply not true. I spent at least 20 years standing around watching music in bars and elsewhere watching every man in the place watch the same two blondes with big boobs.

[sabaton]

You see this all the time when women attempt to give guys who struggle with dating advice. The advice is always, "go after someone in your own league."

Yes,and that's good advice that women give. I'm a guy and that's the kind of advice I give to struggling men.

 

''realize that you aren't in the same league of those hotties that you want, even if you make a lot of money, this isn't Pakistan, girls have a choice in the mate they end up with.''

 

Yet these girls are the first to accuse a guy of "grading" someone by their looks.

Because no girl wants to be turned into a sexual object?

 

Since we're not allowed to reference the 1-10 scale but at the same time we are told to go after women in our own league, I'm just not sure how else to describe a hypothetical situation then.

You can always say, ''this sexually attractive girl.'' It's fine and people aren't going to admonish you to not talk about agirl likethat.

 

Also, I'm baffled by why women automatically assume a guy who has trouble dating is some loner guy who is socially awkward, has few friends, plays video games, has a boring job, and is average looking at best.

Because that's how it usually is. I've never met a physically attractive that had much of a hard time getting a girlfriend he was happy with, even if he was shy. Men who have trouble dating are men who are socially awkward, and men who are only interested in women who are more sexually attractive than they themselves.

 

None of the guys that I know in real life who have trouble dating including myself fit the above profile. And the same goes for a lot of women who have trouble finding a partner. They're not all overweight and obese and unattractive physically.

 

Why is it such an impossible leap of imagination to just consider for a fact that a guy or a girl can have trouble with dating just simply due to a combination of life circumstance, bad luck, bad timing, **** happening, **** not happening, being too shy, being afraid of getting hurt, etc.

Because I'm not a paid psychologist and there's a lot of people who are in a much worse situation in their lives than a lack of ability to get the women they want to sleep with because of life circumstances and bad luck.

 

and NOT because:

 

He or she is ugly. Short. Fat. Unattractive. Uninteresting. Is an INCEL. Is a Man-hater. Is a mysognist. Or any other label.

Listen, there's another website I visit frequently, and it's mostly utilized by young men. Their complaints are always the same. ''Women don't want to sleep with me,'' or '' women are only attracted to 6'2'' male models and average guys are out of luck, '' or ''white guys get all of the women and if you're born Asian or Middle-Eastern you're out of luck.''

 

Gets boring after awhile reading the same thing over and over again.

[sabaton]

Women are picky, picky, picky. It's hardwired. Women are nature's genetic optimizers, whereas men are more like equal opportunists. For men the priority is to make a decent selection (compromise is assumed) and get on with it. But women want the best and only the best, given an optimistic assessment of what might be achievable.

No, they aren't. They aren't as picky as men in the United States would have them be, because they see women having so many offers but they only go for the men they are attracted to, but what these guys are forgetting to mention is that the vast majority of the men who live in the states are obese or close to it, or they lack a sense of personal grooming or style of fashion.

 

But I moved to Europe, and the majority of the people who went to my college were girls, with 90% of the college student body being girls, and the remaining 10% left being men, and most men could easily enough hook-up and find relationships with girls they were attracted to, and these girls were all tall (5'7'') and slim(90lbs for the shortest, 110,120lbs for the tallest) and nearly all of them were pretty, and knew how to dress, and they were charming.

 

Most of the guys weren't 6'2'' male models. Heck, back home I had to fight tooth and nail to get an attractive girlfriend, and then I was surprised with a reality of getting approached by beautiful girls who were thin and highly feminine and who dressed like they were going to a ball, with their make-up and clothes in their day to day life.

 

hell, I was even approached and made everything easy for me by a 5'10'' girl that was just starting her fashion career. Jesus friking Christ.

 

And I'm nothing special to look like. I'm 5'7'' and 132lbs at 10% body fat. Back home people would ask me if I'm sick, if there's something wrong with me for being this thin and then I land on this beautiful land and everyone looks like me more or less, and being average, being truly average -not being obese and then having that considered to be average - is enough for many, many girls who are physically attractive and charming.

 

Back home I was invisible, because women want men who are bigger and heavier than them, and with the average woman being 170lbs and having 30% body fat in the States - how the hell would the average woman feel feminine next to a 132lbs man?

 

But here.. here they are so skinny I can lift them off the ground using just one hand

 

Here, beauty is so common, that you have gorgeous girls that would be considered top-tier model material in the states thinking of themselves as average-looking, even ugly, and they are approaching men who are nothing special, physically, at all. Men who aren't rich. Men who are just men.

 

To illustrate, if you take 100 men and 100 women and put them in a room, women on one side, men on the other... and you tell the men, okay now choose a woman that you could be happy with... the men would distribute themselves such that every woman has a man, and every man has a woman. But if you gave the same instruction to the women... half would line up in front of about 5 guys, and the other half would distribute themselves in front of about 20 more. Then, if you explain to them that if they don't pair up on a 1:1 basis there's a high probability that many will be left out... most of the women would say, that's okay I'll wait and take my chances.

Ah, yes, I was wondering when I was going to come across a red piller on this forum

 

Do you honestly believe all of the women or nearly all of the women would only be interested in sleeping with a handful of men?

 

If it weren't for this new societal trend we call monogamy, a handful of men would have all of the women and half to two-thirds would have no chance. ´~

I think you need to get out of the mansphere. Here's how to be a top 20% man in the united states of America.

 

Don't be obese.

 

There you goThe guy is suddenly more attractive than most of the men alive in the states.

 

And even though monogamy is the de facto organizational scheme we practice today, in the dating world a large percentage of men are passed over because women refuse to compromise. Never settle, when hell freezes over, are the mantras. This is how it works.

No, it's not. Women aren't attracted to obese men because women want healthy men. If you come here to Portimão where I am now, you'll see that the majority of the women are hot, and young, and that they're all dating men who make little money, and these men are mostly under 5'10'', only 140lbs at 10% body fat, and they don't have face like Tom Cruise and they still do just fine.

 

It's the obese/overweight man back in the states that wants what is considered a hot girl back home that is having trouble getting the women that they want.

 

You know that nonsense that women only want hot guys and that if women aren't forced to live in a monogamous society most men are going to end up suckling on their fingers because women can't help themselves and gotta have Ryan Goslings and Brad Pitts is probably one of the reasons why women in Islamic nations aren't allowed free choice and are forced to marry the men they don't want

Edited November 5, 2018 by sabaton

[EthanBlack]

 

Because that's how it usually is. I've never met a physically attractive that had much of a hard time getting a girlfriend he was happy with, even if he was shy. Men who have trouble dating are men who are socially awkward, and men who are only interested in women who are more sexually attractive than they themselves.

 

 

Just because you've never met one doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Get out of your high horse and your narrow view of the world. Just cause you're a pyschologist doesn't mean you know everything. That's a lot of problem with you academia folks. You're like hipsters cause you think you already know everything.

 

I know lots of guys who are tall, good looking but extremely shy and they also tend to have hobbies that don't get themselves into positions to meet women. They manage to get a few dates via online but it almost always fades out after a couple dates cause the girl gets bored. She only agreed to meet up cause he's tall and good looking.

 

But I've seen shorter, average looking guys who have these magnetic, warm personalities. I'm not talking about loudmouths of the party type. But they're genuinely warm and kind and most of all, funny. These guys are never short of dates and girlfriends cause women just love being around them.

 

So shyness does play a large factor in dating.

 

Also, there's a big difference between shy and socially awkward. I am shy but not socially awkward. I have lots of friends in all walks of life including female ones. I don't have any problem socializing. But I am an introvert and I PREFER doing things alone or with small groups of people I know well.

 

But even so, I've had girlfriends. My ex-girlfriends, if you looked at them and me objectively, they're all much more attractive than me physically. These relationships all started due to THEM initiating, not me. Because I'm shy, I almost never make the first move. I only make moves after she indicates to me that she's interested.

 

But I'm 35 years old and I've only had four significant relationships. That's very small. And that's mainly cause I'm shy/introverted and so I don't place myself into opportunities where I can meet and possibly date women on a regular basis. And even when I do, I don't enjoy it.

 

I've actually been told straight up by plenty of people including women that I'm prime dating material if I would just put myself out there more.

 

Whether you like it or not, shyness and introversion plays a large role in both men and women on their dating life. It takes them longer to find compatible dating partners and after breakups, it takes them longer to find another one.

 

Just because you personally don't know any shy/introverted guys who find it hard to date doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It also has to do with age too. The older you get, the harder it is to meet new people and make new friends. And if you're already shy/introverted, it's even harder. If you're younger and you happen to be around women a lot in your daily life, then there's higher chance.

[d0nnivain]

So shyness does play a large factor in dating.

 

Also, there's a big difference between shy and socially awkward. I am shy but not socially awkward. I have lots of friends in all walks of life including female ones. I don't have any problem socializing. But I am an introvert and I PREFER doing things alone or with small groups of people I know well.

 

But even so, I've had girlfriends. My ex-girlfriends, if you looked at them and me objectively, they're all much more attractive than me physically. These relationships all started due to THEM initiating, not me. Because I'm shy, I almost never make the first move. I only make moves after she indicates to me that she's interested.

 

But I'm 35 years old and I've only had four significant relationships. That's very small. And that's mainly cause I'm shy/introverted and so I don't place myself into opportunities where I can meet and possibly date women on a regular basis. And even when I do, I don't enjoy it.

 

I've actually been told straight up by plenty of people including women that I'm prime dating material if I would just put myself out there more.

 

 

You are correct that shyness & introversion can narrow the # of choices you have. The key for you is going to be finding settings where you are comfortable but that let you meet more people. Thus I suggest you join a group that has regular events & you can sign up to help -- staff a table, register people in, sell 50-50 tickets, hand out drinks. Even shy people can feel useful & meet & mingle more comfortably when they have a designated purpose within the group.

[EthanBlack]

You are correct that shyness & introversion can narrow the # of choices you have. The key for you is going to be finding settings where you are comfortable but that let you meet more people. Thus I suggest you join a group that has regular events & you can sign up to help -- staff a table, register people in, sell 50-50 tickets, hand out drinks. Even shy people can feel useful & meet & mingle more comfortably when they have a designated purpose within the group.

 

I'm already doing that. I have a pretty good life and a good social circle. My point was to refute Sabaton's assertion that shy/introverted guys are NOT as a disadvantage when it comes to dating when it clearly is. His assertion is that a guy only has trouble dating cause either he's a social retard or he's going above his league. Which is bull****. If you're a tall, good looking guy but who has an introverted personality and who is not around women regullary in his daily life, he's gonna find it hard to meet women. OLD is the only option.

[sabaton]

Just because you've never met one doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Get out of your high horse and your narrow view of the world. Just cause you're a pyschologist doesn't mean you know everything. That's a lot of problem with you academia folks. You're like hipsters cause you think you already know everything.

Psychologist?? I'm trained as an archaeologist, but I basically started studying History and Archaeology because those undergraduates are filled with cute girls.

 

 

Then I discovered that I actually enjoyed those subjects and went on to become trained enough to take part in international digs, which in turn exposed me to completely different cultures, and I got to meet women from all over the world.

 

I know lots of guys who are tall, good looking but extremely shy and they also tend to have hobbies that don't get themselves into positions to meet women.

Yeah, I know those guys too, some of them work for Calvin Klein, others are Abbercombie models, others are working as catalog models for store ads and such, and others aren't yet aware of how sexually attractiev they are, and they all do just fine. You don't need to get yourself into positions to meet women. There are women everywhere. If they are into you - they will approach you.

 

But I've seen shorter, average looking guys who have these magnetic, warm personalities.I'm not talking about loudmouths of the party type. But they're genuinely warm and kind and most of all, funny. These guys are never short of dates and girlfriends cause women just love being around them.

yes, and women have a varied taste in men. First day of college, I'm amazed by how attractive nearly all of the girls are. I spot this girl, 4'10'' 90lbs extremely thick, curly blonde hair like a 19th Century French doll, blue eyes, straight white teeth, the most beautiful teeth I have ever seen even to this day, blemish-free, smooth, flawless skin.

 

I would look at her for a few seconds, but I never dared to approach her because I'm 5'7'' and 132lbs at 10% I'm not Jean Claude Van Damme, you know, but she ended up approaching me, asking me out, asking for my number, facebook, and making everything easy for me, after a week or so of me looking at her but never going up to her.

 

Once, She was walking down the stairs and she was talking to her girlfriend, and I was walking up the stairs staring at my nano Ipod, when I look up the girl also looks and bam we we're not even 1 inch apart from each other. But do you think I said anything? Nope

 

If it wasn't for her coming up to me and asking me out, I would have never have talked to her in the first place.

 

So shyness does play a large factor in dating, yes, and she was shy too, but I guess she was curious enough about me to take a chance, and that made me want her even more.

 

But even so, I've had girlfriends. My ex-girlfriends, if you looked at them and me objectively, they're all much more attractive than me physically. These relationships all started due to THEM initiating, not me. Because I'm shy, I almost never make the first move. I only make moves after she indicates to me that she's interested.

Same. That's how it was with all of my ex-girlfriends and hook-ups. They're the ones who physically initiated, after having sent a lot of signals of interest and seeing that I wouldn't approach me - they approached me instead.

 

I only make moves when she has already taken the first step. Getting checked out everyday by girls, even though these girls are attractive is not going to make me approach them, for several reasons.

 

1)I'm not white. I'm Southern European mixed with Greek and Turkish blood, and women only want white guys right.

2) I'm 5'7'' and these girls are all 5'7'' + and up, and what girl wants a guy her own height or shorter?

3)These girls are much, much younger than I am, and girls almost always want a guy their own age, not a dude who is 10+ years older than them(only when he's rich, and I never made much more than minimum wage in my life).

4)I'm 132lbs. These girls are lighter than me, but still, I don't feel like I have an aesthetically perfect body, because I don't.

 

This sort of girl, tall, thin, pretty, fit, charming back home in the states usually is all over this guy ->

 

Over here in Portimão apparently the pretty girls either all have high sex drives, or they have no standards in men

 

5) I was rejected once in my life, when I was 18, and I didn't enjoy getting rejected one bit. By having women approach me physically and obviously, I don't feel like I'm going to get rejected.

 

But I'm 35 years old and I've only had four significant relationships. That's very small. And that's mainly cause I'm shy/introverted and so I don't place myself into opportunities where I can meet and possibly date women on a regular basis. And even when I do, I don't enjoy it.

I'm 29 years old and I've had over 15 relationships, short-term mostly, with a few lasting a year or two, but I got lucky. I moved from the states, where I was considered to be tiny, and I moved to a place where I'm considered to be average, and that's enough for most of the attractive women that I've met(Spaniards, Portuguese, Germans, Italians, Greeks, European-born Turkish women).

 

If I had stayed in America I'd probably still be with my ex-girlfriend because girls don't seem to approach guys back in the states, or at least they just didn't approach me

 

Just because you personally don't know any shy/introverted guys who find it hard to date doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It also has to do with age too. The older you get, the harder it is to meet new people and make new friends. And if you're already shy/introverted, it's even harder. If you're younger and you happen to be around women a lot in your daily life, then there's higher chance.

Oh, I guess I was shy when I was in my late teens and early 20s, but then that stuff went by and I become the same way that my mother and father are. Parties, nightclubs, bars, beach night parties, music festivals, alcohol, recreative drug consumption and I just blossomed. Edited November 5, 2018 by sabaton

[EthanBlack]

 

Yeah, I know those guys too, some of them work for Calvin Klein, others are Abbercombie models, others are working as catalog models for store ads and such, and others aren't yet aware of how sexually attractiev they are, and they all do just fine. You don't need to get yourself into positions to meet women. There are women everywhere. If they are into you - they will approach you.

 

 

Why use such an extreme example? Not all tall, good looking guys are gonna be models. I work in the computer sciences field. I have a colleague and he's your typical good looking, tall, blonde white guy. Very smart too. Good career. He's handy around the house. Btw, when I say he's tall, blonde and good looking, I'm not joking. Many people have commented that he can be a model. He kinda looks like Chris Evans.

 

But the guy is super introverted. He hates large crowds. When he's not working, he likes staying around the house and fixing stuff. He's got a huge house out in the country where he lives all alone and he just likes being there with nature and doing work around the house.

 

Because we are in the computer sciences, we don't have a lot of female colleagues and we're not around a lot of women in our daily life. And he doensn't really do anything social outside of work except meetup with some close friends from college once in awhile to have some beer and even then, he never attempts to talk to any girls.

 

We all joke that he doesn't fit into this digital age and that someone like him would fit more of being a farmer in a village and just got married to the neighbor's daughter.

 

Women don't approach him because he's so good looking that they assume he's already taken. Also, he never puts himself into situations where women can meet him. He's done OLD but they all ended after just a handful of dates. A lot of the girls he meets online are outgoing and they think because of his looks, he must be outgoing too but are disappointed when they find out he's a homebody and doesn't like going out. He doens't like to drink a lot either.

 

He's also super boring to talk to from a girl's perspective. He likes talking about software engineering and also about his handyman projects around the house. Talk about a vibe-killer.

 

As for me, I'm a short 5'5 Asian guy. I'm in the same social predicament as him but I've made large efforts to put myself out there. With mixed success.

 

Because I'm an introvert too and I need to work myself up to get into the mood to socialize. My natural tendency is to stay home and play guitar and read books.

 

But I took up ballroom dancing so I can go out to dance events to be around more women. I also have a band now and we do shows once in awhile where there are women at the bar. When I meet new women, I never talk about my career cause I know it's boring as **** to women. I talk about how I like dancing and talk about my love for music.

 

A lot of the female forumers here seem to be against hobbies. It's true, hobbies alone don't attract women. But when you're in my predicament where you work in the computer sciences and you're not around women in your daily life, you have to do activities to put yourself into positions to meet women. And dancing is great because women actually outnumber men and women love to dance (well most do). And although that was my primary motivation to learn to dance, I've actually gotten to love it for its own sake. So it's a win-win for me. I DO realize that women aren't gonna just like a guy cause he can dance but the thing is, a guy has to put himself into situations to be around women. And that's kinda my whole point. Whoever my next girlfriend is, I do realize there's a chance she won't give a damn that I play guitar or that I can dance and maybe just likes me for my personality but I'm not gonna get to meet htis girl if I just go to work and then go home.

 

Both these things took massive effort on my part but at least I'm trying. As for my colleague there, he's blessed genetically but he doesn't try at all and it seems like he doesn't even care that much.

 

If you didn't know either of us and just took a glance at both of us, people would be shocked to hear that I've gone on more dates, know more women, have had more sex, and have had more relationships than this guy and we're roughly the same age.

Edited November 5, 2018 by EthanBlack

[sabaton]

Why use such an extreme example? Not all tall, good looking guys are gonna be models. I work in the computer sciences field. I have a colleague and he's your typical good looking, tall, blonde white guy. Very smart too. Good career. He's handy around the house.

Because all of the tall, good-looking fit guys that I know happen to be male models. When I was in college I had this classmate of mine. 6'3'', 180lbs, broad shoulders, the high cheekbones that comes with Germanic blood(he was half Portuguese and half Dutch, easily one of the tallest Portuguese to ever live) and he was absolutely stunning.

 

Because of that, because every girl threw herself at him(once I was walking down the stairs with him, and this 5'11'' female model who had just seen him that exact moment for the very first time, comes up to him, writes down her phone number on a piece of paper, hands it to him and says that if he ever happens to be at x her city, he can crash at her place

 

Now, this guy, because he slept with 10 different girls a month,(he would only use college as a means to meet girls) guys would not want to be near him, because he'd get all of the girls, or their girlfriends would cheat on them with him.

 

So he was lonely, and he had no friends. I befriended him. I was then introduced to a world of fashion models and I fell hopelessly in love with the higher echelons of aesthetics. Physical perfection. Beauty that would have made any one of these girls or guys be considered a god or a goddess by the Ancient Greeks.

 

But the guy is super introverted. He hates large crowds. When he's not working, he likes staying around the house and fixing stuff. He's got a huge house out in the country where he lives all alone and he just likes being there with nature and doing work around the house.

Yeah, I knew guys like that to, and they still smashed well enough. Put yourself in a crowd, surround yourself with attractive girls, and eventually at least one or two will approach you, and your friend could have been approached by a LOT of girls, but he prefers peace and quiet and solitude, I guess.

 

Because we are in the computer sciences, we don't have a lot of female colleagues and we're not around a lot of women in our daily life. And he doensn't really do anything social outside of work except meetup with some close friends from college once in awhile to have some beer and even then, he never attempts to talk to any girls.

Yes, that's the thing. Location is EVERYTHING. When you are one of the very few guys girls get to see on a daily basis, they are going to want to hook-up with you. Because they want sex. They get horny. They get lonely. They want boyfriends and they date what's around them, not what's on another college lol.

 

We all joke that he doesn't fit into this digital age and that someone like him would be in awesome demand back in the day.

Sure, but back in the day, life was awful for women and for men. I'd rather much live in this day and age, and everyday I thank my lucky star that I was born and raised in the USA, and that I was given the chance to move to Europe, instead of being born in Pakistan and having to live there my whole life

 

Women don't approach him because he's so good looking that they assume he's already taken.

That can happen. A guy whose aesthetics are so divine that women either assume he's in a relationship, or that he's into men, and not into women at all.

 

Also, he never puts himself into situations where women can meet him. He's done OLD but they all ended after just a handful of dates. A lot of the girls he meets online are outgoing and they think because of his looks, he must be outgoing too but are disappointed when they find out he's a homebody and doesn't like going out.

He could always talk to girls who are shy. They exist there, on those dating apps and websites, he just needs to look for them.

 

He's super boring to talk to. He likes talking about software engineering and also about his handyman projects around the house.

Yeah.. that's gonna hurt his chances a bit, if most of the women he meets are not into the STEM sciences.

 

As for me, I'm a short 5'5 Asian guy. I'm in the same social predicament as him but I've made large efforts to put myself out there. With mixed success.

That's fine. I'm 5'7'' and people pretty much thing I'm from Turkey. I had a few classmates of mine who were from Syria, when I was in college, and when they first met me they thought I was from their home Country because they began to talk to me in their own language, and yes, they spoke fluent English.

 

And I do fine. I've dated attractive women who were 4'10''. I've dated attractive women who were 5'7'', and my last girlfriend was a solid 5'10'' or 5'11'' barefoot, very pretty, fit, and I often told her to go get those 6 inch heels she had stored somewhere and to go out with me, because I LOVE having All eyez on me, and having those tall guys wondering what is it that she sees in me.

 

Do I get rejected? I'm sure that if I was to cold-approach girls I would get rejected, plenty. But I don't approach women. I sit and I wait, and because nearly all of the girls are conventionally attractive - it doesn't matter me if I'm not approached by my physical ideal(Kim Kardashian body) because the girl who ends up approaching me, is attractive enough already.

 

Because I'm an introvert too and I need to work myself up to get into the mood to socialize. My natural tendency is to stay home and play guitar and read books.

Yeah, I was like that the first few years I was in this place, then I just become more and more like my parents with the positive attention that I was getting, and my self-esteem soared high.

 

But I took up ballroom dancing so I can go out to dance events to be around more women. I also have a band now and we do shows once in awhile where there are women at the bar.

 

Both these things took massive effort on my :Dpart but at least I'm trying. As for my colleague there, he's blessed genetically but he doesn't try at all and it seems like he doesn't even care that much.

That's awesome of you. Keep doing what you're doing, and things will get better for you. People who don't try, vanish into thin air. Those who try and put themselves out there eventually get closer to achieving what they want. Edited November 5, 2018 by sabaton

[d0nnivain]

I'm already doing that. I have a pretty good life and a good social circle. My point was to refute Sabaton's assertion that shy/introverted guys are NOT as a disadvantage when it comes to dating when it clearly is. His assertion is that a guy only has trouble dating cause either he's a social retard or he's going above his league. Which is bull****. If you're a tall, good looking guy but who has an introverted personality and who is not around women regullary in his daily life, he's gonna find it hard to meet women. OLD is the only option.

 

If you are already "doing that" how is it that you think OLD is your only option? What clubs & organizations are you active with? Are those groups where you can be around more women? That was my suggestion that you get involved with groups where you can meet new women & possibly do good for the world.

[NuevoYorko]

I’m not a girl. But, there is a plethora of threads from guys here along the lines of:

 

Woman has to be under (insert age)

Woman has to weigh under (insert weight)

Woman must have (_______) hair

Woman must have maximum of (insert #) sexual partners

Etc.

 

That’s fine. Everyone is entitled to having requirements; however, NO ONE is entitled to having these requirements fulfilled.

 

If a person is failing to find a partner who meets all their criteria I think

they have 2 choices. They can expand their criteria, or they can accept that they may end up alone. In either case I think a cold hard look

at oneself is in order.

 

If they prefer to spend their time sitting on their devices bemoaning the fact that evidently no one who fulfills their requirements is into them, that’s up to them. They get no sympathy from me.

 

Women may be guilty of this as often as men are, but men definitely have a strong corner on the market of creating threads about it.

[stillafool]

Well that being the case don't you think it's about time, you start playing video games and having a boring job?

 

That way, you might start pulling women much more often.

 

Ha, ha. Yeah and if those guys are good looking and sexy they are still getting women left and right.

[sabaton]

Ha, ha. Yeah and if those guys are good looking and sexy they are still getting women left and right.

 

 

Not left and right, no, but they're still going to have women approach them and hit on them, yes.

 

I was once watching this 6'6'' dude with a swimmer's build and a decent face sitting at the student's lounge working on something with his books open on his lap, and this girl sees him, likes what she sees, picks up a glass of juice, deliberately spills some of it near the dude's foot while he's oblivious to it, studying I guess, and then she gets down on one knee, apologizes for the mess she did and starts talking to him

 

I love this. I love watching women approach guys, and I love getting approached by women. It's like.. we're finally leaving behind this silly, outdated, 1950s notions of what is masculine and what is feminine, and women - at least the young women - are starting to go after what they want, instead of sitting pretty and smiling, which is cute, I guess, if you are a 19th century gentleman looking for a virginal maiden

Edited November 5, 2018 by sabaton

[preraph]

I’m not a girl. But, there is a plethora of threads from guys here along the lines of:

 

Woman has to be under (insert age)

Woman has to weigh under (insert weight)

Woman must have (_______) hair

Woman must have maximum of (insert #) sexual partners

Etc.

 

That’s fine. Everyone is entitled to having requirements; however, NO ONE is entitled to having these requirements fulfilled.

If a person is failing to find a partner who meets all their criteria I think

they have 2 choices. They can expand their criteria, or they can accept that they may end up alone. In either case I think a cold hard look

at oneself is in order.

 

If they prefer to spend their time sitting on their devices bemoaning the fact that evidently no one who fulfills their requirements is into them, that’s up to them. They get no sympathy from me.

 

Women may be guilty of this as often as men are, but men definitely have a strong corner on the market of creating threads about it.

 

^ Brilliant