Bumble and other OLD adventures

[nospam99]

I'm a 64 y/o divorced male. I've been on LS since August of '17. One of the first things I posted about was to ask how a 'senior' gets back in the dating game. Some of the folks previously here on LS suggested OLD. So I did. It's been an 'adventure', sometimes fun, sometimes frustrating. The 'preliminary steps' I've discovered include messaging within the 'platform' i.e. the OLD web site, phone conversations, texting, and email. Sometimes after navigating those preliminaries, I've met and even dated a woman. I'm averaging about one meeting per month and, so far, have not found the LTR that I'm seeking.

 

So I recently started a thread https://www.loveshack.org/forums/transitioning/search/666338-how-long-likely-take to ask how long I might expect it to take to achieve that elusive LTR. In the course of discussion, a poster, who I understand to be a 'younger' divorced gentlemen, suggested that I try Bumble based on his own success. There were a number of posts on that thread about my Bumble adventures. But me and Bumble, or me and OLD generally, are not really on topic for 'how long it takes'. So I decided to start this new thread to discuss Bumble and maybe other OLD gotchas as well. The 'greater purpose' in this is to give people wandering in the wilds of OLD some specific observations and (possibly helpful) hints. Stuff like this is already scattered all over LS. But what I'm about to write about Bumble is 'new'. And putting it all in one place may be helpful.

 

I've been on Bumble for a week, no 'matches' yet. It took a bit of time to clear the initial set of female profiles presented to me, but I did swipe on each of them and, at the moment, have none to swipe on. There is something labelled a Match Queue that I can see with an indication that there are five profiles in it. Bumble help screens are 'non-substantive' and they really didn't tell me what the Match Queue means. So before starting this thread I did a little googling to try to find out more about the Match Queue. What I found was not 'official' but the sense of it is that the Match Queue is the profiles of women who have swiped right on me but that I haven't swiped right on. Have I already swiped left on them? No clue. Ideally I'd like to see those profiles just in case I'd be interested. To just find out if I could do that I'd have to buy a priced feature called Bumble Boost. Okay - I get it. Bumble has to generate revenue. For now, I'm not going to buy Boost but wait and see 'what (if anything) happens next'.

 

This 'process choke point' with the Match Queue where the service 'dangles the bait' to entice the user to PAY to 'go deeper' is fair, but just one of the differences I've noticed so far between Bumble and the OLD services I've been using previously. Mostly I 'hunt and fish' on match.com and Plenty of Fish (POF). Bumble, BTW, is smartphone-based while match and POF are web-based. What I'm used to seeing on the web services are the histories of the women I've contacted and the functionality to search over and over again. I can go back and search again and I still can see women I have already messaged, liked, ignored, screened, etc in the search results. Bumble is a 'black box'. I know I have swiped left and right on several profiles but I can't see which profiles those are. Perhaps if I bought Boost or some other priced feature I could see those profiles.

 

That's it for now, just some background and my initial observations as a, so far, unpaid Bumble user.

[snowcones]

I'm a woman and have never used Bumble and never will.

[nospam99]

Just did a little research on the cost of Boost. I found several complaints that people were unable to cancel their Boost subscriptions at How To Cancel Your Bumble Boost Account & Delete Your Profile |. No way to know how legitimate that is but, in the words of one of the complainers, 'f--k this'.

 

Another general observation about OLD. The services themselves are 'unresponsive' to user problems. Understandably all they want is more money. It works for them because the service they provide, matchmaking, is in enough demand that users will at least TRY the service. Ka-ching. BTW, that's not a specific complaint on my part. I've gotten 'my money's worth' considering that my expectations were no more than having access to the profiles of women who 'might' be potential dating partners.

[nospam99]

I'm a woman and have never used Bumble and never will.

 

Just out of curiosity, why not? Is your issue specifically with Bumble or generally with OLD?

[snowcones]

Just out of curiosity, why not? Is your issue specifically with Bumble or generally with OLD?

Just Bumble. I prefer that men to make the first move.

[nospam99]

The 'halftime score' (i.e. I'm half way through my one month Bumble 'experiment'): five profiles (still) sitting on my 'Match Queue', zero 'Conversations', several days since I've had any new female profiles to swipe on.

 

By contrast, in the interim I've had a match.com contact that has reached the 'two long phone conversations and she says she wants to meet' stage.

 

I'm just reporting because of my interest in OLD as an In Search Of... tool. The LS poster who suggested Bumble to me in another thread has had better results on Bumble than I have had. I'm not surprised that, like my own experience with OLD, YMMV.

[nospam99]

Since I posted about Bumble this morning, I'll also throw in observations about my three 'go to' web OLD sites for comparison.

 

Okcupid: 'same old' twenty 'Top matches' as have been there for weeks or months. 'New blood' just about never appears. I've dated one but neither of us were terribly interested in continuing to date. Others are of no interest to me but a couple of them sent me unsolicited messages at some point.

 

Plenty of Fish: largely the 'same old' hundred or so 'best Matches'. 'New blood' trickles in much more often than OKC but still infrequently. Since they're 'same old' I've already exchanged messages with most of the ones who might be potential dating partners. One is a nice, friendly, attractive woman but I've been reluctant to contact her again and try to date because our common interests are minimal.

 

Match.com: several hundred (645 with current search configuration - geographically undesirables are excluded by my configuation) 'matches'. Mostly 'same old' but several 'new' (could be women unhiding) profiles appear just about every time I search. Every morning I receive a set of 'Daily' (12 today) and 'Other' Matches, most of whom are 'geographically undesirable' but once or twice each week there are 'diamonds in the rough' who are worth sending an introductory message to. Included are the woman with whom I'm currently corresponding and about a half dozen who would be worth trying to contact in the future. Interestingly, almost all the women who I've dated no longer appear in my search results. I know that most of those that no longer appear have hidden their profiles. No clue if that's because they've 'won' (are dating someone) or 'lost' (gave the hell up on the OLD 'game').

 

Conclusion: at the moment I rank these options in order: match.com, POF, OKC, Bumble. I've omitted several others like ourtime and eharmony that I think are pretty much worthless.

[nospam99]

Two minute warning: my one-month Bumble 'experiment' expires on Saturday. Still no 'Conversations'. One Match Queue disappeared so I'm back down to four. I suspect they are the same four women who swiped right on me early on and I swiped left on them. But really no way to tell without throwing $ at it and even then I'm not sure what I'd learn. I'm not planning to throw another $30 at another month of cell service to keep the experiment going (Bumble doesn't run on my old-school 'original' cell phone.)

 

Like any OLD 'app' or site, I assume Bumble works for some people. But didn't work for me. Meanwhile I'm continuing to meet a new woman through match.com about once a month and have (so far) short duration dating relationships. And others may have had zero results on match. Dem dating sites ... all different. Dem communities ... all different. Any given dating site in any given community (and for a given age, gender, and dating goal) ... YMMV.

[Veronica73]

Have you tried coffee meets bagel?

[nospam99]

Have you tried coffee meets bagel?

 

Not yet ... I hadn't heard of it before you mentioned it. I'm a little 'concerned' because I believe that a major factor in how well an OLD site 'works' is the number of people participating. Since I hadn't heard of it, I have to wonder how many right-aged women in my part of the country are going to be there. Nevertheless, thanks for the suggestion

 

Looks like CMB is smartphone only. Most of what I didn't like about Bumble was having to use a smartphone instead of a computer. Plus having to pay (extra) for a smartphone that will run it. I think I'll pass. But thanks again.

 

Worse and worse the more I read:

- the app picks your matches - you only get to choose from a set that has already been 'culled' for you - been there, done that on eharmony and elite and I hate it

- the aforementioned smartphone only

- have to link FB. I could set up another FB account JUST to use CMB. But I'm sick of having my social media accounts compromised by other apps and having multiple social media accounts just to use apps that are not that interesting anyway.

 

I'm a total bigot for isolating each of the dating sites or apps that I try from each other. I don't mind if the fine ladies I see on the sites recognize me the same way I recognize them. It's not so fine if the sites themselves consolidate information about me and then use it to fill my inboxes with marketing spam they 'decide' I'll be interested in.

Edited November 16, 2018 by nospam99

[nospam99]

I wasn't sure whether to post this here (ISO) or as a PRC rant. Decided here because for OLD users it 'may' give a little insight into the bullshyt.

 

Three stupid OLD tricks in about the last week and a half. All have to do with 'false flags' about whether a potential date is 'into you' (or me in these cases).

 

Plenty of Fish (POF) has a couple of ranked lists that are advertised as indicating the compatibility of a potential date. So this woman shows up on my lists a couple of days ago: third best match on one list, nineteenth best match on another list. I send a message. She deletes it without reading it.

 

Another woman on POF sends me a 'Meet Me', equivalent of swiping right. And on POF, which is otherwise a free site, you have to PAY to be able to send a Meet Me. I send a message. She reads it and ignores it.

 

Over on match.com, the site assigns a Mutual Match percentage. I send a message to a 92% Mutual Match woman. She reads it and ignores it.

 

My complaint is not about getting ignored. It's 'business as usual' ... in fifteen months on OLD I've been ignored about 200 times by now and responded to about 90 times. Rather WTF is the value of the sites' ranked lists, Meet Me's, and match percentages when people (women for me of course) do not respond in spite of those 'features' implying that they'll be 'interested'? My answer to that rhetorical question is 'marketing bull'.

[Happy Lemming]

I'm guessing the OLD websites are trying to "one up" one another in a competition for your subscription fee. POF has this... so its a better site, No, Match.com has that... so its a better site. etc. etc.

 

I have to give you credit, you are definitely trying to meet women. I wish I had some viable advice, but I don't.

 

Maybe after the holidays there will be more women on those sites, as time is freed up and everyone starts thinking about Valentines Day. The holiday season is a tough time to date.

 

Wishing you luck and happiness in 2019!!

[nospam99]

Wishing you luck and happiness in 2019!!

 

Thank you, Sir Rodent

 

My 'strategy' is to do less messaging on OLD because .... local speed-dating is FINALLY scheduling an event for Feb 11. I've only been to ONE so far. That was way back last January. I found it was a better venue (that time - sample of one) to meet women. Unfortunately the timing was off and I didn't follow up with the speed-dating ladies because I (thought I) was doing really well on OLD. Sucks when you're so old that the speed-dating events for your cadre are once a year instead of once a month. But gotta play the hand I'm dealt.

[nospam99]

Posting here instead of starting a new thread since this post is about an 'OLD adventure'. This is not a complaint so much as a report.

 

A couple of weeks ago a woman sent me a 'Meet Me' on POF, pretty much (supposed to be) the POF equivalent of a 'swipe right'. I let it go for those weeks because I've got 'something else going on' (see below). But yesterday I responded and she .... (according to POF) deleted my message without reading it. Some kind of 'swipe right', right? This is not the first time I responded to a Meet Me and got a negative reaction. I did an little homework and found several people on the 'net complaining that POF Meet Me's are fake. (On the other hand, 'Natalie', who messaged me as recently as four days ago, made first contact with a Meet Me - but that was well over a year ago.) I haven't met a woman through POF in ten months and Natalie was the last one who was really interested and interesting. So I am pretty much bummed out with POF. I'll probably keep using it, but don't expect much and certainly don't recommend it any more. Results are just too shytty.

 

I'm currently dating a woman who Liked me on match.com. Early stages so can't say I expect much yet. She is the eleventh consecutive match.com meet so for those last 10 months match.com is looking like the only way (for me) to go. If I see LS newbies complaining about no success with OLD and they're using ANYTHING other than match.com (and I feel like posting), I'm going to say they're using the wrong service.

 

The adventure continues and I'm still enjoying meeting the women. But my faith in and optimism about OLD as an effective way to meet a dating partner is continuing to erode.

[mark clemson]

FWIW, if you live in a larger urban area you could try Meetups or other social events where you meet new people. I'm not dating but I believe many folks use this as a strategy. For myself, I strongly believe I come across better in person than I would in an online profile.

[some_username1]

With respect, good for her I say- if I'm reading it correctly it sounds like you kept her on ice for two weeks as you were juggling others and then when you finally had some space crop up in your rotation you reached out and she was no longer interested.

 

I advise people to take a zero tolerance policy on OLD because of how many people are flaky or 'playing the game'. I did similar myself recently- getting on well with a woman who had a holiday booked. She went on holiday and I left her to it but she insisted on blowing up my app with pics of her on holiday showing off. So she was available and on the app. So I 'bit' and entered into conversation with her and invited her on a date when she got back, she gratefully accepted so I offered her a date and then....radio silence for a couple of days. Yes, she was on holiday but in my opinion if you are going to get into arrangements of dates then it's very rude to just leave the other person with their plans up in the air. I had no other matches I was interested in so i deleted the app. She can reply to dead air when she eventually gets around to it.

 

So the woman you are talking about is a woman after my own heart. It is more than sensible and reasonable to allow the other person a period of time during which to express interest and if they don't, well no hard feelings, that's just the way it goes. Move on. Plenty more out there after all!

[JuneL]

I thought it’s common to receive no response if you’re taking too long to reply. During my 3-week OLD adventure, there’s a guy who sent me two messages in a row (a couple of days apart); when I replied after a week, he never wrote back.

[elaine567]

She put herself out there and you took 2 weeks to reply and you are now moaning about POF... What did you expect? You were obviously not wowed enough to reply sooner so why would she bother with you?

You were a waste of time as far as she was concerned and she rightly ignored you.

[alphamale]

That's it for now, just some background and my initial observations as a, so far, unpaid Bumble user.

 

nospam99, maybe things will be easier if you cough up the membership fee, at least for a short time, maybe a month or two

[Happy Lemming]

mispost....

[guest569]

She might have had “something else going on” by then.. or assumed you had very low interest. What did You respond with? Is there any way she saw a preview or got the message in her inbox?

[nospam99]

She might have had “something else going on” by then.. or assumed you had very low interest. What did You respond with? Is there any way she saw a preview or got the message in her inbox?

 

I responded with a message. From what I see when women contact me, I surmise she didn't get a preview but got the message in her inbox.

 

Some of the replies I'm getting at the moment are castigating me for not responding immediately. Oh well. I guess that's how some people play the game. I take it as a given that everybody on OLD is juggling multiple contacts. When I get a response after a couple of weeks (and it happens), I don't hold the delay against the woman. I understand that people HAVE LIVES and (horrors) may even be meeting and dating other men and be deciding whether to 'next' them. But that's me. If this woman 'was' legitimately interested in meeting me (POF Meet Me, anyone?), she would have gotten an immediate response from me if she sent a message rather than a Meet Me. Again, that's just me and the way I 'play the OLD game'.

[guest569]

I responded with a message.

 

...I was asking because the contents can be make or break. It’s fine if you would rather not share.

[Normm]

After a few early successes, you haven't had any success with POF or Bumble in the better part of a year, is that right?

 

Time to try other avenues to meet women. At the very least, other dating sites or change your filters, expand your search distances, that sort of thing. Get out there and meet people through activities, social groups. Maybe even give speed dating a try.

 

Might be that as you're getting older you're going to be selling yourself to an ever decreasing market, and it's not about the dating sites at all.

 

As far as "meet me" messages or the equivalent, it's safe to say the dating sites are full of fakery. That doesn't mean there aren't millions of real people on there as well.

[nospam99]

@Normm Right - no success from POF for a year. Bumble was a one month 'experiment' suggested by shydad here on LS - worked for him, didn't work for me. I'm still meeting more women than I can handle on match.com. Activities and social groups? - a bust - at my age in my area, plenty of nice, friendly people but no romantic potential (been doing meetups for 6 years). First speed dating a year ago was great, three hits. Second one last month was an oh-fer. Sux to get old - I'm finding it sux more to get old when I'm healthy and active and an increasing proportion of my 'contemporaries' are not. Oh well - dating my current dating partner (that's all she is at this point) tomorrow.