Insecurity with my looks and dating

[PrettyLittleNeighbor]

This is something that bothers me sometimes. I'm 20 years old and I don't feel "attractive, sexy, wanted, desirable" because of my looks. I've heard from numerous people online that most young woman have so many dating options, attention from the opposite sex, and offers because of their youth. I'm in my "youth" but I don't feel attractive as a young woman because I look far too young.

 

Outside of college, I'm always perceived to be from age 15-17. Its so bizarre because I haven't really changed from my facial features and face fullness. The only thing feature that has matured is my height (5'6). Guys my age NEVER look or notice me but for some odd reason, I attract much older men(40-50 ages). Some of my peers at school have told me I have a nice, athletic figure but I'm so slim and petite. I automatically assume most guys prefer more curvier, full figured shapes.

 

I have the opposite body type and I hate it. Couple that with the baby face, I look a mess. There's one guy that apparently liked me in the past, but I still felt like his feelings towards me weren't genuine. He was my first kiss, and the first guy I sort of got intimate with and all the compliments about me being "hot" and "sexy" never felt real. Are there any other woman who feels this similar way like I do? Like you're perceived as cute but never sexy?

Edited October 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[MountainGirl111]

It sounds like you have the kind of figure that many women strive for: thin athletic. Nothing wrong with a 'baby face' either. So, relax and maybe play up your looks with hairstyle, make-up, cute clothes. You may not be aware of the guys that are actually noticing you.

[carhill]

Welcome to LS....

 

IMO, most of your journey will revolve around learning to love and accept yourself. Since you're young, plenty of time. Enjoy what moves you in life and socialize with people whom you like and like you. Once in awhile you might run into guys you find attractive. Use those times to practice using your feminine wiles, that reproductive energy that men home in on.

 

I remember hearing similar observations from a woman who was a bit gawky and different (tall and thin) when young. I first noticed her when she would hang out at the sound mix board at her future husband's concerts and was enthralled at the striking and beautiful woman she had become, still thin and tall and with very pale skin. Of course it didn't hurt that she had also become somewhat of a name in the acting business at that point.

 

Do what you do, for you. Men who are attracted to you will happen by. There are billions of us around.

[d0nnivain]

Newsflash: deep down, there is not a 20 year old on the planet who isn't insecure about the way the look.

 

You need to boost your own self esteem. Read some books. Learn more about figure flattering clothes & make up. Invest in some sexy undies. It's hard not to feel confident if you have on great foundation garments; it's like your secret no one else knows.

 

Find a quiet time / place. Using stream of consciousness right down every good thing about yourself, from the trivial -- make good scrambled eggs to the profound: am a good loyal friend. Write, & write & write. For at least one half hour. Put your list away. The next day ask your parents & your BFF about your best qualities. Write down their answers. Put your list away. About a week later pull out the combined list & re-read it. Put it away. Pair it down to the top 1/2 answers. Put it away for another week. Then re-read it. Pair it down to the top 10. Type that up. Tape it to your bathroom or bedroom mirror & read it every morning when you wake up & every night before you go to bed.

[stillafool]

You are not petite (which is short) you are of average height, athletic figure with a baby face. To me that sounds very attractive for your age. You will look younger longer than your peers if you take care of yourself. You are probably a late bloomer and will be a knock out in a few years.

[smackie9]

This is something that bothers me sometimes. I'm 20 years old and I don't feel "attractive, sexy, wanted, desirable" because of my looks. I've heard from numerous people online that most young woman have so many dating options, attention from the opposite sex, and offers because of their youth. I'm in my "youth" but I don't feel attractive as a young woman because I look far too young.

 

Outside of college, I'm always perceived to be from age 15-17. Its so bizarre because I haven't really changed from my facial features and face fullness. The only thing feature that has matured is my height (5'6). Guys my age NEVER look or notice me but for some odd reason, I attract much older men(40-50 ages). Some of my peers at school have told me I have a nice, athletic figure but I'm so slim and petite. I automatically assume most guys prefer more curvier, full figured shapes.

 

I have the opposite body type and I hate it. Couple that with the baby face, I look a mess. There's one guy that apparently liked me in the past, but I still felt like his feelings towards me weren't genuine. He was my first kiss, and the first guy I sort of got intimate with and all the compliments about me being "hot" and "sexy" never felt real. Are there any other woman who feels this similar way like I do? Like you're perceived as cute but never sexy?

Just taking a guess here: This is not too much about your looks, but possibly more about your confidence level/how you carry yourself. Some older guys tend to be interested in more feminine/vulnerable/submissive vibe, while the younger dudes seem to notice girls that are more openly flirty/vivacious/out going.

 

 

Guys are not knuckle draggers, interested in big boobs and junk in the trunk....what attracts them is a little more sophisticated than you think.

[Daniel95]

I'm 22 male and can tell you that if you're shy, most men will ignore you. If you are good looking as you say, some will try to approach you.

 

Confidence is a skill you need to learn. Do you want a secret? If a peer invites you to a date, know that he already finds you pretty.

[smackie9]

It's possible the young guys don't have the nut sack to ask you out, while more mature men have np due to experience.

[PrettyLittleNeighbor]

Just taking a guess here: This is not too much about your looks, but possibly more about your confidence level/how you carry yourself. Some older guys tend to be interested in more feminine/vulnerable/submissive vibe, while the younger dudes seem to notice girls that are more openly flirty/vivacious/out going.

 

 

Guys are not knuckle draggers, interested in big boobs and junk in the trunk....what attracts them is a little more sophisticated than you think.

You know, after analyzing all the encounters I've had with older men versus guys my age, I can actually agree with this. Some older men have always mentioned liking my kindness and shyness but then the last guy I liked would always say how I'm scared, shy, too closed off, and how I don't come out of my comfort zone. Before we met, him and some of his friends would say I looked like "unapproachable", and seeming like I didn't want to be bothered. I'm just quiet and shy until I actually speak to someone. When I was out with my friends last week, I noticed a cute guy staring & smiling at my face but I just looked away out of nervousness. He must've thought I was stupid afterwards. Edited October 24, 2018 by PrettyLittleNeighbor

[d0nnivain]

When I was out with my friends last week, I noticed a cute guy staring & smiling at my face but I just looked away out of nervousness. He must've thought I was stupid afterwards.

 

He didn't think you were stupid. His own insecurities were triggered & he concluded you did not like him. People are self centered. They think everything is about them.

Edited October 25, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[smackie9]

You want to be more approachable...SMILE!

[alphamale]

well PLN, have you used makeup to make yourself look older? what about the clothes you wear? there are many ways to look older

[PrettyLittleNeighbor]

You want to be more approachable...SMILE!

 

I generally only smile when with friends. Never when I'm alone. As a matter of fact, that's sometimes when I notice guys looking or smiling. My friends say my whole demeanor is more fresh, and energetic when I'm with them, which attracts guys for some reason. They could just be sugarcoating but oh well.

[PrettyLittleNeighbor]

well PLN, have you used makeup to make yourself look older? what about the clothes you wear? there are many ways to look older

 

For school, I dress in fitted jeans, cami's with hoodies, fitted tops, basically the whole of Forever 21. Its just more affordable, convenient, and my personal taste. Most of my friends dress the same but they look more "hot" and mature without even trying. I look more like the "girl next door", and I hate. I don't wear makeup because my skin is very sensitive, so I just use moisturizer/sunscreen, & eyebrow/eyelash gel. My lips are very full and rosy so I just use vaseline.

[alphamale]

For school, I dress in fitted jeans, cami's with hoodies, fitted tops, basically the whole of Forever 21. Its just more affordable, convenient, and my personal taste. Most of my friends dress the same but they look more "hot" and mature without even trying. I look more like the "girl next door", and I hate. I don't wear makeup because my skin is very sensitive, so I just use moisturizer/sunscreen, & eyebrow/eyelash gel. My lips are very full and rosy so I just use vaseline.

 

I can assist no further, I think a female would give you the best advice in this area

[Ruby Slippers]

Due to a verbally abusive dad who was highly critical of me and all his kids, due to his own poor self-esteem, for so long I focused intensely on my flaws and was convinced I just wasn't pretty enough to find the right man.

 

Now that I've gotten through all that, finally, at age 42, I can see how misguided I was. Now that I'm fully embracing myself and have a new, unshakable confidence, my light is on bright and I'm being adored by handsome, desirable men of all ages, left, right, and center.

 

My new suitor, who has a history of dating models, told me last night over dinner that I'm a lot more beautiful than I give myself credit for. For the rest of the night, men were staring at me from every direction - him most of all I went to refill our drinks in the pool hall later on, and this very good-looking man sitting there at the bar just stared into my eyes with a smoldering intensity, never looking away. I smiled and demurely looked away to what I was doing, but he was obviously transfixed.

 

No matter what you look like, if you embrace what you have and work it, you'll find men out there who love it and would love nothing more than to adore you and appreciate you.

 

The key is loving yourself and being confident. This can take time to develop, I know very well. A good first step is to stop saying negative things about yourself, in your mind and out loud.

 

Learn from me. Don't waste time doubting and questioning yourself. To many men, and definitely to the right man for you, you're a gorgeous sex bomb of the highest order! Know that, own it, and work it

 

If you need help with this at any time, feel free to send me a private message.

[dream of me]

You know what.. Appearances matter, but only as much as you let them. You will find your love.

 

I'm 30, and start to get wrinkles, got fat that is hard to melt away, was never pretty, I'm useless with makeup and hairstyles (and awful hair quality!) and dress plainly because my body type doesn't do justice the trendy clothes. To be honest, I don't get that many looks in the street from men. Sometimes I do, but I'm certainly not a vixen.

 

What happens with me is, men usually get attracted to me after a while. Most of them have mentioned my smile and warm personality (their words, not mine). I'm not beautiful, but I am with someone who is really handsome and successful. You need to see how women look at him.. I never thought women could give such sleazy looks! And then they look at me puzzled because I'm not good looking. But you see, he's with me. Because he wants to. Because he thinks I'm beautiful. He says it, and I can see it in the way he treats me. He makes so many romantic gestures and wants a future with me. Had I thought that being pretty is really important I would have never thought this person would want to be with me.

[No_Go]

Nothing petite about woman 5'6 - you are on the higher end of average. If you're too thin - no worries, your body will fill up with aging anyway.

 

Face: use make up, really it helps. After I got into make up, I finally start looking like a woman not tomboyish girl. It is easy, it's fun, and it will make you stand out (in a good way if you do it right).

 

Body: get feminine. Forget about clothes fit for teenagers. Heels always help, even if it is 2 inch only. Whatever you wear, accentuate your waist. Even if you're skinny, you can mimic hourglass shape with the right clothes.

 

This is something that bothers me sometimes. I'm 20 years old and I don't feel "attractive, sexy, wanted, desirable" because of my looks. I've heard from numerous people online that most young woman have so many dating options, attention from the opposite sex, and offers because of their youth. I'm in my "youth" but I don't feel attractive as a young woman because I look far too young.

 

Outside of college, I'm always perceived to be from age 15-17. Its so bizarre because I haven't really changed from my facial features and face fullness. The only thing feature that has matured is my height (5'6). Guys my age NEVER look or notice me but for some odd reason, I attract much older men(40-50 ages). Some of my peers at school have told me I have a nice, athletic figure but I'm so slim and petite. I automatically assume most guys prefer more curvier, full figured shapes.

 

I have the opposite body type and I hate it. Couple that with the baby face, I look a mess. There's one guy that apparently liked me in the past, but I still felt like his feelings towards me weren't genuine. He was my first kiss, and the first guy I sort of got intimate with and all the compliments about me being "hot" and "sexy" never felt real. Are there any other woman who feels this similar way like I do? Like you're perceived as cute but never sexy?

[sabaton]

This is something that bothers me sometimes. I'm 20 years old and I don't feel "attractive, sexy, wanted, desirable" because of my looks. I've heard from numerous people online that most young woman have so many dating options, attention from the opposite sex, and offers because of their youth. I'm in my "youth" but I don't feel attractive as a young woman because I look far too young.

Back in college, it wasn't uncommon for me to meet girls who were very attractive.. and who were still single. I would occasionaly glance at them, and I'd notice that guys weren't approaching them.

 

 

 

Guys - especially young guys - are often intimidated by very attractive young women, and as such they prefer to just chill and not approach because they feel they are bothering the girl if they do approach.

 

 

Outside of college, I'm always perceived to be from age 15-17. Its so bizarre because I haven't really changed from my facial features and face fullness.

I dated a 23 year old woman once who complained to me how she went with her father to buy school books for her 15 year old brother, and the lady at the counter believed the books were for her. That's good!

 

It means by the time she's 30 people will think she's younger, like people will assume you to be a lot younger than your real age when you reach your 30s.

 

 

 

The only thing feature that has matured is my height (5'6). Guys my age NEVER look or notice me but for some odd reason

They notice you, and they are attracted to you. They're not approaching you because they feel they got no chance. I used to do the same. I would from time to time give them the once-over(I'd check them out) and then I'd go about my day, and I still pretty much do the same to this day.

 

 

 

, I attract much older men(40-50 ages).

Yeah, there's a lot of creeps that don't mind making a fool of themselves.

 

 

 

Some of my peers at school have told me I have a nice, athletic figure but I'm so slim and petite. I automatically assume most guys prefer more curvier, full figured shapes.

With your body type - most men are going to find you to be very attractive, and although there's a fad right now of guys going crazy for the Kim Kardashian body type, there's still lots of young men who like slim-looking model-types.

 

 

I have the opposite body type and I hate it.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that. There's nothing wrong with your body type, and you are still very young. I dated a 19 year old girl who was as slim as a willow tree, and as the years went by and she turned 24, her hips went wide, her stomach stayed flat, she developed curves, and she became ''thiccc''.

 

 

 

 

Couple that with the baby face, I look a mess.

You don't, believe me.

 

 

 

 

 

There's one guy that apparently liked me in the past, but I still felt like his feelings towards me weren't genuine. He was my first kiss, and the first guy I sort of got intimate with and all the compliments about me being "hot" and "sexy" never felt real. Are there any other woman who feels this similar way like I do? Like you're perceived as cute but never sexy?

There are millions of women who are conventionally very attractive but they still feel that they are nothing special, that they're average, and that they need to look like instagram models for them to be attractive, and for guys to want them and love them, and that's genuinely sad.

 

 

In any case. If you are attracted to a guy in specific, you should approach him and say hello.

Edited October 26, 2018 by sabaton

[PrettyLittleNeighbor]

You know what.. Appearances matter, but only as much as you let them. You will find your love.

 

I'm 30, and start to get wrinkles, got fat that is hard to melt away, was never pretty, I'm useless with makeup and hairstyles (and awful hair quality!) and dress plainly because my body type doesn't do justice the trendy clothes. To be honest, I don't get that many looks in the street from men. Sometimes I do, but I'm certainly not a vixen.

 

What happens with me is, men usually get attracted to me after a while. Most of them have mentioned my smile and warm personality (their words, not mine). I'm not beautiful, but I am with someone who is really handsome and successful. You need to see how women look at him.. I never thought women could give such sleazy looks! And then they look at me puzzled because I'm not good looking. But you see, he's with me. Because he wants to. Because he thinks I'm beautiful. He says it, and I can see it in the way he treats me. He makes so many romantic gestures and wants a future with me. Had I thought that being pretty is really important I would have never thought this person would want to be with me.

I wish I can hug you from your response!!! You sound like a sweetheart and beautiful soul and I know this because I feel just like you when it comes to feeling beautiful and not feeling dersirable. Our personalities makes guys more attracted to us. My crush from last year mentioned the same thing. When we initially met, I would've NEVER thought he would find me attractive because he's extremely hot and I'm just yuck!( Not exaggerating)

 

After spending a few weeks with me, he opened up to me and started mentioning how he's always wanted to cuddle with me and kiss me because of my sweet, warm personality. He mentioned this after getting to know me. My "girl next door" look most definitely didn't attract him initially. Were not together anymore (Long & depressing story)

 

I'm ashamed to admit this but I find a lot of guys in their late 20s and early 30s to be very physically attractive but I know most of them don't notice me because of how young I look, and not to mention shy/awkward.

[PrettyLittleNeighbor]

Nothing petite about woman 5'6 - you are on the higher end of average. If you're too thin - no worries, your body will fill up with aging anyway.

 

Face: use make up, really it helps. After I got into make up, I finally start looking like a woman not tomboyish girl. It is easy, it's fun, and it will make you stand out (in a good way if you do it right).

 

Body: get feminine. Forget about clothes fit for teenagers. Heels always help, even if it is 2 inch only. Whatever you wear, accentuate your waist. Even if you're skinny, you can mimic hourglass shape with the right clothes.

Thanks girl!

 

I'm still trying to start with makeup but my facial skin is very sensitive so I'll just stick to my eyebrows, eyelashes. I mostly wear high-waisted jeans which accentuate my legs, waist, while pairing them with fitted tops to accentuate my neck and collarbone as well. I'm so done with wearing baggy hoodies. They just cover my whole body up.

[No_Go]

Thanks girl!

 

I'm still trying to start with makeup but my facial skin is very sensitive so I'll just stick to my eyebrows, eyelashes. I mostly wear high-waisted jeans which accentuate my legs, waist, while pairing them with fitted tops to accentuate my neck and collarbone as well. I'm so done with wearing baggy hoodies. They just cover my whole body up.

 

Sounds good, I bet you look nice.

 

If your skin is good no need to cover, eyelashes&eyebrows is a great start, maybe add lip product (even if it’s just tinted balm)?

 

What is your hairstyle?

[Lotsgoingon]

When I was out with my friends last week, I noticed a cute guy staring & smiling at my face but I just looked away out of nervousness. He must've thought I was stupid afterwards.

 

Ditto d0nnivain on this one.

 

Everybody your age is nervous ... You think you're the only person who looks away ... That guy is probably somewhere on this very board posting that he looked at this cute girl and she didn't seem interested and he's wondering what's wrong with him.

 

Actually responding to someone looking at you ... can take practice. Yes, in most non-dating situations, someone looking at you is odd ... But in a social situation, someone looking at you is saying, "Hey, you look nice. I'm interested in you."

 

It takes some practice to just smile back and then often a guy will approach you just based on a smile.

 

Chill ... you'll develop this skill. Like any other, takes practice ... and takes patience ... Even if you're scared and you think you have waited too long, a look at a guy whose eyes you meet ... and a smile to him ... will draw him to you.

[dream of me]

I wish I can hug you from your response!!! You sound like a sweetheart and beautiful soul and I know this because I feel just like you when it comes to feeling beautiful and not feeling dersirable. Our personalities makes guys more attracted to us. My crush from last year mentioned the same thing. When we initially met, I would've NEVER thought he would find me attractive because he's extremely hot and I'm just yuck!( Not exaggerating)

 

After spending a few weeks with me, he opened up to me and started mentioning how he's always wanted to cuddle with me and kiss me because of my sweet, warm personality. He mentioned this after getting to know me. My "girl next door" look most definitely didn't attract him initially. Were not together anymore (Long & depressing story)

 

I'm ashamed to admit this but I find a lot of guys in their late 20s and early 30s to be very physically attractive but I know most of them don't notice me because of how young I look, and not to mention shy/awkward.

 

Aw see? There you go! It's silly to assume what others think because of what we think. I bet you look lovely and you'll realize it 10 years down the line, when you see current pictures of you. Don't do anything for your appearance if it isn't something you wanna do to make yourself happy. You ARE fresh and young and you don't need to try to look more mature. Hell, I'm 30 and only wore blush, mascara and flats on my first date with my boyfriend.

 

My advice to you, if you need any because I think you're fine, is nurture your personality and character as much as you can. When I was 20 I also felt really shy and awkward. I'm still a bit shy and awkward at times. But I have also let go of my fear of vulnerability a bit and let my thoughts out and being bold from time to time (and surprise myself in the process!). It takes a while to happen, but it's worth trying.

 

Finally, to be honest I prefer quality attention by few people, lots of men staring at me would make me a bit uncomfortable.

[sabaton]

Body: get feminine. Forget about clothes fit for teenagers. Heels always help, even if it is 2 inch only. Whatever you wear, accentuate your waist. Even if you're skinny, you can mimic hourglass shape with the right clothes.

But at 5'6'' if she puts heels on, even if those heels are only 2 inches she'll become 5'8'' and then the guys will only be 2 inches taller than her. How will she feel feminine when usually men and women are 6 inches apart in height?

 

 

and I know this because I feel just like you when it comes to feeling beautiful and not feeling dersirable.

 

 

You don't need men to be interested in you for you to feel beautiful. Even if there weren't men around to see that you are very attractive you would still remain as you are.

 

 

when it comes to feeling beautiful and not feeling dersirable. Our personalities makes guys more attracted to us. My crush from last year mentioned the same thing. When we initially met, I would've NEVER thought he would find me attractive because he's extremely hot and I'm just yuck!( Not exaggerating)

 

 

There you go. If you have extremely hot guys interested in dating you and not just interested in sleeping with you - you are as attractive as they are.

 

 

After spending a few weeks with me, he opened up to me and started mentioning how he's always wanted to cuddle with me and kiss me because of my sweet, warm personality. He mentioned this after getting to know me. My "girl next door" look most definitely didn't attract him initially. Were not together anymore (Long & depressing story)

 

 

 

 

No, he wants to sleep with you because you are hot. If you were obese you could have a personality more sweet that Mr Rogers and he would never want to touch you.

 

 

 

 

I'm ashamed to admit this but I find a lot of guys in their late 20s and early 30s to be very physically attractive but I know most of them don't notice me because of how young I look, and not to mention shy/awkward.

 

 

The fact that you look young isn't the reason why you aren't getting approached by guys who are much older than you. I knew a girl in college who looked like she was 15 at 22 and she was dating a 35 year old guy.

 

 

The reason why much older guys don't approach you is because they don't want to feel like they're stealing the craddle. Your age alone keeps a lot of men away from you. But, like I said before if you see a guy you are very attracted to - approach him. Go up to him and say hello. He'll appreciate it.

Edited October 27, 2018 by sabaton