Having a bitter/negative attitude just makes things worse

[EthanBlack]

Forgive the obviousness of this post as I'm sure you guys have heard it many, many times. It's one of the oldest rules in the book. I guess it's just that recent events in my life have really slammed home this fact.

 

Being bitter/angry and negative about your dating situation is unattractive in itself. It doesn't even matter if these feelings are justified. Cause usually they are. Let's face it. It's hard when you put so much work into bettering yourself and getting out there and trying again only to be shot down by women who don't even notice all the effort you've put into self-improvement. It's even harder to see these women go out with guys who seem lesser than you. I don't have an explanation for this because dating in itself is very illogical. There's elements of luck involved as well as things you just can't control. The world is a very unfair place.

 

But that anger and bitterness is an unattractive trait and women hate it. It doesn't mean that if you become happier and have a more positive mindset, she's all of a sudden gonna like you. But being bitter/negative and hateful is for sure gonna turn her off. Even tall, handsome guys would be rejected if they acted this way. It's just that for people who are more aesthetically blessed, they probably naturally have a more positive mindset due to their experiences.

 

So for us average looking guys who time and time again seem to always get teh short end of the stick in dating and always watching other guys win, it really comes down to owning it. You can't control other people. You can only control yourself. You've got to create a better mindset for yourself no matter what your situation.

 

I was a 3rd party observer to this kinda behavior. I saw a guy and a girl talking. The girl actually had a crush on him. He's a very talented, good looking guy but he's currently down in his life for various reasons. The conversation was going well and he was charming and stuff but then he took on a bit of a dark turn and he started going down the paths of self-pity and negativity. And I literally SAW her interest in him drop. Like literally.

 

After watching this, I became aware of my own tendency to be negative amongst others. And it's not pretty. You can do this type of thing with your close friends and family and with your SO once you're in a serious relationship but when it comes to meeting girls and getting to know them, you gotta put your best foot forward.

 

I don't have the solution for myself in how I can find a girlfriend but at least I know what NOT to do now. It doesn't mean it's gonna help my situation but at least it's one less damaging aspect out of the way.

[Garcon1986]

The solution is right here on this forum old chap, you just have to ask yourself if you have the willpower to do it.

[basil67]

I would say that one shouldn't be negative with their SO after a relationship is established. If one starts out as upbeat, they need to continue as upbeat. Tricking people to think they are getting something they aren't isn't conducive to a good relationship.

[shydad]

I was a 3rd party observer to this kinda behavior. I saw a guy and a girl talking. The girl actually had a crush on him. He's a very talented, good looking guy but he's currently down in his life for various reasons. The conversation was going well and he was charming and stuff but then he took on a bit of a dark turn and he started going down the paths of self-pity and negativity. And I literally SAW her interest in him drop. Like literally.

WOW. This was an extraordinarily valuable event to witness. I assumed a good attitude is a critical element of being an attractive person, but what you described is perfect validation. That's awesome that you shared this. Thank you!

[Chilli]

Of course , your woman needs your strength and she loves it , just as we love her positive fick it all and chuckle fight on edge edge when things are taking a dive .

And the bitter and angry stuff , you don't like it in a woman right , nothin worse than a bitter angry woman, same reverse .

Life deals out it's bs to most of us , mostly those that are human cop some shyt or another, you'd proably be surprised at what goes down and to who .

But unless your an extremely good looking artist or something , any bitter angry brooding shyt is just gonna bring most girls down and heading for the nearest exit, as the same it would do to you if she is too much that way..

Edited October 16, 2018 by Chilli

[sabaton]

Being bitter/angry and negative about your dating situation is unattractive in itself.

Yes, there's nothing that turns off a woman faster than being in the presence of a man who is bitter and angry.

 

 

 

It doesn't even matter if these feelings are justified.

Hardly.

 

 

Complaining and being bitter than an 8/10, a woman who is more beautiful and more fit than most women alive not just in North America, but everywhere in the world, not being interested in sleeping with an average man is not at the top of the legit reasons I have for a man to be angry or bitter about.

 

 

Being born in a third world Country and being forced to live in favelas all of your life because of social injustices is a little bit more of a reason to be bitter, than not being able of dating a fashion model could ever be.

 

But that's just my impression.

 

Let's face it. It's hard when you put so much work into bettering yourself and getting out there and trying again only to be shot down by women who don't even notice all the effort you've put into self-improvement.

oh, women do notice the guy's improvements, but just like I could spend years and years practicing basketball, I would still not be able of competing in the NBA because that's the world's premiere basketball championship, you know?

 

It's even harder to see these women go out with guys who seem lesser than you.

No, it's not. if I see a girl who looks like a young Angelina Jolie going out with a young Brad Pitt, I'm not going to grow angry over that. That's how it usually is.

 

Average people with average people, gorgeous people with gorgeous people, becoming enraged and more bitter than Greek vinegar over something as natural as this seems counter-productive and only damages the guy further more, killing off his chances of finding a good relationship, because of all the emotional baggage he's carrying within him.

 

I'm confused at how you believe these men to be lesser than you? What makes them lesser than you? What makes you better than them? You have more money?

 

 

Yes, and? How does you having money qualify you to date these women when they aren't looking for a guy with money, but someone they are sexually attracted to, because unlike what many men from conservative cultures have been told, money does not make a woman sexually aroused, guys who have a sense of humor, men who are chill, entertaining and pleasant to talk to?

 

 

I don't have an explanation for this because dating in itself is very illogical.

No, it's very logical.

 

Women and men are attracted to each other for a myriad of reasons, which include physical traits, emotional traits, psychological traits, behaviors, types of personalities(introverts/extoverts) and hobbies, and sometimes it's about being in the right place at the right time, with the right circumstances helping you out.

 

There's elements of luck involved as well as things you just can't control. The world is a very unfair place.

Even if you are unlucky, if you put yourself out there and approach women, there will be women who will be attracted to you. Maybe not women who could star in an Hollywood romance movie as the leading actress, but hey, the world is an ahem, a very unfair place because of this eh?

 

But that anger and bitterness is an unattractive trait and women hate it. It doesn't mean that if you become happier and have a more positive mindset, she's all of a sudden gonna like you. But being bitter/negative and hateful is for sure gonna turn her off. Even tall, handsome guys would be rejected if they acted this way. It's just that for people who are more aesthetically blessed, they probably naturally have a more positive mindset due to their experiences.

I have friends of mine who are fashion male models.

 

They get rejected just as often as average men do, because you know, it's not like women see a beautiful man and suddenly they become enthralled by him and put a ring on his finger and have porn sex with him 7 times a day 7 days a week, and all that.

 

They go through periods of drypsells.

 

They have bad relationships just like every other guy has. They get cheated on and dumped, as well. That's life. Beauty doesn't guarantee you an easy, blessed life, man, it just makes people stare at you more often.

 

So for us average looking guys who time and time again seem to always get teh short end of the stick in dating and always watching other guys win, it really comes down to owning it.

Average guys don't get the short end of the stick in dating. Below average men do, now those guys have it bad. An average men who isn't aiming for the stars won't have that much of a problem finding a girl who is attracted to him, and who wants a relationship with him.

 

Yeah, maybe you should stop looking at other guys and begin to worry about your own dating life.

 

Henry Cavill literally portrays the roles of gods, he's one of the world's, Mankind's most attractive men to live, and still I've had girlfriends and hook-ups with women I was attracted to despite me being a toad compared to Super Man.

 

Women aren't expecting a rich, incredibly fit and uber handsome dude to come their way, dude, they're out there having happy, fulfilled relationships with all sorts of men. Stop staring at your bank account and go out there and talk to girls.

 

I don't have the solution for myself in how I can find a girlfriend

Lower your standards. Find yourself a girl in your league who is into you as much as you are into her, and have fun. Edited October 16, 2018 by sabaton

[EthanBlack]

 

oh, women do notice the guy's improvements, but just like I could spend years and years practicing basketball, I would still not be able of competing in the NBA because that's the world's premiere basketball championship, you know?

 

 

Why are you assuming I'm gunning for a girl with hot model looks? There are plenty of girls I find attractive who would never belong on the cover of a magazine.

 

 

I'm confused at how you believe these men to be lesser than you? What makes them lesser than you? What makes you better than them? You have more money?

 

 

It's not the money. For me, money is just a by-product of my ambition. Money is just a utility so that I can live my life and do the things I want. Anyone who purely chases money isn't gonna get it. People get paid well cause they do good, valuable work. At least that's from my experience. I'm ambitious, hardworking, well-read and I deal with people well.

 

And that being said, I would never date a girl who only likes me cause she sees that I can be a bank for her.

 

Also, FYI, I've got a lot going on for me outside of work. I found that I had a lot of trouble meeting women due to my lack of hobbies/activities outside of the workplace. So I embarked on a journey of exploring my passions.

 

I dance ballroom and I go to dance competitions. I also play guitar and bass in an amateur band and we do shows once in a while in pubs. I've always had an artistic streak, particularly with music, before my career got in the way and now with my career well-established, I wanted to refocus on those areas of interest. I am not in them to meet girls. I am in them because I love doing it.

 

Now, with the above, I think I'm a more attractive boyfriend prospect than a guy who is tall, white and handsome but can't even hold down a job and dates multiple women at the same time and dumps them after he gets bored of the sex.

 

 

Average guys don't get the short end of the stick in dating. Below average men do, now those guys have it bad. An average men who isn't aiming for the stars won't have that much of a problem finding a girl who is attracted to him, and who wants a relationship with him.

 

 

Again with this assumption that I'm aiming for the stars. I don't know where this comes from.

 

Yeah, maybe you should stop looking at other guys and begin to worry about your own dating life.

 

 

Hard to do that when I feel like I'm doing all the right things in my life and nothing happens and it happens so easily for other guys around me.

 

 

Women aren't expecting a rich, incredibly fit and uber handsome dude to come their way, dude, they're out there having happy, fulfilled relationships with all sorts of men. Stop staring at your bank account and go out there and talk to girls.

 

 

No but they're looking for an overall package. For me, I'm not tall and good looking but I am ambitious, hardworking, well-read. I'm also in fit athletic shape due to my ballroom dancing. I also know a lot about music and the arts since I'm an amateur musician. But because I lack in the physical department, those women overlook me.

[d0nnivain]

When the bitterness, anger & negativity are prominent in your thoughts, they color everything in your life grey/black/dark/unhappy.

 

The trick is to change your perspective. To help me improve my thinking & make my world a little lighter & brighter my therapist had me create a daily list of things I am grateful for. Every morning when I wake up I think of 3 things & every night before I go to sleep, 3 more. They don't have to be profound but the need to be varied. Focusing even on the little things helps you realize there is goodness around you. In time some of that darkness goes away & you generally feel better about things.

[sabaton]

Why are you assuming I'm gunning for a girl with hot model looks? There are plenty of girls I find attractive who would never belong on the cover of a magazine.

What are you gunning for? Age, height, body weight, and body fat? Facial aesthetics?

 

 

Also, FYI, I've got a lot going on for me outside of work. I found that I had a lot of trouble meeting women due to my lack of hobbies/activities outside of the workplace. So I embarked on a journey of exploring my passions.

Yes, women do like men who have their social lives filled with interesting hobbies(to the guy) and who aren't spending every waking money chasing after money, as there's lots of women whose fathers were workaholics.

 

I dance ballroom and I go to dance competitions. I also play guitar and bass in an amateur band and we do shows once in a while in pubs. I've always had an artistic streak, particularly with music, before my career got in the way and now with my career well-established, I wanted to refocus on those areas of interest. I am not in them to meet girls. I am in them because I love doing it.

That's great. Women love musicians , so how about scheduling some concerts for your band and then getting drinks with the women who show interest in you?

 

Now, with the above, I think I'm a more attractive boyfriend prospect than a guy who is tall, white and handsome but can't even hold down a job and dates multiple women at the same time and dumps them after he gets bored of the sex.

First of all, it's a waste of time to concern yourself with what other men are doing, what they aren't doing, and what they lack and don't lack. I went to college with a guy in my classroom who was 6'3'' 200lbs at 9% body fat and had a face like a young James Dean, and although he did get a different hot girlfriend every week, due to women's varied taste in men, the rest of us weren't mopping around being forced to live as monastic monks.

 

We dated pretty girls, we dated skinny pretty girls, we dated tall girls and short girls, and girls from every continent and culture, and we weren't tall, nor were we handsome, nor were we muscular, and we were poor as dirt. Many of us still are, but women forgive a lot when you can make them laugh, when they see you are a chill guy, and when other girls vet you as being safe to be around, alone.

 

Stop wasting your time worrying about what some male model dude is doing. There are legit guys right now that are having threesomes with hot women without paying for it and you see me getting all worked up about it? No. Why would I ? I ain't gonna die because of it, and life is good.

 

Again with this assumption that I'm aiming for the stars. I don't know where this comes from.

Might have something to do with you talking about how an 8/10 girl won't date a 5/10 with a lot going for him other than his lack of looks but that will date a 8/10 poor, broke men without a job or whatever, and that she will be crazy about him.

 

Hard to do that when I feel like I'm doing all the right things in my life and nothing happens and it happens so easily for other guys around me.

Dating is hard for everyone, man. Who cares that there's a handful of men on this earth who seem to get everything they want from life? Are you going to start a revolution to bring down every King and Queen? But it's so unfair that I was born to be a pleb and Prince William is going to inherit the throne of England!

 

 

No but they're looking for an overall package. For me, I'm not tall and good looking but I am ambitious, hardworking, well-read.

yeah, awesome, and I congratulate you on those accomplishments, but if you are complaining that handsome, tall, muscular white men are getting the women you want then that's because those women are in those men's leagues, as guys will often lower their standards for a quick, easy lay, but for a relationship?

 

Nah, brah, those men are only going to date women they aren't going to be ashamed of introducing to their parents and family, and they want their family to be proud of them for bringing a girl home who is that beautiful.

 

 

I'm also in fit athletic shape due to my ballroom dancing. I also know a lot about music and the arts since I'm an amateur musician. But because I lack in the physical department, those women overlook me.

You are fit and atheletic. Seems like you are doing well in the physical department. What do you lack that makes you unable of getting the women that you want? Average height? Most men are average height? Short?

 

Sure, most women will always prefer a taller/tall men, but all things considered if you got a nice looking body, if you face is average, and if you get yourself an attractive personality - lots of women will be into you.

Edited October 16, 2018 by sabaton

[elaine567]

 

I was a 3rd party observer to this kinda behavior. I saw a guy and a girl talking. The girl actually had a crush on him. He's a very talented, good looking guy but he's currently down in his life for various reasons. The conversation was going well and he was charming and stuff but then he took on a bit of a dark turn and he started going down the paths of self-pity and negativity. And I literally SAW her interest in him drop. Like literally.

Why would that be surprising?

She is human, who wants to date someone negative and depressed?

She is not a therapist. She hardly knows him, it is not her job to save him, is it?

[sabaton]

Why would that be surprising?

She is human, who wants to date someone negative and depressed?

She is not a therapist. She hardly knows him, it is not her job to save him, is it?

 

 

True, true, many a time I've seen women rejecting model-handsome men who either lacked social skills, or who were depressed, and instead they went home with a guy who wasn't half as attractive as the Sean O'Pry fella, but he was cheerful, happy, and satisfied with his life. Women want to have a good time, OP. They want a guy who enriches their lives, not bring those lives into a pandemonium of negativity.

[Malin889]

Of course , your woman needs your strength and she loves it , just as we love her positive fick it all and chuckle fight on edge edge when things are taking a dive .

And the bitter and angry stuff , you don't like it in a woman right , nothin worse than a bitter angry woman, same reverse .

Life deals out it's bs to most of us , mostly those that are human cop some shyt or another, you'd proably be surprised at what goes down and to who .

But unless your an extremely good looking artist or something , any bitter angry brooding shyt is just gonna bring most girls down and heading for the nearest exit, as the same it would do to you if she is too much that way..

 

When you first meet someone, you don’t want to hear negative at all. It’s like on online dating, when someone is negative, unless they are being funny, it turns me off. No matter how good looking someone is, if they are negative, they become less good looking real fast.

[Malin889]

True, true, many a time I've seen women rejecting model-handsome men who either lacked social skills, or who were depressed, and instead they went home with a guy who wasn't half as attractive as the Sean O'Pry fella, but he was cheerful, happy, and satisfied with his life. Women want to have a good time, OP. They want a guy who enriches their lives, not bring those lives into a pandemonium of negativity.

 

Exactly! It’s ALL about personality!

[Mysterio]

When I go out there. If I meet a woman. I don't talk about my past. I don't share that. They know nothing.

 

For me. I just try to stay upbeat and don't push anything. I think for me. I am going to be single, until I meet a woman makes romantic move on me.

 

Just looking at my history. Thats the only thing that works for me.

Edited October 17, 2018 by Mysterio

[snowcones]

It sounds like you have a good insight into things. Good for you. If it were me, I would also add that someone, upon just meeting them, starts ranting about social or political issues is also unappealing. It's scary even and I turn the other way.

[elaine567]

If it were me, I would also add that someone, upon just meeting them, starts ranting about social or political issues is also unappealing. It's scary even and I turn the other way.

 

 

But that is your personal preference.

 

Dating is all about finding compatibility, someone who is into social and political issues may very much enjoy the "rant".

[snowcones]

But that is your personal preference.

 

Dating is all about finding compatibility, someone who is into social and political issues may very much enjoy the "rant".

 

 

I did say "If it were me". You're right, it is my personal preference and I'm glad they do it right out of the gate. Saves us both time.