nospam99 Posted October 4, 2018 Share Posted October 4, 2018 Typical (but not terribly frequent) situation, at least for me: I get two OLD contacts before I have a chance to meet either. I meet one and start dating her. It doesn't work out and I contact 'the other one' who I had not met in person 'some time' later - no interest any more - reasonable to surmise that at least in part she's pissed off that I didn't date her after the previous first contact. By contrast, when the shoe is on the other foot i.e. if one of my contacts followed up 'some time' later, I'd be open to meeting her. I'd be surprised if a lot of the rest of you haven't had similar experiences. But the questions ... How often have you folks been ignored or brushed off when you contacted (or dared to contact) someone who you had dropped without meeting them? How often has someone who dropped you without meeting you gotten back to you 'later'? Do these behaviors seem to vary by gender? Link to post Share on other sites
PRW Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 (edited) Typical (but not terribly frequent) situation, at least for me: I get two OLD contacts before I have a chance to meet either. I meet one and start dating her. It doesn't work out and I contact 'the other one' who I had not met in person 'some time' later - no interest any more - reasonable to surmise that at least in part she's pissed off that I didn't date her after the previous first contact. By contrast, when the shoe is on the other foot i.e. if one of my contacts followed up 'some time' later, I'd be open to meeting her. You clearly have no idea what is going on behind the scenes with OLD. Men rarely get offers and have to do most, nearly all, of the initiation. Women get hundreds of offers (along with "dic pics" and crude propositions). They have to go "down the list" to decide who they might meet. They can't meet them all. Even if you get a date with them, they may get another OLD offer as they get home and walk in the door from the date with you. The guy may seem hotter and more exciting than you and you will never see them again in spite of the perception that you felt you had a great date with them. So the one you are wondering about,...you delayed on contacting her. She probably got 50 more offers during that space of time. Edited October 10, 2018 by PRW 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 (edited) l did that and worse even deleted a couple when l was on it. If you dlete them on mine it shows on theirs, but later l reliked some or re'sent them something , they were fine , l remember them saying stuff like no worries they know what it's like and things like that. l'm living with one of them now actually. ps , poor thing l accidentally deleted her twice , couldn't work the site properly and messed up buttt, being the girl she is she forgave me my stuff up. Edited October 10, 2018 by Chilli Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I don't think it's a gender thing... Nobody wants to be second choice.. ever... and either gender can feel that way.. Good for them for showing the self esteem to not allow it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 Nobody wants to be second choice.. ever... Agreed - I don't want to be second choice. Or third ... But the reality is that someone (me) is not always going to be first choice. After all, almost all the women I see on OLD divorced their first choice. The other reality is VERY frequent complaints that the first choice was a jerk, failed to commit, etc, etc, the many reasons that the first choice didn't work out. Am I so out of step by having the attitude that I may not have been the first choice 'then', but I am the next first choice now and that's okay? Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Why would you assume that person is holding a grudge? I don't get it. How does the mind go there? Isn't it the more obvious and straightforward reason being that she lost interest? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 I don't think it's a gender thing... Nobody wants to be second choice.. ever... and either gender can feel that way.. Good for them for showing the self esteem to not allow it... ^^^this^^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 Isn't it the more obvious and straightforward reason being that she lost interest? Maybe true but ... Not obvious to me because it's not the way the little brain in my big head works. If I'm interested, I USUALLY stay interested. But I don't ACT on all interests if there are several active at a particular point in time i.e. only date one woman at a time and see 'where it goes' before 'moving on'. Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 Maybe true but ... Not obvious to me because it's not the way the little brain in my big head works. If I'm interested, I USUALLY stay interested. But I don't ACT on all interests if there are several active at a particular point in time i.e. only date one woman at a time and see 'where it goes' before 'moving on'. Women don't "stay interested" in men who appear to lose interest. They just move on to someone who is more interested. You missed your window, OP. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted October 10, 2018 Author Share Posted October 10, 2018 Women don't ''stay interested'' in men who appear to lose interest. They just move on to someone who is more interested. You missed your window, OP. That's a blanket generalization about all women. If true, it answers my question that women are 'more likely to hold a grudge'. FWIW, and I may not be a typical male, but I move on if a woman flakes, ghosts, or outright rejects me. However, I'd give a 'second chance' if a woman who had played the 'I'm seeing someone right now' card got back to me later on (hasn't happened and I don't expect it - just saying I see it as acceptable behavior). Link to post Share on other sites
hippychick3 Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 That's a blanket generalization about all women. If true, it answers my question that women are 'more likely to hold a grudge'. FWIW, and I may not be a typical male, but I move on if a woman flakes, ghosts, or outright rejects me. However, I'd give a 'second chance' if a woman who had played the 'I'm seeing someone right now' card got back to me later on (hasn't happened and I don't expect it - just saying I see it as acceptable behavior). Losing interest is NOT holding a grudge. We don’t care enough (at least I didn’t) to hold a grudge towards some stranger on a dating site. It’s nothing more than no interest and having other options. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted October 10, 2018 Share Posted October 10, 2018 l never really took it as a second choice thing you can pick that but l think you've gotta watch that stuff in those places and keep an open mind. Like for me , l didn't know how to work the site properly and it had a very tricky contact box, another time she said she'd just started talking to someone else, l thought that's fair enough it's gonna happen , l'd done the same thing myself. She got back to me later actually and apologized she just found it too confusing talking to more than one person which l found the same myself. l'd think the grudge thing is more about the person but l did notice some of the girls though were way over sensitive and paranoid. Maybe good reason , who know what they'd been through , don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
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