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We are going on a quest


mortensorchid

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Tonight I was talking to a guy friend of mine. He is married (happily), is a friend of the next door neighbor of the only former bf I stayed friends with. A few weeks ago he took me out on the lake on his boat and we had a good time (platonic). He sent me an IM asking if I wanted to go out on the boat this weekend because there are only a few good days left for summer / boating weather, I said sure. He said he is going to take me down into a certain part where we are going to get me a bf. I was kind of taken aback by this, now he's going on a certain quest.

 

I will update others as time goes on how THIS goes.

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He's going to find you a man on a lake? How?

 

Probably a dock bar... Some larger bodies of water have various docks with bars/clubs. You sail up, dock your boat, go in & have a few drinks, etc.

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Ok, I'm probably just really gun shy now, but all of this flashes red lights at me.

Don't hang out alone with a married man unless he's a blood relative and don't go on a "quest"with him to find a boyfriend. Do I really need to explain why (to either)?

 

I think you need to relax and stop thinking about finding a boyfriend for a half a second. It shouldn't be this much work or require such strategy.

 

I really do want you to find your soul mate, but I think maybe a break is in order. Kudos to you for persistence, I'm not telling you to give up. Just change focus for a bit to just enjoying life as a single person. When things are flowing well for you on your own it will put you in a much better place mentally and emotionally to connect with someone else.

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Did this man's wife go one the first outing with you? Is she going on this one?

 

This all sounds odd. Are you sure he's not going to pull into a cove and attempt a 'quest' with you?

 

Don't set your hopes too high; a cooler full of crappie or blue gill would be sweet tho. Beware of 160 - 180 pound catfish.

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Scarlett.O'hara

A married guy doesn't take a single woman out alone on a boat to find her a boyfriend. He has an ulterior motive to get you alone.

 

Pretend it some sort of "quest" if you like, but it's hardly subtle what is going on.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
All are correct. I canceled on him. This is not … Good.

 

Good for you! You made the right choice.

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Tonight I was talking to a guy friend of mine. He is married (happily), is a friend of the next door neighbor of the only former bf I stayed friends with. A few weeks ago he took me out on the lake on his boat and we had a good time (platonic). He sent me an IM asking if I wanted to go out on the boat this weekend because there are only a few good days left for summer / boating weather, I said sure. He said he is going to take me down into a certain part where we are going to get me a bf. I was kind of taken aback by this, now he's going on a certain quest.

 

I will update others as time goes on how THIS goes.

 

And yet several female posters had 'spider sense alarms' and you cancelled. As a 'gentleman' who has never been #metoo'ed, I don't get it. Are you ladies really that afraid of being alone with men? OP, you were on the boat with this guy a couple of weeks ago, say you had a good time, and initialily were up to go again. Were you alone with him on the previous boat trip? If it was me saying I was going to get a female friend a bf, it would be a 'matchmaking' situation with a man I trusted.

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And yet several female posters had 'spider sense alarms' and you cancelled. As a 'gentleman' who has never been #metoo'ed, I don't get it. Are you ladies really that afraid of being alone with men? OP, you were on the boat with this guy a couple of weeks ago, say you had a good time, and initialily were up to go again. Were you alone with him on the previous boat trip? If it was me saying I was going to get a female friend a bf, it would be a 'matchmaking' situation with a man I trusted.

 

It would help if OP provided more info, such as, did the man's wife go along? Was the wife even aware they went out? Does she know the wife and are they all friends? What does 'a good time (platonic)' consist of? To me, it would be hauling in fish with a man whose wife doesn't like to fish, with her consent. Bathing suits, wine, and sunning vs slimy bait, fish and beer. Which sounds sexier? We don't know what occurred.

 

If he had a particular man in mind to set her up with, that would be a different story. And if he did, both parties would know the itinerary. Instead, it looks like they're just trawling. WTF does that even mean? I've been boating, stopping at a couple of yacht clubs along the way. Everyone was either drunk, already hooked up, or both.

 

Without more details, I'm erring on the side of caution.

 

I'm sure you're a gentleman, and would stick to your offer as described. But this sounds fishy.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
And yet several female posters had 'spider sense alarms' and you cancelled. As a 'gentleman' who has never been #metoo'ed, I don't get it. Are you ladies really that afraid of being alone with men? OP, you were on the boat with this guy a couple of weeks ago, say you had a good time, and initialily were up to go again. Were you alone with him on the previous boat trip? If it was me saying I was going to get a female friend a bf, it would be a 'matchmaking' situation with a man I trusted.

 

He is married. So.....no.

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As a man, and someone who would never do anything that would make a girl feel uncomfortable myself, I would also suggest the OP not go on a "quest" like this with a married guy. The dude is married, he has no business going on a boat alone with a woman that is not his wife, period. Heck, if I had a boat, I would be using that as a way to get laid so it seems to me that this tactic is likely used by other men. I'm not suggesting the married guy would try anything illegal, but he might be trying to have an affair.

 

 

It might have worked if you'd let me catch my limit first. :mad:

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Scold coming ... Midwest and TFY, I know most of 'us' like to joke. But IMHO, morten is one of the regulars who seems to be VERY frustrationed about searching for a supportive, loving relationship. Her 'platonic' male friend with the boat may very well have been planning to 'use' her. But maybe not. (I've posted that if it was me, I'd have been 'playing matchmaker', but being serious about it). In any case she backed out of what may have been an opportunity. I'm saying that I don't think jokes at her expense are 'kind'.

 

On the other hand, joke about ME (not here, but in one of my threads) - I could use the laugh ;)

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Scold coming ... Midwest and TFY, I know most of 'us' like to joke. But IMHO, morten is one of the regulars who seems to be VERY frustrationed about searching for a supportive, loving relationship. Her 'platonic' male friend with the boat may very well have been planning to 'use' her. But maybe not. (I've posted that if it was me, I'd have been 'playing matchmaker', but being serious about it). In any case she backed out of what may have been an opportunity. I'm saying that I don't think jokes at her expense are 'kind'.

 

On the other hand, joke about ME (not here, but in one of my threads) - I could use the laugh ;)

 

 

Point taken. But OP is notorious for not acknowledging advice, and usually doesn't come back to threads to provide the added info that would help us help her. I'd actually love it if she came back and bantered with us, I believe it would help her social development.

 

What I posted wasn't disrespectful, I'm merely pointing out the possible extremes of the situation, since we can't magically KNOW the circumstances - they weren't given to us.

 

As for my comment to enigma, that's hardly poking fun at the OP. That's between me and him. It's called social interaction and humor, something some people could use more of.

 

So, do you have a boat? ;)

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And yet several female posters had 'spider sense alarms' and you cancelled. As a 'gentleman' who has never been #metoo'ed, I don't get it. Are you ladies really that afraid of being alone with men? OP, you were on the boat with this guy a couple of weeks ago, say you had a good time, and initialily were up to go again. Were you alone with him on the previous boat trip? If it was me saying I was going to get a female friend a bf, it would be a 'matchmaking' situation with a man I trusted.

 

Honestly, I've never had a man try to get me alone and not have sex with me, & that includes in various places. A lot of men view being alone with them as consent, and some don't take kindly to being told no.

 

If she had gone and something bad had happened, people would ask,"Why were you alone with a (married) man on a boat if you didn't want sex?"

 

He tried to get her on a boat. Left the wife at home. Tried to go on some quest. The only quest here was him trying to get in her knickers.

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But there is a difference.

 

You can tell when a male is being platonic or of he is asking for alone time with an ulterior motive. There is an implication that isnt mentioned outright but it's in between the lines. Both parties can usually understand what is being implied, that's why netflix and chill became a thing.

 

I've been in both situations. At the time guy friend had a gf and nothing ever happened when we were alone (yes and I mean late at night) because we are just friends and we would just talk while studying or something. Yes we would be in the library or classroom completely alone. Sometimes we would watch a movie or comedy skit in the classroom together. Yes alone and completely platonic.

 

And other times when I was talking with a male (single), when he asked me to come over i totally knew it was for less than platonic reasons. And less than platonic things were done.

Edited by HiCrunchy
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But there is a difference.

 

You can tell when a male is being platonic or of he is asking for alone time with an ulterior motive. There is an implication that isnt mentioned outright but it's in between the lines. Both parties can usually understand what is being implied, that's why netflix and chill became a thing.

 

I've been in both situations. At the time guy friend had a gf and nothing ever happened when we were alone (yes and I mean late at night) because we are just friends and we would just talk while studying or something. Yes we would be in the library or classroom completely alone. Sometimes we would watch a movie or comedy skit in the classroom together. Yes alone and completely platonic.

 

And other times when I was talking with a male (single), when he asked me to come over i totally knew it was for less than platonic reasons. And less than platonic things were done.

 

But why take that chance, especially on a boat?

 

It's almost as though we've learned nothing from Kobe Bryant and bill Cosby situations-Well, she was alone with him, so she obvi wanted it."

 

Also,not all situations are cut and dry. For example, I had a guy invite me to his workplace after hours to talk. He was really inviting me to have sex on table in his break room. I've also had guys one in my former place of work, try to show me something in the kitchen. He had planned to be sexual in a closet in a kitchen. Not everything is as obvious as come to me house so we can have sex. Even that isn't obvious to me as I'm perfectly fine being alone with a,man and just watching a movie, but that's another thread.

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No male friend of mine is hanging out with a single now that they are attached. If I was in that sitaution. I was with my GF/Wife. No way would I be taking a single woman out. Unless its 3 of my female friends with their SO.

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MortensOrchid: Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you went through with all this stuff that seems like a good idea at the time? Instead of coming here for advice?

 

The advice here has helped me out and in general I think it's pretty good, but you seem to have all these opportunities for *something* to happen (almost weekly) and then you seemingly come here, change course, and get more depressed.

 

What if you just did it? Yeah the result may be less than what you anticipated, but maybe it wouldn't?

 

Just throwing that out there for consideration. I'm rooting for you to find "it!"

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I think the idea that men and women can’t be platonic friends is bizarre.

 

Me too.

 

Us blokes or you girls don`t have some devious masterplan.

 

(Unless she`s a billionaire from the Bahamas, named Mindy)

 

(Her dad owned a bank, but let`s not dwell)

 

Have quite a few mates who are called Susie, Trace and `Sly Wendy from the bookies`

 

All good Pool and darts partners, should the need arise.

 

And all happy to babysit, the kids that is.

 

OP, less questioning and less assumption.

 

Good luck.

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