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One moah (sic) OLD complaint - this time for match.com


nospam99

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Looking for (more) sympathetic 'oh, poor baby' responses here ...

 

Perhaps this hurts more because I'm in a 'dry spell' and 'scraping the bottom of the barrel' i.e. I've messaged all the OLD women that have been around for months and now have to rely on 'fresh meat'. Got a Daily Match on match.com this morning - 100% Mutual Match and we hit all of each other's buttons. BUT geographically undesirable (70 miles away). I messaged her anyway, saying, among other things, how much it sucks that match.com often ignores distance preferences when generating the set of Daily Matches. She messaged back - pretty cool considering that my match.com response rate is way down to something like 25% (yeah, yeah - I know that some of you young guys WISH you got 25% but for ME it's way down). So we're exchanging friendly messages and may end up meeting some day for what would almost certainly be no more than a fun 'friend date'. On the one hand, it's 'nice' that there are women out there that may be interested in meeting. But it is frustrating as hell, that at least some of them are really 'too' far away (and I don't message them for that reason anyway).

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Let's flip this around in a positive manner.

 

What if you two did meet, just as friends? And you hit it off. And you decide that the glitch in match's system means it was meant to be?

 

You'd close the distance somehow if that were the case.

 

But I'll also give you what you're looking for: 'aw, you poor baby'. ;)

 

From an eight year OLDer with no luck there. Met my H on Facebook, of all places. :laugh:

 

Just keep plugging along. It's all you can do.

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What's that about, a 2 hr drive? Are either of you open to moving if things go well?

 

I could do that in an hour and change myself!

 

NoSpam - 70 miles isn’t so bad if you have a car. You have to be realistic in that the chances you will find everything you’re looking for within a 10 mile radius is unrealistic unless you are in a very large city.

 

I’ve yet to connect with a woman who was less than 30 miles away (in NYC - which is like 1.5 hrs in transit). My last gf of 7 years lived 160 miles away. That was 2.5 - 3 hrs each way (though my best was 2:05).

 

Sure, it would be nice but there comes a point when you have to increase your radius. I won’t do long distance (where I can’t see them on weekends unless I take a plane) but I’ve learbed what I want isn’t on every corner.

 

Oh and poor baby :p

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What's that about, a 2 hr drive? Are either of you open to moving if things go well?

 

85 minute drive - mostly through 'wide open spaces' and backwoods with almost no good places to meet in between. The one exception is a downhill ski resort but at this point I don't think she's a skier and that's only good for weekends in the winter anyway. We barely know each other - just a few OLD messages exchanged. But so far she's a sweetheart. The distance thing aside, I think there's a lot to be said for a 100% Mutual Match. I wouldn't be surprised if we end up having some 'friend dates'. The gotcha is that when I'm 'courting' I'd like to be able to go to dinner, dancing, or a movie at least once a week. Difficult to do with the distance.

 

I'm not open to moving and as little as I know her I have no reason to believe she is either.

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I could do that in an hour and change myself!

 

NoSpam - 70 miles isn’t so bad if you have a car. You have to be realistic in that the chances you will find everything you’re looking for within a 10 mile radius is unrealistic unless you are in a very large city.

 

I’ve yet to connect with a woman who was less than 30 miles away (in NYC - which is like 1.5 hrs in transit). My last gf of 7 years lived 160 miles away. That was 2.5 - 3 hrs each way (though my best was 2:05).

 

Sure, it would be nice but there comes a point when you have to increase your radius. I won’t do long distance (where I can’t see them on weekends unless I take a plane) but I’ve learbed what I want isn’t on every corner.

 

Oh and poor baby :p

 

I have a car. And convenient as it would be, I'm not expecting 10 miles. As I noted above, this woman is at 85 minutes but with pretty much nothing on the route. My 'practical' radius is 50 minutes. And I did go out as far as 65 minutes for a 'very special someone' who unfortunately didn't work out. But that was with a major city in between where we could easily do dinner, dancing, and movies. And thanks for the 'poor baby'. ;)

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Meet in the middle, poor baby.

 

LOL. We'd be parking our cars in the high grass by the side of the Taconic Parkway (upstate NuYawkers know) and making love in the forest among the deer, coydogs, and black bear. :p

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LOL. We'd be parking our cars in the high grass by the side of the Taconic Parkway (upstate NuYawkers know) and making love in the forest among the deer, coydogs, and black bear. :p

 

Not that's there's anything wrong with that! You scart (sic) of bears? :laugh:

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Sorry for commenting on your thread again :laugh:

 

It’s probably your age group. But from what I read in your threads, you appear to be someone who’s a little inflexible in your dating approach :p

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nos nos nos. mine was a 12 hour drive but eh, she's down in the kitchen making tea right now.

And you know all about , well we won't go there.

Get in the effg car poor baby.

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Ask yourself this question: will the time you spend wondering what might have happened if you hadn't passed up the opportunity to meet a seemingly good match, be greater than the time you'd spend driving to meet her? If so, logically you should just go meet her, since time spent wondering will not give you any answers! ;)

 

 

 

Think of it over the short term: you make the drive, that's a 3 hour round trip to meet this woman. If you like each other, then you can start to think about all the other logistical stuff (that you're already spending time thinking about). If it's not a good fit, then you don't have to wonder what could have been. Problem solved.

 

 

 

Seems to me like you really want an activity partner, which would be someone nearby. Totally understand that, and your hesitation to start something up with the 70-mile-away-woman.

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85 minute drive

 

I put a hard 60 minute travel rule.

 

First off you are older, if your car breaks down you are far from home. If its wide open spaces you'll probably be waiting a while for a tow truck. When winter comes in up state New York, you'll be fighting the snow & ice to keep a date or you'll be stuck out of town trying to get home after a date.

 

I did the "long distance" thing once (5 hour drive), but I wanted to sight-see her area, so I kind of had justification for the long drive. I was also younger then and my body could take the long drive a bit better, but still... when I arrived I was tired and worn out. She was a GREAT person and we got along great, but in the end the distance was too much and I ended it.

 

In my opinion... keep looking.

 

Best of luck.

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Given the distance, you could ask for a phone call or better a Skype video call with her first. That way you will have more of an idea of whether there is any potential and therefore whether it is worth an 85 minute drive to see her.

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The thing is, the OP lives in a “geographic undesirable” area himself, to use his term. I remember he mentioned that he’s about 1.5hrs from the big apple. I wonder why he wouldn’t focus on women in the NYC area, so there are plenty of things to see/do even if the dates don’t work out.

 

I put a hard 60 minute travel rule.

 

First off you are older, if your car breaks down you are far from home. If its wide open spaces you'll probably be waiting a while for a tow truck. When winter comes in up state New York, you'll be fighting the snow & ice to keep a date or you'll be stuck out of town trying to get home after a date.

 

I did the "long distance" thing once (5 hour drive), but I wanted to sight-see her area, so I kind of had justification for the long drive. I was also younger then and my body could take the long drive a bit better, but still... when I arrived I was tired and worn out. She was a GREAT person and we got along great, but in the end the distance was too much and I ended it.

 

In my opinion... keep looking.

 

Best of luck.

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I wonder why he wouldn’t focus on women in the NYC area, so there are plenty of things to see/do even if the dates don’t work out.

 

Great Idea "JuneL" NYC would be a great place to sight see... So much to do & see... The list is endless.

 

Moreover, I imagine there are many easy ways to get into "the city" via public transportation like trains, etc. This would reduce the wear & tear on OP, as he could relax on the train and leave the driving to the conductor!!

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CautiouslyOptimistic

NS, is moving an option for you, especially if you hit it off with a special lady? Or are you stuck where you are?

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NS, is moving an option for you, especially if you hit it off with a special lady? Or are you stuck where you are?

 

Moving is not an option, at least not for the foreseeable future. And, for the moment, communication with her has ceased (superficially legitimate personal reason which may or may not be an excuse). If 'we' 'get something started', the LDR that several other posters have suggested may happen - June, I'm not scart of bears but I don't want to be issued a citation by a ranger for scaring them either :p.

 

I certainly appreciate the 'helpful' suggestions several of you have made. It's rather nice that the LS crowd tries to be supportive, even while with tongue firmly planted in cheek. However, just to remind y'all, my intention in opening this thread was to point out a particular technical mechanic institutionalized by a particular OLD site that's annoying.

 

To elaborate further, this nice lady lives even further out 'in the boondocks' than I do. So match.com 'sending her to me' is entirely a distance issue. MOST of the 'geographically undesirable' matches I get are in the other direction - closer to NYC. The issue there is not only the distance but also competition from a rather large (HUGE) population of other men in some on the richest communities on the East Coast. match.com allows members to specify income 'preferences' as well as the more familiar height, body type, age, marital and family status, education, and religion. Many of the profiles of super-hot 60-something women I see specify that they are looking for men whose income is over $150,000. I'm not embarrassed to admit here on LS that 'It ain't me babe. It ain't me you're looking for.'

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It's a shame I got snatched up. I'm 56, would LOVE to live in the middle of nowhere, and I ain't scart of no bears! :p

 

Mea culpa, Midwest, since you rather than June started the 'scart of bears' joke. Sorry for any confusion, June.

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