Dodgersfan11 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 I think my friend is giving me horrible dating advice maybe on purpose. She told me that a guy will like me for "who I am." NOT TRUE. Nobody likes you for who you are! You have to change, geez, if you on 80 bad dates and nothing goes beyond the 5th date, then you might need an evaluation! I compare myself to other women and what they have and what they offer, I have to be more like them! Duh. Ever heard of a dating coach or those dating shows like the pick up artist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 In my experience I would distinguish between changing who you are as a person (highly unlikely) versus being willing to do tweaks here and there to keep a healthy relationship going (very good thing). What is the bad advice you are being given? And are you saying you have things that are turning off people? On the other hand if you are just venting I give you my proverbial full attention and say, yes, even though I'm a guy, I'm actually listening 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 I think my friend is giving me horrible dating advice maybe on purpose. She told me that a guy will like me for "who I am." NOT TRUE. Nobody likes you for who you are! You have to change, geez, if you on 80 bad dates and nothing goes beyond the 5th date, then you might need an evaluation! I compare myself to other women and what they have and what they offer, I have to be more like them! Duh. Ever heard of a dating coach or those dating shows like the pick up artist. Perhaps more important than that is to be happy with who you are. If you can stand in front of a mirror and be happy, does it really matter what others think? Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Why do you feel that you have to change? What are you going to change? Have you really had 80 bad dates? Why were they bad? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 You have to be yourself but you have to be the best version of yourself. If you love the Dodgers, vanilla ice cream & classic rock, you will be miserable trying to date somebody who thinks you are a lactose intolerant Padres fan who loves jazz. It's silly but watch the movie 27 Dresses. The main character has been secretly in love with her boss for years. Her sister meets the boss & lies saying she's an animal, child loving vegetarian when she's allergic, doesn't like kids & loves hamburgers. The sister dupes the boss into asking her to marry him but they break up when the main character reveals the truth at their engagement party. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LordVader Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 Some people hold back so much that whats on the outside must barely be like who they are inside. Others like me can be read like a book by a girl that knows anything. That will make me way too easy to manipulate. I'd be way too honest about some stuff. Sadly competition means there are winners and losers. Too many people want the same thing. But unless u want to deceive people, always be yourself overall. And you can change yourself in ways tho. IDK, I never dated yet. I'll bore most girls, and they would bore me I think. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 30, 2018 Share Posted August 30, 2018 You can't help but BE who you are. You can improve yourself mentally and physically, get more education or learn skills, work out, get plastic surgery, etc., but the fundamental traits that make you who you are, can't really change. Your basic personality and intellect are relatively fixed. You can fake being something else for awhile, but that's still fundamentally you - in other words, a lying fake! If you can identify why dates don't progress, and it's something you can honestly change about yourself, then work to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 I thought that until I started dating someone that actually loves all of my sides so far! My "cutesy" side used to be a turn off for my first ex and was so-so for my second ex. The guy I'm currently dating actually loves this side as part of the whole package! I am still being my best self as mentioned above (I don't let myself go), but I don't have to hide that personality trait anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 It makes all the difference if you're talking about you, or people in general, or me. I don't need to change. People do like me as I am. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 My wife loves me for who I am and I never put on a front for her so this is not true. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 What the advice means is that you shouldn't pretend that you're someone you're not. It's about staying true to your core beliefs, values and interests. That said, many of us have had a long hard look at ourselves and figured out which bits are good and which bits have room for improvement. For instance, I'm working on being a better listener. But improving a skill doesn't mean that I'm not being true to myself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 I agree with the other posters its about being the best you can be and willingness to want to be a better person..not because you suck...ok actually we all suck...its about decreasing the suckiness......and finding the beautiful.....to replace suck...with beautiful...ahem...im going now...good luck......deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 Well, you're right! If you keep striking out, the common denominator is you and time to take a time out and find out what it is and try to change it. You know, it could be you pick the wrong people and those wrong people are who you feel most comfortable with because of your upbringing or dysfunction in your own family when you were young. Could be a hygiene issue. Could be you don't dress well enough to be taken seriously. Could be you dress too masculine or too risque and give the wrong impression. Could be you're too outspoken and brash and inadvertently insult people because that's how you grew up but it's not how most people grow up. Could be you're too negative or too positive. Could be you have an attitude and have your defenses up, even on people you don't know yet enough to be like that with them. Ask for honest feedback from friends who will tell you your most major flaws. Say, is there something obvious that is putting people off? Please be honest. If you have a male friend, ask him too. Good luck. Maybe it will be something easy to fix with self-discipline or a nice shopping trip! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dodgersfan11 Posted August 31, 2018 Author Share Posted August 31, 2018 Could be that I'm not sexy enough. What do I have to do to lock a man down? Starve myself get fake boobs and be a social media junkie? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 Could be that I'm not sexy enough. What do I have to do to lock a man down? Starve myself get fake boobs and be a social media junkie? How would you describe yourself?? Rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10?? (Be honest) You've had 80 dates and not made it past the 5th date?? Or is this an exaggeration?? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 Could be that I'm not sexy enough. What do I have to do to lock a man down? Starve myself get fake boobs and be a social media junkie? That stuff doesn't make you sexy. Heck, half the women who do it go back for more and more surgery because they still feel rubbish about themselves. Sexy comes from inside. It's about knowing that you're desirable, it's a vibe we send out. It's not a blatant boob job for attention. Are you actually serious about this or ranting for the sake of it? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 Could be that I'm not sexy enough. What do I have to do to lock a man down? Starve myself get fake boobs and be a social media junkie? Cause you live in or near L.A.? Look you live in the fake plastic capital of the world where the superficial is valued over all else & everybody wants to be the next Kardashian. Change your hunting ground. Instead of the big clubs why not look for a guy at the next Dodgers' game you attend? I bet if you show up in your best Dodger's t-shirt, a nice pair of shorts & can discuss Clayton Kershaw's chances of making it to Cooperstown the right man will melt at your feet. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Garcon1986 Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 I invite anybody who is down on their luck in dating to watch a Maori haka and just get effing pumped about dating better and seeking out a better mate. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 Odd occurrence is becoming so invested in image that when one meets someone who is interested in and loves one for their natural self one has become so inured to image that their natural self is lost in the mirror. I saw a lot of that while married due to my wife working in the image industry. After, it's part of why I left CA. Too image driven. Lifestyle. Works for them though, just not my cuppa. Sounds like OP lives near one of the capitals of image industry. If not fully invested, it'll mess with one's mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Whodatdog Posted August 31, 2018 Share Posted August 31, 2018 You will never be sexy and attractive unless you feel good in your own skin. Have you ever seen women that you dont think are attractive, but have men flocking to them? I have. They have that internal sexiness that you can't put on the outside. Its people who accept themselves, love themselves, and know they have a great deal to offer others, and are worth it. It comes from the inside. Until you like yourself, you cant expect others to. Now as was said, the basics have to be followed, ie. hygiene, dress well, be naturally friendly, and confident in yourself. All that you can work on, and it doesnt mean changing yourself, just improving yourself. Who cares if youve met 80 guys that didnt work out. All that means was you met 80 guys. What if the 81st guy was to be the love of your life? Would it have made meeting those other 80 worth it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted September 3, 2018 Share Posted September 3, 2018 (edited) Cause you live in or near L.A.? Look you live in the fake plastic capital of the world where the superficial is valued over all else & everybody wants to be the next Kardashian. Change your hunting ground. Instead of the big clubs why not look for a guy at the next Dodgers' game you attend? I bet if you show up in your best Dodger's t-shirt, a nice pair of shorts & can discuss Clayton Kershaw's chances of making it to Cooperstown the right man will melt at your feet. Absolutely the bold part. I believe you will be your best at places you feel most comfortable and doing things you enjoy most, then you can be the best you. Going somewhere you don't feel comfortable or good about yourself wont ever bring out the best and give you the best chance of meeting someone. Edited September 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote Link to post Share on other sites
KatCha Posted September 8, 2018 Share Posted September 8, 2018 Honey, the truth is, there are A LOT of frogs out there. And very little princes. And that is the truth. Good luck. Keep on puckering up, one day, you will find the right one for you--and that is all that really matters, isn't it? Have faith, take heart, and just keep on loving yourself. He will appear some day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chilli Posted September 14, 2018 Share Posted September 14, 2018 Did l read 80 dates, holy moly . Who the hell do you date , "anyone" ??? Just for a start , your suppose to use your picker and be selective and have some kind of self worth and value about yourself,,, and some idea about the type of person you wanna be with. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted September 18, 2018 Share Posted September 18, 2018 (edited) Yes and no. Obviously we do not know you so it is impossible to answer. Are you male or female? Some singles, including me, need to offer girls a very enhanced version of themselves. A You that is polished, saleable, truths slightly exaggerated, honesty tweaked and so on. Not to be phony but not the unvarnished you either. Advice is not to admit things about you that are sure to be questioned and taken aback Avoid showing anger or sadness at first. Don't mention you don't like kids, hate dining out or sports, or enjoy nudism for example. If he says she likes hard rock, then you like hard rock. If he likes Chinese, then you like Chinese. It is easy to say, wait for the right person, but the best possible right person may never cross paths with you. I know this happens. If all fails, you can consider moving away. Edited September 18, 2018 by LuckyM Link to post Share on other sites
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