Really alone and desperetly need love

[JamesRock]

I have never had a healthy relationship with any girl. And I have become desperate, and feel really uneasy when I see almost anyone with someone and in love. I am almost in my 30s, and still a virgin.

 

I don't have that much money, or a place of my own, or a car, or any experience with girls, or friends who can help me, or much social experience. I feel like I don't deserve to live, and I constantly think about killing myself, and search for the most painless most effective ways to kill myself on the Internet. I feel like the world and love has turned its back on me.

 

What do you people suggest I should do?

 

I am very much worried about the age difference between me and my future children, or if I start a marriage, considering that I have never had any experience with women or girls, I would totally ruin my marriage. Currently I am going through a mistake, that I am worried if it would affect my future relationships, cause this chick seems like a psycho.

 

I feel like I am falling apart, I would really like it to die and be at peace.

[d0nnivain]

Don't kill yourself. Just change your circumstances. Easier said then done but you have to make the effort.

 

If you are truly feeling overwhelmed, please call a hotline or go to an emergency room

 

The social thing takes practice. Smile at people. Say hello. Engage strangers. Get involved with groups where you can meet new people. You said something about friends from the language group. Make a real effort to get to know them better & deepen the friendships.

 

You want a place or a car, you need money. What do you do for work now? Can you get a better job? If you need more education, get that. You seem to be bilingual. How can you turn that into money?

 

Do you know how to budget? Can altering your spending free up more money so you can get the things you want? Once you become more independent in your living arrangements & your transportation options you will feel more confident & in turn be more attractive.

[JamesRock]

Don't kill yourself. Just change your circumstances. Easier said then done but you have to make the effort.

 

If you are truly feeling overwhelmed, please call a hotline or go to an emergency room

 

The social thing takes practice. Smile at people. Say hello. Engage strangers. Get involved with groups where you can meet new people. You said something about friends from the language group. Make a real effort to get to know them better & deepen the friendships.

 

You want a place or a car, you need money. What do you do for work now? Can you get a better job? If you need more education, get that. You seem to be bilingual. How can you turn that into money?

 

Do you know how to budget? Can altering your spending free up more money so you can get the things you want? Once you become more independent in your living arrangements & your transportation options you will feel more confident & in turn be more attractive.

 

 

Thank you, you seem to know very well how to put warmth at people's hearts. I only really wish that this psychopath hadn't entered my life. But since you told me to smile at people, here although it is very fake.

[d0nnivain]

Thank you for the smile. Although the emoji may be a cartoon & hence, "fake" I know the warmth behind your meaning is genuine so it's all good.

 

Best wishes. Keep asking Qs. Keep having new experiences. Having this psycho come into your life maybe wasn't all bad. Now you know what the bad looks like plus your instincts were accurate. That is a good foundation.

Edited August 23, 2018 by d0nnivain

[ZA Dater]

I have never had a healthy relationship with any girl. And I have become desperate, and feel really uneasy when I see almost anyone with someone and in love. I am almost in my 30s, and still a virgin.

 

I don't have that much money, or a place of my own, or a car, or any experience with girls, or friends who can help me, or much social experience. I feel like I don't deserve to live, and I constantly think about killing myself, and search for the most painless most effective ways to kill myself on the Internet. I feel like the world and love has turned its back on me.

 

What do you people suggest I should do?

 

I am very much worried about the age difference between me and my future children, or if I start a marriage, considering that I have never had any experience with women or girls, I would totally ruin my marriage. Currently I am going through a mistake, that I am worried if it would affect my future relationships, cause this chick seems like a psycho.

 

I feel like I am falling apart, I would really like it to die and be at peace.

 

 

 

See something positive every day, be it someone smiling, great weather, something that makes you smile.

 

 

Its amazing that despite being lonely these things can really improve ones overall mood.

 

 

You should always believe in yourself but don't rely on other people to make you happy, that power comes from within.

[Orokotikki]

James (which is actually my name too),

Please, you must work to make yourself happy and love yourself without romance.

This will help give you confidence, resilience, and actually many other qualities to have successful future relationships.

 

Being 30 is not old or worrisome for a man (despite what culture portrays) older men are actually quite appealing to quality women of a wide age group.

 

Find a good therapist, it may take a few, but find one focused on helping you improve yourself. If cost is an issue, address this with them, they can direct you to resources and programs - if they cannot, then find another who will.

 

It may be you find this (being a virgin or seeking counseling) embarrassing, if so do not share to people these things which embarrass you. If you do, and some shames you or makes you feel ashamed understand this speaks more about that person, it does not speak about you.

 

My therapist has really opened my eyes to see myself as I am, and the world around me in greater clarity.

 

I have friends who killed themselves, and myself gone through painful trauma, but I am grateful for life and so sad that they did not endure their hardships longer to enjoy the fruits (and even the trials) of life.

 

If you die, I will be sad for you too James, not because you never had sex with a woman, but because of the many small everyday happiness's you will have missed - like playing with puppies, painting models, seeing nature, bicycling, learning, or whatever it is that may make you smile.

 

It is very frustrating to not have a sexual relationship at times, it is natural to feel that. But each of us is so much more than just that.

 

You are more than that. Love is not just an emotion, it is a decision.

Make the decision to love yourself, and to improve yourself for your own sake, not to obtain a relationship with a woman.

 

Something and someone needs you in this world, you must look after yourself first so may be there for them or it.

 

You have the ability to endure and grow. I am (as you should be) proud that you are brave enough to share and ask for help here as you did. Now you must make another positive step.

 

God bless and best wishes to you, my namesake.

[Mysterio]

Hi there. Just like with me. You will have to find a way to get rid of any hyper dependancy with wanting a woman romantically.

 

We all have a long life. I really think unless you marry/have kids. Romance will come in and out of out lives.

 

Even if you want a woman right now. How would that work out in your state of mind. You would have to hit the Jackpot. Sex and romance is nice, but its nothing if the person and you are not steady to make it work.

 

Concentrate on getting the other things in order first.

[Gretchen12]

James you can't die yet because you're not done. You need to see if you have some depression going on. If so, it can be treated! You also need to explore why you attracted a psycho. Work on that too. Work on attracting the kind of person you actually want. Then it will happen. I really believe that. You still have a lot of time - don't worry!

[LuckyM]

This is a temporary phase, do not forget that. It is not permanent. It will pass

though not at the speed you desire perhaps.

 

I did not have much money or a car or a good car at your age--and I shared an apartment. You have plenty of time.

 

Depends also on where you live. Can you move?

[guest569]

James your post breaks my heart. Please see a professional therapist as soon as possible. You're 28 with so much more to achieve. You're not alone. It will get better. Start with setting tiny goals and take each day as it comes. Please don't give up.

[ZA Dater]

James (which is actually my name too),

Please, you must work to make yourself happy and love yourself without romance.

This will help give you confidence, resilience, and actually many other qualities to have successful future relationships.

 

Being 30 is not old or worrisome for a man (despite what culture portrays) older men are actually quite appealing to quality women of a wide age group.

 

Find a good therapist, it may take a few, but find one focused on helping you improve yourself. If cost is an issue, address this with them, they can direct you to resources and programs - if they cannot, then find another who will.

 

It may be you find this (being a virgin or seeking counseling) embarrassing, if so do not share to people these things which embarrass you. If you do, and some shames you or makes you feel ashamed understand this speaks more about that person, it does not speak about you.

 

My therapist has really opened my eyes to see myself as I am, and the world around me in greater clarity.

 

I have friends who killed themselves, and myself gone through painful trauma, but I am grateful for life and so sad that they did not endure their hardships longer to enjoy the fruits (and even the trials) of life.

 

If you die, I will be sad for you too James, not because you never had sex with a woman, but because of the many small everyday happiness's you will have missed - like playing with puppies, painting models, seeing nature, bicycling, learning, or whatever it is that may make you smile.

 

It is very frustrating to not have a sexual relationship at times, it is natural to feel that. But each of us is so much more than just that.

 

You are more than that. Love is not just an emotion, it is a decision.

Make the decision to love yourself, and to improve yourself for your own sake, not to obtain a relationship with a woman.

 

Something and someone needs you in this world, you must look after yourself first so may be there for them or it.

 

You have the ability to endure and grow. I am (as you should be) proud that you are brave enough to share and ask for help here as you did. Now you must make another positive step.

 

God bless and best wishes to you, my namesake.

 

 

 

Beautifully written post. The bold part is important, each of us go through tough times but its those things we need to appreciate, that sunset, the feeling of warmth from the sun, anything really because no matter how bad things may seem there are always some magical things around us.

[LordVader]

I hear you Rock, I'm in they same place.

 

 

I think the bottom line is no girls liking us ,is not the end of the world, since there's other things to do and try and find some happiness from.

 

 

People always say to try getting a hobby to get some happiness from, well it's true. I have 1 finally besides escaping into video games.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm so scared from the past, I've really cut off from the world. I assume most girls don't want me to look at them let alone talk to them.

 

 

 

 

Probably just talking to girls online might be a good start for me. Do u talk to any girls online ? Like dating sites I mean ?

 

 

Dating scares me, since I never did that yet either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Again tho the bottom line is, even if we never get a GF, or have friends/etc........there actually are plenty of other things to do.

 

 

I'm poor, I would not want to be spending money on a girl right now (which seems to be what a lot of guys do)

 

 

 

 

Hang in there, me too. I have the blank stare now, like soliders that saw the horrors of war.

 

 

 

 

I want to go live with the Cats, they are my friends.