nospam99 Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 Context: 64 y/o divorced male, on LS for a year, on OLD for 11 months, meeting women but not yet in my sought LTR. What follows are just thoughts that may be of value to others. As always, I'm sure y'all will 'feel free' to jab . I meet via OLD. Other than speed dating, other 'venues' to meet AVAILABLE and compatible women are not really there. Because of my age and area, speed dating events are 'few and far between' (only two in the last year). The last one was in April. 'Unfortunately' at the time I was in a brief dating relationship where I subsequently discovered that the woman just wanted me for restaurant meals. So the Monday morning quarterback sez (sic) that I was foolish to bypass the speed dating event. At least in part, I didn't go to that event because I felt it would be, in a small way, a betrayal of my current dating partner. I plead guilty to 'misplaced excess loyalty'. Speed dating events are scheduled several months out. Right now it appears that even if there will be one for my age, it won't happen any earlier than November. I can't predict the future. So I don't know (and certainly don't expect) that by the time the next speed dating event rolls around than I will have found and been found by 'the one'. However my thought is that even if I am dating, unless I have very strong confidence in that dating relationship, that it would be foolish not to go to the speed dating. Those events are simply opportunities that happen too rarely to pass up for the sake of 'misplaced excess loyalty'. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 In a nutshell, you can multidate before both of you are on the same page that you’re dating exclusively. I read/heard that dating is much easier for men compared to women in your age bracket (I assume you’re in decent/good physical and financial shape). Do you think you may benefit from a dating coach. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 (edited) I hear your concern, but I'm not sure that I understand... Are you currently in a relationship ("attending would be a betrayal of my current dating partner - meaning you are dating someone, just not "the one")? Is that why you didn't attend the event? Lets say that you register and then you meet the woman of your dreams... You just don't go to the speed dating event. You may lose some money, but you have gained a wonderful partner... no great loss. Edited August 18, 2018 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted August 18, 2018 Author Share Posted August 18, 2018 Do you think you may benefit from a dating coach. LOL. Maybe .... But I'm a cranky, old dude and I may not listen. To be fair, I HAVE been changing my 'strategy and tactics' marginally as I go along based on suggestions I've received here on LS. I think the net of those changes has been to hold back TMI and to 'move on' quickly if I don't detect 'strong' interest on the part of the woman in question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted August 18, 2018 Author Share Posted August 18, 2018 I hear your concern, but I'm not sure that I understand... Are you currently in a relationship (''attending would be a betrayal of my current dating partner - meaning you are dating someone, just not ''the one'')? Is that why you didn't attend the event? Lets say that you register and then you meet the woman of your dreams... You just don't go to the speed dating event. You may lose some money, but you have gained a wonderful partner... no great loss. I was in a casual dating relationship at the time of the most recent speed dating event which is why I did not attend that event. I started this thread to say I now see that as a mistake on my part and to share that insight in case it's helpful to others. I agree that if I meet the woman of my dreams between the time I register for a speed dating event and when it happens, I can simply not attend. The money means just about nothing - I've spent as much as five times as much on a date (and THAT was a REALLY fun date ). Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted August 18, 2018 Author Share Posted August 18, 2018 BTW, the 40-50 age range is the 'sweet spot' for speed dating where I live. There is an event just about every month. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 18, 2018 Share Posted August 18, 2018 I was in a casual dating relationship at the time of the most recent speed dating event which is why I did not attend that event. I started this thread to say I now see that as a mistake on my part and to share that insight in case it's helpful to others. I agree that if I meet the woman of my dreams between the time I register for a speed dating event and when it happens, I can simply not attend. The money means just about nothing - I've spent as much as five times as much on a date (and THAT was a REALLY fun date ). Lol. Thanks for clarifying... Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 Do you have alumni clubs in your area? My alumni clubs have subgroups for folks of your age range. I think they’re more into culture stuff unlike the younger alumni. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted August 19, 2018 Author Share Posted August 19, 2018 Do you have alumni clubs in your area? My alumni clubs have subgroups for folks of your age range. I think they’re more into culture stuff unlike the younger alumni. I don't know. I don't live where I went to high school. And I 'bombed through' (i.e. quickly completed with classmates who were either much older or much younger than me) all my college degrees so my social contact with college classmates is minimal. My high school class has kept in touch wonderfully - had our 45th about a year ago. But it's out of town and we're all getting old and, sadly, dying off at what many people have observed is a faster than expected rate. Ironically my first post here on LS was a paean to my female classmates from high school who I hadn't had the confidence or resources at the time to ask out. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 Both my college and grad school have regional alumni clubs all over the country. There’re even joint events with regional alumni clubs of other universities. Do you live within a reasonable distance from a big city? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted August 19, 2018 Author Share Posted August 19, 2018 Both my college and grad school have regional alumni clubs all over the country. There’re even joint events with regional alumni clubs of other universities. Do you live within a reasonable distance from a big city? 80 minutes to the bronx, two hours to downtown Manhattan. But like I said, I have no 'connection' with my college or my classmates after almost 40 years. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 80 minutes to the bronx, two hours to downtown Manhattan. But like I said, I have no 'connection' with my college or my classmates after almost 40 years. I just looked for their websites, signed up and showed up in their events. Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 19, 2018 Share Posted August 19, 2018 I just looked for their websites, signed up and showed up in their events. I bet there’s one in the NYC area. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted August 20, 2018 Author Share Posted August 20, 2018 BTW, the 40-50 age range is the 'sweet spot' for speed dating where I live. There is an event just about every month. The next 40-50 event is scheduled for September 17. Women are already being wait-listed. Can't argue with that demographic. Though I've mentioned it in other threads, I hadn't yet said it in this one ... the speed dating organizer tells me that the reason she rarely schedules 50-60 events is because there are not enough men. (I tell her I'm the only one still alive. Much as I might enjoy it, she's not going to run an event where a dozen women have to queue up to meet ME .) Link to post Share on other sites
JuneL Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 I told you so: men in your age group have advantage! Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 20, 2018 Share Posted August 20, 2018 The next 40-50 event is scheduled for September 17. Women are already being wait-listed. Can't argue with that demographic. Though I've mentioned it in other threads, I hadn't yet said it in this one ... the speed dating organizer tells me that the reason she rarely schedules 50-60 events is because there are not enough men. (I tell her I'm the only one still alive. Much as I might enjoy it, she's not going to run an event where a dozen women have to queue up to meet ME .) :lmao: You'll just have to organize your own! Link to post Share on other sites
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