How to pick up Girls for dating

[cooldude123]

My ex ended a 6 year marriage and ditched me for the GIGS syndrome. I have never dated anyone else seriously other than my ex i am in my mid 30s and coping up by dating new girls out there.

 

People say i am very handsome athletic and have a great smile.

 

Today i was in the gym. I have seen a girl regularly come to the gym at the same time. I watched her and she also looked at me. Thought i would gather the courage go and talk. Waited for an opportunity when she took a short break between lifting weights. Came close within her personal space. She was on her earphones. Smiled and introduced myself.

 

She saw my face and noticed my smile (pretty sure coz she was watching my smile) and gave a very pleasant beautiful smile. I as in cloud 9 seeing her face. We shook our hands and she and told her name. And was quite shy as she was hesitant to even shake hands before. After a brief silence from both of us i took the courage and straightforwardly asked - "are you single?" She said "no i am not". I said thats ok. I was just checking. She said "sorry, i am not single" and gave i beautiful smile. I left the place.

 

1.So was i rude in approaching her and asking that question?

2.If I need to take a different approach , what and how should that be?

Edited August 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[MountainGirl111]

Sounds like you handled it well, cooldude. Definitely not rude. I think I'd be encouraged by her statement, "I'm sorry I'm not single." That tells you a lot right there. Or, it simply tells you she think you're hot and wishes she was free to get something going with you.

 

How you approach her from here on out could play out in different ways. You could continue to run into her at the gym, smile and say hi. Ask her to spot you on the weights sometime if the time presents itself. Make eye contact in the mirror. There are all sorts of ways guys approach gals in the gym. See who she hangs out with and get to know those people.

Edited August 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Delete full quote of starting post

[ThreeRainbows]

Hm. I would let her be, for now. I mean, be friendly when you see her, but I wouldn't chase after a girl who is not single. Would you like it if guys chased after your girlfriend, knowing she wasn't single?

 

 

But, OP, you did very well, I think. Respectful but direct.

Edited August 7, 2018 by ThreeRainbows

[coolheadal]

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1.So was i rude in approaching her and asking that question?

2.If I need to take a different approach , what and how should that be?

 

Listen you had to know if she was single. You had asked her and she said no, then you move on. She was flirting, teasing and being playful with gestures with you. But you needed to know her status. Well at lease she was honest to tell you. Some don't kiss and tell.

Direct approach -

You can always say "hey are you single and if yes would you like to take a short trip to Chill's for a meal". If not it's fine, take care bye!

 

Sneaky approach -

You can always say this "So are you going to see Tracy Morgan at the Comedy Club this weekend with your boyfriend or husband"?

 

You got to know if they're single or not. Well in your case it better for you to know then to get caught up in her drama!

Edited August 7, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[cooldude123]

Do others face this or is it just me? I hardly get any like from any woman on dating apps like tinder. I have a gold menbership. Of the thousands of profiles that i swipe right only 1 or 2 respond like.

I dont think i am that bad looking a guy ?.

Is there something that i am missing in my profile?

[Normm]

I'd never ask "are you single" and if I did, and she said no I certainly wouldn't say "that's ok" as if she needed my approval.

 

 

Just ask her out and if she's not single she'll tell you. At which point you can say something witty rather than lame, such as "No surprise a beautiful girl such as yourself is not single, your boyfriend or husband is a lucky guy".

 

 

Then go about doing whatever you were doing before, it's no big deal.

 

 

I dont think i am that bad looking a guy .

Is there something that i am missing in my profile?

 

 

Well without actually seeing your profile it's impossible to say what's missing. As far as your looks- we are not a good judge of our own looks, we tend to be somewhat biased.

[cooldude123]

Well true.. But the fact is sometimes women are very shy and it may make them feel uncomfortable. What should I do in case she rejects an offer for a coffee outing?

[LuckyM]

You were too blunt, much too blunt. Find a nuanced way to bring it up.

Did she have a ring? If not, she is probably single.

 

 

She may have said she was not single to stop you there.

[Normm]

What should I do in case she rejects an offer for a coffee outing?

 

 

Do whatever you were doing immediately before you made the offer.

[brigit87]

She saw my face and noticed my smile (pretty sure coz she was watching my smile) and gave a very pleasant beautiful smile. I as in cloud 9 seeing her face. We shook our hands and she and told her name. And was quite shy as she was hesitant to even shake hands before. After a brief silence from both of us i took the courage and straightforwardly asked - "are you single?" She said "no i am not". I said thats ok. I was just checking. She said "sorry, i am not single" and gave i beautiful smile. I left the place.

 

1.So was i rude in approaching her and asking that question?

2.If I need to take a different approach , what and how should that be?

 

I think you did fine. It was brave to ask if she was single. It would be better to do small talk first and then ask if she'd like to grab something to eat if the conversation goes well. At that point she'd say "Oh I'm sorry I have a boyfriend." And then you'd say "Ah too bad. Well let me know if that changes." Give her a wink and tell her to enjoy the rest of her workout and walk to another machine that you're good at and lift.

[Mysterio]

You were on target. I wonder why she would be trying to start a conversation with you if she had a BF. To me if I had a GF. I would not be making time to get to know another woman.

 

If I have a GF its my immediate fans and friends that get my attention for the most part.

 

In your case, I don't know why a woman that has a BF would try to make a connection with you, and you don't work together.

[alphamale]

if you're good looking like you say then single women who are interested will give you PROLONGED AND REPEATED eye contact and a smile or two. approach these women first and your success rate will be close to 100%

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Start with changing your mindset from "picking up girls for dating" to "finding a relationship." What's your actual goal?

[cooldude123]

Thanks for all the responses. My goal is for me to spend some valuable time in finding a relationship. If it turns out good for a long term,i will be more than happy. Like in my other threads that i have posted, i was in an abusive relationship for 6 yrs and i dont want to repeat that mistake. I missed quite a lot of opportunities as I was committed to only my ex during those 6 years ultimately to be rejected for $hitty reasons. Yes I am furious but learnt the lesson of my life. I would like to spend time with my partner, get to know better and see if it works. Not the way i put the words in the thread heading.

 

My Story - https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/660634-6-year-marriage-ended-ex-blocking-communication

Edited August 8, 2018 by cooldude123

[cooldude123]

if you're good looking like you say then single women who are interested will give you PROLONGED AND REPEATED eye contact and a smile or two. approach these women first and your success rate will be close to 100%

 

I have gotten repeated eye contacts AFTER i initiated the eye contact. But I have hardly gotten a smile. very rare.

I have observed some women stare at me when i was married too. But i used to shrug it off and disregard since I was committed to my ex.

The fact is if i stare at a woman and if she gives a stare back without any smile or a neutral look on her face, is that considered like i am stalking on her? Does it give a bad first impression? I don't know what to make of it?

 

Any experienced women in forum who can provide your psychology suggestions

[preraph]

You did fine. But lots of super attractive women, the majority, will already be taken. So remember if you keep trying to ask out the top tier in attractiveness, your success rate plummets. You have to ask out some who are not always sought after to find one not already coupled up. It's good you pay attention to what women are looking at you -- just be sure you don't only pay attention to it with the prettiest girl in the room and only focus on her because she's likely taken.

[cooldude123]

You did fine. But lots of super attractive women, the majority, will already be taken. So remember if you keep trying to ask out the top tier in attractiveness, your success rate plummets. You have to ask out some who are not always sought after to find one not already coupled up. It's good you pay attention to what women are looking at you -- just be sure you don't only pay attention to it with the prettiest girl in the room and only focus on her because she's likely taken.

 

Absolutely right. For some reason i get attracted to only some particular type of girls. And yes those girls may be of my choice but another person may differ in their looks requirement. So once i feel i am comfortable proceeding, then i make an attempt to approach and converse.

Yes, i observe women a lot, and they sometimes do too. Which is provably why my ex was so suspicious about me not being faithful or me not liking her and all. But I think that is my nature!

[Slycke]

Why not invest a little time and learn to dance? If you have never been to a C&W Dance club in a major city like Dallas, Houston, etc., you are missing out.

My self esteem was about shoe top level, despite the workouts, etc...could not even look in the mirror to pick out clothes. I was 39. Bald. Broke.

 

Took free dance lessons at some clubs, lots of guys and girls have no partners, just raise your hand or approach a lady.

Within a year, I was easily recognized in several clubs and never even had to ask for a dance again, several were always at my table and I never went home alone...ain't got the prettiest face, and there are always lots of athletic guys hanging out....but LOOK at the girls, they are watching the dance floor and want to be the fairy dancer gliding on ice.

 

 

I could kick my ass for ever getting married again, wasn't ever going to do it again, but, man, it is hard to resist when one really competes for you. Dancing with so many pretty girls every night was a dream come true...the dating, etc...wet dream come true. BUT, I was still lonely, didn't feel loved, even with all the sex. However, I met hundreds of pretty women and just made a bad choice......at least I had a choice. You can too...just ask the ladies.....Dance or no?

[SevenCity]

I have gotten repeated eye contacts AFTER i initiated the eye contact. But I have hardly gotten a smile. very rare.

I have observed some women stare at me when i was married too. But i used to shrug it off and disregard since I was committed to my ex.

The fact is if i stare at a woman and if she gives a stare back without any smile or a neutral look on her face, is that considered like i am stalking on her? Does it give a bad first impression? I don't know what to make of it?

 

Any experienced women in forum who can provide your psychology suggestions

 

If a woman is staring at you, she likes you. I’ve gotten stares from women that looked as if they were angry or mad at me and it turns out they were interested.

 

Although I’ve never done it, I read this great move with the blank stare. Stick your tongue out at her. She will smile/burst out laughing and then you just approach.

 

Don’t be worried if she has a bf. Doesn’t matter at all. If she does (and plans to not cheat) she will let you know.

 

Don’t apologize for going for what you want.

[Normm]

If a woman is staring at you, she likes you.

 

 

Not if you're masturbating on a bus.

[cooldude123]

So I met this girl on a dating site.. initially when we were communicating she just wanted to be friends. It was long distance and she lives in a different city. I happened to visit her city this week for some work related things and met her. We had a nice dinner a 2 hr long conversation at dinner. I think she did like me.. she said she hasn't cleaned her room since a long time after divorce. And after dinner she texts me and says she is cleaning her apartment that night after dinner.

 

The next day she asked if I liked pets. I said I am ok with it and she invited me to her apt and I did meet her.. we talked about our lives and she offered wine.. spent some time discussing various topics. And I decided to head out as it was getting late.

 

She offered me to drop me off to my hotel. And I asked if she was sure and she realized she was drunk. And said sorry. I got a taxi and left.

 

The next day she texts me asking why I asked a particular question if my intimate life with her ex was good. I said I am just Frank and asked because that is one of the reasons for emotional disconnect of a marriage which leads to divorce. Was I wrong to ask? She said she just wanted to judge my thought process.

 

I am a bit confused here. Was she expecting to have a sleep over. What are the signals you can observe? Did I goof it up? I am so new to all this.

[nospam99]

So I met this girl on a dating site.. initially when we were communicating she just wanted to be friends. It was long distance and she lives in a different city. I happened to visit her city this week for some work related things and met her. We had a nice dinner a 2 hr long conversation at dinner. I think she did like me.. she said she hasn't cleaned her room since a long time after divorce. And after dinner she texts me and says she is cleaning her apartment that night after dinner.

 

The next day she asked if I liked pets. I said I am ok with it and she invited me to her apt and I did meet her.. we talked about our lives and she offered wine.. spent some time discussing various topics. And I decided to head out as it was getting late.

 

She offered me to drop me off to my hotel. And I asked if she was sure and she realized she was drunk. And said sorry. I got a taxi and left.

 

The next day she texts me asking why I asked a particular question if my intimate life with her ex was good. I said I am just Frank and asked because that is one of the reasons for emotional disconnect of a marriage which leads to divorce. Was I wrong to ask? She said she just wanted to judge my thought process.

 

I am a bit confused here. Was she expecting to have a sleep over. What are the signals you can observe? Did I goof it up? I am so new to all this.

 

See bolded ... D'oh

[cooldude123]

Are you saying just bcuz I was offered wine.. she wanted to have a night with me?

[nospam99]

Are you saying just bcuz I was offered wine.. she wanted to have a night with me?

 

I assume this is directed at me. She also cleaned her apartment so she could invite you over and did invite you over. Taken together with the wine, I certainly regard her actions as heavy with signals.

[Mysterio]

Some People are screwy these days. I would not even really sleep with a woman unless she is my GF. Never some woman in a different city and I don't know anything about her, beyond some talk on the phone. E-mails and what she looks like.

 

I say stay in your city. Be straight forward. Ask if a woman is single after thee third time interacting. Try not to have to think about it as much. That way everything is cool and you won't have to ponder about things.

 

I have to take this advice myself.