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ourtime still sux really really bad


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My OLD barrel is just about empty. So I went back to 'where it all began' - ourtime. I looked around a little and saw photos of women who I didn't recognize from the other OLD sites (as well as many of 'the usual suspects'). It was only $29 to sign up for one month so I paid. Gawd - there is so much about ourtime that sux

 

- No clue if the women have logged on lately. Profiles could be years stale and no way to know.

- Every time you log on, two more random women SOMEWHERE get notified that you viewed their profile showing false interest on your part.

- Every time you re-read an old message in your inbox or sent folder the woman gets told you viewed them - more false interest

- Have to pay extra to know if your message was read

- Only indication of what the woman is seeking in a partner is parsing their profile. If all they wrote about is how much they want to visit the Greek isles, well ...

 

I suppose it's $29 to re-learn that I don't want to be on the site.

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That does sound pretty awful.

 

Have you tried writing a snail mail letter to the site owners & asking for a refund?

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That does sound pretty awful.

 

Have you tried writing a snail mail letter to the site owners & asking for a refund?

 

No. I wouldn't expect any response, let alone a refund. Apparently ALL the widely used OLD sites are now owned by Match. They are all playing a numbers game: how many people can they get to ante up the fees. And dump anyone who 'rocks the boat' by asking too many questions ... 'You have violated the Terms of Service. This matter is closed.'

 

Related to getting kicked for making waves, I contacted a woman yesterday who had some 'peculiarities' in her profile: large seek distance, looking for men 20 years older, and willing to date shorter men. All three 'smelled'. So I asked in my message why she was so easy with her filters. She replied but didn't answer my concerns and the words could have been a generic template written by a non-English speaker. I 'smelled' romance scam. But I wouldn't contact Match to complain. Too much risk I believe that the scammer would report ME as harassing HER. Since Match reportedly kicks men at the complaint of women without doing any investigation, I decided the safer course would be to not reply and move on. Just an example of the 'questionable' stuff that goes on (apparently - I have no proof) on OLD.

 

I just noticed ... the messages to and from the suspicious woman have disappeared. Her photos, two of a rather young-looking pretty woman, have been replaced by photos of a significantly older looking woman. The Like that she gave me remains. Still smells. I'm happy I didn't reply.

Edited by nospam99
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Every time you log on, two more random women SOMEWHERE get notified that you viewed their profile showing false interest on your part..

 

 

That would be akin to fraud. How do you know that's true, or anything else you wrote about the dating site?

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That would be akin to fraud. How do you know that's true, or anything else you wrote about the dating site?

 

Without getting into the code, I can't prove anything, only observe. I know (for three of my criticisms):

- that I get reports of women viewing me so I assume that women get reports of me viewing them

- every time I log on, I get two 'new' women presented to me as a 'Who Do You Like?' choice. I do not get to select these women or to opt out of the feature. These two women are rarely near enough to be dating candidates. I observe that these two women are added to the list of women I am told I have viewed. So I assume ourtime tells them that I have viewed them.

- every time I view an old message either in my inbox or sent folder I get a report that I have viewed on that same day the profile of the woman associated with the old message even though I did not in fact view her profile

- profile views are reported to users in a context to imply that the viewer is interested in the subject of the profile

- unlike POF, Match, and okcupid, there is no indication in the viewed profile of the last time the owner of that profile had logged on

 

Yes, without access to the code I am making assumptions. Beyond that, I 'connect the dots'. I have more than 30 years I/T experience including more than 10 years architecting, designing, developing, deploying, and administering web services on multiple platforms.

Edited by nospam99
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Yes, without access to the code I am making assumptions. Beyond that, I 'connect the dots'.

Your conclusions are valid beyond a reasonable doubt.

 

Since Match reportedly kicks men at the complaint of women without doing any investigation

 

 

How do you know this?

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That does sound pretty awful.

 

Have you tried writing a snail mail letter to the site owners & asking for a refund?

 

hahaha a snail mail letter haha

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OLD is a waste of time for most people

 

 

Lots of assumptions being thrown out on this thread with no supporting proof.

 

 

How do you know "OLD is a waste of time for most people?"

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How do you know this?

 

 

Re: Match kicking people off, I did say 'reportedly'.

 

https://www.complaintsboard.com/complaints/matchcom-c263666.html

 

https://www.datingsitesreviews.com/rating/review.php?rt_id=2010000100-Match&rid=20140401213942512

 

There are several 'me toos' in the comments. I have a friend who personally experienced the termination of his account but after reviewing links similar to the two above didn't bother to post his own story.

Edited by nospam99
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Re: Match kicking people off, I did say 'reportedly'.

 

 

It's not in the best interests of Match or any other dating site to kick large numbers of perfectly innocent people off their site.

 

 

Also you said it's because of complaints by women. I didn't see that in the links you provided. The reports were that they "had no clue why they were kicked off".

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It's not in the best interests of Match or any other dating site to kick large numbers of perfectly innocent people off their site.

 

 

Also you said it's because of complaints by women. I didn't see that in the links you provided. The reports were that they "had no clue why they were kicked off".

 

I doubt they kick large numbers, because as you say that would be bad for business. You are correct that the two links I provided did not refer to the complaints being from women. Being lazy, I posted the first two links I found in a search. I had seen complaints that were specific to gender politics in the past. I think it would be conclusive to see the business metrics: how many users have been terminated, the demographic patterns of those users, and the various reasons for termination. Unfortunately that is as unlikely to happen as everyone on the planet agreeing about global warming, gun control, abortion, or Trump. Several of the complaints point out that if a response from Match is received at all, it includes that no specific details would be provided without a court order. If it would be more acceptable to you, may I change my generalization to 'Match reportedly terminates accounts without providing explanations of the reasons for the terminations'?

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If it would be more acceptable to you, may I change my generalization to 'Match reportedly terminates accounts without providing explanations of the reasons for the terminations'?

 

 

It is and you may.

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Happy Lemming

In my experience, women like confident men.

 

A man who can walk up to her, introduce himself, start a conversation and ask her out on a date.

 

How much confidence does it take to tip-tap on a keyboard or phone?? You are hiding behind a profile and an old picture of yourself (on your best day).

 

Yes, I tried OLD and hated it.

 

I've enjoyed going through life dating many women by meeting them in real life. Strike up a conversation, chit-chat a bit and ask them out on a date.

 

In my opinion, that is how you date and how you get the woman!!

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In my experience, women like confident men.

 

Confidence sells. It's almost instinctive.

 

How much confidence does it take to tip-tap on a keyboard or phone?? You are hiding behind a profile and an old picture of yourself (on your best day).

 

If that's how it's done. I'm no stranger to OLD, although I've been in a relationship for 6 years now. But back in the day? I sure didn't do it your way. For me OLD is just a way to meet someone just like you might meet someone in the grocery store for example- difference is that OLD opens you up to dozens if not hundreds of potential, single, available women and it can be done any time of day or night.

 

While it doesn't take much confidence to "type a few words on a keyboard", guys like me don't spend much time doing that. A few messages back and forth then it's on to a phone call and then a face to face meeting within a very short period of time.

 

If a guy is "hiding behind a keyboard" and not getting to that first meetup within a week- then he's doing it wrong. Online dating doesn't literally mean you date a woman via your computer. It's simply a way to make that first connection- which then proceeds just like it would if you met her at a bar or whatever.

 

I've enjoyed going through life dating many women by meeting them in real life. Strike up a conversation, chit-chat a bit and ask them out on a date.

 

I haven't had the experience where I run into that many single available women on the street. If I did I wouldn't have an issue striking up a conversation and getting a number- the opportunity just didn't come up all that often.

Edited by Normm
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Happy Lemming
... I've been in a relationship for 6 years now.

I'm happy you found your long term partner, that is GREAT!!

 

As far as OLD, to each his own...

 

In addition to the horror I had when I briefly tried OLD, I keep reading more and more on "Loveshack" about these heinous encounters on OLD, so I formed my opinion based on that data, as well.

 

For the record, I've also been dating my girlfriend for 6 years. We met in an Apartment Complex pool. She was wearing this cute little bikini. I swam up to her, chit-chatted a bit and her out for a drink later that night. We continued to see each other from there. When people ask her how we met, she told me she likes telling the story.

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I keep reading more and more on "Loveshack" about these heinous encounters on OLD, so I formed my opinion based on that data, as well.

 

 

People that come here to post their negative dating experiences do not necessarily reflect the dating population as a whole. You're forming your opinion on skewed data. Sort of like interviewing every person in the doctors waiting room and forming the opinion that everybody's got some sort of health issue.

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Happy Lemming
People that come here to post their negative dating experiences do not necessarily reflect the dating population as a whole. You're forming your opinion on skewed data. Sort of like interviewing every person in the doctors waiting room and forming the opinion that everybody's got some sort of health issue.

 

I'd like to think of it as more a "weighted average"; mostly based on my own brief experience with OLD, with a sprinkle of "Loveshack" threads/posts.

 

But I do think you hit on something there... Since you had a positive experience on OLD, why don't you start a thread detailing your story with your long term partner and ask people to share their positive experiences. "POSITIVE EXPERIENCES ONLY!!" Perhaps, there is some data yet to be sampled/collected.

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why don't you start a thread detailing your story with your long term partner and ask people to share their positive experiences.

 

That would be a lot to write. In summary, I did online dating from 2006 through 2012, mainly on POF, Match and OK Cupid. I messaged back and forth with over 100 women and had dozens of first dates. I'd say about 80% of first dates didn't go anywhere because either the woman was very deceptive with her profile pictures or description (such as things she liked to do) or we didn't "click" as far as I was concerned. I can think of 2 or 3 women who I wanted to see again but they weren't interested. Perhaps 20% made it to a second date or further, which ultimately resulted in a few short term things of 2 weeks to 2 months, and about a half dozen long term relationships that ranged from 10 months to 2 years which culminated in my current relationship which is 6 years duration. We've been living together for 3 years and things are great.

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Happy Lemming
...I messaged back and forth with over 100 women

 

 

 

...about a half dozen long term relationships

 

So that is a 6% success rate... 6/100=.06 or 6%

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So that is a 6% success rate... 6/100=.06 or 6%

 

 

I suppose if you measure success by number of women messaged with / number of long term relationships in excess of 3 months, then your number would be about right.

 

 

 

But you can define success many ways. For example how many successful relationships have you had, or have I, or anyone else had over our entire lifetimes. The answer is going to almost always be zero or one (unless you're currently in a polygamous successful relationship with several people).

 

 

That's not such a great success rate either. Regardless of where those relationships came from.

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I consider face to face meetings success. I mean if you wanna factor successful relationships, it's so low that it's practically abstract.

 

OP I've used the free sites and while I haven't had any problems with people who run them, I've had issues with people who use them.

 

I get plenty of matches who want to chit chat, but never meet in person. They bow out somewhere in misc between asking for their number or flake right when it's time to meet.

 

At first you don't think much of it, maybe they just changed their minds. But after a dozen in row you look back and question if something in your writing maybe the cause. Switch up different approaches all to no avail.

 

Truth behind it is that nothing was wrong with your approach and that these people only wanted to use you to stroke their ego. Only a small minority of women are actually using OLD in the manner it was intended when created.

 

BTW I'm in my 30's. Sad times indeed.

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From what I read/heard, OLD works much better for men (compared to women) once they reach the middle aged range (~45+).

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From what I read/heard, OLD works much better for men (compared to women) once they reach the middle aged range (~45+).

 

 

In 2006 I was 44.

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Happy Lemming

But you can define success many ways. For example how many successful relationships have you had...

 

Well, I'm a guy, so for me... having sex with a woman is how I define success.

 

I've never really kept records, but I'd say for every 3 or 4 women I approach in real life and asked out, one has said yes. So my "my going out on a first date" rate would be 25% to 33%. Of those women, I'd say 80%-90% I went out with on a 2nd, 3rd, 4th date, etc. I slept with vast majority of those women, so I feel good about my "success rate".

 

Personally, I never wanted a long term relationship in my youth. 3-6 months was perfect. I had a few that lasted longer, but for the most part 3-6 months was good for me. As far as a number, I never kept count and have forgotten more than I remember.

 

After "sowing my wild oats" in my youth, I started slowing down in my mid-40's and my 6 year relationship with my present long term girlfriend is by far my longest relationship.

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