nospam99 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 My OLD 'adventures' continue, though the 'bottom of the barrel' is now clearly visible. So I 'returned' to a previous contact. She had Yes'ed me as a Daily Match (equivalent to a 'swipe right') this past winter days after my painful breakup with 'the big one that got away' (yes, Chilli, that would be J). At the time I responded to her Yes with what I thought was a polite decline stating that I didn't think I was emotionally ready to be dating anyone but that I was flattered by the interest. I sent her a probing message a couple of days ago, asking explicitly if 'that Yes still hold sufficiently' that she'd be interested in meeting. She responded that it was good to see me back in the game and, remarking on a specific supposedly common interest, that she wasn't into ballroom dancing. And that was the end of her message. She did not explicitly answer my question about her old Yes. Nor did she mention any of our other supposedly common interests (listed in our profiles and called out by Match). I figure I have two choices about how to interpret her response. Oh, and for context (which I wish ALL thread starters would provide more of), she is a 63 y/o divorced empty-nester, same as me but one year younger (and obviously with the other 'plumbing' attachment). I could interpret her 'ducking' my question as lack of interest and her reply as a bit of a flip off. If that's the case, I would just move on, next. Or I could interpret the otherwise friendly and positive tone of her message, yet without explicitly 'I'm interested' content, as a test for me. She could be 'dangling the bait' to see what I'll do next and whether I'll confirm that I'm interested in meeting. I'd call that a tacky tactic. But stranger things happen with OLD communication. If that's the case I could send another message (I wouldn't go beyond one more) pointing out that she and I have other common interests besides dancing and asking (again) if she wants to discuss meeting. What do y'all think? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I think you love dancing & if she doesn't share that interest in particular you are going to grow wistful & frustrated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 27, 2018 Author Share Posted July 27, 2018 In part because I didn't get much response in this thread (but thank you, d0nni), I waited a week and sent her another message. She was dangling bait. No meet yet, but an exchange of more messages. She has a heck of a sense of humor about the whole process. Then again most of the grandmothers I'm encountering on OLD do, too (the sense of humor). It's all part of the fun and 'we' all have to put up with it because of how crazy the OLD process is ... ghosts, flakes, trolls, scams, catfish, fakes. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Overwhelming, an unclear message or a mixed message or an evaded question or an unanswered question--all of those are signals of lack of interest. When people are interested, they will make their interest clear ... and they will make themselves available for meeting up. The reactions you got ... move on ... definite signs of no interest. Don't worry about the reason. Could be with someone else, could be family crisis, who knows or cares ... Lack of response is a no. Link to post Share on other sites
BaronChairman Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 I usually ask for clarification when things like that happen, just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 I think you love dancing & if she doesn't share that interest in particular you are going to grow wistful & frustrated. This mentality is the problem with dating. Just because you like something doesn’t mean you cannot have a good rl with someone if they do not. It’s ok to have different hobbies. I know of few men who like to get a mani-pedi or spend the day in a spa yet that doesn’t hold them up from dating women who do. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SevenCity Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Overwhelming, an unclear message or a mixed message or an evaded question or an unanswered question--all of those are signals of lack of interest. When people are interested, they will make their interest clear ... and they will make themselves available for meeting up. The reactions you got ... move on ... definite signs of no interest. Don't worry about the reason. Could be with someone else, could be family crisis, who knows or cares ... Lack of response is a no. Agreed. I had a policy where I would delete/block any woman who dodged a date request. I find it rude and insulting. This is fairly common though. My gf said she would do this to guys when she was online. A guy would ask her out and she would ask a completely unrelated question. She tried to explain to me how she needed time to get comfortable, get to know them, blah blah blah. I called her out on it and she finally realized it was Lack of interest. Told her if we met online and she pulled that chit I would have deleted her so fast her head would spin. Thing about most women is they don’t mind the validation from attention. Whereas most guys get frustrated because they are on a dating site to actually date. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 I'd consider that about as good or encouraging as a pat on the head... C'mon man... TFY Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 (edited) Ummm she ‘liked’ you (or whatever it’s called on that site) and you went out of your way to reject her and then like a year later you come back and ask “still like me?”and you’re wondering why you got brushed off ?? that doesn’t always work lol Edited July 31, 2018 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted July 31, 2018 Author Share Posted July 31, 2018 Ummm she ‘liked’ you (or whatever it’s called on that site) and you went out of your way to reject her and then like a year later you come back and ask “still like me?”and you’re wondering why you got brushed off ?? that doesn’t always work lol Touche (one step up from a Like, one step down from sending an unsolicited message) But, was there something 'better' to have done at the time of her Yes? - Say nothing and effectively ghost her? Then what different explanation would I be giving her for my no-response when (re)establishing contact? - Meet and maybe date her at a time when I was emotionally 'licking my wounds'? To the extent that I recall the way I was feeling, I would have been just 'going through the motions'. I'd expect a woman could tell that I wasn't interested but couldn't have known why without asking. Anyway, communication has continued. We had a half hour phone call Saturday night (I gave her my number - she called). And we are scheduled to meet in person Thursday morning. We live 50 minutes apart. She volunteered to meeting part way and said she's bringing her dog. I'm just citing a few things that indicate to me that she is at least a bit interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gretchen12 Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 You were the one who opened the topic of not being emotionally ready to date back then. So you need to address that to clear the air. Be upfront. Don't wait for her to ask you "so how emotionally ready are you now?" She doesn't know the timeline and I'm sure she'd want to know before letting her guard down. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 i would not assume that because she didn't hand feed you "I'm interested" info that she is totally not interested. I mean, she is around my age, and I would never come out and say "I'm very interested in you. You're sexy!" I would just banter. She said good to see you're back in the game. She may have just been warning you she's not a dancer since it was your big interest. I could no more dance than climb a tree at this point and she's only two years younger. I think you should just chat her up again and outright ask if she'd like to just meet up for coffee or ice cream and then if she blows you off, that's it. But maybe she will want to get out of the house with a nice gentleman.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nospam99 Posted August 2, 2018 Author Share Posted August 2, 2018 For those who are curious, we did meet this morning. Politics broke the deal (of course it may have eventually broken for other reasons). She appeared to me to be getting emotionally upset during that part of our discussion. She is vehemently anti-Trump and believes every accusation (President Hate) that she reads in the liberal press. I agree he's a nasty human being, but am glad he's the president instead of Hillary or Bernie. I'd have preferred just about any other of the Republican candidates subject to the doubtful condition that they'd have won. This is the second time a possible dating relationship never got off the ground because I appreciate Trump's policy results enough to ignore his personality. Link to post Share on other sites
Juha Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Unfortunately many people are too small minded and obtuse and put way too much value into politics and their beliefs. I have no use for politicians, I follow things closely and politicians are for the most part only about themselves and do not care about us. It is sad how polarizing it is, people will believe anything that they read or is said to them.. be happy you avoided this woman, if she is that small minded and ignorant about things you are better off without her... you definitely dodged a bullet I wish you the best Link to post Share on other sites
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