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Why / why not?


In Search Of... Having a hard time forming friendships or finding companions, lovers, or associates? Is someone pursuing an unwelcome relationship with you? Talk about your experiences here.

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Old 8th July 2018, 11:41 AM   #31
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Do they take care of themselves?
The (45 year old woman) I referred to (in my example) is small framed, and quite thin. I've met her a few times and she seems normal to me.

I would say the rest of my girlfriends' friends are average to chunky.

My girlfriend has a "little meat on the bones" which is something I like. That is my personal preference, though.

Oh I agree with you "JuneL", if this woman was obese, I could understand her difficulty in dating, but that is not the case.
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Old 8th July 2018, 11:46 AM   #32
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Ok then here's my question: Why don't they commit? As in why don't men commit?
Most men will commit. You're just choosing men who don't want to commit to YOU. This is a harsh truth that many women fail to accept. They blame men, but the reality is the men they are choosing see them as sex objects rather than soulmates - men are programmed to be able to do that. Find a guy that sees you as more than a sex object.
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Old 8th July 2018, 4:18 PM   #33
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omg this is just like a guy saying nice guys finish last......


They don't?
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Old 8th July 2018, 4:25 PM   #34
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They don't?
Absolutely not.
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Old 8th July 2018, 6:17 PM   #35
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They don't?
No. The guys who finish last are generally those who's social skills are a bit off, are doormats or who have "issues"
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Old 9th July 2018, 1:31 AM   #36
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No. The guys who finish last are generally those who's social skills are a bit off, are doormats or who have "issues"
And added to that self proclaimed nice guys actually aren't nice guys, they tend to be judgmental.
They choose to use the phrase 'nice guy' because of the phrase 'nice guys finish last' which means they can lay the blame on women.

Give me an ordinary guy who doesn't claim to be a nice guy any day!
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Old 9th July 2018, 3:22 AM   #37
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Absolutely not.
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Originally Posted by basil67 View Post
No. The guys who finish last are generally those who's social skills are a bit off, are doormats or who have "issues"
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Originally Posted by GemmaUK View Post
And added to that self proclaimed nice guys actually aren't nice guys, they tend to be judgmental.
They choose to use the phrase 'nice guy' because of the phrase 'nice guys finish last' which means they can lay the blame on women.

Give me an ordinary guy who doesn't claim to be a nice guy any day!
I would actually argue that nice guys do finish last and that saying they have issues or aren't actually nice is a chicken before the egg argument. I think their "issues" start to happen after they get sick of being treated like crap when they are nice to ladies. I have been there, done that. I would happily discuss this on another thread.
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Old 13th July 2018, 7:56 PM   #38
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Ok then here's my question: Why don't they commit? As in why don't men commit?

For me, it's all about the fact that I know what I want and more importantly, don't want from a relationship. Since my teens, I've been in several serious relationships, many less-than-serious relationships, been married, been divorced, dated, etc..etc.. And, throughout all of it, I have learned a lot about myself. As I've grown older, I have discovered that I enjoy my solitude and I enjoy my life as a single guy. Yes, I would love to share my life with someone but I want that "someone" to compliment my life and vice-versa. That has become difficult to find.



And, I'll be blunt; my life as a bachelor means very little drama and I like to keep it that way. I know that relationships take work and compromise but I have absolutely no patience for drama or weird turmoil. I have called it off quickly on several occasions when I was blindsided by some random, irrational confrontation.



And, yes, as a slovenly bachelor, I can say with complete confidence that I love that I can wake up in the morning and decide to spend the whole day watching cartoons on Netflix, fish for thirteen straight hours, or go sit a friend's house and play video games. Call me immature, say I have "Peter Pan" Syndrome; I don't care because I like my life.



I have no issue giving some of those things up for a woman but I need to make damn-sure they're the right woman for me. And, on the flip side of the coin, they need to make sure I'm the right man for them. I try not to drag my divorce baggage into the equation but I gave up a lot of my life to a woman who swore up and down I was the perfect man for her until she decided I wasn't. I need to be positive I'm not headed down that road again.
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Old 13th July 2018, 8:18 PM   #39
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You see these ladies in their 50s and 60s who "can't find a man" Maybe so but perhaps they aren't as inclined to put up with things they did previously and have the wisdom to see red flags early? I'm just saying that a lot of people, men and women, have already done the LTR/marriage and divorce/breakup rodeo at least once, so they just want a peaceful existence and a lot of them are single because they prefer it that way. They have other priorities. They are probably the pickiest people for this reason.Maybe when they bemoan how they can't find someone it may be because they can't find someone who makes their life better than it is alone.

In regards to the OPie, there's another more extensive thread going that delves into this more, but most healthy people like people who make their lives better. These other women might be more enjoyable to be around or something else that make them preferable. You have to figure out how you can make enrich someone's life and make them not want to let you go. It's give and take. The good has to outweigh the bad. Negativfity, bitterness, dullness, cynicism are not traits that people typically like, so have to be worked on . If not for the sake of finding a companion, for the betterment of the individual's life in general

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 13th July 2018 at 8:41 PM..
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